Content note: fantasy/horror violence, and plenty of it. Also some references to sexism, misogyny, misogynist violence, and some sexual content.
In response to this post on Facebook, from dating coach Jonathon Aslay:
How a Woman Becomes Irresistible To a Man… She chooses to set high standards for herself. She’s clear on what she wants. She knows the value of friendship before sex. She comes from a place of gratitude (not expectations). She is confident and willing to ask a man out on a date because she knows a relationship is a two way street. She demonstrates trust and respect by accepting him for who he is. She’s in no hurry to get to the destination. She can take of herself, she doesn’t need a man. She shows up interesting and interested. She comes from a place of compassion (not entitlement). Lastly, she knows how to inspire a man, because she leads by example. Did I miss anything?
Facebook feminists bring you: The Irresistible Woman. Part 2 of a series. All micro-stories reprinted with permission of the authors, credited and linked to (or not) as they requested.
DISCLAIMER: References to violence, death, destruction, physical torment, psychological torment, supernatural torment, world domination, eternal nightmares, or the warping of the entire space-time continuum to exact revenge on one sexist jerk, are all intended as metaphor. These are fictional expressions of rage and mockery, aimed at the impossible, contradictory, ever-shifting standards of female desirability, and at the barrage of advice given to women about how to meet those standards. None of the authors actually want to do these things, or think they should happen. No, really.
She’s got that red lip classic thing that you like. She has had that thing since its conception. She is ageless and immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings, and she consumes the souls of any man foolishly drawn to her bright colors. Red is also the color of blood. Beyond it, darkness looms. -Abigail Pritchard
She never goes out of style. She never goes out of style. –Amanda Gannon
When she goes crashing down, she comes back every time. She cannot be destroyed, no matter how the innocent may try. -Abigail Pritchard
Maybe I’m being too literal but I always thought what makes a woman irresistible is the paralytic venom she injects into her prey. -Kylen Knapp
. . . You weren’t supposed to tell our secret. Now they know.
Which is fine, I guess. It’s not like there’s any way to prevent us sneaking in through your windows or under your closet door, or through the floorboards. It’s not like we aren’t always there, waiting.
You have to sleep sometime. Everyone has to sleep sometime.
Except us. One of our heads always stays awake. –Amanda Gannon
In response to a man saying that this thread had cured him of any lingering heterosexuality:
The irresistible woman reaches into your muscles, the marrow of your bones, the nuclei of the cells of your neurons. She will force you to desire her. She will rearrange the core of your being, the esse of your non-existent soul, to transform you into a being who desires her, urgently, utterly, desperately. You will desire her, but you will never have her. When she departs, the core of your being will howl for eternity at the loss. You will never feel another love, another desire, that touches you as ferociously or as purely as this loss. –Greta Christina
The ratio of the distance between her greater trochanters and from external malleolus to external malleolus is such, that, when used as coordinates on a map you are led to a fine and wondrous place where the french fries are really good. –Amy Alt
I’m so so so gay. How do I better communicate my complete lack of interest in men ever? –Angie Jackson
Burn the bodies of your enemies in an earthen pit in the depths of the forest. Take the ashes and mix them with male tears and peppermint. Rub them over your body. Cut a belt of wolfskin for yourself with a knife left in an ash tree for 28 days, anoint it with the attar of corpse flowers and jasmine, and bind it about your waist with a red cord. Swallow the knife (do not be afraid — you will not bleed, you are already too powerful to bleed). Lie in the moonlight until all the night noises have stilled, until everything has realized you are there and sits, waiting.
Shake off your fur.
Feed. –Amanda Gannon
The above recipe, by the way, is how I met my girlfriend, who is an actual bear. It really works. –Amanda Gannon
Take a tip from Artemis and kill any guy that sees you! Ethics advice from Greek mythology always works out. –Duke Egbert
In response to a serious, non-horror-microfiction commenter saying that irresistible women think for themselves and create an image based on their desires:
The better to consume their inner beings with. These are faithful acolytes. -Gertrud
I create an image. Eight breasts, ears of a lion, six curling horns, arms that end in wolf jaws, a face that pours darkness and stars like an unending cosmic river, the shaggy, massive legs of a goat all streaked with gore, a fan of scorpion tails, a mantle of thorny tentacles gathered like a skirt around my waist, and iridescent wings covered in eyes. So many eyes. I stand atop a mound of naked skulls.
