One question to WithinThisMind, listen where? I’ve read FTB almost daily since the day it opened. I read every single Faq on all of the blogs multiple times. For everything that is in the faqs, there are hundreds things that are not. Just saying were not a 101 blog doesn’t help when you’re not speaking the same language. I agree 99% of the time but it is difficult not to say something foolish when there are hundreds of words and phrases that mean something subtly different to someone well versed in social justice issues.

Some people kindly explain. I am very thankful for that. Many people just say read the faq for things that aren’t in the faq assuming that people should be able to read between the lines and understand things that just are not there.

One time I almost got into an argument but someone was kind enough to tell me that a phrase that I never really thought about was abelist. I was remembering when I was told that I had cancer about 10 years ago and as soon as I heard the word cancer, all I heard from the Dr. was blah, blah, blah. At that moment I was neither calm nor rational. I was incapable of making any decision. That was the situation I was thinking about when I used the phrase calm and rational in a post. Someone immediately pointed out how calm and rational is abelist. I thought about it for a minute,agreed with them, apologized, and they allowed me to rephrase what I said to better communicate where I was coming from. I seldom use that phrase anymore. I tried looking for the term in the faq and it wasn’t there.

Usually it is the 8th or 10th angry post before I find out that the reason everyone is mad is because I used a phrase like calm and rational. They either say read the faq, or we’re not a 101 website, or just post a long angry post where the person never really says what they’re angry about. If I say I’m sorry, I don’t understand, it’s like throwing gasoline on the fire.

Its frustrating when I agree with people wholeheartedly and want to support them but we don’t speak the same language and probably never will.

—-It was too frustrating to me to put my foot in my mouth again and again and make it even worse by trying to explain—-

Let me try to offer you a piece of advice that will help you in situations like this.

When I tell you I find something offensive, I don’t want you to spend thousands upon thousands of words explaining how you didn’t mean to offend me. I don’t want you to ‘explain’ how you didn’t mean it that way. I don’t even want a dozen words of apology. I don’t want multiple long posts trying to explain how from your point of view you didn’t know any better and I should show you pity and compassion. I don’t want paragraphs of you trying to justify why its not really that bad. And I don’t want to spend hours answering your questions about the minutia of why it’s offensive while you debate my answers.

I want you to stop doing it.

Multiple posts here, multiple posts on A+, all with him whining about being ‘blindsided’ when as it turns out, people did spend a lot of time trying to explain to him what was wrong, many quite gently, while he refused to actually listen or back down.

As the saying goes, if you really want to learn: Shut Up and Listen.

Huh. Funny, I thought scenario had actually spent quite a number of posts telling us how taken aback he was by the reception he got. Obviously people are often taken aback by things they’re totally accustomed to, thus requiring self-centered, oblivious presumption on my part to make such an inference.

You’re probably very unaccustomed to such an unceremonious dismissal. It’s no great surprised that you would find it disconcerting.

God damn, talk about presumptuous, self-centered obliviousness.

Thank you. I appreciate the feedback. I want you to know that I learned a lot from A+ that I have tried to incorporate into my life. One thing that changed in me is that things like using words like gay or bitch as an insult make me really mad. I never liked them but I now have a visceral reaction when I hear them now. I just have to say something. I see examples of privilege everywhere I look. A couple of weeks ago two black men and I were waiting for a clerk. When the clerk came, he walked by the two black guys and asked me what I wanted. I actually did a double take. I see people assuming that men knows about cars, computers etc and women know about cooking, cleaning etc. It drives me crazy. Sometimes it true. Sometimes it isn’t. It’s a nonproductive, useless assumption.

I can intellectually understand the frustration of marginalized groups. Its fine when someone disagrees with you. It is frustrating and humiliating to be simply blown off when you try to express an opinion. I have seen it too many times in the past. It’s one of the things that attracted me to places like A+ in the first place.

I haven’t posted in a long time, not because I was angry but because I realized that I didn’t fit in. It was too frustrating to me to put my foot in my mouth again and again and make it even worse by trying to explain. There are just too many words, sayings etc that have more than one meaning that I do not grasp yet. I kept getting blindsided when I spent over an hour writing a post, trying to think of any possible way that it might offend someone and try to make it as factual as I possibly could and still end up insulting someone.

This is off topic, but I had to tell you (plural) that I appreciate everyones feedback here both positive and negative.

As expected, Dave never returned. I would say I’m disappointed but I’m not. Fuck American Atheists, the organization.