Autistic Job Searching: A Play in One Scene


Autistic Person: I’m here for the job doing THING.

HR: Ah, good, good. How much experience do you have doing THING?

Autistic Person: Experience?

HR: Yeah, like, how many years were you paid to do THING?

Autistic Person: Paid? No. I’m not paid to do THING. I’m just really, really farking good at doing THING because I’m obsessed with it.

HR: Ah. But you don’t have work experience doing THING?

Autistic Person: I do THING at home. No one pays me. I’m really farking good at THING. I teach other people THING in my spare time. I’ve done THING as a hobby since I learned to talk. I’ll THING in front of you right now.

HR: Right, but you don’t have a job involving THING listed as work experience.

Autistic Person: It’s this line under “Skills.”

HR: It sure is, but you don’t have work experience at a job involving THING. Did you at least do an unpaid internship you couldn’t possibly have been able to afford, given that it’s, you know, unpaid?

Autistic Person. I’m my household’s designate THINGER. When my friend and family need THING, they come to me. I THING better than some of the professionals they have consulted. I maintain a blog about the finer points of doing THING. It’s I. Am. Here. For. The. Job. Doing. THING.

HR: Right, well, we’re looking for 4,529,870,438,267,240,389,465,093 years of work experience doing THING, not someone who is actually good at THING, so you’d best be on your way.

Autistic Person: Well THING you too.

Autistic Job Searching: A Play in One Scene