But zippers are shiny!

When I was little I played pranks with my friends – little things to make each other giggle or groan or make us pay attention to each other. One of our classics was unzipping each others jackets when the other wasn’t paying attention. It would usually elicit a mock indignant yelp, some laughs and a promise of “payback” in the form of the instigator’s jacket being unzipped next time.

I was in grade school, maybe eight years old. It has been decades since that game stopped being amusing.

This is an older piece from Tumbler – about six months since the last update – but I’m going to share it here now because it’s still relevant and because I’ve been boiling over about it since I first read it on FB this afternoon (H/T to Niki M.). It’s just not right and people need to read about experiences like this. And learn from them. And stop touching people without their consent!

lil-bit-ghei:

lil-bit-ghei:

“What were you wearing?”

I wore a red dress to work today. It has a zipper at either side of my chest that can unzip and reveal a thin strip of skin. A coworker, without warning, tried pulling at the zipper and when it wouldn’t zip, instead revealed a good portion of my collarbone and shoulder as well as my bra strap. An hour later, the same coworker came up and told me to not wear clothes with zippers because he’ll go right ahead and unzip them. I shot back that unzipping me without my permission is sexual harassment. Apparently a manager heard and berated my coworker. At the end of my shift, my coworker told me that my little comment got him in trouble and that he no longer feels comfortable saying anything to me other than “hello” and “goodbye.”

I am supposed to feel guilty for pointing out that he can’t lay his fucking hands on me.

So I wore the infamous dress at work yesterday and ANOTHER MALE COWORKER DECIDED TO PULL AT ONE OF MY FUCKING ZIPPERS.
We were surrounded by other (also male) coworkers (that did nothing) and I swatted his hand away while promptly informing him that he didn’t have permission to touch me.

He then asked, since he knows I cosplay, if it would be any different if I wore a revealing costume. I gave him a dirty look and told him that no matter what *I* decide to wear, no one is allowed “to lay a finger on me unless they want my foot up their ass.”

Being that I’m quite professional at work, they were all surprised by my language and the ferocity with which I spat my promise.

The post, including a photo of the “offending” dress, is at Little Bit Ghei’s Tumbler.

What can possibly be going through the minds of these men who think that it’s okay to tug at a coworker’s shirt, especially in a manner that might make it come open and expose her and make her feel uncomfortable in the workplace touch another human being in any way without express permission? Are you that fidgety? Did you skip the sexual harassment training during employee orientation? Have you no sense of boundaries? Are you unaware of the implications of a man touching a woman without her consent? Are you a werecrow that must touch the shiny at the cost of respectful human interaction?

And then to get all butthurt about her calling him out on his inappropriate actions, and to blame her for his getting disciplined! And furthermore, then refusing to do anything but give her the most cursory of greetings in their work interactions and punishing her with a hostile work environment! It’s like zero to sixty with this guy: I can either wish you an emotionless daily greeting, or I can violate your personal space and unzip your clothes at work. Your choice, babe.

And don’t even get me started on the screwed up cosplay question, which is one of the reasons I’m so deliriously happy to see “Cosplay is not Consent” campaigns gaining traction and harassment policies in place at the cons that I attend.

Just…so not okay.

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But zippers are shiny!
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    “ANOTHER MALE COWORKER DECIDED TO PULL AT ONE OF MY FUCKING ZIPPERS. We were surrounded by other (also male) coworkers (that did nothing) and” …

    Unbelievable! What would the male coworkers have thought or done if the jerk had pulled on THEIR pants zippers instead of on her ornamental ones? Would they have thought it was maybe ok.

    Is that the attitude of the MRA sympathizers?

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    I just can’t put myself in any frame of mind where this would seem like a thing to do….

    …and to do it at one’s workplace, while other people are around?!?
    W.T.F.??

    I might not have done anything right away, because I’d be so dumbfounded, but I would insist that those offenders be taken to HR for a little talking to about boundaries.

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    “A heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and nobody hears it except you.” Anyone who knows Terri knows how much heartbreak she has faced in her life. She has spoken so openly to all of us sharing her vulnerability, as she knows being alone with your pain isn’t a nice place to be. In turn she has helped so many…now it’s our turn to help her. Terri and I have known each other for many years, she is best friends with one of my cousins, but we became much closer when in March 2017, I had just lost my first precious angel baby and posted about my grief and pain; Terri reached out to say she had also just miscarried. Through our shared grief we formed a strong bond and from that a real friendship grew. We would talk daily and we helped guide each other towards the light on some of the darkest days of our lives. Terri and I both went on to miscarry two more babies each. All of our miscarriages were around a similar time to each other, and we both still say that we are so thankful we had each other to get through our heartbreak. In May 2019 I finally welcomed my beautiful daughter Harriet-Terri into the world. My precious baby has healed my broken heart, I have never known a love like it, she brings light into every single day, and that’s what I want for Terri. Terri has been under fertility hospitals since 2013, she firstly had 6 months of a fertility drug to help produce more eggs, sadly this didn’t work. She was then accepted for IVF, but heartbreakingly her beautiful baby sister passed away. For obvious reasons having a baby was the last thing on Terri’s mind, she needed to grieve. In 2016 Terri and Wayne got married and felt ready to continue on their IVF journey. The first round produced 4 embryos, sadly one didn’t take and three resulted in miscarriages. After Terri’s third miscarriage the hospital ran more tests and discovered she had a balanced translocation; an abnormality between two chromosomes which means if Terri releases an egg containing the abnormal chromosomes her body miscarries. Following on from this, the next step was to have pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD IVF), this is where they collect and check eggs to check for any abnormalities. Unfortunately, the Liverpool Women’s hospital don’t specialise in this treatment and so Terri and Wayne were then transferred to Guys and St. Thomas hospital in London. Terri has had two more rounds of PGD IVF which have both heartbreakingly failed to produce any “good eggs”. Since the discovery of the BT, Terri has also been told she has low Anti-Mullerian Hormone or AMH and low follicle count which means her egg reserve is low and the eggs in which she does produce are of poor quality. Initially Terri was told she had a 1in8 chance of getting a good egg, but because of the three things stacked against her, the odds are now very low. Terri and Wayne have been trying now for 7 years and it has really created a sadness that they don’t deserve, despite this Terri never lets go of the hope and belief that she will be a mum! They have both now come to the conclusion that donor eggs are their best option of ever having a baby considering everything that is against them, and having exhausted all possible avenues for using Terri’s own eggs. The process to have a donor egg is so expensive and this is why I am trying to raise what they need which is ?20,000. It took a lot of persuasion to eventually get Terri to agree to me doing this for them. They didn’t want to feel like they were asking for handouts and were determined to save the money they need themselves however, this would take them years to save that kind of money. They have been through so much and experienced more heartache than most go through in their entire lives, let alone a few years as they have! Terri is one of the nicest, kindest and most authentic souls you’ll ever meet. She would do anything for anyone and is so supportive to others even when she is going through her own struggles, I have experienced this love for others first hand. So, this is my payback to Terri for being there for me and helping me through my darkest days. She doesn’t believe that we’ll raise the ?20,000 but I want to prove her wrong. I really want Terri to realise how loved she is by so many and how many people want this baby for her. I know not everyone who loves this gorgeous couple will be in a position to donate, if not thank you for being here, please share and keep them in your thoughts If I can help to raise this money for them and they get their longed for baby then their lives would be complete with their baby. Thank you for reading our fund page and thanks in advance from the bottom of my heart for each and every donation we receive. Imagine helping to create a life by bringing a baby into the world and making two very special people parents with your donation. There is no better gift! Thank you ?

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