07 May, 2008

Worldnutdaily Gets It Right - If Held Up to a Mirror

I'm amazed. Ed Brayton at Dispatches from the Culture Wars seems to think Worldnutdaily's gone right over the cliff, but he got blinded by the crazy. I, on the other hand, was not, due mainly to the fact that I came by their raving lunacy pre-digested, and had a mirror handy.


I'm no fan of Hillary Clinton, but holy cow, you've got to see this completely unhinged "exclusive commentary" (as always, that means something so stunningly idiotic that no other news outlet would even consider printing it) from Worldnutdaily VP David Kupelian. He opines:

The damage that will occur to America if Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama is elected president will go far beyond what we can rationally anticipate on the policy level.
And since, he says, we can't rationally anticipate the horrible damage Hillary will do to the country, he proceeds to irrationally anticipate those damages. And he winds up the stupidity machine into overdrive and lets her go.

Poor Ed. His eyes were probably bleeding by the second paragraph. And since I like to keep my irises ichor-free, I'm not venturing over to read the whole article. I have quite enough to play with just with the bits he quoted.

First, let's read the spewings sans-mirror:

What I'm saying is, the president is like the father of a big family, and who he is and what he is - his spirit - affects everyone, like the sun. It's a radiant energy that directly shines on people. Presidents invisibly
shape the character and worldview of the country, with a particularly profound effect upon the young, since they are the most impressionable.

Yep. Total batshit insanity, I agree. What else can you expect from the Magic Skydaddy crowd? Most Christians are sane enough to realize that divine right and all of its trappings went out of style when Louis XVI's head fell in a basket. You wouldn't catch my Christian friends dead spouting off about the president's "spirit" and "radiant energy," for instance. But the raving lunatics who write for Worldnutdaily haven't evolved that far, and so we get supreme stupidity such as this.

Only... it makes a certain sort of sense. Grab your mirrors, my darlings, and hold them up.

Ooo, no reflection. Could it be... vampires?

Just kidding. I think.

Right. So, let's take the argument for granted that presidents shape the character of the country. I can just about believe that after watching Bush in action. The nation certainly has a different character than it did in 2000.

We'll set aside the "radiant energy" and other such psychotic woo. Let's don't get stupid, here.

Now, without the mirror, the further arguments of this fatuous fuck are transparently ridiculous:

Just reflect, for a moment, on the bizarre and seemingly inexplicable behaviors of young people we see right now - youths Tasering each other for fun on YouTube. Ubiquitous sexual debauchery at younger and younger ages. The mainstreaming of transgenderism. Body piercing and tattooing at an ever-more pathological level - tongues, lips, eyebrows, deep body parts. Pandemic gang activity and drug abuse. Witchcraft. Satanism. Suicide. (I take readers on a guided tour of this bizarre underworld in the "Killer Culture" chapter of "The Marketing of Evil.")

Do you, now? Must be a wonderful experience, having you give a guided tour. Much like having a colonoscopy without sedation, administered by a sadist who honed his anal exploration skills in prison. But do go on:

Our colleges indoctrinate our kids with leftist poison while corrupting their morals; our news media are cynical, self-centered and cowardly; the entertainment industry is in the gutter; and even many of our Christian churches are shallow and plastic - not, as they should be, a genuine contrast to the corruption everywhere without. When kids grow up around confusion, corruption and hypocrisy, they are tempted either to conform - and become Stepford clones of the same hypocrisy - or rebel and engage in bizarre, destructive behaviors.

That's the insanity we've got now - despite having a basically decent, if very flawed, man in the White House.

Still with me, my darlings? Excellent. Whip out your mirrors.

That's the kind of insanity we've got now, with a lying, evil, dumbfuck son of a bitch in the White House.

Much better. Our President is morally depraved: ergo, by the Worldnutdaily's own contention that "Presidents invisibly shape the character and worldview of the country," the country is morally depraved. Stands to unreason, dunnit?

Let us continue:

But try to imagine Hillary Clinton as president - and Bill as first lady. The toxic cultural/governmental environment would be almost beyond imagination with the elevation of "the queen of darkness" as "father of our country."

You could expect a radical increase in shocking, self-destructive and criminal acting-out by lost souls lashing out blindly in a desperate expression of revenge toward the contemptible society that could dare elect such a person as president. Perhaps a huge upsurge in mass shootings, such as we've seen recently. Or maybe more "bug-chasing" - that's where people actively try to get infected with AIDS. Maybe homegrown suicide bombers committing horrific terrorist acts - not for Allah, but just for kicks, for non-specific revenge against the human race. No one can say what form it will take, but expect more and more weird, destructive behaviors designed for maximum shock.

Again with the mirrors. This time, replace "Hillary" with "McCain." I'll give you a moment to reach your conclusions and stop laughing yourselves sick.

See how much better their arguments work when you ponder the trajectory of the country with another four years of neocon fuckwittery at the helm? It almost makes sense now.

We can now go even further. Were the Worldnutters truly rational, they'd know that the best thing they could do for their cause is elect the most rabid liberal they could find. They think kids take on the character of the society around them, but we know that kids are more likely to rebel against authority rather than emulate it, right? Didn't we all get our jabs in at our parents that way? If Americans really are the kiddies, and the President the Big Daddy standing in for Magic Invisible Sky Daddy, couldn't we expect a massive wave of rebellion? Wouldn't people remove their piercings, burn their ACLU card, swear off Satan and wands and pick up a Bible, just out of spite?

Let's do what Worldnutdaily can't, and face facts: this country has started to rebel. Democrats are kicking Republicon ass in GOP strongholds. After eight years of Republicon corruption, lawbreaking, and willful dumbfuckitude, America's ready to take a sharp swing to the left out of mortal embarrassment. It's the equivalent of walking several steps behind your parents, trying to give the impression you're not in any way related to these appalling weirdos.

If we're granting Worldnutdaily's Kupelian the basics of his argument, then it follows that all of the eeevil shite he talks about didn't happen despite Bush being in office, but because Bush is in office.

Really does seem like Kupelian was looking in a mirror and not recognizing his own reflection when he drooled those ravings, doesn't it?


Paul said...

I can't recall having ever read WorldNutDaily. Is Kupelian's commentary extreme for it? Or is it pretty much just par for the course there?

Dana Hunter said...

Tonight or tomorrow, I shall have your answer.

You might want to start drinking... now.