As promised a couple of weeks ago. But first, a shout-out to my old friend Max on this one, since it was really his idea.

Back in college, a bunch of us were hanging out, and I was playing “Suzanne” on the guitar (non-ironically, even — was I ever so young?), and Max started ad-libbing this incredibly mean-spirited, very funny parody of it. I can’t remember any of the words to it anymore, but the spirit has lived on in my brain ever since, and I finally stopped trying to remember his words and just came up with my own. (The last line of the chorus is actually Max’s — it’s the only one of his I could remember.) I wrote the first verse and the chorus years ago; I wrote the final verse last month.

So here it is: my mean-spirited, hopefully funny song parody of “Suzanne.” FYI, I’m skipping the second verse. Yes, I know it’s the one about, “And Jesus was a sailor/When he walked upon the water,” and it would seem ripe for my evil tongue/ pen/ laptop. But I think song parody is a dish best served in small portions, and two verses plus a chorus seems like oodles already. Enjoy!


Suzanne takes you down
To her place in the Village
You can listen to Bob Dylan
And that goddamn Ravi Shankar
And her Indian print bedspread
Catches dust and makes you sneezy
And she feeds you tea and oatcakes
That come all the way from Brooklyn
And she’ll drive you to distraction
With her half-assed Eastern wisdom
And you think she’s really batty
But she makes you really horny
And you know you’ll get some off her

And you want to shake some sense into
That ditzy spaced-out brainpan
And you think she’s really batty
But still you’re very sexually attracted to her

Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to her bedroom
She is wearing tie-dye headbands
From this little shop in Chelsea
And her tea tastes just like seaweed
From the stinky New York Harbor
And she shows you all her pottery
From when she went to Hampshire
There are vases shaped like Buddha
There are bongs with little peace signs
She is asking if you like them
And you make your lie convincing
‘Cuz you know you’ll get some off her.

Other posts in this series:
Joe Hill
Super Geek


3 thoughts on “Suzanne

  1. Nan

    “She feeds you tea and oatcakes/ That come all the way from Brooklyn. . .”
    LOL. I will never be able to listen to “Suzanne” again without laughing.

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