The Mark Sanford Mystery is solved. Turns out he wasn’t hiking, he was humping:
Boy, somehow you could just see this coming when people started asking where Gov. Mark Sanford had disappeared to:
COLUMBIA, S.C. – During a Wednesday news conference at his office in Columbia, Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to having an extramarital affair — information that surfaced after his recent, secret trip to Argentina.
The married father of four emotionally apologized to his wife and staff, saying, “I’ve let down a lot of people.”
Sanford said he met the woman almost eight years ago, but “about a year ago, it sparked into something more than that.”
The governor said his wife and family have known about it for the past five months.
He also announced that he was resigning as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association.
Earlier, the South Carolina governor told a newspaper he was in South America, not hiking the Appalachian Trail as his staff had told the public to explain his sudden absence. He said he “wanted to do something exotic” to unwind after losing a fight over federal stimulus money.
Apparently, his misspoke. What he meant to tell the State was that he “wanted to do someone exotic.”
The inimitable Digby sums it up:
OK, a few things. First, powerful men thinking they’re invulnerable? Go figure. These things are actually not widespread; despite the anecdotal evidence, a small percentage of politicians have affairs on their spouses. But to the extent that they are, they are internal matters between these people and their families. Nobody really knows what goes on in someone else’s marriage, and I really don’t care about my representatives’ faithfulness. In fact, none of us should. But where this breaks down is when these sanctimonious “family values” types want to police personal behavior of their constituents when they cannot keep it in their pants themselves.
That’s the usual disclaimer. But this Sanford case is much, much different. He left his state, in fact he left the country, for seven days without telling anybody. Setting aside the fact that going to Argentina to “say goodbye” for seven days doesn’t make any kind of sense, and if he got away with this I’m sure there would be additional hikes on the Appalachian trail, so to speak, in the future, leaving the country with no proper explanation is a severe dereliction of duty. He apparently lied to his own staff, lied to the Lieutenant Governor, and left his state in the lurch, despite the unpredictability of events (aren’t we in hurricane season?). That’s probably a firing offense. If I was a South Carolinian, it would be to me, regardless of party.
He lied to his staff. He skipped out on his official duties for a week-long “goodbye” fuck. And as if that weren’t enough, he’s the kind of sanctimonious shithead who relentlessly played the family values card:
While serving as a U.S. congressman, Sanford was incredibly critical of his colleagues’ marital misdeeds, including the affairs of former congressman Bob Livingston and President Bill Clinton:
“The bottom line, though, is I am sure there will be a lot of legalistic explanations pointing out that the president lied under oath. His situation was not under oath. The bottom line, though, is he still lied. He lied under a different oath, and that is the oath to his wife. So it’s got to be taken very, very seriously.” [Sanford on Livingston, CNN, 12/18/98]
“We ought to ask questions…rather than circle the wagons for one of our tribe.” [Sanford on how the GOP reacts to affairs, New York Post, 12/20/98]
“I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign). I come from the business side. If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he’d be gone.” [Sanford on Clinton, The Post and Courier, 9/12/98]
“The issue of lying is probably the biggest harm, if you will, to the system of Democratic government, representatives government, because it undermines trust. And if you undermine trust in our system, you undermine everything.” [Sanford on Clinton, CNN, 2/16/99]
And yet the only thing he’s resigned is his position as the head of the Republican Governors’ Association. He still thinks he gets to play governor, unlike all those other cheating bastards he tried to run out of office.
Reap as you sow, asshole.
So, how does Faux News react to the utterly shocking news that one of their Republican darlings is a lying, cheating, fuckwit? Why, they brand him a Democrat, o’ course:
I think it’s just automatic now. When a high-profile Republican gets into trouble, Fox News steps in to mislead their
sheepviewers by labeling them as Democrats.
Here’s a short list of Fox’s chyron hackery:
Media Matters also caught Fox listing a Democratic strategist as Bush’s head of FEMA — because his name happened to be Michael Brown. Oh, and we can’t forget the time they announced Rep. William Jefferson’s indictment using footage of Congressman John Conyers. They apologized to their audience, but never to Conyers personally.
I’m sure it was just an oversight, just like all the rest…riiiight. Have I missed any?
Utterly fucking pathetic, just like the fucktard governor they’re trying to distance their precious party from. Dumbshits.
But it’s not just Sanford’s “do as I say, not as I do” hypocritical moralizing, or his utter dereliction of
duty so he could get his dick wet in South America, or his pathetic lies, that make him such a contemptible little shit. As Steve Benen points out, he already was a contemptible little shit:
I’d be remiss if I neglected to add that while sex scandals are always going to generate public interest, the significance of Mark Sanford’s efforts to screw over his own constituents with his neo-Hooverite economic policies is almost certainly more offensive than anything he had going on in his private life.
At least now South Carolinians may have a chance at obtaining a governor worth having.
Oh, and all you GOPers currently screaming “Off with his head!” – two questions:
2. What tune will you sing when we discover your dicks swinging in the breeze?