Invite Missionaries Into Your Home for a Good Cause

I probably shouldn’t enjoy this idea as much as I do:

A few days ago, our favorite gay sex-advice columnist, Dan Savage presented a great idea. You can order a free copy of The Book Of Mormon and it will be hand-delivered to your door by actual Mormons.

On November 21st, Dan Savage posted this on his blog:

“Wouldn’t it be sad if the Mormons spent all their money sending out free copies of their book, and didn’t have any more money to harass gay people?” writes Slog tipper Zoe. Yes, Zoe, that sounds marvelous.

So I can’t guarantee this will work, but I just went and signed up for my free doorstop—err, Book o’ Mormon—at, and my zip code wasn’t a required field, but my address and phone number were (this suggests the Mormons don’t plan to mail a package but they do want a gay dude’s number). And when I finished filling out the form, it gave this message:

“Thank you for requesting the Book of Mormon from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You should be contacted by missionaries in a few days.”

Oh, sweet Joseph Smith prancing about in body drawers: They are sending Mormons to my house! And if you sign up, they will probably send real, live, magical-underpanted Mormons to your house, too! So, if all goes well, I’ll get to recycle a copy of god’s word and have a couple strapping “elders” in my living room, where I can turn the tables for once—holding Mormons as a captive audience, attempting to convert them to secularism, lecturing them for their church’s insufferable bigotry, pushing them to take shots of tequila, and reading them passages from The Stranger—instead of me being stuck listening to their drivel.

If I didn’t work nights, I’d be all over this. Dan and Ghostlawns both report that missionaries duly showed up, and were treated to some reverse-proselytizing. The potential for hours of fun seems enormous.

It’s too bad I’m not still in contact with my friend John, who got banned from talking to young missionaries by his uncle the Elder after shaking the faith of too many of them. He could’ve given us some good pointers. However, you’re a reasoned, creative bunch, so I’m sure you can come up with something.

Invite Missionaries Into Your Home for a Good Cause
The Orbit is still fighting a SLAPP suit! Help defend freedom of speech, click here to find out more and donate!

4 thoughts on “Invite Missionaries Into Your Home for a Good Cause

  1. 1

    I live in southeast Idaho. Idaho Falls is roughly 50% Mormon. The surrounding counties are as high as 80% Mormon. While I don’t live in Mecca, (SLC) I can see it from my front yard. (OK, that’s snark)I always invite the missionaries in when they show up. I offer them weather appropriate, non-alcoholic drinks and (usually) some cookies.I’ve found this to be a much more successful method of getting into these young men’s heads. Their missionary training teaches them to leave confrontational situations (such as trying to get them to consume alcohol or look at girly pics) If I don’t appear to be looking for an opportunity to destroy their faith, they don’t suspect a thing. A bit naive, actually.I don’t know that I’ve changed any minds but I’ve certainly planted some seeds. What’s more important to me is that the more time the missionaries spend with me, the less time they have to peddle this crap to someone who might buy it.

  2. 2

    I live in Vancouver, Canada, and we certainly have some mormon churches around here. I ordered the bible a few months ago though, and no one ever showed up. I was pretty disappointed.

  3. WWW

    The funny thing about beliefs is there’s a lie at the centre of it; now I don’t know about you but I think that’s ironic. If a con-man, or to be more politically correct a con-person, wants to successfully sell you a lemon on the pretence it will ripen into an orange, they lie and you believe. If you have been unfortunate enough to purchase a load of lemons and intend to hand them out at half time at the footy on Sunday, then all is not lost if I can convince you of the lie in your belief; you can still turn them into lemonade. If you refuse to admit you have been conned and want to continue on believing the lie, then you are heading for a showdown. When those who promote belief systems have a serious challenge aimed at them, they tend to hide behind the skirts of little old ladies saying” How can you shake our belief, when if what you are saying is true, then these little old ladies will be upset because they have lived their entire lives believing the lie”. This is were the ‘f’ an faith comes into it, fundamentally, they say: “Our oranges may look a little yellow and taste bitter but we have faith on the day they’ll be sweet, fu.” So how can you win against that type of dogma, the bigger the falsification, the bigger bad guy you become when you point out the truth. Now I know truth is subjective and one mans oranges are another mans lemons but don’t you think there’s far to many sour-pusses out there pushing yellow oranges onto people in the vain hope that you will have faith in their belief and not upset the apple cart. I can foresee the criticism, I’ve used to many fruity metaphors and made a cocktail out of it when I should be sparing because there’s a lot of fruitcakes out there already, but you would have to admit it’s better than a ‘Rusty Salmon’ mornay. Anyway, the next time someone comes to your door handing out believer tracts, try taking the lie out of it and tell them to make beaver tracks or better still, go suck a lemon.

