Every so often I do this thing called Sloganizing Atheism. It’s a chance for we heathens here at Biodork to be all snarky-like about the ubiquitous church signs, billboards, clothing and any other semi-flat surface where the god folk like to print their silly messages so that all can be proselytized to.

I have threatened to give awards for exceptionally witty snark, and have two such awards that I’ve been meaning to give out. I shall dub these two commenters “Biodork Sloganeers” and will give them a place of highest honor in one the four or five pages hidden in the lower 2/3 of my blog sidebar.

I asked commenters to name their favorite response to this billboard:

I’m new to this whole “let’s nominate people” thing, so I take full responsibility for the fact that only one person was nominated. ONE PERSON WAS NOMINATED THOUGH, and that person was Kevin with his response:

“Jesus is …imaginary.”

So Kevin is our first – the first ever – Biodork Sloganeer.

The next award goes to a brilliantly funny response to this sign:

It was decided immediately that kagekiri’s answer was incredibly full of win:

Try Jesus*

*Jesus does not work for everyone. If you fail to see results after your conversion, you may experience victim-blaming and accusations of the failure being your fault.

Side effects of Jesus may include bigotry, self-righteous delusions, distorted views of reality, and martyr-complexes.

Do not take Jesus if you’re using reason, rationality, skepticism, or a desire for truth, as these medications will interfere with the efficacy of Jesus. Remember: Jesus is not a substitute for clear thinking or actually seeking medical attention when required.

Jesus is not approved by the FDA for use on children, the elderly, the grieving, or others prone to emotional manipulation and dogmatic brainwashing. Please use Jesus responsibly.

Jesus may cause extreme guilt and nihilistic self-hatred, and can lead to impotence and sexual shame. Please consult your local skeptic to see if Jesus is right for you.

Welcome Kevin and kagekiri – the first, but hopefully not last, of the Biodork Sloganeers!

This is post 39 of 49 in the SSAweek Biodork Blogathon. Donate to the SSA today! Read more about my reader challenges here.