Dustin was surfing around on Facebook and saw this video Top 8 Beauty Trends Men Hate! and asked me why he was seeing it everywhere. I then had to explain to him this horrifically sexist Huffington Post article that had been getting a lot of flak. I decided to record this man’s response to the things he supposedly hates. He, by the way, is not OK with Huffington Post speaking for his taste.
You shouldn’t in any way care what any guy’s taste in clothing is, obviously, this is more a hilarious demonstration of how the article tries to paint men as terrible, fashion-savvy assholes.
EDIT: Some have found this difficult to navigate, so, once the list starts, the article is in block quotes, he’s normal text, I’m italic.
Like the Pokemon?
AFM: … ?
Oh no, that’s Piplup. Yeah, I don’t know what that is
AFM: Remember the dress that Jaci was wearing at the party?
No, I don’t. Let me stop you at “remember that dress,” I never will. Wait the party where we first met her?
AFM: No, the one on Tuesday
Ohhhh. No I don’t remember three days ago either.
I hate how girls wear those knit hats on the top of their heads
Where the fuck else are they going to wear them? That’s what hats are for!
3. Wedge Sneakers:
“I hate Isabel Marant sneakers…”
Who the fuck is Isabel Marant?
4. Floppy Hats:
“There’s this look I would call ‘the bourgeoise bohemian’”
hahaha wtf I don’t even know what those mean
5. Open-side shirts:
I like sides. I like bras. I don’t see what we’re complaining about.
6. Bright lipstick:
“because gross you’re going to get that on me.”
PLEASE GET THAT ON ME. … Is that Amy Pond?
7. Heavy Eye Makeup:
I literally have not noticed
8. Bandeau Bikinis:
unh. Why is less clothing bad?
9. Pointy Shoes:
I… pointy shoes are the norm aren’t they?
10. “Fake” nails
11. High waisted jeans:
“High-waisted mom jeans, especially the blotchy light and dark ones (acid wash?).”
What does acid wash mean? It’s not what I’d wear, but I also don’t want moose knuckle. I mean fuck, whatever.
12. High waisted shorts:
“High-waisted shorts that basically reveal butt cheek. Too much.”
“Shorts so short that the pockets are visible. Why?”
“The return of our moms’ high-waisted shorts is the most unattractive recycled trend going on nowadays.”
I’m entirely OK with butt cheeks, one. Two, the pockets are fake anyway, there’s a legitimate criticism. Everyone knows that girl pockets aren’t so deep as to be useful. I don’t remember mom wearing these, and if she did, again… I don’t remember.
13. High waisted skirts:
“I think the high-waisted skirt thing should probably be over. It’s one of those things where you’re trying too hard, it lacks a certain degree of subtlety.”
14. Fold over ankle boots:
I honestly am not convinced that I’ve ever seen those in my life. The editors may have invented them.
15. Ultra-high heels:
“Guys won’t be looking at your shapely physique if your ankles keep buckling and you walk like a toddler with a diaper full of poop and/or a drunk giraffe.”
Anti-catcalling strategy right there. If you don’t want a guy to notice if you’re attractive, unattractive, or even exist, wear those and they’ll just say there’s a drunk giraffe. But not really because I don’t think anyone is going to notice your shoes? Or maybe they will? I don’t know, I don’t shoes.
“Men’s business suits…you’re a woman, not a man.”
FUCK YOU I like it when women wear traditionally male clothing or whatever.
17. Drop crotch pants:
I don’t know what those are. They do, however, look odd I guess.
18. Hair bows:
They’re hairbows what is the… I don’t… what’s the problem?
“A gigantic number of bangles, which just gets super annoying when they’re clanging around all the time.
I’ve literally never heard a bangle. I have no idea what bangles sound like.
20. Oversized sweaters:
21. Mullet dresses:
“where’s the fucking party??? You are covering the back!”
Yeah, yeah, this. We WERE JUST COMPLAINING in number 12 that we could see butt cheeks and that seeing butt cheeks is a bad thing. NOW WE’RE COMPLAINING THAT WE CAN’T SEE BUTT CHEEKS!? But, I actually know what these are, I remember seeing them. So that’s exciting.
“Once in a while is fine, but as a standard pant option, it’s boring and predictable. Florals spice it up a bit but they’re also a little gimmicky.”
I don’t know what a gimmick is with regard to leg covering choices. Also, again, why are we complaining about getting to see butts and legs?
23. Shoulder Pads:
I don’t think I’ve ever noticed anybody in shoulder pads since the 80s