The Fake Spoilers?

So what’s been your favorite fake Harry Potter spoiler so far?

Mine is the one from the Daily Show: Harry gets decapitated by Ron, who turns out to be Voldemort’s evil robot son. Although I’m also fond of the one I made up for Ingrid: Harry dies on Page 10, and the rest of the book is filled up with personal ads.

So what are your favorite fake spoilers — either ones you’ve heard, or ones you’ve made up?

The Fake Spoilers?
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5 thoughts on “The Fake Spoilers?

  1. 1

    Let’s see.
    The night before the release, I was playing World of Warcraft and was messing around by posting obviously fake spoilers. I think my favorite was:
    Dumbledore comes back from the dead. Harry finally goes fuckin’ psycho, Columbine-style and murders Dumbledore, all his friends, Snape, all the staff at Hogwarts, etc. He also ends up killing Voldemort in that melee (perhaps going killer on Voldy is what triggered the psycho killing spree?), while good ol’ Voldie is getting his dick sucked by Hermione. (because, of course, we have to throw some bad erotic fanfic plot into it. 😉 )

  2. 2

    My dear friend Research Boy posted a number of very silly predictions right before the release. Here are a few:
    The Deatheaters attempt to storm the Ministry of magic but are foiled by traffic congestion in central London.
    Barty Crouch is appointed new Minister of Magic on an “arrest everyone” platform. He announces plans to turn all of Britain into a giant prison island like Manhattan in ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and put the handful of innocents in Azkaban Sanctuary for their own protection. The Daily Prophet hails the scheme as daring and innovative, while the Tattler warns that it “borders on fascism.” MNN, the Rupert Murdoch owned Magical News Network, accuses the Tattler of Hysteria and “lowering the tone of debate” by sinking to such mudslinging language.
    And on a smutty note:
    Back at Hogwarts, Ron is appointed “Head Boy” and that night in their dormitory shows Harry that he takes the title very VERY seriously. We later learn that Ron has been placed under the “slashficcius” curse.
    And just plain goofy:
    The new new Defense against Dark Arts teacher is turned into a giant goose and accidentally eaten at Christmas. Fowl play is suspected.
    Research Boy is also the inventor of my all-time favorite hex: “Bonkus” which simply whacks the victim on the head.

  3. 3

    Okay. How about this one: Harry dies on Page 10 of the book, and the rest of the book is a hellish, distopian, 1984-esque account of Voldemort’s rise to power.
    In which, I guess, he gets his dick sucked a lot. Just to keep up the high tone of this.

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