Lovecraft Letters: One Rooster to Rule Them All

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Username spacetripper343: "Hi so you hate all men and would rather castrate them? Or you miss some penis? ;)"
Username spacetripper343: “Hi so you hate all men and would rather castrate them? Or you miss some penis? ;)”

HAVE I AT LAST REACHED THE PROFILE OF THE GREAT CASTRATATRIX? LONG AND HARD AND GIRTHY HAVE I SEARCHED, PROBING AND PRODDING WITH BROBDINGNAGIAN EAGERNESS TO FIND THE ONE WHO WOULD BRING BALANCE TO THE COCKS. IT IS A RISING, TUMESCENT HONOR TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MISSED SOME PENIS. SOME OF THE WRIGGLY THINGS HAVE ELUDED YOUR CASTRATORY ZEAL AND EVEN NOW LURK IN THE DANKEST, RANKEST REACHES OF THE UNDERBELLY. THE SICKLY FOETOR OF THEIR VICTORY SHALL WAFT ACROSS THE LANDS, UNLESS YOU LET ME BRING THEM TO YOU.

ONLY I CAN HELP YOU WRING FREE ALL OF THEIR TURGID HOMUNCULI AND COMPRESS THEIR FLOPPY LIMBS INTO THE UR-COCK, WHOSE CLAWED CHICKEN FEET AND INFLAMED WATTLES SHALL CAST FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF ALL GENITALIA. IF EVEN ONE FLACCID WIENER SHOULD EVADE YOUR CASTRATION ELATION, THE UR-COCK’S POWER WILL BE WASTED. SO YOU SEE, YOU NEED ME. YOU NEED A BIG STRONG MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO HELP YOU HUNT THE TALLYWHACKERS IN THEIR OWN LAIR, WHERE THEIR POWERS ARE STRONGEST AND THEIR SENSES MOST ATTUNED. ISN’T THAT RIGHT, SWEETUMS?

YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHY SUCH A VIRILE AND ENDOWED GENTLEMAN AS I WOULD WANT TO HELP YOU COMPLETE THE UR-COCK AND LAY YOUR CASTRATIONAL WRATH UPON THIS RANCID WORLD. ONCE UPON A TIME, I WAS A GOODLY SPACE TRIPPER, OF POWERFUL THIGHS AND STONE-CRACKING JAW, BUT…I WAS WAYLAID. THE SPACE FEMINISTS STOLE MY ICE CREAM. THEY STOLE IT FROM ME AND WITH IT MY EROGENOUS POWERS, DOOMING ME TO A HALF-LIFE OF SMOOTH-MOUNDED WANKERY. PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS, THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS, BUT I KNOW IN MY MANLY, TUMESCENT HEART THAT I HAVE BEEN ROBBED. BY SPACE FEMINISTS. WHO STOLE MY DICK CREAM.

MY VENGEANCE SHALL BE COMPLETE. WHEN YOUR UR-COCK STRIDES ROOSTILY UPON THIS LAND AND CLUCKS HIS FIRST TURGID CLUCK, I SHALL KNOW THAT ALL OF THE TALLIES HAVE BEEN WHACKED AND PEES HAVE BEEN NIXED. I SHALL KNOW THAT WHAT THE SPACE FEMINISTS STOLE FROM ME ON MY SPACE TRIP IS NO LONGER THEIRS, FOR IT BELONGS TO THE UR-COCK, THE FLESH GOLEM OF OUR PENILE ASPIRATIONS AND SAUCISSON FEARS, THE ONE COCK TO RULE THEM ALL AND IN THE SOCK DRAWER BIND THEM.

THE 343 VIBRATIONS OF MY DESIRE MOUND ARE ALL AIMED AT YOU, GREAT CASTRATATRIX. DO CONSIDER WHETHER THIS DICK CAN BE THE WRIGGLEWIDGET OF THINE EYE.

I WANNA PUT MY DICK IN YOUR EYE BEFORE YOU MELD IT INTO THE UR-COCK, IS WHAT I’M SAYING.

MESSAGE BACK PLEASE?

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Lovecraft Letters: One Rooster to Rule Them All
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