victim blaming

There is no "perfect rape victim"

Tony Thompson, , 2 Comments

CONTENT NOTE: SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

Ah, victim blaming. One of the most ubiquitous manifestations of Rape Culture. Whether its blaming rape victims for their sexual assault due to their clothing, level of sobriety, flirtatiousness, or the company they keep, victim blaming can take on many forms. It is horrible because rape occurs regardless of how much or how little clothing a victim wears, their level of sobriety, how much they flirt, or who they choose to associate with. This is because the only person who can decide whether or not a rape will happen is a rapist. Victims have no control over the actions of a rapist. On its own, blaming a rape victim for their assault is horrible enough because it shifts the blame for the sexual assault from the rapist to the victim. Some rape victims have to endure victim blaming on top of another level of social humiliation: slut-shaming.

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There is no "perfect rape victim"
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There is no “perfect rape victim”

Tony Thompson, , 2 Comments

CONTENT NOTE: SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

Ah, victim blaming. One of the most ubiquitous manifestations of Rape Culture. Whether its blaming rape victims for their sexual assault due to their clothing, level of sobriety, flirtatiousness, or the company they keep, victim blaming can take on many forms. It is horrible because rape occurs regardless of how much or how little clothing a victim wears, their level of sobriety, how much they flirt, or who they choose to associate with. This is because the only person who can decide whether or not a rape will happen is a rapist. Victims have no control over the actions of a rapist. On its own, blaming a rape victim for their assault is horrible enough because it shifts the blame for the sexual assault from the rapist to the victim. Some rape victims have to endure victim blaming on top of another level of social humiliation: slut-shaming.

Continue reading “There is no “perfect rape victim”” →

There is no “perfect rape victim”

When someone is raped, who is responsible?

Tony Thompson, , 4 Comments

Content Note: discussion of rape and sexual assault

If you’re a feminist or a socially progressive individual who has spent any time reading comment threads following articles on rape or sexual assault, you can predict with a high degree of certainty that any such article will have someone (several of them, in fact) who will comment about how a rape victim (usually-though not always-a girl or woman) should have dressed differently or drank less alcohol or not been in a bad part of town. Many times a commenter will try to soften such a remark with a disclaimer like “I’m not trying to blame the victim here, but…”. Other times, a true asshole will come along and skip the disclaimer and put all the responsibility of the rape on the woman, leaving the perpetrator (usually-though not always-a man) free of most, if not all, the blame…as if the woman somehow made the perpetrator have non-consensual sex with her. No, it doesn’t make sense, but then rape apologetics only seem to make sense to those who either deliberately or unintentionally misunderstand what constitutes rape. If you’re someone who doesn’t get it, let me help you-RAPE IS NON-CONSENSUAL SEX. That should clear up any difficulties in the future (and if you think consent is difficult, consider what you need from someone to make use of something that does not belong to you-permission).  For those who still don’t understand, well I don’t have much patience left for such fools, so here’s a chart that should be easy to understand for such individuals:

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When someone is raped, who is responsible?

Victim-blaming double standards

Tony Thompson, , , , 1 Comment

When victims of sexual assault or rape share the story of their trauma, there are several depressingly common responses.

What were you wearing?

Why were you out alone?

Did you lead your attacker on?

Why were you drinking if you didn’t want to be assaulted?

Why were you hanging out with “those people” (c.f. people who blame women for going to frat parties and being raped)?

Those responses all blame the victim. They place some, most, or all responsibility for the sexual assault or rape on the victim, as if they had some measure of control over what happened to them. They don’t. They never do, because they aren’t the one committing the sexual assault or rape. The only person with the power to prevent a rape or sexual assault is the perpetrator. By not committing the act, no rape or sexual assault will occur. People have been the victims of sexual assault or rape no matter how much or how little they wear, no matter how much or how little they drink, in the presence (or absence) of friends or family, and in a variety of social situations (ranging from work environments to frat parties).

African-Americans and their progressive allies have received similar victim blaming responses as they continue to protest against a racist criminal justice system.

Eric Garner shouldn’t have resisted arrest.

Michael Brown should have listened to Darren Wilson and gotten off the street (or as some like to argue, “he shouldn’t have shoplifted”)

Tamir Rice’s father and mother had violent pasts.

