#DIYSciZone Act of Whimsy: Battlefield Earth transcript #GGC16

As part of the DIY Science Zone fundraising for Geek Girl Con, we set a number of fundraising goals wherein our amateur and professional scientists offer self-torture as incentive. This year I’ll be reprising my demos on randomness and probability, only this time I’ll be doing it in context of Zombie Dice, as a tie-in with the Gaming Zone. This is going to be a ton of fun! And brains. Lots of brains.

DIY Science Zone logo

As part of our $1500 fundraising goal, I agreed to live-tweet Battlefield Earth. Whaaaaaat a stinker. A meandering mess of displays of every baser human instinct, written by that same guy who founded that one religion. You know the one.

A few Mock The Movie stalwarts voluntarily threw themselves on my pyre in solidarity. I am Hashtag-Blessed to find myself among such friends and/or fellow masochists.

Once the fundraiser hits $3000, this year I’ll be doing a twitch stream long-play of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for NES. I haven’t played it in at least fifteen years. I promise I’ll be rusty as hell and will likely die a lot. Hooray! If you want to help get us there, here’s the donation form. We bring science demos to kids on an all-volunteer basis, and the cost helps pay for this zone — without this annual fundraising, we couldn’t continue this excellent annual tradition of getting the kids who visit Geek Girl Con excited about STEM fields!

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#DIYSciZone Act of Whimsy: Battlefield Earth transcript #GGC16
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Mock the Movie: Tough And Deadly transcript

Okay, so let’s start trying to get this archive back up to date. I have no idea how long it’ll be before I get all the transcripts up, but, here you are: Tough And Deadly, a Billy Blanks and Roddy Piper joint, brackets TM close brackets.

As this is their second outing together, they have apparently developed something of a rapport with one another that none of the mockers could help but appreciate. I recall this as being a fun movie and something of a palate cleanser after Ray Burks subjected me to Glitter.

Mock date August 6th, 2015.

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Mock the Movie: Tough And Deadly transcript

"Please don’t make the super suit green. OR ANIMATED!"

My gods. I might actually have faith that they’re about to get Deadpool right.

But here’s the thing. This is not for kids, it is super violent, and it is probably going to be problematic as all hell. I know I’m still going to love it though. (It’s okay to enjoy problematic things as long as you recognize them as such.)

So, below the fold the video goes. Along with the trailer’s trailer.
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"Please don’t make the super suit green. OR ANIMATED!"

GGC 2015 #DIYSciZone: Mock the Movie Overtime: Glitter transcript

Glob help me, but I watched this movie. I watched it beginning to end. Alone.

So alone.

The things I do for science.

Please go give money to Geek Girl Con’s DIY Science Zone, because when we reach $3500, I reach my next goal of public self-flagellation: I will live-stream Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link beginning to end. Probably over two weekends. All of this so I can go teach kids about displacement and buoyancy!

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GGC 2015 #DIYSciZone: Mock the Movie Overtime: Glitter transcript

Mock The Movie: Airplane Vs. Volcano transcript

Dean Cain, TV’s SuperClark, has a troubled past and an airplane full of people to save. He saves very few of them, and does very little to actually control the plane on autopilot, but is still treated as a goddamn hero for some reason. And he kisses Robin Givens. SIGH.

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Mock The Movie: Airplane Vs. Volcano transcript

Mock The Movie: Deadly Outbreak transcript

This was not Outbreak, the similarly-titled, temporally-coinciding 1995 movie about a virus outbreak. This was a bog-standard shoot-em-up with as many misogynist nicknames for the lead female protagonist as there were bullets in the male protagonist by the end of the film. Also, it was apparently sponsored by Pepsi, but we didn’t see any product placements so we decided Pepsi must be one of the ingredients in the doomsday virus McGuffin.

Watch for the guy who could have been Bret Hart’s body double.
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Mock The Movie: Deadly Outbreak transcript

Mock The Movie: Them! transcript

After Leonard Nimoy died, we were going to do Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but since we’d done a few Netflix-based ones in a row, we switched to Them!, the 1954 atomic horror about ant nests. Blink and you’ll miss Baby Nimoy, though. Steph added a screenshot at the end!

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Mock The Movie: Them! transcript

Mock The Movie: Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman transcript

Written with misandrists in mind, with a Baldwin brother playing the greasy manbaby primary antagonist and a Boss Hogg wannabe playing the secondary antagonist, this 1993 made-for-TV movie with Daryl Hannah was a vehicle for more self-aware yet still vague references to feminism than one could shake a stick at. And it gets very little of it particularly right, save for actually passing the Bechdel test and having the full spectrum of protagonist through antagonist in female characters.

Doesn’t help, though, that there was not a shred of remotely plausible science in it. Nor that the one likeable character — who actually ends up on top at the end, and not even stuck in an alien space ship like the protagonist — was written poorly enough that any goodwill won in the initial scenes were quickly squandered at the hands of her being enamoured with the aforementioned greasy manbaby. And the other character with a shot at being even remotely likeable, the deputy, was written as a credulous hayseed.

Ah well. It was a fun (in its way) romp regardless. Still mockable, but could be enjoyed as-is, as a camp classic.

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Mock The Movie: Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman transcript