Comments on: Do You Know How Scary This Is?

By: Rape Goggles » Almost Diamonds

Rape Goggles » Almost Diamonds — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 22:24:21 +0000

[…] this month, I wrote about being very cautious about alcohol after being sexually assaulted by someone who had used alcohol to incapacitate me. I’ve […]

By: Nils Pihl

Nils Pihl — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 23:01:40 +0000

I am arguing in good faith, but let’s not dump the argument on Stephanie. You know where to find me. 🙂

By: Giliell, professional cynic

Giliell, professional cynic — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 22:18:57 +0000

Nils
What?
I have the impression that you don’t understand what that actually means.
To spell it out: If everything was according to your tale he should not have been convicted.
I haven’t actually mentioned alcohol, or being sober, that’s you putting words into my mouth again.
I have talked about making sure that your partner actually really is into this as much as you are. Partner. Gender neutral. I start to suspect that you’re actually not arguing in good faith.
If you’re unable to understand that a moral argument s different from a legal one that’s your problem.

By: Nils Pihl

Nils Pihl — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:44:45 +0000

Still sounds like victim blaming, Giliell. “Maybe he wouldn’t be in prison if he was sober enough to appreciate the nuances of her enthusiastic “I am taking you back to my place now to fuck you””.

By: Giliell, professional cynic

Giliell, professional cynic — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 20:27:36 +0000

The guy should not have been sent to Chinese prison because her parents are Christian.

Who said he should? Stop reading stuff into what people write and read what they actually write. Probably not even actual criminals should be sent to Chinese prisons.
The argument is a moral one, one about being careful and caring.
Why on earth would you want to fuck somebody who will think of it as “the worst thing I ever did”?
You know, enthusiastic consent, making sure your partner is actually as much into this as you are and not causing accidential damage.

By: Didaktylos

Didaktylos — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 14:57:00 +0000

To use a nautical metaphor: if your boat capsizes because the wind changes, you shouldn’t have been sailing so close to the wind.

By: Nils Pihl

Nils Pihl — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 14:54:05 +0000

Giliell, I reject the notion that he is responsible for her parents’ possible reaction. She is a grown woman, and if she wants to have consensual sex she should take the possible consequences that might have with her parents.

The guy should not have been sent to Chinese prison because her parents are Christian. It doesn’t matter how important or not that fuck was. It doesn’t matter if a better strategy would be to not have sex with her – at some point you have to give women agency and responsibility and not universally dress in the role of victims.

Both parties in the anecdote I shared with you were potentially subjected to sexual assault by the legal definition in my own country (can’t speak for Chinese law). Only one of them is in jail.

I think your quote reeks of internalized misogyny.

By: Giliell, professional cynic

Giliell, professional cynic — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 12:08:49 +0000

Nils If I may quote myself:

*AFAIK that is a (very small) danger if the woman would face some very serious consequences if she were found to have had consensual sex. Protip: If having sex with her brings her into great danger, don’t do it. That fuck isn’t that important.

By: WMDKitty (Always growing and learning)

WMDKitty (Always growing and learning) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 09:20:19 +0000

One or two will even tell you they’re scared. “She could just say she was drunk, and then I’d be facing rape charges. Do you know how scary that is?”

Not nearly as scary as what women go through every damn day at the hands of men.

By: Nils Pihl

Nils Pihl — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 21:36:56 +0000

Also, my above anecdote would obviously never happen in America that has a more function justice system. This guy in China was in jail within hours of the accusation. It didn’t help that he had Japanese blood…