Mock the Movie: What Book? Edition

This month, we’re watching a Zelazny movie! Well, we’re watching a movie based on a Roger Zelazny book. Okay, we’re watching a movie with the same title as a Roger Zelazny book. All right, fine. We’re watching Damnation Alley because it’s late-70s George Peppard and Jan-Michael Vincent and Paul Winfield for however long his character survives.

This one is available on YouTube. The actual movie starts at 2:08. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: What Book? Edition”

Mock the Movie: What Book? Edition
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Mock the Movie: Like a Classic Edition

As it turns out, a movie doesn’t have to be good to be treated like a classic. It can be “not as awful as I expected” or “long-awaited” or simply “not the worst video game movie out there”. That’s right. We’re watching Doom this month, because at the least the leads are entertaining.

This one is available on Netflix. Be warned that the first-person CGI sequence toward the end of the film has been known to cause motion sickness in those who are susceptible. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Like a Classic Edition”

Mock the Movie: Like a Classic Edition

Mock the Movie: New Wave Edition

What’s better than a movie full of Eighties hair and music? A plot, decent acting, and good fight choreography, you say? Pish-tosh! You act like you’re looking for quality movies. Arena is not a quality movie.

This one is available on YouTube. Watch with us tonight. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: New Wave Edition”

Mock the Movie: New Wave Edition

Mock the Movie: Bad Brains Edition

You could watch a movie where questions about consciousness and death are used to make us think about what it means to be human or to question the nature of existence itself. Or you could watch The Lazarus Effect and pretend that we know less about the brain than we do in order to scare people. For some reason, we’ve decided to do the latter.

[Warning: Strobe in the trailer.]

This one is available on Netflix. Watch with us this Tuesday. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Bad Brains Edition”

Mock the Movie: Bad Brains Edition

Mock the Movie: Where It All Began Edition

Once upon a time, in the beforetimes, when The Asylum made movies that weren’t supposed to be so bad they were funny, when they operated as Faith Films and made cheap Christian ripoffs of blockbusters, Jason and I sat down to watch a bad movie in Nova Scotia. He tweeted both our reactions to the movie. People wanted to know what we were watching that was so terrible. They wanted to be part of the awful, and Mock the Movie was born.

This month, we’re going to watch a very bad YouTube video of this very bad movie to revisit our roots. Won’t you join us in watching 2012 Doomsday? You’ll hate it. We promise.

This one is available on YouTube. Please note that we’re changing the date of Mock the Movie to accommodate our schedules. We’ll be watching on first Tuesdays after this month. We weren’t quick enough to grab the first Tuesday this month, so we’re mocking this Tuesday instead. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Where It All Began Edition”

Mock the Movie: Where It All Began Edition

Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition

“How much can we cover?”

“In two hours? Not much.”

“What kind of cool effects can we have?”

“With live action instead of anime? Hmm. How do you feel about particles?”

“Oh. Why are we doing this again?”

We’re doing it because Jason has a birthday in April and wants to watch Fullmetal Alchemist. He just doesn’t want to watch it without mocking it. So we will.

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition”

Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition

Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition

What would it take for you to embrace Christianity? Would you do it for blandly pleasant looks, poor acting, and over-the-top judgment from the people around you? Of course you would, just like the heroine of Christian Mingle.

Wait. What?

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition”

Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition

Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition

Finally! At last! This month we shall return to the great continuity that is the Dungeons & Dragons movies with The Book of Vile Darkness. [gratuitous sound effects] I know it’s been a long time, but hopefully we can all remember what happened in the first two thrilling installments so as not to dull our enjo—

What?

Nothing to do with each other?

Oh, all right then.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition”

Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition

Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition

You know how, if you were raised on fantasy but not Tolkien and you come to read it as an adult, it’s a collection of all the oldest, most tired, embarrassingly racist and sexist tropes you could imagine? Yeah, well, Tolkien was at least literally a product of his times. He built something strong enough that people have spent most of the last century making it better.

Bright doesn’t have that excuse. Urban fantasy has been its own genre for 30 years. It’s been dealing with racism as a theme all that time, reacting to Tolkien and others in dialogue with him the entire time, learning (sometimes) from its own mistakes. This movie came out in 2017, with the shiny, fresh take of “Wait. No, no, get this. What if there were racism—actual racism, because it oppresses a real race? Huh? Huh?!”

At least it leaves a full field of mistakes to made and mocked?

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition”

Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition

Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition

There’s nothing like Christmas with the family to bring you peace, clarity, and a firm resolution to stop ripping everyone off. Or at least that’s what the makers of Christmas Caper would like us to believe. The real problem in Shannen Doherty’s (fictional) life is that she hasn’t spent enough time being forced to take care of kids, because those little buggers will reform anyone.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition”

Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition