So, I’m thinking of breaking up with B.
He’s a great person, and I know he loves me a lot. He’s even said so. I love him, too. He’s got his quirks and rough edges that sometimes grate, but everyone’s got those. What he’s got that’s the potential deal-breaker, though, is brothers he won’t stand up to. And I’m so done with that.
It’s been festering a long time. Younger Bro hasn’t liked me since I asked him not to tell rape jokes in my presence. He’s convinced himself feminists are some sort of evil man-hating force out to destroy men, and won’t listen when B tries to tell him otherwise. He’s not an MRA yet, and he thinks GamerGate is bullshit, so there’s hope. But bringing him around would take an enormous amount of effort. I’d be willing to try, but… he’s not the only one.
Elder Bro is a selfish shit who lords it over both of the younger brothers. He’s gotta have his way right away, or he’ll throw a huge fit. He basically banned me from the house when B quit his job, because he held me responsible for B’s decision despite my having nothing to do with it. And now he’s determined to buy a home, which means he wants his younger brothers to put in tens of thousands of dollars each for the down payment on a house he’ll almost certainly have the gall to kick them out of the instant he finds the right woman and gets married. B doesn’t want to sink that much money into a house in this market, but he won’t say no to Elder. And, of course, chances are I’d remain banned from the house B would now co-own. And would feel obligated to live in.
B and I had been considering Montana – his folks want him back there, and his mother has already invited me to move in, sight-unseen. But yesterday, apparently, in the middle of forcing his brothers to go to a 4th of July display they had exactly 0 desire to watch, Elder apparently convinced B to nix those plans. I know why, too – it’s not because it would be the wrong decision for B, or not right for their parents, but because he won’t let a third of his down payment walk out the door. From what it sounds like, he’s talked B out of even going back for a visit.
I didn’t have my heart set on Montana. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go – that’s why we were going to visit first. But the fact that Elder exerts this much control over B – to the point where he rolls over and obeys without even talking to me first when it comes to something we were deciding for our own selves, together – tells me that it’s probably time to exit this relationship.
And that frankly kills me, because I love him and don’t want to be without him. I don’t want to hurt him, or cause issues with his family. But I am so very done with this shit. I’m not the type of person who can quietly take being shit on endlessly. I’m not interested in staying with someone who’s too dominated by his brothers to be my partner. I’m not at all interested in trying to be part of a family where several members despise me. I have no patience for bullshit like this.
Depression tells me I’ll never do any better and don’t deserve anything else. But I know that’s not true. I bloody well deserve someone who’s got my back. I know I can do better than this. Quite frankly, even if I never find anyone else, it’ll still be an improvement. I was brilliant on my own.
We’re supposed to talk later today, and B’s supposed to explain what exactly Elder said and why he changed his mind. We’ll see what happens then. I could be wrong, and Elder may have had some genius idea that would make all of us happy. But I doubt it. And I doubt B will be able to stand up to him, even when his well-being and our relationship are on the line. So it very much seems that I’ll be single again by this time next month.
It sucks. It could get kinda emo around here. But I intend to get past it and throw myself fully into writing for you lot, so we’ll get by.
Thanks for listening, my darlings. I’m glad that no matter what happens, I’ll always have you.