Louise's Story

Brianne Bilyeu,

I have two stories to write this evening. Morning. Whatever. This was one of the reader challenges I put out into the cosmos to raise  money for the SSA during my blogathon:

Tell me to write about YOU! Do you want me to write a story about you and how badass, sweet and mild-mannered, supervillany or just plain AWESOME you are? I’m fairly decent at writing fictional, off-the-cuff stories, and it would be my honor to make up a fictional story about you! If you donate a minimum of $10 to the SSA I will write and post your story (approx. 250-500 words) during the blogathon. In the Topic Suggestion box write “Story About Me” and (this is important) include five words that you want me to include in your story (psst – they don’t have to be words that describe you – they can be any random words you want!)

Louise sent her donation in first (and actually sparked the idea), so she’s up first! Louise’s words for me to incorporate into the story are: awesome, Indiana, FUNemployment, skepticamps, blue.

Hoo-boy. Let’s see what we can do.

Louise: Leader of the Unicorn

Louise was one of the happiest unicorns in the entire herd of Indiana Unicorns. This is not a historical story, friends. Unicorns exist to this very day, but they’re very clever and are able to escape human detection by hiding in cornfields. Bill O’Reilly saw a Unicorn once, but he simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “Huh. A Unicorn. You can’t explain that.” and walked away. During harvest season the Unicorns retreat to nearby woods and use their long horns to dig deep burrows into the warm earth, where they hibernate until the next season’s crops are able to hide them for another summer.

Louise was one of the most brilliant of her herd. Once a man by the name of Reed Esau had been investigating claims of Unicorn sightings near Noblesville, Indiana (and of course a very large herd of Unicorn live there. From where do you think the town derived its name?). Louise decided that the only way to get Reed off the trail would be to distract him with another idea. One night Reed was camping out near the Nobleville cornfields. Louise quietly approached the sleeping Reed and whispered “Skepticamp”. The Unicorns never had to worry about Reed again.

Louise was also one of the prettiest of the Indiana Unicorns. She had a long, flowing blue tail and the shine of the sun off of her mane was an awesome sight.  She attracted all of the most handsome Stallions, and – she wasn’t ashamed to admit – she caught the eye of a fair number of Fillies. Louise was admired and respected by all of the herd for her leadership, her strength and her beauty.

Every year the young Unicorns of the herd were sent to the fields to work and gain experience so that they might become fruitful members of the Unicorn society. Sometimes there wasn’t enough work for all of the young Unicorns and some of them had to wait until next season to show their mettle. In order to keep their spirits up, they called this downtime FUNemployment.

Louise saw these young, frustrated Unicorns and decided that there must be a way to keep both the established members of the herd happily engaged, while at the same time giving the young Unicorns a chance to become involved. By using her wit, her diplomacy and her strict sense of honor and fairness, Louise was able to establish a system that helped everyone feel like they had found a place in the herd.

Louise led the herd for many years. Later in her life she decided to step aside and she retired to a sunny beach in the Bermuda Triangle. The Sasquatch’s nephew said it was a lovely, quiet and secluded place, and after a few gallops on the sandy shore, Louise agreed with him.

The end.

This is post 42 of 49 in the SSAweek Biodork Blogathon. Donate to the SSA today! Read more about my reader challenges here.

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Louise's Story

About the author

Thoughts from a Minneapolis-based nerdy, liberal, humanist progressive on topics such as science, skepticism, religion, atheism, critical thought, politics, and local and global humanitarian and equality efforts. Biodork <3's geek culture, groan-inducing puns, world travel, cultural exchange and sharing and listening to stories.
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112 thoughts on “Louise's Story”

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