Quick and Dirty Political Snark

Next time, I’ll know better than to demand PZ harass his readers for more Tangled Bank submissions. It’s like standing at the base of an unstable snowpack and shouting at the top of your lungs while shooting off a brace of bazookas on a warm spring day – not a good idea unless you want to get buried.

But a day without political snark on this blog would be a very dull day indeed, and so I bring you these recent gems.

First off, the Republicons in many states are running scared, but the ones in Mississippi top anything I’ve seen yet for sheer amusement value:

MS-Sen: GOP forces in Mississippi are trying to get the U.S. Senate race moved to the bottom of the ballot, in hopes that any “new Obama voters” might miss the race (and presumably, fail to vote for Democrat Ronnie Musgrove).

The Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal responds (emphasis mine):

The state Election Commission – consisting of Gov. Haley Barbour, Attorney General Jim Hood and Secretary of State Delbert Hosemann will make the decision. Hood, citing precedent, said the Wicker-Musgrove race should follow the Cochran-Fleming matchup on the ballot. They’re both U.S. Senate races, after all, and logically should be grouped together near the top of the ballot and before local elections. Hosemann, the state’s chief elections officer, said last week he’s still studying the matter.

If the law allows any latitude at all, the decision ought to be a no-brainer. The most important race other than the presidency to be voted on by Mississippians that day should be in the most prominent place possible on the ballot. The only plausible reason for anyone to want it near the bottom is the hope that some voters will overlook it or just not take the time to finish their ballot.

Musgrove has already made it clear that he wants it near the top. Wicker has not said to this point, but a campaign spokesman has downplayed the issue’s importance and questioned why Musgrove is concerned about it. Surely the Wicker camp wants the race to be as prominently displayed as possible, given its historic nature.

Isn’t that precious? They’re so shit-scared they’re trying to bury the races where the voters won’t catch ’em out. Ha ha ha, run as fast as you like, you fuckers – you can’t hide.

Seems like McCain couldn’t hide from the frothing fundies. Atheist Chaplain sent me a link to an article that makes a little more sense of her choice and shows just how whipped McLame is:

Republican presidential candidate John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate after conservatives threatened a revolt if he went with his first choice, former Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman.

Senator McCain has defended his choice of Ms Palin to run for vice-president after news of her 17-year-old pregnant unmarried daughter dominated day one of the Republican national convention in St Paul, Minnesota.

Now it has emerged that the shock announcement of the unknown Ms Palin was forced upon Senator McCain after conservatives threatened a revolt at the convention if he pushed ahead with his preferred vice-presidential pick, Independent and former Democrat Senator Joe Lieberman.

Sarah Palin, that absolute clown car train wreck of a VP choice, was forced on him. If the man can’t even stand up to a bunch of religious dickheads, how the fuck is he supposed to show any backbone on the world political stage? Credibility: McLame hasn’t gots it.

Finally, Hilzoy, posting on Political Animal, brings political snark to new heights, while leading us in beautifully to the Tangled Bank by sounding suspiciously scientific:

Every so often, I run across an argument so manifestly absurd that I think: wow, this isn’t just spin and deception, this is performance art. Today I found just such an argument, made by Frank Gaffney:

“Speaking of geography, Alaskan territory is also along the trajectory of ballistic missiles launched eastward out of Stalinist North Korea. For that reason, among others, Alaska’s Fort Greely was selected as the site for the principal U.S. ground-based defense against such missiles. As that state’s governor, Sarah Palin would know more by osmosis — if nothing else — about the necessity for U.S. anti-missile systems than either Messrs. Obama or Biden.”

Sarah Palin learned foreign policy by osmosis? Really? I always relied on catalysis, myself: I just drop some zeolytes into my brain, and lo! instant expertise. I had no idea it was possible to do it by osmosis, though on reflection that would explain the large number of grizzly bears who are up to speed on Sino-Soviet relations.

Those damned grizzly bears and their foreign policy chops. Stephen Colbert was right – they are the Number One Threat to America. Maybe McCain should ditch Palin and her stopover creds and choose Gentle Ben as his running mate instead. The choice, in this blogger’s humble opinion, would make a fuck of a lot more sense.

But Ben’s probably a Democrat and a dirty hippie environmentalist to boot, so I guess that’s right out. The Frothing Fundies wouldn’t stand for it.

This election is going to be one of those tragicomedies, I can guaran-fucking-tee you.

{advertisement}
Quick and Dirty Political Snark
{advertisement}
The Orbit is still fighting a SLAPP suit! Help defend freedom of speech, click here to find out more and donate!