Just when I think Republicans have reached peak horrid, they get worse. Now they’re shitting all over Black Lives Matter by not only trotting out All Lives Matter bullshit rhetoric, but using it to also try to force pregnant people to carry unwanted pregnancies.
HB 1794, sponsored by Rep. Mike Moon (R-Ash Grove), would establish the All Lives Matter Act, an example of what activists view as anti-choice legislators using the Black Lives Matter movement for their own restrictive agenda. It would amend state law to define a fertilized egg as “a person” and life as beginning at conception.
These people are fucking rancid.
But fine. Whatevs. They’re going to keep doing this, so we need a law of our own. I’m gonna call it the “Your Life First” law.
If you’re going to propose pregnant people be forced to give birth no matter the circumstances, if you’re going to claim that “all lives matter,” and that includes little blobs of brainless fetal tissue (but obviously not the living, breathing, brain-possessing person they’re riding in, because if that life mattered to you, we wouldn’t even be discussing this), then here’s the deal:
You’re required to donate the following before you propose your personhood amendments:
- Blood: 1x per month for at least nine months. No exceptions for holidays, emergencies, illness, or other reasons. No, people generally shouldn’t be giving blood more often than bimonthly, but pregnant people are constantly sharing their blood supply throughout their nine months of pregnancy, so this is a small sacrifice for you.
- Bone marrow. Painful as shit, but you don’t mind putting pregnant people through the much worse pain of childbirth, so you can suck it up, cupcake.
- 1 kidney. You don’t need both kidneys to survive. Cough one up.
- 1 lobe of your liver. The missing piece will regenerate, so it’s not even permanent!
- Income: enough of your income to support at least one of the children you’re forcing a pregnant person to bring into the world.
- Time: you will spend the next 18 years babysitting at least one child born due to your legislation.
Look at all the lives you will save, All Lives (Except Pregnant People’s) Matter people! And yes, it requires sacrifice on your part, but really, not more sacrifice than you’re demanding from the people you will force to remain pregnant. Like them, you will have to risk your life to give life. Even if that life happens to be one you really don’t like, such as an immigrant or a homeless person or a Democrat. Even if you’d really prefer to live your own life, with all your organs for your use only. If you’re willing to force another person to go through the pain, trouble, and expense of lending their body to grow a baby for nine months, then make them deal with the consequences after that baby is born, the least you can do, the very least, is make similar sacrifices yourself.
It’s simply the consequences of proposing such legislation. If you didn’t want to risk them, then you should have kept your proposals to yourself.