All of these responses attempt to shift the responsibility for the deaths of the victim onto their hands. Eric Garner would still be alive if Daniel Pantaleo hadn’t placed him in a chokehold. Michael Brown would still be alive if Darren Wilson hadn’t shot and killed him.  Tamir Rice would still be alive if Timothy Loehmann hadn’t begun firing at the 12-year-old seconds after exiting the police car. Some might say that these examples are different from victim blaming the survivors of sexual assault and rape. But here’s the thing: in both cases, the victim is treated as having some degree of responsibility for what happened to them. The victims of sexual assault and rape are held responsible for their victimization. The actions of People of Color (or their family members) who have lost their lives to law enforcement officials are used as justification for their extrajudicial executions (can someone honestly tell me they think the punishment for shoplifting-for the sake of argument, I’m conceding this point-should be death…that expressing your frustration at being racially profiled by the NYPD should be cause for death by chokehold…that the actions of a 12-year-old boy’s parents somehow justifies the execution of that child?)

An article at .Mic highlights a Tweet by Stephen Dacres that perfectly sums all the above up, with an additional piece of insight:

The message gets to the heart of things. It encapsulates many of the frustrations faced by minority groups: victim blaming, a lack of institutional accountability, power imbalances. It also speaks volumes about the empathy our society is willing to grant people when they fall into the category of “white male.” When people who don’t fit into that box are the focus — even if they’re the victims — they fall by the wayside.

Brown’s death isn’t the only example of this. In the past couple of weeks Akai Gurley, 28, was shot and killed by police while walking down a dark stairwell with his girlfriend. Tamir Rice, 12, was killed by a first-year police officer in Cleveland because he had an airsoft gun in his hands. And the Rolling Stone detailed Wednesday, among other things, the failure of a university to punish an alleged gang rape of one of its own.

Go back even further and similar instances pile up. Yet there are still those out there who believe white privilege doesn’t exist, or that black Americans are pulling the race card or that a woman who is raped somehow deserved it.

And yet when incidents like Sandy Hook and the Aurora, Colorado, movie theater shooting occur, the discussions tend to revolve around mental health: Why did this happen? How can we prevent it? How did we fail these people?

That’s not to say these questions don’t have a place; we can and must continue to work harder to prevent these situations before they happen. But when we’re not asking the same things when women and people of color are concerned — and instead try to find any way possible way to place the blame on them — that’s a problem.

If there’s anything to be taken from the event of the past few weeks, it’s this: Privilege is one hell of a drug.

The horrible lesson of the realities of white male privilege? When People of Color are the victims of police brutality, they did something wrong. The victims of sexual assault and rape acted in a manner that caused them to be victimized. Both groups receive blame, derision, contempt, or character assassination. From many people, they get no empathy or compassion.

But the white male who causes violence or commits sexual assault? He can be the victimizer, and still get compassion and empathy (for another example: the Steubenville rapists, got a lot of compassion and sympathy as if they were the victims, while the actual victim got a fuckton of victim blaming).

I wonder why white men are treated differently? (That’s a rhetorical question, btw)

Victim-blaming double standards

The creator of Dilbert is an oblivious d00d

Tony Thompson, 3 Comments

(Hat tip to Tauriq Moosa at The Indelible Stamp)

Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, shares his thoughts on the recent catcalling video that highlighted the problem of street harassment.  Spoiler: he’s an entitled, oblivious, privileged twit.

As regular readers know, I am a big fan of the feminist movement through history. A lot of brave people sacrificed and worked hard to move society toward greater equality. That was all good stuff. And the problem of sexism was so large a few decades ago that you really did need to approach it with a sledgehammer and not a scalpel.

But in 2014, sexism is not so much the “can’t vote” type of problem it once was. It’s more of the “Someone is making me uncomfortable” or “I think my gender played a role in a decision” or “I can’t tell if this is a business meeting or a date” sort of thing.

Right off the bat, we see how ignorant he is of the problem of sexism.  He thinks all the big stuff is out of the way and sexism is relatively minor. Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm. Right. Ok. Sure.  <—-All those links? First page of a Google search for “examples of sexism in the United States”. They weren’t hard to find.  I just had to take about 10 seconds to search and BAM!  Adams really ought to do the same thing.

