But in another, more accurate way, Cuttlefish is the winner.

Oh, like anyone’s surprised…

Let’s start with the honorable mentions and the runners-up. (FYI, some slight adjustments have been made on a few of these to make them scan perfectly, since I’m a little obsessive- compulsive about scanning.) A very fond honorable mention goes to Tim Walters, for:

Give me that cold slime religion…

FYI, the only reason this verse doesn’t get a higher score is that I’ve heard the verse before (plus it seemed unfair to pick my personal friends as winners). I didn’t know Tim wrote it, though; it just sounds like it’s part of the canon, which is always a good sign in the folk process. (If you hear anyone say that the folk song/ dance/ tune you’ve written is very old and nobody knows who wrote it, you know you’ve arrived…)

More Honorable Mentions to traumerin, for:

Let us bow down to Astarte
Though the Hebrews call her tarty,
She knows how to throw a party,
And that’s good enough for me.

To Charlotte, for:

To mandydax:

Let us worship our Sky Fairy.
Lo, His chin is rather hairy.
He says don’t eat meat with dairy,
And that’s good enough for me.

To Danielle — several people had good ones about the Discworld gods, but this is my favorite:

Let us all worship Blind Io
With his many eyes that fly-o.
God of thunder up on high-o,
He is good enough for me.

To Seth Manapio, for one of the best Flying Spaghetti Monster ones:

When he comes the Pasta Brethren
Will have beer and television
We’ll have strippers up in heaven
And that’s good enough for me

To Pierce R. Butler, for the only Pascal’s Wager one:

To Indigo, for another fine one in the Made Up Atheist Religion Series:

Let’s bow to the hidden dragon
In the garage of Carl Sagan
Can’t be known and that’s not braggin’
And that’s good enough for me!

To Rebecca, for one that’s both ancient and raunchy:

All you virgins sing to Vesta…
(empty pause)
Come, I promise we won’t test ya…
(pause)
Well I guess that’s it for Vesta
And that’s good enough for me.

And now for the winners. Second runner-up goes to JohnnyPotamus, for my favorite in the Flying Spaghetti Monster series (and for some of the best rhymes ever):

First runner-up goes to Claire B., for writing the Russell’s Teapot one that I couldn’t come up with:

(Claire B. had other good ones, including an excellent one on Carl Sagan’s Dragon, but I’m limiting myself to one per customer.)

And finally, we come to the winner. It was hard to pick just one by Cuttlefish; he had so many excellent ones. But ultimately, me being me, I have to go with this one:

The masterful Cuttlefish, Poet Laureate of the Atheosphere, wins his choice of a free copy of any of my three books that he wants: Paying For It, Three Kinds of Asking For It, or Best Erotic Comics 2008. Drop me an email or a comment to let me know which (if any) of these you’d like, Mr. Fish, and I’ll ship it off to you pronto.

And thanks to everyone for playing! This has been more fun than a barrel of apologetics, and I can’t wait to unleash these at the next drunken folk nerd party.