Lovecraft Letters: Fruit Made Meme

Below the fold…

 

A bearded white man holding a bunch of bananas to his face in the manner of a telephone.
“Ethan, 25
We probably don’t have any common interests on here because I use my Facebook to like hundreds of shitty meme pages. Trick me with fake pictures you found online. Invite me to your house and fucking kill me.”

HELLO. I AM NOT SURE HOW LONG I HAVE. I HAVE USED FACEBOOK TO LIKE HUNDREDS OF SHITTY MEME PAGES IN HOPES OF ELUDING MY PURSUERS. THEIR CONFUSION AT PEPE AND THE DANCING BABY SHOULD GIVE ME AN OPENING, BUT IT WILL NOT LAST. EVENTUALLY, THEY WILL LEARN WHAT THEY NEED TO OF DOGE AND HECK TO FOLLOW MY TRAIL.

I REQUIRE FAKE PICTURES YOU FOUND ONLINE. ONLY SUCH FAKES AS YOU CAN PRODUCE CAN BE MEMEABLE ENOUGH TO KEEP THE THREE-DOT ALLIANCE CONFUSED AND BUSY FOR THE TIME I NEED. YOUR ASSISTANCE WILL ALLOW ME TO ESCAPE THEIR GRASP AND LIVE, AT LONG LAST, FREE OF THE THREE-DOT CYCLE AND THEIR IRON HOLD ON TIME ITSELF. WHAT YOU SAY.

YOU SHALL HELP ME ECLIPSE THE ELLIPSES.

YOUR FAKE PICTURES SHALL SAVE ME FROM THE MARCH OF ETERNITY, MY UNCOMMONLY INTERESTED CONFIDANTE. THE THREE-DOT ALLIANCE WISHES TO TRAP ME IN ITS CONTINUAL PAUSE, AND YOUR PHOTOGRAPHIC DECEPTIONS SHALL BE MY FINEST TOOL. PLEASE HELP ME. I AM STALKED BY THE FREEZING ABYSS OF THE MID-SENTENCE SILENCE, TO LABOR FOREVER FOR THOUGHTS THAT NEVER END. I CANNOT FALL TO THE THREE-DOT ALLIANCE. I MUST KNOW THE END. THERE ARE TOO MANY SMOLS AND TOO MANY FEELS FOR MY THOUGHTS TO BE ELLIPSED.

YOU MUST HELP ME. I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN CONTACT ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE MY PHONE IS A BUNCH OF BANANAS AND IT HAS VERY POOR RECEPTION. I BLAME WILLIAM CAVENDISH, SIXTH DUKE OF DEVONSHIRE. HIS INADEQUATE MEMES HAVE DOOMED OTHER TARGETS OF THE THREE-DOT ALLINCE AND NOW THEY MAY DOOM ME TO TOO FEW BARS AND TOO MANY DOTS. I AM AT THE MERCY OF YOUR FAKE PICTURES, WHICH I HOPE ARE PRETTY. HECK.

THEN MAYBE, ONCE I HAVE ELUDED THE THREE-DOT PERPETUUM, I CAN VISIT YOU AT HOME AND WE CAN PUT ON SOME DIARY OF A SAD CAT AND RUB OUR BITS TOGETHER UNTILI PASS OUT. THIS SEEMS LIKE AN APPROPRIATE RECOMPENSE FOR KEEPING ME MOORED IN TIME’S BOUNTIFUL FLOW AND ALSO FOR FAKE PICTURES. I DO BELIEVE THAT DOGE AND CEILING CAT ALIKE REGARD YOU LAYING YOUR KIBBLES ON MY BITS AS “SUCH APPROPRIATE” AND “TRUE BUCKAROO.” I WILL EVEN BRING SOME ICE CREAM FOR THAT EPIC BURN.

OR YOU COULD INVITE ME TO YOUR HOUSE AND FUCKING KILL ME. THAT’S COOL, TOO. I MEAN, THIS IS THE INTERNET AND I’M TALKING INTO A BANANA TO ASK YOU FOR FAKE PICTURES TO HELP ME EVADE A PUNCTUATION MARK. I HAVE TO EXPECT THAT FOR EVERY GOOD GUY GREG YOU MIGHT BE, THERE IS ALSO A SCUMBAG STEVE WAITING TO MAKE NETFLIX AND CHILL INTO NETFLIX AND COOLER FULL OF ORGANS. AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT SECRETLY THE THREE-DOT ALLIANCE HECKING WITH ME, I DO NOT CARE.

I AM BEYOND CARING. THE THREE-DOT ALLIANCE HAS CHASED ME PAST CARING, INTO THE DISTANT LAND OF MEME NIHILISM, AND ONLYOUR FAKE PICTURES CAN GIVE ME FEELS AGAIN.

MY NAME IS ETHAN, AND I AM DONE.

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Lovecraft Letters: Fruit Made Meme
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