Lovecraft Letters – Sea’s Sexy Appendix

Below the fold…

Message from clueless man to unimpressed woman.
“Are you a good cuddler? I might let you join my gang 🙂 Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out. No? :(“
“You’re a little young for me ;)”
“:( Would you compromise? Like Shor time dating?”

 

THE ESTUARY OF YOUR BEST YOU VERY CALLS ME, MARY. I HAVE ASSEMBLED A GANG OF SPIDER CRABS AND CRAB SPIDERS TO CAST ASPERSIONS ON YOUR EDDIES AND THEY FAILED SO THOROUGHLY THAT ALL THEY COULD DO WAS CUDDLE AND SHAKE UNTIL THE COLD SWEAT PUT THEM IN TORPOR. YOUR SALINE SPLENDOR SETS ME SAILING TOWARD A NEW GANG, WHOSE MEMBER SHIP NOW PLIES TOWARD YOUR BOUNTEOUS SHORES.

THE FRIGID DEPTHS BENEATH MY KEEL AND HULL SET MY HEART AFLUTTER, AS DOES THE FLOCK OF APPENDICES CURRENTLY FLITTING AND PERCHING THROUGHOUT THE HOLLOW HARBOR OF MY COELOM. YOU AND MY APPENDICES HAVE MUCH TO DISCUSS, FOR I UNDERSTAND THE WORKINGS OF NEITHER OF YOU AND WOULD HAPPILY LAY MY OCEANIC SEXINGS UPON EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IF YOU WOULD ONLY CUDDLE UP TO MY SEX HARBOR. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD CUDDLER, SO I HOPE YOU’LL AT LEAST TALK TO APPENDIX DAVE. DAVE HASN’T BEEN THE SAME SINCE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH MY TESTES ENDED IN FLAMING SHIPWRECK. APPENDIX DAVE COULD USE A GOOD CUDDLE WHILE MY TESTES REGROW THEIR SKIN.

UPON YOUR FRAGRANT COAST I SHALL LAY MY YOUTHFUL BERTH. IN BRIEFEST OF SHORE LEAVES, WE CAN MAKE SLOSHY COMMUNION AND VERIFY YOUR GANG POTENTIAL, AND YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE POWER AND THE GLORY OF MY SEAWARD THRUST. FROM THE BRIDGE OF THIS FLESHBOAT I SHALL DIRECT AN ARMADA OF CUDDLING, A CHAIN OF MARITIME COMMAND REACHING INTO YOUR EVERY DOCK AND PORT. MY APPENDICES WILL TAKE YOU OUT FOR SEAFOOD.

BUT IF MY YOUTH DISPLEASE THEE, GANG CUDDLER OF THE MOST SULTRY RIVERFRONT AND CLAPPER OF MY CRABS, KNOW THAT I CAN FIND MY SEASIDE JOLLIES AND THERAPISTS FOR APPENDIX DAVE ELSEWHERE. FOR IN MY BRINY HEART AND IN THE VIBRATIONS OF MY COELOMIC SWARM, I KNOW…

…THAT I CAN ALWAYS FUCK THE SEA.

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Lovecraft Letters – Sea’s Sexy Appendix
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