Winner of the FWP Contest Announced

Congratulations to MADELINE for gathering the most votes for her Butt-Sushi Dilemma in the First World Problems Contest against four other very humorous stories!

Madeline is the winner of a shiny new $25 gift certificate!

Thanks to everyone who contributed a FWP and to everyone who stopped by to vote.  You guys are awesome – it rawked my world to see all the activity here at Biodork over the past week.

Winner of the FWP Contest Announced

First World Problems Poll

The First World Problems Contest is closed!

Awesome FWP comic from the awesome website Sticky Comics

I am happy to announce that I have narrowed the entries down to my top five favorites – which was a lot more difficult that I thought it would be (<— FWP?).

There were 16 unique entries by 14 commenters.  That’s great!  Thank you to everyone who stopped by, and an extra big YOU RAWK! to all of you who put your odd, humorous, wry, thoughtful and ultimately human First World Problems out there for the entire world to see (the infinitesimal segment of the world that visits this blog, anyway).

Below I’ve copied the finalists’ stories as they were posted in the comments.  After reading through them I invite you to cast a vote in the poll at the bottom of the page.

Please only one vote per person, but feel free to refer friends to vote for you here.  The poll will close at 8pm on Wednesday evening.  The entry that receives the most votes by that time will win the $25 gift certificate!

Happy Voting!

First World Problems Finalists

Madeline – Butt-Sushi or Panini?

Today, in the well-stocked cafeteria at my comfortable, well-paying job, someone took the sushi I wanted just seconds before I got there! It was either the butt-sushi that was left, or a panini for me!

Michelle – Carl Kassell Withdrawl

My iPod tragically went missing just before Christmas. Despite searching the car, house, and nearby snowbanks, it remains MIA.

Yes, I still have CDs (I love my albums). Yes, I can still listen to my Macbook at home.

But I can’t get my Wait, Wait – Don’t Tell Me! podcast fix in my car.

Life without Carl Kassell. #firstworldproblems

Erratapage – Diet Coke Dilemma

The worst day of last year began quite simply. I was out of diet coke. No problem. I had to get some gas, so I took the car up to St. Francis to fill up and buy diet coke. Got to the C-store, and they had no cold cans of diet coke. I went back home and got dressed, and got back in the car to go into the office. I stopped at the C-store in Anoka for a donut and a diet coke. There were no cold cans of diet coke. At this point, I’m wondering if I’m going to have to settle for a cold bottle or if I’m going to have to buy a warm 12-pack. I get back in the car and drive to work, stopping at the local stop and rob near my office so that I don’t go to work under caffeinated. I go to the refrigerated coolers, and start looking for the diet coke cans. They were out. I showed up at the office with a 20-ounce bottle significantly unhappier than I had a right to.

Ela Darling – Too Tired to be Adored

My first world problem: my head hurts because too many people bought me drinks last night and I had to wake up at 6:00 to get ready for the Adult Entertainment Expo. I didn’t want to leave the warm white cocoon of my comped hotel room to be coiffed and made up and styled and dressed to spend the day signing things for horny porn fans.

bill – Bananas: Under-ripe/Over-ripe

I like to have a banana every day and they only grow commercially 4000 miles away, so I have to buy them at the grocery store. When I buy them, they aren’t ripe enough to my liking for the first two days. Then they are perfect for about 4 days. Then they are overripe. But I buy them in bunches of 6 or 7. So some of every bunch, I have to eat either too ripe or too green.

First World Problems Poll

First World Problems Contest

We are so lucky and have so much.

I, personally, have lived a charmed life.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have problems and complaints, but I’d say my frustrations are pretty minor.

For instance, this morning I stepped in cat vomit as I was getting ready for work.  While untimely and disgusting, stepping in cat upchuck hasn’t damaged me in any apparent permanent manner.  When it happened I had instant access to water and soap to wash my foot, a clean pair of socks, and a designated rag, scrubby brush and special carpet cleaner to make the watery, hairball-filled, partially-digested food mess disappear.

Then there are the frustrating, petty experiences that I can’t complain about, because to do so would would make me look like total a total asshole.  Like my annoyance this morning at having to settle for a Cherry slushie because the regular Coke slushie machine was broken.  What asshole would even put a “problem” like that in print?  Oh…

A broken slushie machine is an example of a First World Problem.

Urban Dictionary defines First World Problems as “Problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at.”

Aw, crap, I don’t know which 1 carat diamond encrusted platinum ring to buy!

In my far from exhaustive Bing search I found several websites that catalog examples of First World Problems, a Facebook site, and a Twitter hashtag devoted to these usually intentionally funny anecdotes of the issues that nag at those of us living relatively high on the hog.

As human beings we tend to get wrapped up in ourselves, but we also know that somewhere someone else has it harder than us.  The thing that I like about highlighting our First World Problems is that it illustrates just how silly we can get about our day-to-day experiences, and it serves to remind me that there are bigger problems to address.

So let’s address them – at least in a small way – and have a good laugh at ourselves in the meantime.

I introduce to you, my dear readers:

The First World Problems Contest!

Here’s how it works:

  1. In the blog comments post a First World Problem (FWP) that is plaguing your day.
  2. At the end of the contest I will compile all of the entries and create a poll of my favorite 5-10 FWPs.
  3. YOU, the readers, will have to opportunity to to vote for your favorite FWP.  The submission with the most votes wins.
  4. I will email the winner a $25 Kiva gift certificate! is a microlending website that allows individuals to loan money to low-income entrepeneurs from all over the world.  You go to the website, browse the small business owners or groups who are seeking funds and then you lend your $25 to someone who wants to put it to good use.  The business owner repays the loan over time (if all goes as planned), then you can choose to roll your returned investment into another loan!

The Hubby and I participate in Kiva.  We enjoy learning about the work that others are doing in different parts of the world, and it feels good to be a part of an organization that is getting these entrepeneurs the funds they need to help their businesses grow.

Contest Details and Guidelines

  • Comments are open NOW.  Entries will be closed at 8pm (+/- a few minutes) central time on Sunday (1/9/11).
  • On Monday I will post the poll with my favorite FWPs.  The poll will be open until 8pm (+/- a few minutes) central time Wednesday (1/12/11).   I will tally your votes and announce the winner on Thursday.
  • The Kiva gift certificate will be delivered to the winner by email.
  • Anyone can post, and you can enter as many times as you like, but my top favorite entries will not include multiple submissions from any one contributor.
  • If the winner does not wish to claim the Kiva gift certificate, the contributer with the next greatest number of votes will have the option to accept it.  And so on.

I think that’s it.  Disclaimers…hmmm…I’m sponsoring this contest all on my own. is not involved with this blog.  Once you get the gift certificate, we’re done  – don’t get mad at me if you lose your $25 investment.  I recommend understanding how the lending process works before you get started.  (Kiva’s About sections and Terms and Conditions are a good place to begin)

Thanks in advance to everyone for visiting my blog and for participating in the First World Problems Contest!

First World Problems Contest