So today we have pockets of sexism as opposed to universal sexism, at least in the United States. That is still bad, obviously, but the point is that in 2014 feminists need to use a scalpel instead of a sledgehammer. And to use a scalpel you need some feedback on how the cutting is going. I am here to help

“Pockets of sexism”?

WTF?! Google. Search. Not. Hard. Go. Now.

One of the huge obstacles to successful feminism today is that there is no useful feedback on how their message is doing with men. Men have been trained to keep their heads down when this topic comes up. And that is a great disservice to women who need to know whether they are being heard on this topic, and whether the message is effective.

The hell is this?! I don’t even…

If men have been trained to keep their heads down on the topic of feminism or sexism, then they have failed. Utterly. So bad that they don’t get just an ‘F’. They get a ‘F’-squared. Men most certainly do not keep their thoughts to themselves.  Every single article about sexism or feminism I’ve read online has men who chime in with their thoughts and a great many of those comments are from men demonstrating why feminism is still necessary.

My first reaction is that editing ten hours down to two minutes is so overtly manipulative of the viewer that I had a bad reaction to it. I understand why they had to edit; no one watches ten hour videos. But while the video clearly states it is edited, the human brain still processes it as if it is in real time. My emotional reaction to the video is a reaction to a woman being harassed every five seconds, and that is not what happened.

I don’t understand why this is a problem. The focus of the video was on how men harass women on the street. The video showed examples of this. You don’t need to see all 10 hours of the video to understand this. Does he think there’s some wider context that he needs to better understand the problem? Or does he think that some greater context will explain the actions of the men and make them acceptable? If so, he is quite mistaken. There’s no context that makes sexism acceptable.

My emotional reaction to the video was not dissimilar to Adams. While I didn’t literally think “a woman is being harassed every 5 seconds”, I did come away thinking “this is shit women deal with every day, everywhere”.  Adams didn’t get this message.

Here’s my actual reaction: “MOVE SOMEWHERE BETTER, YOU IDIOT!”

Here we see how blind he is to the extent of sexism. He thinks there is somewhere that women can move to that they wouldn’t have to deal with street harassment.

Apparently Mr. Adams did not get the memo that Wonder Woman’s birthplace is fictional.

In addition, he thinks that women can just up and move somewhere to avoid street harassment. He gives no thought to how difficult it is to just “up n move” somewhere. He gives no thought to trying to find a job or a home. He gives no thought to women who are in relationships that they don’t want to give up. He gives no thought to women who are married or have children who they would have to consider when trying to move. He seems to think women have the ability to just uproot themselves and go elsewhere (to a place that is magically free of street harassment). Then there’s the biggest problem with his proposed solution:  it shouldn’t be on the shoulders of women to move. They aren’t doing anything wrong. The men who are harassing women? They are the ones doing something wrong. They are the ones who need to stop. They are the ones who need to alter their behavior. But Adams doesn’t think so. At no point does he criticize the men. At no point does he ask men to quit being sexist shitspigots. He never criticizes men.  That’s glaring.

If you can’t see how problematic it is to tell victims of sexism to move, how about if the video documented racism? Would Adams then tell African-American or Hispanic-Americans that they should move to avoid being called racial slurs? What about LGBT people? We face a lot of street harassment too. Where can we move to that street harassment won’t be a problem for us?  Why should we move? Why can’t our harassers stops being assholes and amend their behavior? Why can’t they become better people?

Adams ends his “Feedback for Feminists” with further calls for the victims of street harassment to “Move! Move! Move!” showing that he really doesn’t understand how pervasive the problem is, that he doesn’t think men are doing anything wrong (or that they need to change their behavior), and that women are the ones who should change their lives to avoid being harassed (and he offers no place where they could go or any proof that their harassment would end).

My response to that bullshit?

Hey Scott Adams:

The creator of Dilbert is an oblivious d00d

LGBT link Roundup 10.3.14

Tony Thompson, ,

Missouri Circuit Court Judge rules that out of state same-sex marriages must be recognized by MO!

State Circuit Court Judge J. Dale Youngs this afternoon ruled that that out-of-state same-sex marriages must be recognized by the State of Missouri. The Judge points to the Fourteenth Amendment as the basis of his ruling.

