Lovecraft Letters: To Build a Better Boat

Below the fold…

A screenshot of a Tinder message. The user's photo is of a T-shirt showing one male and two female icons, with an arrow pointing to one of the women labeled "this could be you."
Message from username FG77TheCat: “Is it wrong to want to motorboat a stranger
I hope not
#hotandbothered!”

I HAVE LIVED A MARITIME LIFE, BUT IT IS A LIFE OF FLESH AND BONE ALL THE SAME. NO ORDINARY BOAT WILL FERRY ME ACROSS THE BLUE VASTNESS, NO MERE SCHOONER OR BARQUE CAN HOPE TO ROCK ME TO FLOATING SLEEP. I REQUIRE THE TRUE CLOSENESS OF A FRIEND’S WARM OCEANIC EMBRACE. BUT PERHAPS IT IS TIME TO SAIL TO A NEW HORIZON.

I HAVE MOTORBOATED ALL OF MY FRIENDS. THEIR RIBS MAKE EXCELLENT HULLS, STRETCHED TAUT WITH THEIR RUBBERIZED SKIN. WITH THEIR SPINAL VIBRATIONS I PROPEL ACROSS THE WAVES, THE STEADY FLESH-SLAPPING TRILL OF THEIR PROPELLERS REMINDING ME OF TEXTURES PAST. THE FAMILIAR WARMTH OF THEIR FLUIDS KEEPS THE CABIN SAFE ON COLD OCEAN NIGHTS. WITH ITS EVERY PULSE, I KNOW THAT MY FRIENDS ARE NEAR, SURROUNDING ME WITH THEIR WALLS OF RESHAPED BONE AND REPURPOSED SKIN. THE FLOOR PULSES WITH THEIR FLUIDS, EACH THUD AND RUSH PAIRED WITH MY OWN, LULLING ME TO SLEEP. THE SEA HUGS THE BOAT, AND THE BOAT HUGS ME.

THIS FAMILIARITY IS COMFORTING, SECURE, AND CONTENT, BUT IT IS NOT EXCITING. I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO EXPLORE SOMETHING NEW.

IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO WISH TO MOTORBOAT A STRANGER?

I CAN PROMISE, IN YOUR NEW MARITIME LIFE, THAT THE SENSATION OF THE SEVEN SEAS LAPPING AGAINST YOUR SKIN-HULL IS BEYOND COMPARE. AND THAT SENSATION WILL BE YOURS, FOREVER, ONCE I WARP AND WRENCH YOUR BONES INTO THE BARQUE THEY ALWAYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN AND EXTEND YOUR DELICIOUS, ROSE-SCENTED SKIN ACROSS THAT BEAUTIFUL FRAME. THAT SENSATION WILL BE YOURS, FOREVER, FOR OUR LIFE ON THE SEA NEVER ENDS. WE SAIL UNTIL THE END OF THE WAVES AND THE SILENCE OF THE FOAM, YOUR PULSING WARMTH A REMINDER OF THE MORTALITY THAT AWAITS OTHERS, BUT NOT US.

THE THOUGHT OF SLEEPING OVER THE ADRIATIC IN A CABIN MADE OF YOU GETS ME HOT AND BOTHERED. YOU WILL NOT REGRET BEING MOTORBOATED BY SO EXPERT A BOATSWAIN AS MYSELF. DOES IT ALSO BRING WARMTH TO YOUR INNARDS? I MUST KNOW SO AS TO MOST APPROPRIATELY CALIBRATE THE TANNING RESINS.

MESSAGE ME BACK WITH THE BEST TIME AND PLACE FOR YOUR MOTORBOATING, AND BRING PLENTY OF LUBRICATION SO THAT YOUR VARIOUS PARTS STAY SUPPLE. A FISH ATE MY LAST BOTTLE. DO NOT ASK.

{advertisement}
Lovecraft Letters: To Build a Better Boat

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *