Mostly I like the show, but I often feel manipulated by the fact that it portrays that kind of a guy as someone who is basically a good guy at heart, so it’s okay that he’s nasty to some (probably undeserving, because they’re just dumb after all) women.

I guess this post of yours cast my appreciation of the show into doubt as I contemplated how I could reconcile my desire for a more gender egalitarian society with my unequivocal need to feel better about my perpetually approaching departure from adolescence. But, lest you feel guilty for plunging me into existential turmoil, fear not for I have found a solution!

For what it’s worth, the following is mostly to sort out how I feel and offer a justification for the coexistence of two seemingly incompatible desires. I am in no way arguing or discounting your viewpoints, I find all of your post well-reasoned and sound. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything, but merely offering an alternative reading of the character of Barney.

I don’t think the character of Barney is intended as a modern masculine ideal, but is rather a satire of pervading social and cultural tropes of masculinity. Everything about Barney is a facet of modern masculinity taken to its most ridiculous and (in the eyes of those who appreciate such a parody) consequently humorous extreme. His choice of attire is a masculine archetype (the suit), which he wears CONSTANTLY (even when he sleeps). He’s incredibly confident and self-assured to the point where he could be characterized as pathologically narcissistic. He even lives in the most over-engineered “bachelor pad” ever conceived (there is never any food in his fridge, so breakfast after a one-night-stand is never an issue, etc.). Based on the tone of his dialogue, the contextual framing of his conduct, and the dynamics between Barney and the rest of the world, I would posit that the man is a parody, and (with a few glaring exceptions) everything he does is a parody of some part of society.

You take issue with the way he treats women, so do I. It’s entirely disrespectful, degrading, and dehumanizing. However, where I think we disagree is that I choose to view it as satire of how men are taught to interact with women. Whereas PUAs and members of the so-called “seduction” community might see certain aspects of Barney’s conduct as genuinely admirable, I would say most sane and well-socialized individuals would find his interactions with women completely ridiculous. I don’t laugh because I admire Barney’s world-view, but because in my eyes, the writers are ridiculing actual viewpoints with which I disagree (Tucker Max anyone?). At numerous points, the writers actually excerpt strategies employed by self-professed pick-up-artists while deconstructing Barney’s strategy, however they present it in an intentionally alienating and comical fashion.

I can see why some would be concerned about the portrayal of some of the women on the show. Anyone who would fall for Barney’s ruse of dressing up like an 80 year old version of himself, rushing into a bar, explaining that he’s from the future and that an attractive woman has to sleep with his younger self to save the world…well it would certainly say something about the writers if all women on the show ended up banging Barney. Fortunately, in one particular episode Marshall ends up crunching the numbers, and concludes that Barney is only successful in his attempts 1-2% of the time. Thus, I feel justified in saying that the humor doesn’t lie in the fact that Barney is manipulating (seducing through deception) and exploiting (having sex with) women, because he is not (at least, not 98-99% of the time). Rather, the humor of Barney is more subversive, and forces critical reexamination of modern masculinity, as well as gender dynamics. Whether or not that was the writer’s intention…meh, not my concern.

Furthermore, the show doesn’t just satire masculinity, but also satirizes a lot of other cultural norms. As an example, Marshall and Lily are a walking-talking parody of cisgendered heterosexual monogamous relationships. The writers even go so far as to imply that the two share each other’s headaches and indigestion.

The show also offers up a kind of interesting depiction of modern femininity which I’m not really going to touch, but I will point out that Lily and Robin socialize without difficulty with Ted, Marshall, and Barney. In so many other shows (read: Friends), their lack of dude parts would be used by the writers to highlight an invented rift between men and women, but in HIMYM, the “rift” is more of a crack in the sidewalk.

In conclusion: My personal strategy towards rectifying enjoyment of something that I shouldn’t find amusing is to consider it satire and your gripes magically disappear! Seriously, it’s the only way I can listen to Ke$ha

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me”

sorry, I meant to comment here…
“I really left before he finished, but it was all about what a womanizer he was. Well, the guy happened to be some sort of Howard Wolowitz so you can guess…”

HA. Did he explain what he found so heroic about Barney?

That’s where watching the show would be helpful, Stringer. Barney blatantly lies and deceives women into sleeping with him, often by claiming to be somebody else or having accomplished something that he hasn’t. He disrespects their boundaries by continuing to insist after they have already declined.

Also, I think you forgot to read this part of my post:

“Maybe in another century or two, the idea of a man who tricks women into sleeping with them only to discard them at the earliest opportunity will truly be hilarious, because our cultural scripts for dating and sex will have evolved. People who only want casual sex will be able to openly pursue it without being labeled “sluts” or “players,” and people who want serious relationships will be able to simply avoid getting involved with those who don’t.”