“Under the Constitutions of the United States and State of Missouri, must defendants recognize out-of-state marriages between same-sex couples that are legal in the jurisdiction in which they were contracted — just as it recognizes all other similarly valid out-of-state marriages?” Judge Youngs’ 20-page opinion reads. “The answer is yes.”

Judge Youngs was appointed by Missouri Democratic Governor Jay Nixon in 2009.

(via The New Civil Rights Movement)

* * * *

Right wingers love to rail about the dangers of marriage equality.  Often, they use the poorly constructed emotional appeal to children:  they need a two parent, man and woman, household. Without it, the downfall of civilization, of humanity even, is assured.  This shits on single parents who manage to raise healthy, happy, productive children.  It also shits on those adults who choose to get married but don’t want to have children-which is their right.  Marriage equality is important for a variety of reasons, one of which is that there are over 1,000 benefits accorded to married couples. Many of those rights would be beneficial to the children in these households (click that link ↑ if you don’t believe me).  That raises an interesting question:  How many children are being raised in LGBT households in the US? A new study by the LGBT think-tank The Williams Institute has an answer to that (via Gay Star News):

Same-sex couples were raising an estimated 200,000 children under age 18, of whom 30,000 are being raised by married same-sex parents. LGBT individuals who are not part of a couple are raising between 1.2 and 2 million children – a wide variable due to the range in estimates of adults who identify as LGBT.

Some other interesting tidbits from the study:

  • Up to 9.5 million individuals in the US, over the age of 18, are LGBT. The figure varied from state to state, between 2.2% and 4% – leading to a figure between 5.2 million and 9.5 million nationwide.
  • An estimated 4 in 10 LGB adults (40%) reported either being married or in a cohabiting relationship with a partner compared to 6 in 10 non-LGB adults (60%). This figure was higher for lesbians (51%) compared to gay men (35%).
  • In 2013, there were an estimated 690,000 same-sex couples in the US, of whom approximately 124,000 were married. When analysis was restricted to the second half of 2013, after the Supreme Court’s ruling that brought federal recognition to married same-sex couples, that figure rose to 130,000 married same-sex couples.

* * * *

The world’s largest porn site, PornHub, has released the results of a study into the porn watching habits of men and women.  Apparently women are more likely to watch two men having sex than men were.

I am confuzzled.

Maybe there’s some percentage of men watching underwater basket weaving videos rather than porn on PornHub.

* * * *

Hospitalized 9 Days, Teen Charged With Assault After 4 Anti-Gay Students Beat Him

Early last month 14-year old Eric Martin (photo, above) was bullied and beaten by at least four Highland Springs High School classmates in Henrico, Virginia.

Now, police are charging Eric with two counts of assault because he supposedly threw the first punch. School officials refuse to allow him back into school until he signs a statement saying he threatened the school — a charge he denies, and a charge for which the school has no proof.

Eric was hospitalized for nine days because of the brutal beating. Early reportsstated “Eric’s arm is possibly broken. He is suffering from a concussion, and doctors have placed him on brain rest.” He was also reportedly “on suicide watch.”

“When I try to call the school, and I try to get answers they just blow me off,” Mary Martin, Eric’s mother, told WWBT. “They don’t want to talk to me.” She says Eric has been called “gay” and a “faggot.”

Eric’s family is understandably distraught at the moment:

Dad says this is taking a toll on his family.
“I haven’t had any sleep in two days. It’s just ridiculous to go this far,” said Mr. Martin. ‘It’s bullying. It’s going too far. It’s not stopping. They are not doing enough to make it stop.”
Eric’s twin brother, Earl, is afraid to go back school.
“After what happened to my brother,” said Earl. “And after what happened in the past to other people…no. I don’t feel safe there.”
Mom is almost at her breaking point.
“And to see my mom that way,” said Earl. “It just gets to me. I think about it all the time.”
Eric is 14-years-old, and Mom says he likes to draw.
“He has been called names,” said Martin. “He has been called gay. He has been called a f——.”
The Martin family is pleading for help as Eric remains on suicide watch.
“Bullying is real,” cried Martin. “And bullying can take your children away from here if you don’t pay close attention.”
“I’ve seen it on the news,” said Mr. Martin. “Nobody does anything about it. We are speaking out asking for help to stop this. It has got to stop somewhere.”
Martin says her son could be in the hospital for another two weeks.  Henrico Police confirm they are investigating.

