Moar Voting for Really Terrible Bible Story Illustrations!

You good people did me a solid and helped me select the most fucked-up painting suitable for my forthcoming book, Really Terrible Bible Studies. Thankees! Franchescini won, but it was a close-run thing, and some of you almost tempted me with your alternate selections. What, have you been talking to snakes in gardens or something?!

I need your help once again. I have found three excellent candidates for the really terrible Jacob family values. Which should I go with?

1. “Esau and Jacob” by A.N. Mironov.

Image shows an exhausted Esau sitting on a bench against a wall, looking drained. Jacob is offering him a teeny tiny bowl of stew.
“Esau and Jacob.” A.N. Mironov

Tricksy Jacob is stealing Esau’s birthright with a lousy bowl of lentils!

2. Nicolas-Guy Brenet: “Isaac Blessing Jacob”

Image shows Jacob kneeling beside Isaac's bed, clad in goatskins. Esau is just arriving outside the tent. Daddy looks dramatic with one arm flung in the air.
“Isaac Blessing Jacob.” Nicolas-Guy Brenet

3. Gioachino Assereto: “Isaac Blessing Jacob”

A darker version. Rebekah is here, holding her finger to her lips as Isaac feels up Jacob's goatskins. Jacob looks like a slimeball. Esau looks on from the shadows.
“Isaac Blessing Jacob” Gioachino Assereto

I love them all. Each one has its own special element. But, like the Highlander, there can be only one! So help me pick.

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Moar Voting for Really Terrible Bible Story Illustrations!
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5 thoughts on “Moar Voting for Really Terrible Bible Story Illustrations!

  1. 1

    One vote for number 1 for the obvious visceral effedupedness of the scene. No knowledge of the story is needed to see that there is something seriously wrong going on. The others seem like they could be benign or even benevolent to a casual observer.

  2. 4

    The first one is screwed up, but I can’t really tell what is going on. Poison, maybe? (Which would be a good allegory.)

    The last one looks creepy, but again I can’t tell what is happening. And the art is poor.

    The middle one gets all my votes. The third guy looking horrified at what he is overhearing pretty much conveys it all. And the art is amazing – the old guy is insanely ripped, and that blanket looks like finest cashmere.

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