Men Don’t Get Abortions

CN: Use of gendered pronouns. Words like men and women are blurry with respect to reproduction and pregnancy, but I am sticking with convention to address the claims and assumptions of this video.

It took me a few days to get around to watching this four-minute video because I knew that I didn’t have the even to deal with it. But tonight I’m feeling like I can do it. Let’s all do it – together!

We’re opening with a shot of a church and some somber but hopeful music. The videographer has spliced together the stories of three men, each one sitting in a church pew. They introduce themselves by name and then go on to share that they’re all Christians.

Yup, expected that out of a blatantly anti-abortion piece. Let’s continue.

The music rises with a slightly dramatic flair, and then one, two, three:

“I had an abortion.”
“I had two abortions.”
“I had an abortion.”

Cue pause to give us  a moment to soak it all in – our first appalled gasp that these men have killed pre-born children, a surge of sadness for the lost lives and their darkened souls, and then a chance for us to consider the strength and bravery that it must have taken for these men to share such heart-wrenching admissions with us.

Ready to move on? It’s story-sharing time!

Dude #1: He was young, didn’t know God very well, started dating this gal and she got pregnant…

Wait, wait, wait…He went from starting to date some gal to “she got pregnant.” Just like that? Was it magic? Where’s the mention of his role in this phenomenon? She got pregnant, but he had the abortion? How’s that work?

Dude #2: He hadn’t yet adopted an anti-choice stance so he “never even fought for the opportunity to save the child.”

Either of them, apparently, because remember: he “had two abortions.” So…he gave zero shits back then, but fast forward to today and he regrets that those abortions were available to his partner at the time. So now he thinks that he should get to tell other people that they shouldn’t be able to make the same choice that she had the freedom to make. Always love that line of reasoning.

Third dude: No backstory, just “I conceded to an abortion.” You conceded to an abortion? Wait… you conceded to an abortion? Crap…I’m losing my even. Let’s come back to that one later. Dude #3 shares that the fact that he. conceded. to an abortion still haunts him to this day.

HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS – there’s background footage of him kneeling at a grave stone in a graveyard while he says this!

Roll video of healthy, smiling white babies and toddlers while he talks about how he’ll never know what his child would have been like.

NO SHIT DUDE #2 JUST LITERALLY SAID “I should have manned up.” !!!!!!! Also “I should have fought for you.” And now he’s looking at the camera, holding back tears and addressing his aborted fetus, “I’m so glad you are in Heaven with Jesus, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords…”

“The pain of regret is one of the hardest pains to live with because it’s a constant reminder that we let down God, we let down others.”

Yeah…that’s way worse than the pain of treating another person like an incubator and denying a person her bodily autonomy, right? Just kidding, these guys don’t care about that.

“And I know I’m not alone because an estimated 1 in 3…”

And here’s where they work in the “abortion holocaust” numbers.

All three of them offer regrets to you if YOU’VE had an abortion. They are so sorry. So sorry. Sorry for the burdens and the weights that you’ve had to carry.

Yeah…I’ve been meaning to clean out my purse.

So sorry that women were subjected to such a terrible thing. 

Abortion – a super safe, minor, medical procedure. Sometimes even life-saving. Not so terrible.

So sorry that no one tried to rescue you.

So sorry to burst your patriarchal bubble, but reminder: women are autonomous human beings and unless you are a doctor, paramedic, firefighter, etc. getting us out of a physically harmful situation, we probably don’t need your “rescuing.” And we certainly don’t need any moral rescuing, which is something else they’re likely trying to imply.

So sorry that men haven’t taken a greater stance in this area.

Tell that to the huge group of white guys that comes down for the rosary congo line every Saturday at my clinic. Tell that to the huge group of white guys in Congress right now who have made their primary mission one of curtailing a woman’s right to abortion and other medical options.

Sorry that the church has not been there for you.

Now this one I’d agree with. The official stance of most religions is pretty anti-choice, giving little room to their women members to have an abortion without shame or fear, and they tend to offer little in the way of supporting the autonomous decisions of one half of their members, especially if that decision is abortion. I’d say that’s a great example of the church not being there.

However some churches and individual church leaders have always supported abortion as a humane choice, and to them I say – don’t listen to this guy; he quite obviously doesn’t have a clue.

Looks like the apologies are finally wrapping up. These pious Christians do love their repentance gig, don’t they?

Oh, but wait…sounds like they’re hopeful about some things too. Let’s find out what.

They are hopeful about the young generation of anti-choice activists “you guys just keep contending for life! …rise up and say ‘No more!’” Dude #3 wants you to know that someone should have been there to rescue you, but you do have a rescuer and can find hope in Christ. “You don’t have to live in shame and darkness…”

See – because having an abortion is shameful according to him. Shame on 33% of women in the United States. Shame!