Let me make this as clear as I fucking can:

You don’t punish a victim of bullying who chose to defend themselves.  You punish the bullies.  It is not the fault of the victim that the bullying occurred and punishing them sends that message. This is victim blaming.  

Oh, and one more thing:

FUCK ZERO TOLERANCE POLICIES!

LGBT link Roundup 10.3.14

Ottawa police offer useless, victim blaming "advice" for women to avoid rape

Tony Thompson

Two Ottawa women are recovering from some very terrifying moments after they were sexually assaulted in the city’s west end.

The Ottawa Police Sexual Assault and Child Abuse section is investigating after two separate sexual assaults were reported  Monday July 14, 2014.

The first assault happened around 2:30pm in the 2800 block of Dumaurier Avenue when a woman in her late 30’s was attacked.  Just hours later, around 7pm, another woman, also in her 30’s was attacked along a walking path near Richmond Road and Bayshore Drive.

Police say in both cases the female victims were walking when they were grabbed and sexually assaulted (source: ottawctvnews)

In response to these horrific crimes, the Ottawa police department offered advice to women:

  • Try not to walk alone at night but if you do, be alert and avoid dark or isolated areas.  Instead, walk out in the open, away from walls, doorways and pillars.
  • Whether you are walking or driving, determine the safest route before you leave.  Take the longest route if that is the safest.
  • Tell friends or family members where you’re going, and then let them know when you reach your destination.
  • Have your key ready as you approach your house or vehicle.
  • Don’t enter environments where you feel unsafe. Trust your instincts.
  • Know your physical capabilities and limitations.
  • Don’t carry offensive weapons such as knives. They may be used against you.

Ottawa Police say if you suspect you are being followed:

  • Cross the street or walk on the side of the road.
  • Go immediately to the nearest well-lit or populated area.
  • If others are within hearing distance, turn to the person following you and say in a loud and assertive voice: “Stop following me!”
  • Contact Police immediately—go to a house or a store and call the Police or flag down a taxi and ask the driver to call the Police for you.
  • If the person following you is driving a car, take out a pen and paper, look at the licence plate and write the number down, making sure that the driver sees you do this.

Ottawa Police say if you are attacked:

  • Try to remember the complexion, body build, height, weight, age, and type of clothing worn by the attacker. If possible, write down the information while it is still fresh in your memory.
  • If an attacker is after your purse or other valuables, don’t resist. If you have the opportunity, throw your purse away from you to the distance the attacker from you.

I’ll just get it out of the way:  the Ottawa police department may have had the best of intentions, but none of this shit helps.  Why?  Because rapists rape. They’re the ones with the power to NOT rape.  Women are not in control of being raped.  Women are already taught from a young age to watch their behavior, to be careful in public, and other ways of guarding themselves.  This advice is patronizing and tone deaf.  It’s also not informed by facts.

Women are often sexually assaulted  in familiar surroundings.   Telling a woman to be careful at night, or in unfamiliar areas is making an assumption that they’re more likely to be raped under those conditions.  Women are raped at home, at church, at the convenience store, at the mall, or at work.  There is no “safe” place from rape.

Women are raped in the morning, the afternoon, at night, at dusk, at dawn.  There is no time of day women are not raped.

Women are raped whether they wear a full body burqa, or a bikini.  They can show NO skin and get raped, or they can be completely nude and get raped.

Women get raped whether or not they carry a weapon.

Women get raped if they’re stone cold sober, have had a sip of wine, are buzzed, or are shit faced drunk. The level of sobriety has no bearing on whether or not a woman will be raped. Rapists often get women drunk to facilitate their rape bc they know society will look at the woman and blame her (we so often hear about the “I didn’t like the sex so I’m calling it rape” excuse by victim blaming assholes).

Women are raped by family members.  Friends. Lovers.  Spouses.  Exes.  Bosses.  Co-workers.  And yes, strangers.  There is no way to “avoid a rapist” bc theoretically anyone can be a rapist*.  There’s no way to know who is a rapist and who isn’t.  A woman cannot look at someone and determine if they’re going to rape them or not. 

