But zippers are shiny!

Brianne Bilyeu,

When I was little I played pranks with my friends – little things to make each other giggle or groan or make us pay attention to each other. One of our classics was unzipping each others jackets when the other wasn’t paying attention. It would usually elicit a mock indignant yelp, some laughs and a promise of “payback” in the form of the instigator’s jacket being unzipped next time.

I was in grade school, maybe eight years old. It has been decades since that game stopped being amusing.

This is an older piece from Tumbler – about six months since the last update – but I’m going to share it here now because it’s still relevant and because I’ve been boiling over about it since I first read it on FB this afternoon (H/T to Niki M.). It’s just not right and people need to read about experiences like this. And learn from them. And stop touching people without their consent!

lil-bit-ghei:

lil-bit-ghei:

“What were you wearing?”

I wore a red dress to work today. It has a zipper at either side of my chest that can unzip and reveal a thin strip of skin. A coworker, without warning, tried pulling at the zipper and when it wouldn’t zip, instead revealed a good portion of my collarbone and shoulder as well as my bra strap. An hour later, the same coworker came up and told me to not wear clothes with zippers because he’ll go right ahead and unzip them. I shot back that unzipping me without my permission is sexual harassment. Apparently a manager heard and berated my coworker. At the end of my shift, my coworker told me that my little comment got him in trouble and that he no longer feels comfortable saying anything to me other than “hello” and “goodbye.”

I am supposed to feel guilty for pointing out that he can’t lay his fucking hands on me.

So I wore the infamous dress at work yesterday and ANOTHER MALE COWORKER DECIDED TO PULL AT ONE OF MY FUCKING ZIPPERS.
We were surrounded by other (also male) coworkers (that did nothing) and I swatted his hand away while promptly informing him that he didn’t have permission to touch me.

He then asked, since he knows I cosplay, if it would be any different if I wore a revealing costume. I gave him a dirty look and told him that no matter what *I* decide to wear, no one is allowed “to lay a finger on me unless they want my foot up their ass.”

Being that I’m quite professional at work, they were all surprised by my language and the ferocity with which I spat my promise.

The post, including a photo of the “offending” dress, is at Little Bit Ghei’s Tumbler.

What can possibly be going through the minds of these men who think that it’s okay to tug at a coworker’s shirt, especially in a manner that might make it come open and expose her and make her feel uncomfortable in the workplace touch another human being in any way without express permission? Are you that fidgety? Did you skip the sexual harassment training during employee orientation? Have you no sense of boundaries? Are you unaware of the implications of a man touching a woman without her consent? Are you a werecrow that must touch the shiny at the cost of respectful human interaction?

And then to get all butthurt about her calling him out on his inappropriate actions, and to blame her for his getting disciplined! And furthermore, then refusing to do anything but give her the most cursory of greetings in their work interactions and punishing her with a hostile work environment! It’s like zero to sixty with this guy: I can either wish you an emotionless daily greeting, or I can violate your personal space and unzip your clothes at work. Your choice, babe.

And don’t even get me started on the screwed up cosplay question, which is one of the reasons I’m so deliriously happy to see “Cosplay is not Consent” campaigns gaining traction and harassment policies in place at the cons that I attend.

Just…so not okay.

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But zippers are shiny!

About the author

Thoughts from a Minneapolis-based nerdy, liberal, humanist progressive on topics such as science, skepticism, religion, atheism, critical thought, politics, and local and global humanitarian and equality efforts. Biodork <3's geek culture, groan-inducing puns, world travel, cultural exchange and sharing and listening to stories.
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    “ANOTHER MALE COWORKER DECIDED TO PULL AT ONE OF MY FUCKING ZIPPERS. We were surrounded by other (also male) coworkers (that did nothing) and” …

    Unbelievable! What would the male coworkers have thought or done if the jerk had pulled on THEIR pants zippers instead of on her ornamental ones? Would they have thought it was maybe ok.

    Is that the attitude of the MRA sympathizers?

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    I just can’t put myself in any frame of mind where this would seem like a thing to do….

    …and to do it at one’s workplace, while other people are around?!?
    W.T.F.??

    I might not have done anything right away, because I’d be so dumbfounded, but I would insist that those offenders be taken to HR for a little talking to about boundaries.

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