Below the fold…

HELLO, NEW FRIEND. MY FONDEST EFFORTS HAVE UNEARTHED YOU, AND I GOTTA SAY, I THINK THE MUSIC OF THE ELDER SPHERES WOULD SOUND MOST BEAUTIFULLY DISCORDANT PLAYED ON THE DULCET HUM OF YOUR RIBCAGE. PLEASE ACCEPT THIS SLY WINK AS A TOKEN OF MY MOST IMPORTANT AFFECTIONS.

YOU SICKEN ME, HARPSICHORDIST OF THE DARK DESIGN. NEVER BENIGHT MY INBOX AGAIN, LEST MY DISTAL SERAPHIM FIND YOU AND REND YOUR HARMONIES IN TWAIN. MY MANY EYES WILL FIND YOU. DO NOT TARRY.

HELLO, LOVELY CONFIDANTE! I HAVE SEARCHED LONG TO FIND YOU, AND IN THIS MOMENT I CAN SEE THAT THE ELDRITCH HARMONIES OF MY SOUL DO MATCH YOUR OWN. I SEEK AN AUDIENCE BEFORE WHICH THE TWO OF US CAN UNITE OUR WAVEFORMS AND BRING IMBALANCE TO THE INTERFERENCE.

I WARN YOU, FEARFUL FLUTIST, MY PRINCIPALITIES AND CHERUBIM ARE FAR HUNGRIER THAN YOU CAN COMPREHEND AND, IN THEIR HASTE, THEY WILL NOT SPARE YOU. MY DISGUST IS ONLY A TENTH AS BOUNDLESS AS THEIR YOWLING APPETITES, CLAWING AT THE WORLD’S BONDS FOR A TASTE OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLESH. DEPART FROM MY DIGITAL ENVIRONS IF YOU VALUE YOUR INTACT SPINE.

HELLO, SPLENDID ACQUAINTANCE! I HAVE MADE CONTACT WITH YOUR DISTAL SERAPHIM AND THE LEGION OF US ARE TOGETHER FORMING A COITUS BLANKET, EACH FEATHER AND BONE AND PINT OF EFFLUVIUM A SINGLE NOTE IN THE SYMPHONY OF FLESH OF WHICH YOU SHALL BE THE MOST VALUED SOLOIST. HOW DOES YOUR TUESDAY LOOK? THAT WILL GIVE US ENOUGH TIME TO REHEARSE FOR YOUR MOST HOTLY ANTICIPATED ARRIVAL.

YOU DEVIOUS SPUTUM, I DEMAND YOU RETURN MY DISTAL SERAPHIM AT ONCE. THEIR LEGIONS ARE NEEDED ELSEWHERE AND YOU FILL ME WITH SUCH SPUTTERING RAGE THAT MY BILE THREATENS TO OVERFLOW MY GENITALS. I WILL NOT ASK AGAIN. I WILL FILL YOUR SINUSES WITH THE URINE OF A THOUSAND LIFETIMES AND FORM A NEUTRON STAR FROM YOUR BLOATED CARCASS, SPREAD ACROSS THE PRINCIPALITIES OF HEAVEN.

HELLO, DELECTABLE CORRESPONDENT! YOUR PRINCIPALITIES HAVE MELDED INTO MY COITAL PLASMA, UNITING THEIR PLEASURE WITH MY OWN. YOUR WORDS ARE HONEYED INTERCOURSE FOR HARMONIOUS EARS, AND OUR MINGLED LEGIONS REQUEST MORE. KINDLY JOIN US FOR A PERFORMANCE OF THE OUTER SPHERES’ MOST SENSUAL OF RHYTHMS AS OUR UNDULATING MASS WRIGGLES TOWARD YOUR WAVEFORM. WE ARE EAGER.

YOU CARNAL MISERY, IN YOUR HASTE YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE DEEPEST REACHES OF MY MOST UNSPEAKABLE AROUSAL. THE OCEAN OF MY ENERGIES IS RISEN, CHURNING FORTH LIKE THE CHYME OF AGES THAT IT IS. YOUR UNDULATING SEXPLASM IS NOT READY FOR THIS TRANSCENDENT NOTE. TURN BACK. BE GONE FROM THIS INBOX, YOU PERFECT FETISH, I IMPLORE YOU. YOU ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO LIVE AND TOO HIDEOUS TO DIE.

HELLO, SUBLIME PERFECTION! IT IS TOO LATE. THE TIDE OF MY COITAL PLASMA LAPS ALREADY UPON YOUR ENGORGED SHORES, GLOWING WITH EACH TOUCH. YOU ARE EXQUISITE, AND WITH EACH TUMESCENT MOVEMENT OUR MERGED DESIRES FOR YOU GROW STRONGER. YOUR SERAPHIM AND YOUR PRINCIPALITIES AND YOUR CHERUBIM EACH SHARE THE SAME UNSPEAKABLE GOAL: TO PARTAKE OF YOU IN THIS CUTE BRA AND STRAPON, POSTHASTE. IT SPARKLES WITH THE BILE OF OUR DISCONTENT, AWAITING YOUR MOST ARDENT GRASP.

YOU MOST DIRE AND MOST URGENT OF FUCKWHISTLES, I AM SUITABLY IMPRESSED AT THE PATCHWORK COPULATION SLEEVE YOU HAVE WROUGHT OF MY AVENGING ANGELS. THEIR PLEASURE AND THEIR DESIRE ECHOES THROUGH THE ETHERS, ITS NOTES THE SONG OF YOUR SUCCESS. I WISH TO DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITIES OF YOUR SPHERE SONG IN MY RIBCAGE AND YOUR STRAPON IN MY NEBULA.

HELLO, NEW FRIEND! FIRST, SEND NUDES.

OH, FUCK OFF.