  4. 4

    i was going threw hard times. me and my boyfriend were actually at that time, living in a hotel. it was thursday the 12th 2006 or 2007 a day i will never things were rough as u can imagine. im at work and my boyfriend who i am still with today was on his way up to his moms house when 2 mormans had stopped him and asked for a moment of his time they asked if it would be ok to come by the next day to spread the word of god.the next day friday the 13th 2 men come to our room. it was around noon the sun was bright it was a beautiful anwayS I opened the door but i did not INVITE the momans in, i simply opened the door and said hello and assumed they would walk in .. i turn back and see they are still standing outside i say come in. at that moment i thought nothing of it!! they sat and spoke with us for a short time and left they also left us with “their” bibles.shortly after my boyfriend had left to work to work i was home alone fixing the curtins when all the sudden something hits me ..literally!!! not in a physical way but inside i fall on the bed i curl up in a ball and im clinching at my stomach i feel so weird i have no idea what is going on at this point i still havent put 2 and 2 together. strange things are starting happene around me but id rather not get that far in depth. but after about 10 min things go back to normal and i forget all about it after awhile .. LATER that night after my boyfriend returns home from work i get hit again its like im being posessed this time its MUCH STRONGER MY BOYFRIEND IS GETTING SCARRED HE LIKE “should i call and ambulance” “JESSICA .. JESSICA WHATS WRONG, WHATS WRONG .. HES SO WORRIED AT THIS POINT HE RUN OUTSIDE AND STARES AT ME FROM OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR OF THE HOTEL he calls his friend .. leaves a voice mail call his mom .. my voice HAS become verrrry deep and im very soft spoken this is not something i would even be able to pretend or control on my own.. he eventually calls the police .. of course here we are living in a hotel its friday the 13th and they think were using drugs ( which btw were werent i smoke thats it NO DRUG NEVER HAVE AND THAT NITE i didnt even smoke ) so the police leave but his mom is still THERE she witnesses everything after im about to tell u … ITS JUST ME MY BF AND HIS MOMAll of the sudden what ever had hit me earlier that day hit him he was holding his stomach lying on the bed .. everything that happened to me is now happening to him!!!! the funny thing is i knew they were coming for him. i was screaming ‘there coming THERE COMING” i saw “them” i saw 3 VERY LARGE BAT LIKE LOOKING CREATURES WITH WING SPAN AS LARGE AS MY ARM SPAN VERY SHARP TEETH HUMAN LIKE HEAD BUT WINGS LIKE A BAT!! they are flying fast coming down twords us I SEE THEM THREW MY EYES not literally its hard to explain BUT they were invisible to me even after i already saw them for that second .. more crazy things went on for 7 days after that!!! way too much to tell .. then everything was back to normal about 3-5 months after this incedent happens im at a christin church im speaking in front of the crowd and i am not even making sense to myself .. before i know it women surrond me and begin to speak in toungs and heal me and i fall to the floor and my eyes are rolled back and i am very aware of what is happening but i can not control what i do i am week but my mind is functing in and out, in and out as soon as the demon is commanded from my body and leaves i sit up sooo fast AND FALL into their arms and i being to cry intensely … i remeber them demanding the demons name i just dont remember what the demons name was .. either way since these experienceS in my life have occured my belif in god is 100% i have no doubt in my mind about god GOD IS GOOD AND GOD IS REAL HE HAS CARRIED MY BOYFRIEND AND I THREW MANYY TESTIMONYS I HAVE SEEN THE FACE OF EVIL WITH MY OWN EYES AND WITH THAT MEMEORY HOW COULD I EVER LACK FAITH?I REALLY HOPE THAT THIS SHORT STORY WILL SPREAD LIGHT INTO SOMEONES LIFE FOR THOSE WHO EXPERENCED A SUPER NATURAL EXPERIANCE OR POSSIBLE POSSISSION OR FOR THOSE WHO LACK FAITH ONE THING IS CERTAIN THE DEVIL IS VERY DECIEVING AND COMES IN MANY SHAPES AND FORMS BUT IF YOU LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART LEARN FROM UR MISTAKES AND TRUST IN GOD THE DEVIL CAN NOT SUBDUE U … AND IF U DO BELIEVE IN GOD THEN U MUST KNOW THAT THE DEVIL EXSIT TO AND JUST LIKE ANGELS ARE WATCHING AND SURROUNDING U SO ARE THEY !!!!! THERE IS ANOTHER WORLD BEYOND MANY OF OUR IMAGINATIONS AND IT IS GODS INTENTION TO REMAIN MYSTYERIOUS IN ORDER TO TEST OUR FAITH .. FOR WE SHALL NOT LIVE IN FEAR BUT WE SHALL LIVE IN FAITH FOR WE SHALL NOT SEE BUT SHALL LIVE IN FAITH BUT THE DEVIL WILL HARM U IN ORDER TO WEAKEN U AND RAISE DOUBT!! IF U DONT BELIVE ME TRY IT .. LEAVE ALL UR WORRIES AND FEAR UP TO GOD LET IT ALLL GO LET GO AND LET GOD AND I CAN PROMISE U THAT IN UR TIMES OF WEAKNESS GOD WILL CARRY UAMEN

Comments are closed.