Rando Farming

As the description of my Patreon benefits reveals, one of my pastimes is diving into the filtered folders of my Facebook and Instagram messenger accounts and engaging with the …entities…I find within. I do so while taking on comedic personas ranging from “vampiric last queen of Hungary” to “demon cultist seeking sacrifices” to “someone who collects and tans the hides of infidels.” Once each month, I perform a dramatic reading of one of these chat logs and post it on Patreon as a benefit for my patrons. I’ve been doing this for a long time and the results have been both very funny and decidedly edifying. Let’s begin.

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Rando Farming
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We Brought You a Sub – Flash Fiction

The server arrived at my table holding the leash of a young woman otherwise clad only in lingerie and leather straps. The young woman knelt next to my chair and looked up at me with eyes of pure devotion. Above her, the server held out the leash for me to take. With a frazzled sigh, she exhaled, “Sorry, we were out of cheesesteak, so we brought you a sub.”

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We Brought You a Sub – Flash Fiction

Some Crab Memes to Brighten Your Day

Some days, the inspiration does not come. Some days, none of the things you have been thinking about feel worthy of becoming essays, whether because they seem too obvious, have been written too many times already, are too incomplete to distribute safely, or cross the threshold from shareable musing to private contemplation. After spending a large chunk of today banging my head against that particular brick wall, I have accepted defeat.

So here are some funny captions on pictures of crabs.

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Some Crab Memes to Brighten Your Day

A Series of Silly Shipping Vignettes, Because I Am Not Going To Watch Debates This Year

The garbage fire of 2020 demands a little levity, and I am here to provide. So, here are some silly vignettes about unlikely relationships. You are welcome.

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A Series of Silly Shipping Vignettes, Because I Am Not Going To Watch Debates This Year