Over at femifesto, the Ottawa police “advice” is searingly mocked:

How To Not Get Raped: The smart way

  1. Start Young: Learn self defence but know that you are physically limited and cannot defend yourself. Learn not to talk to strangers before you learn to talk. Learn not to walk alone before you learn to walk. Especially learn how to be accountable for your rapist’s actions.

  1. Trust Your Instincts: Avoid all environments where you feel unsafe and where sexual assaults commonly take place: walls, doorways, pillars, streets, sidewalks, corridors, elevators, lobbies, parking lots, cars, public transit, cabs, parks, bars, restaurants, apartments, houses, offices, universities, colleges, nursing homes and government institutions.

  1. Always Conform: Don’t embrace the power and pleasures of your own desires. Don’t dress to impress – yourself. Don’t find yourself gorgeous and alive and wanting to share that. Don’t wear flirty skirts or revealing dresses. On the other hand do not be tomboyish. Avoid any expression that does not conform to gender norms as some people may use rape as a way to “discipline” you.    

  1. Don’t Ask For It: Do not smile or be charming. Be pleasant and polite to everyone you meet — if you’re hostile, you may be asking for assault. Also, be sure you don’t lead on your attacker. Never invite anyone into your home, but never be alone. Don’t be coy. Don’t be brazen. Don’t confuse anyone — mixed messages can be dangerous.

  1. Protect Yourself: If you live alone, install extra locks, buy a dog, and carry a small weapon. If you live with others, carry the dog and weapon around your home. Also, make sure you don’t carry the dog or weapon with you, as weapons could be used against you.

  1. Date Smart: Don’t go on dates alone, you could be attacked. Don’t go on dates in groups because then you could be attacked by a number of people. But don’t decline date offers either – insulting a potential suitor is just asking for trouble.

  1. If Attacked: Scream and struggle unless your attacker is the type who will kill you for fighting back. If you stay still for survival, make sure that they wouldn’t have let you go if you had resisted. Talk kindly to them, but don’t say anything that might sound bad in court. Protect yourself from injury, but make sure you get some bruises to count as evidence.

  1. Call the Police: Unless you face institutional barriers to accessing justice i.e. Aboriginal peoples, women of colour, persons with a disability, trans* people, queer folks, sex workers, Muslim women that wear the niqab, youth, low income individuals, homeless people, newcomer women, those with precarious status, Deaf people…you get the picture.

  1. Avoid Rapists: Most importantly stay away from those who commonly commit assaults; strangers, family members, friends, partners, spouses, co-workers, bosses, clients, teachers, doctors, teammates, and police officers. Be extra careful during peak times when rapes occur i.e. daytime, nighttime, dawn, afternoon, early evening, tea time, nap time. If you suspect you are being followed, go to a well lit area: unless you can’t because it’s dark outside – then set off a flare gun or light a torch. (Why are you outside when it’s dark anyway?)

I get that the Ottawa police department wanted to help, but they really need to target men, since the vast majority of rapes are committed by men against women.  If they want to truly do some good, target men.  The campaign Don’t Be That Guy is a good start:

Don’t Be That Guy – a behavioural marketing campaign sends the message that sex without consent is sexual assault. We are sending a visual message to men between the ages of 18 and 25, graphically demonstrating their role in ending alcohol facilitated sexual assaults. Don’t Be That Guy shifts the emphasis to men to take responsibility for their behaviour. Studies involving 18-25 year old men revealed that 48 per cent of the men did not consider it rape if a woman is too drunk to know what is going on.

The original vision for Don’t Be That Guy was a community collaboration in Edmonton, Alberta in response to recognition of increased reports of alcohol facilitated sexual assaults in their city. The community collaboration called themselves SAVE (Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton) and their major partners were Edmonton Police Service, Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton, University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre, Saffron Centre, Alberta Health Services – Covenant Health, Prostitution Action and Awareness Foundation of Edmonton, University of Alberta Women’s Studies Program, Red Cross (Edmonton), Responsible Hospitality Edmonton and several community advocates. Here’s more about SAVE.