Dude #3 leaves us with some comforting words: If you are Christian but don’t agree with what these guys are saying, maybe you just haven’t really felt Christ yet. Try harder. Confess and repent. God will answer your prayers.

Isn’t it comforting to know that you’ve just being Doing It Wrong?

And close with advertising for the group that made the video and a link so you can support the unborn spiritually and financially.

*******

Let’s talk a few points here.

Women don’t “need saving” from abortions. We don’t “need saving” from our right to make medical decisions. Kthxbai.

This idea that “men have abortions” I’m guessing stems from the idea that men are responsible for the pregnancy just as much as women, and therefore, when she aborts, he aborts. And if he “lets” her get an abortion, he’s just as much responsible for that abortion as she is.

Here’s why that’s wrong.

It’s not his body. The body that is pregnant is not his and does not belong to him.

A man may have a role in getting a woman pregnant. Admittedly, it’s difficult to get pregnant without sperm. But while he is partly responsible for fertilizing an egg, he is not responsible for the pregnancy. Women are the ones who get shackled with the mental, physical, cultural and socioeconomic strain of being pregnant – i.e., the responsibility of pregnancy.

A woman is an individual human being. She and only she gets a say in what goes on with her body. No other person – man or woman, family or friend, lover, husband or parent, doctor or government – should get to override a healthy adult woman’s choice about what she does with her body.

Men don’t “have abortions” because men don’t get pregnant and they have no say in reproductive decisions other than those that they are granted (and personal responsibility in the way of using birth control to attempt to prevent pregnancy). Our uteruses, our decisions.

So if you’re the kind of “pro-life” man who thinks he’s going to be making reproductive decisions for the women that he sleeps with, you best let her know about that mindset before you get into her bed so that she is very clear to her it will be your call about what to do with any unintended pregnancies. I think that would be a very Christian thing for you to do.

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Men Don’t Get Abortions
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217 thoughts on “Men Don’t Get Abortions

  1. 1

    These guys are nuts. But I was blown away by the one who said his partner’s fetus was now happy with Jesus.
    If these guys really believed this, here’s a different view of what would be the “Christian” thing to do. By their logic, these Christian guys are doomed to hell, but their zygotes get eternal heaven. So the Christian thing to do would be to cause as many pregnancies as possible, and then abort them all as soon as possible. They think that would send the most possible “people” to heaven, while these guys were going to hell anyway. So isn’t that what they supposedly think Jesus would want? Their beliefs are completely incoherent.
    Also, if most pregnancies end spontaneously before the woman even knows she was pregnant, and the zygote goes to heaven, then what is heaven like? Depending on the developmental stage, maybe the most common kind of human in heaven would be those who still have a third of their body mass in their tail?
    These guys are so arrogant to be using their crazy fairy-tale logic to mess up the lives of women and society as a whole. Plus, every catholic-purchased hospital. Don’t get me started.

  2. 2

    Wow, what a ridiculously offensive video. I’m fine with them thinking abortion is a bad thing (even despite the possible hypocritical nature of their disapproval). I’d even be okay with them pointing out that men also have feelings on it but ultimately no decision-making power, and this is painful. But to act as if the woman involved have nothing to do with the decision, as if it were something she was being “saved” from, is frankly revolting.

  3. 3

    I’ve seen something like this. It happens in Catholic churches when they invite people to imagine the suffering of Christ. Before long people are trying to outdo each other. Before long the conclusion isn’t just that Jesus, assuming he actually existed, suffered, it has to be that Jesus suffered more than any other human being, ever. There is an entire literature centered on the assertion that Jesus suffered more than any human has or ever will again.

    It is a form of empathetic wallowing. It goes all the way. It goes all the way in that same way a young child focuses upon a scrape and wallows in the pain. It isn’t just a scrape and a bit of pain. It is an insult. A violation. And the child feels they will never, ever, get over it.

    Fucking crybabies.

  4. 4

    They’re there for you… until the baby’s born, then you’re on your own, slut. But in the meantime, they want to rescue you, pretty, helpless white teenager, and your pretty, healthy white baby. Oh you’re not pure, white, or innocent? Oh well, I guess you have to take the good with the bad, and you just don’t fit the picture they had in mind. You can help them feel good about themselves for sacrificing resources to save your unproductive, undeserving self and the useless moocher you spawned. Be properly grateful and go to their church, and they might let you have used clothes out of the pile in the corner and out-of-date canned goods from the room you get to by going in the back door if someone happens to be there when you come by. Make sure you are presentable and respectful, and make sure your life is going better than it was when you got pregnant, because they’re responsible for making sure you toe the line, or they’ll cut off their generosity and report you to child protective services as neglectful.

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