War on Christmas: Cue Hysteria

Why are atheists so angry!  Grr, they’re so mean and grinch-like and just plan Scrooge-tastic this time of year.  I mean, they’re always snotty jerkwads, but man oh man, at Christmas time, they are just insufferable.  With their constant demands to be… included at the very edges of society instead of just shoved off into an abyss.

I think probably the only thing that gets under my skin more than the country being overrun by religious stupidity (see: intelligent design, abstinence only education) is the persecution complex that so many Christians seem to have.  76% of American citizens are Christian, Christmas is a Federal Holiday, and there are hundreds of hours of Christmas programming on TV.  And yet, there is a war on Christmas because some people would rather not make a quarter of their potential buying market feel excluded.  The whole concept of “war on Christmas” is one of the most inane and fatuous beliefs I’ve ever come across.

What about the Christmas war on everybody else?  The constant bad music on the radio and in stores.  The overwrought shopping extravaganza that makes it impossible for godless assholes like me to drive anywhere near a place where goods are sold.

I don’t actually hate Christmas though.  I really like some of the songs, for example, this is the song that most accurately reflects my feelings towards Christmas:

And, I quite like some of the more tacky flamboyant Christmas decorations:

Sorry, I know, I’m being a bad atheist >_<

That incredibly long lead up is just sort of background noise for a different conversation entirely, one about billboards.

The evil, bad atheists have put up a billboard with a picture of a nativity scene with the caption “You know it’s a myth, this season celebrate reason.” Well, accommodationist atheists and uptight christians, neither of whom would I declare the majority voice, seem to be really upset with it because they think the intent of it is to insult Christians.

Message: The Nativity Story is a myth

Aside from the fact that a story of the birth of Jesus only appears in 2 gospels and they don’t even agree on many of the fine details, so calling the nativity as celebrated a myth isn’t even necessarily contradictory to Christianity, I don’t really see it as an insult to Christians.  It’s more like an encouragement for atheists to be more comfortable with acknowledging that they don’t believe in Christmas.  The winter holidays (yule, solstice, whatever tacky hippie name I’m too embarrassed to call it myself) aren’t just for Christians, so, if you don’t believe in Christmas, you don’t have to pretend you do.

And even if this was to be interpreted as an attack on Christianity, which I would be OK with, I’d like to just show you the kinds of billboards I have to look at all the time and then I’d like you to reconsider exactly how insensitive the atheist billboard is.

Message: Atheists are anti-American treasonous traitors who want war
Message: God is an asshole
Message: Atheists are anti-American treasonous traitors who want war
Message: Atheists are going to fucking shoot you, RUN!
Message: Jesus watches you masturbate

Right, so, at its worst, you could interpret the atheist billboard as saying “Christians believe myths are true”.  And what do the religious say about atheists?  “God is an asshole, Jesus is a pervert, and they think atheists are going to destroy America and kill us all.”  If I was a Christian, I’d be way more upset by the shit religious people said.

War on Christmas: Cue Hysteria

9 thoughts on “War on Christmas: Cue Hysteria

  1. 2

    Would you believe that there are some Christians, meaning me, that hate Christmas for some of the very reasons you listed. I hate the commercialism, with the stupid sales, and the crowds, and all that goes with it. I hate the sappy same 30 songs they play for six freaking solid weeks, I hate the fact that a holiday that is supposed to be celebrated by sharing, generosity, peace and all that is often noted for its utter lack thereof.

    I also hate the fact that there are some, and its always the super vocal ones, that just can’t seem to understand that not everyone looks at this holiday the same way they do. Of course it it those people that seem to feel all threatened when a different perspective is even suggested.

    For the record I happen to loathe all those very offensive “God hates anyone not in our group” billboards….cept that last one. That last one is so perfectly placed.

    I do really like Christmas, spending time with family, getting them gifts, watching A Christmas Story, (an annual must), and spending some time in personal reflection looking at the past year.

    1. 2.1

      Most of the people I know who hate Christmas are Christians. Or at the very least, hated Christmas when they were Christians. And by that I mean of course the “season” not the religious holiday.

      I don’t actually know very many people who like it, if any.

      I do like watching Die Hard and singing Christmas songs. But I could do that any time of year.

      I included that last billboard because it makes me giggle, if all religious billboards were like that, I’d probably like religions more.

  2. 3

    I actually recently heard a conservative radio host (someone filling in for Boston’s Howie Carr) say that atheists were being hateful and just trying to ruin Christmas for everyone because of that myth billboard. It’s absolutely amazing. It’s like so many people just don’t want to listen to what these messages are actually saying. “Oh, I’m superficially offended so I must also be deeply offended. And even if I am legitimately deeply offended, I clearly have a right not to be.”

  3. 4

    From my personal experience, Christmas never, ever, seemed to be a religious holiday. It’s a tradition in my family and most others that I know, but religion hasn’t played a part except for when people tell me about its origins. I like fun traditions, so I like Christmas.

    1. 5.1

      Indeed. Bill O’Reilly is a total moron. He and Glenn Beck are the Marilyn Mansons of conservative politics. Shock-talk.

      I feel like one of these days, they’re going to admit that the creator of Fox News is actually Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert. Then we’ll all have a big laugh.

  4. Cat

    You know, I’m not Christian, but I love Christmas. We always celebrated secular Christmas at our house, mostly because my mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. It kind of irritates me when people get on their high horses and dismiss this sort of Christmas because it has nothing to do with Jesus. The original intention of the holiday at this time was to be accepting of all people. Even the people who would rather believe in Santa Claus than Jesus.

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