Stop putting the responsibility for ending rape on women. Men, if you’re opposed to rape and sexual assault, step up.  Don’t remain silent.  Don’t Be That Guy.

 

*Hence the idea behind Schrodinger’s Rapist

Ottawa police offer useless, victim blaming "advice" for women to avoid rape

Ottawa police offer useless, victim blaming “advice” for women to avoid rape

Tony Thompson

Two Ottawa women are recovering from some very terrifying moments after they were sexually assaulted in the city’s west end.

The Ottawa Police Sexual Assault and Child Abuse section is investigating after two separate sexual assaults were reported  Monday July 14, 2014.

The first assault happened around 2:30pm in the 2800 block of Dumaurier Avenue when a woman in her late 30’s was attacked.  Just hours later, around 7pm, another woman, also in her 30’s was attacked along a walking path near Richmond Road and Bayshore Drive.

Police say in both cases the female victims were walking when they were grabbed and sexually assaulted (source: ottawctvnews)

In response to these horrific crimes, the Ottawa police department offered advice to women:

  • Try not to walk alone at night but if you do, be alert and avoid dark or isolated areas.  Instead, walk out in the open, away from walls, doorways and pillars.
  • Whether you are walking or driving, determine the safest route before you leave.  Take the longest route if that is the safest.
  • Tell friends or family members where you’re going, and then let them know when you reach your destination.
  • Have your key ready as you approach your house or vehicle.
  • Don’t enter environments where you feel unsafe. Trust your instincts.
  • Know your physical capabilities and limitations.
  • Don’t carry offensive weapons such as knives. They may be used against you.

Ottawa Police say if you suspect you are being followed:

  • Cross the street or walk on the side of the road.
  • Go immediately to the nearest well-lit or populated area.
  • If others are within hearing distance, turn to the person following you and say in a loud and assertive voice: “Stop following me!”
  • Contact Police immediately—go to a house or a store and call the Police or flag down a taxi and ask the driver to call the Police for you.
  • If the person following you is driving a car, take out a pen and paper, look at the licence plate and write the number down, making sure that the driver sees you do this.

Ottawa Police say if you are attacked:

  • Try to remember the complexion, body build, height, weight, age, and type of clothing worn by the attacker. If possible, write down the information while it is still fresh in your memory.
  • If an attacker is after your purse or other valuables, don’t resist. If you have the opportunity, throw your purse away from you to the distance the attacker from you.

I’ll just get it out of the way:  the Ottawa police department may have had the best of intentions, but none of this shit helps.  Why?  Because rapists rape. They’re the ones with the power to NOT rape.  Women are not in control of being raped.  Women are already taught from a young age to watch their behavior, to be careful in public, and other ways of guarding themselves.  This advice is patronizing and tone deaf.  It’s also not informed by facts.

Women are often sexually assaulted  in familiar surroundings.   Telling a woman to be careful at night, or in unfamiliar areas is making an assumption that they’re more likely to be raped under those conditions.  Women are raped at home, at church, at the convenience store, at the mall, or at work.  There is no “safe” place from rape.

Women are raped in the morning, the afternoon, at night, at dusk, at dawn.  There is no time of day women are not raped.

Women are raped whether they wear a full body burqa, or a bikini.  They can show NO skin and get raped, or they can be completely nude and get raped.

Women get raped whether or not they carry a weapon.

Women get raped if they’re stone cold sober, have had a sip of wine, are buzzed, or are shit faced drunk. The level of sobriety has no bearing on whether or not a woman will be raped. Rapists often get women drunk to facilitate their rape bc they know society will look at the woman and blame her (we so often hear about the “I didn’t like the sex so I’m calling it rape” excuse by victim blaming assholes).

Women are raped by family members.  Friends. Lovers.  Spouses.  Exes.  Bosses.  Co-workers.  And yes, strangers.  There is no way to “avoid a rapist” bc theoretically anyone can be a rapist*.  There’s no way to know who is a rapist and who isn’t.  A woman cannot look at someone and determine if they’re going to rape them or not. 

Over at femifesto, the Ottawa police “advice” is searingly mocked:

How To Not Get Raped: The smart way

  1. Start Young: Learn self defence but know that you are physically limited and cannot defend yourself. Learn not to talk to strangers before you learn to talk. Learn not to walk alone before you learn to walk. Especially learn how to be accountable for your rapist’s actions.

