Perhaps It’s Time to Renounce My Atheism and Worship Satan

I love it when Satanists see Christians behaving badly achieving freedom of religion and decide to twist their noses partake of said freedom (via Zingularity):

In a statement, the Satanic Temple said that it will use the Supreme Court’s recent Hobby Lobby decision to exempt its believers from state-mandated informed consent laws that require women considering abortions to read pro-life material.

Informed consent or “right to know” laws state that women seeking elective abortions be provided with information about alternatives to the procedure, often couched in language that attempts to personify the fetus. According to the Guttmacher Institute, 35 states currently have informed consent laws, and of those, 33 require that the woman be told the gestational age of the fetus.

In some states, that information consists of pro-life propaganda that links abortion to a higher incidence of breast and ovarian cancers, or discusses “post-abortion syndrome,” a mental condition not recognized by any major medical or psychiatric organization.

Because the Satanic Temple bases its belief “regarding personal health…on the best scientific understanding of the world, regardless of the religious or political beliefs of others,” it claims that state-mandated information with no basis in scientific fact violates its “religious” beliefs.

I am almost tempted to get pregnant just so I can print out their handy religious-exemption letter, skip to the abortion doctor, and become a test case, laughing merrily as courts realize that Hobby Lobby protects far more religious beliefs than perhaps they dreamed. I need to form a closely held corporation first so that I can make it company policy that my employees are exempt from these stupid laws. Then I’ll need to move somewhere with those stupid anti-abortion laws. And convince this rather infertile body to conceive… crap. This could get complicated. Maybe I should leave it to the young ‘uns. Still: if you’re a woman of reproductive age in a conservative state, consider converting! It will be so much fun to watch people’s heads go asplodey when you stuff your sincerely-held religious beliefs up their noses.

And yes, I know Hobby Lobby applied to federal, not state, law. I know courts will twist themselves into pretzels to say why it’s different when Satanists (or Hindus, or Muslims, or pagans) want their slice of the religious freedom pie. But it’s a great way to force the law to either live up to the First Amendment or show themselves as hypocritical asshats who will be overturned by future, saner courts. It’s a beautiful means by which to show people what religious freedom really means. And it makes it much harder for theocrats to force their theocracy on the unwilling when they, in turn, find they’ve left themselves open for having a disliked sort of theocracy forced upon them. I’m behind the Satanic Temple in this effort all the way.

Besides, I’ve always had a soft spot for the ol’ Prince of Lies. I always wondered if he might not be the good guy after all. And, should you wish to consider some theological points with me, here are some memes to ponder.

Image shows a woodcut of Lucifer and other fallen angels. Caption says: "Educates first woman. Satan."
I can get behind women’s education, and respect those who give knowledge to humanity. Already liking this Satan fellow.

Image is Neil Gaiman's Lucifer, holding a martini glass. Caption says, "Understands human nature. Doesn't judge you for being human."
Which is ever so much better than making us human, then condemning us to an eternity in torment for being human.

Image shows thoughtful T-Rex. Caption says, "If Satan punishes evildoes, wouldn't that make him a good guy?"
A fair point.

Image shows man made up to look like red devil. Cpation says, "I gave them metal. But they keep listening to shitty pop music."
I listen to metal. I enjoy the gifts Satan gives. And pop music is often bloody awful… one might even say, evil…

Image shows Anton LaVey. Caption says, "Y'all motherfuckers need Satan."
Well, my gosh. Cannot argue that. The argument is immaculate.

Image shows a cat's face with glowing eyes in a black background. Caption says, "Souls. I eets them."
Why, living off of souls is even more Earth-friendly than veganism. I’m convinced! Satan is the good deity. All hail Satan!

Perhaps It’s Time to Renounce My Atheism and Worship Satan
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8 thoughts on “Perhaps It’s Time to Renounce My Atheism and Worship Satan

  1. 1

    I agree, if they were not clearly fictitious then Satan would be the one to side with. The Catholic view that his fall was due to thinking/saying “Non serviam” … Totally my sort of people, I will not serve.

  2. 3

    Another Luciferian meme:

    God wanted you all to live out your lives in total ignorance.
    I foiled his plan with a single conversation.
    You’re welcome.

  3. 4

    Satan is a fairly sympathetic figure, until the Book of Job anyway. None of the imaginaries come away well from that one. Kind of reminds me of the story of Prometheus.

  4. 6

    Unfortunately, the Satanic Temple exists mainly to twist the panties of the Talibangelical wanna-be theocrats rather than as an authentic religion.

    Still, their published doctrine is interesting. It draws from a school of Gnosticism at least 1600 years old, which says that the God of the Bible is the Demiurge, a creator who sought to imprison sparks of divinity in base matter. Lucifer (the Bringer of Light), also known as Satan (the Adversary), is a savior figure. God demands ignorance, so Satan brings knowledge. God demands blind obedience, so Satan encourages personal freedom. God demands that people abstain from pleasure and inflict harm on others, so Satan encourages people to do as they want as long as they harm no one without their consent. When going up against the Christian right, it is a very strong doctrine.

  5. 8

    Plus there’s always the fun of watching the fundies flip their lid. “See? SEE? I told you those atheists worship satan! I TOLD YOU!!!”

    I hate the fact that apparently we have to be religious in order to get special rights in this country, but if it has to be that way, Satanism is a better religious choice than most. It’s got the satire of Pastafarianism while being slightly more credible.

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