I am all-powerful.
I am irresistible. –Amanda Gannon
What makes a woman irresistible? A beautiful, full-lipped face that sings so sweetly…crowned by a glorious head of hair…crowned by another beautiful face, with mysterious eyes…crowned by the void…..that sings…..so………sweetly…… –David Clarfield
It is easy to fall for such sweetness. So easy. You fall forever. Falling into the nothingness. You sing along with the void as you go. You have never known such sweetness. You have never known such darkness. You cannot stop falling. You cannot stop singing. There is a gravity pulling you toward some unknown center, a nothing-point, a black hole, the event horizon of existence, your consciousness one screaming note prolonged forever by an illusion of space-time. The pull is irresistible. –Amanda Gannon
The easiest way to become irresistible to men is to become a siren. Crash their ships ladies! –Angie Jackson
I believe the water fae delegations have denied responsibility for that. –Kassiane
#notallwaterfae -Amy Lou Renner
She usually keeps her internal organs inside.
The left side of her face begins to hint at the eldritch horrors that lurk beneath the surface, just begins, but does not quite reveal.
We don’t talk about the right side. -Gertrud
We don’t talk about the right side. We do not want them to know. Why would we wish to spoil such a wonderful surprise? –Amanda Gannon
The irresistible woman calls you to her with a high pitched shrieking that sends dogs into a rabid frenzy. She calls you to her with a sickly saccharine secretion that makes babies wail from the stench but makes grown humans putty in her hands. She calls you to her with sweet little post it notes on your briefcase that say things like “you only have until midnight tonight. The end is nigh. I’m coming for you.” But she always dots her “i”s with hearts. -Patience Andrea Virtue
She makes you cookies, churning the dough with her taloned hands until blood wells up from it. So much blood. At night, when you bed down beside her, she covers the bed with a sticky film; she does this because you have become inured to the paralyzing venom she injects into you each night. You cannot leave her side no matter how restless you become. When you finally manage to flee, she bounds alongside the car on many-jointed legs, impossibly tall, her attenuated shape stretching up, up, up. You said you were all right with your woman being taller than you, but now you think you were wrong to ignore just how strange it felt the first time she bent to kiss you and had to coil her mass against the roof of the basement. –Amanda Gannon
I lure men into my web, mate with them, and then eat their heads.
No, not that head.
*mating call echoes* –Kit Partin
Kit is a master of the tuva singing. She is manipulating the magnetic fields around her. She has made herself irresistible to the mens. –Yvonne Rathbone
She lets her abdomen grow round, taut, and glorious, when she does this you can see dead stars shining through her spiracles. Sometimes she plays the ukulele. -Amy Lou Renner
The song she plays echoes endlessly. If you have heard it even once, you can never dislodge it from your head. Though initially repulsed by her inhuman form, the song draws you back to her. You know you will soon become one of the dead stars inside her, but you cannot resist her. She is, after all, irresistible. –Amanda Gannon
So true, so true. -Amy Lou Renner
She has dark skin, dark eyes, dark everything. She is darkness made manifest, and her skin is stars, and her eyes are burning suns that call like sirens to you, drawing you into her embrace. In her arms time and space exchange and you become nothing, your body burnt away and your consciousness screaming, naked, tortured by pleasure and pain. She is irresistible. Her graviational field is infinite.
You cannot escape.
You do not want to escape. -Jonathan Kerr
True irresistibleness can only be borne through subjugation of all nocturnal hatchlings whom sprout under the dewy moonlight of the summer solstice.