  1. Trust Your Instincts: Avoid all environments where you feel unsafe and where sexual assaults commonly take place: walls, doorways, pillars, streets, sidewalks, corridors, elevators, lobbies, parking lots, cars, public transit, cabs, parks, bars, restaurants, apartments, houses, offices, universities, colleges, nursing homes and government institutions.

  1. Always Conform: Don’t embrace the power and pleasures of your own desires. Don’t dress to impress – yourself. Don’t find yourself gorgeous and alive and wanting to share that. Don’t wear flirty skirts or revealing dresses. On the other hand do not be tomboyish. Avoid any expression that does not conform to gender norms as some people may use rape as a way to “discipline” you.    

  1. Don’t Ask For It: Do not smile or be charming. Be pleasant and polite to everyone you meet — if you’re hostile, you may be asking for assault. Also, be sure you don’t lead on your attacker. Never invite anyone into your home, but never be alone. Don’t be coy. Don’t be brazen. Don’t confuse anyone — mixed messages can be dangerous.

  1. Protect Yourself: If you live alone, install extra locks, buy a dog, and carry a small weapon. If you live with others, carry the dog and weapon around your home. Also, make sure you don’t carry the dog or weapon with you, as weapons could be used against you.

  1. Date Smart: Don’t go on dates alone, you could be attacked. Don’t go on dates in groups because then you could be attacked by a number of people. But don’t decline date offers either – insulting a potential suitor is just asking for trouble.

  1. If Attacked: Scream and struggle unless your attacker is the type who will kill you for fighting back. If you stay still for survival, make sure that they wouldn’t have let you go if you had resisted. Talk kindly to them, but don’t say anything that might sound bad in court. Protect yourself from injury, but make sure you get some bruises to count as evidence.

  1. Call the Police: Unless you face institutional barriers to accessing justice i.e. Aboriginal peoples, women of colour, persons with a disability, trans* people, queer folks, sex workers, Muslim women that wear the niqab, youth, low income individuals, homeless people, newcomer women, those with precarious status, Deaf people…you get the picture.

  1. Avoid Rapists: Most importantly stay away from those who commonly commit assaults; strangers, family members, friends, partners, spouses, co-workers, bosses, clients, teachers, doctors, teammates, and police officers. Be extra careful during peak times when rapes occur i.e. daytime, nighttime, dawn, afternoon, early evening, tea time, nap time. If you suspect you are being followed, go to a well lit area: unless you can’t because it’s dark outside – then set off a flare gun or light a torch. (Why are you outside when it’s dark anyway?)

I get that the Ottawa police department wanted to help, but they really need to target men, since the vast majority of rapes are committed by men against women.  If they want to truly do some good, target men.  The campaign Don’t Be That Guy is a good start:

Don’t Be That Guy – a behavioural marketing campaign sends the message that sex without consent is sexual assault. We are sending a visual message to men between the ages of 18 and 25, graphically demonstrating their role in ending alcohol facilitated sexual assaults. Don’t Be That Guy shifts the emphasis to men to take responsibility for their behaviour. Studies involving 18-25 year old men revealed that 48 per cent of the men did not consider it rape if a woman is too drunk to know what is going on.

The original vision for Don’t Be That Guy was a community collaboration in Edmonton, Alberta in response to recognition of increased reports of alcohol facilitated sexual assaults in their city. The community collaboration called themselves SAVE (Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton) and their major partners were Edmonton Police Service, Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton, University of Alberta Sexual Assault Centre, Saffron Centre, Alberta Health Services – Covenant Health, Prostitution Action and Awareness Foundation of Edmonton, University of Alberta Women’s Studies Program, Red Cross (Edmonton), Responsible Hospitality Edmonton and several community advocates. Here’s more about SAVE.

Stop putting the responsibility for ending rape on women. Men, if you’re opposed to rape and sexual assault, step up.  Don’t remain silent.  Don’t Be That Guy.

 

*Hence the idea behind Schrodinger’s Rapist

Ottawa police offer useless, victim blaming “advice” for women to avoid rape