Though I’ve heard milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, too. –Melanie Crowther
The milkshakes are made from the foaming bile of komodo dragons, vixen’s milk (that smells like asphalt), and possum tongues. They smell of vanilla and, faintly, petrichor. Leave them under the apple crate in the front yard. Leave them there. Be patient. Wait. When the boys come, yank the rope and pull the stick away, trapping them underneath. Then squeeze yourself through the spaces between the boards, lubricated by your own digestive juices, and feast conveniently sheltered from the sun. –Amanda Gannon
She keeps her scales soft and supple with an unguent made from the fat of men, this is the reason for the sudden popularity of “dad bod”. -Amy Lou Renner
The scales glimmer like tiger’s-eye and labradorite, iridescent, coruscating with color. To look at them is to be rendered immobile by the shifting, rolling coils as they pass before rapidly-glazing eyes. Though you feel the pain of being swallowed, you are too dazed to fight. –Amanda Gannon
But your male sacrifice is honored and you should be comforted by knowing every part of you, in every plane of existence, will be used. You have served a greater purpose, in the only way it is possible for a man to serve a greater purpose. -Amy Lou Renner
She lines her eyes in the ashes of her enemies. –Angie Jackson
In response to a comment saying that the Irresistible Woman’s clothes can be used as ninja weaponry:
Her underwires alone could repopulate Luxembourg. –Duke Egbert
Her bra is designed to remove the hand of anybody who tries to snap it. -Peter Eng
An irresistible woman knows how to use the necronomicon to raise the dead to submit to her evil bidding. -Eric Alexander Parsons
Bidding. Just her bidding. Good and evil are male constructs. -Stuart Van Onselen
An irresistible woman wears a necklace of testicles from past lovers. -Eric Alexander Parsons
As a point of clarification, is that on a chain, cord, or leather tanned from the flayed skin of a man who offended her? –Duke Egbert
It varies by personal taste. It is considered high form to use the urethra of a rapist. -Peter Eng
Her teeth are perfectly spaced to separate the vertebrae and bring almost-instantatenous death. She is a killing machine so perfect that evolution has done away with most of her other teeth, so she rips off chunks of flesh and swallows them whole. Her nose is set back from her muzzle and can be closed against the welling blood. Her pattern, a mixture of black spots and stripes against a tawny background, serves to interrupt her outline and make her impossible to see in the dappled foliage of the deep forest. In fact, no one has ever seen her. We find her prints, complete with the small dot of the great disemboweling claw where it pricked the mud. We find her burrows, densely lined with felted hair. We find her victims, spines severed between the C4 and C5 vertebrae. We know she is real. –Amanda Gannon
In response to someone describing the Irresistible Woman preparing to cut someone’s heart out:
She does not feast upon it, no. That’s a myth. She carefully removes it and then quickly lays her eggs inside. She returns it to your chest. You live just long enough to incubate them. Just long enough to see your babies, your precious babies, chew their way out of the barely-healed incision. All you can feel at that moment is pride. –Amanda Gannon
She is the terror that flaps in the night, the subtle touch that lures you into her…
…no, wait. That’s Darkwing Duck. -Peter Eng
She’ll wrap you in her arms, tell you that you’ve been a good boy. She’ll rekindle all the dreams it took you a lifetime to destroy. She’ll reach deep into the hole, heal your shrinking soul…
…no, that’s Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Look, I know this one, I’m just a bit mixed up. I’ll try again later. -Peter Eng
She smiles with a practiced ease. She has a disarming wit–it takes your weapons from you. She will wield them at her leisure. – Alicia Kuhl-Paine
The irresistible woman not only stops in bat country, she has built a summer home there.
The irresistible woman put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong.
The irresistible woman contains explicit lyrics.
The irresistible woman’s prettiest whistles will wrestle the thistles undone.
The irresistible woman stands on high, playing track three.
The irresistible woman starts land wars in Asia, and goes up against Sicilians when death is on the line.
The irresistible woman wrote the Book of Love.
The irresistible woman may contain nuts, soy, and dairy products. -Peter Eng
I love bat country. –Yvonne Rathbone
She can also materialize an unending supply of beer and meatball sandwiches. –Duke Egbert
Which she consumes without sharing. –Yvonne Rathbone
Yeah, I can make my own sandwich. -Peter Eng
We should all be asking what the meatballs are made of. –Amanda Gannon
Perfection, short ribs, onion, and the eternal mystery of Nut. –Duke Egbert
Secret’s in the sauce. –Angie Jackson
TO BE CONTINUED…
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 1
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 2
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 3
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 4
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 5
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 6
The Irresistible Woman: A Micro-Horror Collection, Part 7