Mock The Movie: Dungeons and Dragons transcript

Time for some serious Mock The Movie catch-up! Here’s Dungeons and Dragons, an excellent film… FOR US TO MOCK.

@DrRubidium: @MockTM I have a bourbon sour. Let’s do this awful movie!
2014-09-11 00:58:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I am READYYYYYYAAH
2014-09-11 00:59:59
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand go….
2014-09-11 01:00:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh man, the Helkon logo is already setting the bar for the CG budget.
2014-09-11 01:00:48
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, New Line Cinema, just like LOTR. This is gonna be good, I’m sure of it…
2014-09-11 01:01:06
@szvan: @MockTM It’s nice of the company logo to give us a taste of the bad CGI to come.
2014-09-11 01:01:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM Looks like we lost our saving throw against opening narration.
2014-09-11 01:01:15
@DrRubidium: @MockTM OHHHH!!! Dramatic narration. In clouds, even!
2014-09-11 01:01:26
@Rowsdower30: MT [email protected]: [email protected] Awwww, Eegah died 🙁 http://t.co/wewbzvEUdw Guess he didn’t “Watch out for snakes”
2014-09-11 01:01:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Those without magic… took a level in Rogue.”
2014-09-11 01:01:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM Music does not make clouds dramatic.
2014-09-11 01:01:48
@szvan: @MockTM If you need to use your opening narration to establish that good and evil exist….
2014-09-11 01:01:57
@brx0: @MockTM Wow, circa-2000 CGI doesn’t look so great, does it?
2014-09-11 01:02:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Slaving away in the scenery mines
2014-09-11 01:02:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM What is it? Dragons?
2014-09-11 01:02:58
@brx0: @MockTM I bet this guy’s bad. The gloves are a dead giveaway.
2014-09-11 01:03:02
@CyberLizard: @mocktm That’s his O face
2014-09-11 01:03:03
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Jeremy Irons?! But he was so good in that Die Hard movie…or was that Lion King?
2014-09-11 01:03:04
@szvan: @MockTM And here I said yesterday that I could enjoy watching Irons do anything.
2014-09-11 01:03:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Look at that dude’s evil hair-part.
2014-09-11 01:03:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM It’s good to establish early that the actor playing your villain does not take your movie seriously
2014-09-11 01:03:30
@brx0: @MockTM I wonder what he uses for hair gel? Eye of newt?
2014-09-11 01:03:49
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Jeremy Irons. Seriously. I hope you NEEDED this paycheck.
2014-09-11 01:03:50
@szvan: @MockTM Did they buy the capes at Hot Topic too?
2014-09-11 01:03:59
@DrRubidium: @MockTM BTW, blue lipstick = evil baddie
2014-09-11 01:04:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Time to try out the new staff on some low-level creatures. Baby dragon will do I guess.
2014-09-11 01:04:16
@brx0: @MockTM At least they aren’t being stingy with the CGI dragons. I’m looking at you, Peter Jackson.
2014-09-11 01:04:33
@szvan: @MockTM I guess this isn’t an order based in martyrdom then?
2014-09-11 01:04:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @szvan That robed dude certainly is going to shop at Hot Topic NOW. Now that he got fireballed. Geddit?
2014-09-11 01:04:47
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM nice lipstick! Very 80s!
2014-09-11 01:04:54
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM sit! Stay! Do you want a bisky?! SIT!!
2014-09-11 01:05:22
@szvan: @MockTM “You can control dragons! Can you keep my lipstick from bleeding?”
2014-09-11 01:05:23
@CyberLizard: @mocktm That’s how I get all my twitter followers: a magic staff and shouting “FOLLOW ME!”
2014-09-11 01:05:31
@leilah: @mocktm Stop pouring tomato soup down the stairs!
2014-09-11 01:05:46
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM the Dog Whisperer never had this problem….
2014-09-11 01:05:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ahahaha. Remember, charge your staves before relying on them in live combat.
2014-09-11 01:05:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM Fun fact: dragons don’t like sharing the frame with non-CG characters.
2014-09-11 01:06:17
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM a Wayans brother!?! Ohhh, we’re fucked…
2014-09-11 01:06:24
@brx0: @MockTM When was the last time you ever saw a river catch on fire? Insert Cleveland joke here.
2014-09-11 01:06:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So the evil mages are… fracking?
2014-09-11 01:07:00
@szvan: @MockTM Nobody listens to the black guy when he explains systemic inequality.
2014-09-11 01:07:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So non-magic-users are slaves, but there’s a magic school. Where you can lift yourselves up by your bootstraps I guess?
2014-09-11 01:07:27
@DrRubidium: @mockTM dragon blood is water sensitive. Take note.
2014-09-11 01:07:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Blue-lips is sporting quite the codpiece
2014-09-11 01:08:10
@brx0: @MockTM Mmm, this scenery is delicious.
2014-09-11 01:08:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I humbly vote that we dissolve the Galactic Senate and change governments to an empire.
2014-09-11 01:08:59
@DrRubidium: @mockTM no wonder Irons was happy to play the pope in The Borgias – he likes wearing fancy robes
2014-09-11 01:09:01
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Even Liberace thinks Irons is over the top
2014-09-11 01:09:23
@Misantropey: [email protected] Dungeons & Dragons, huh? I’m more of a Mazes & Monsters person myself. Is a far out movie: https://t.co/3t7UEVlcDo
2014-09-11 01:09:47
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM if I *whine* enough, things *have* to go my way!
2014-09-11 01:09:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Empress is a Goth. Or Emo. Too early to tell…
2014-09-11 01:09:57
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Queen Amidala! No, wait, it’s the Empress from Neverending Story
2014-09-11 01:10:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Privileged princess wants to declare equality by fiat. Mmmkay.
2014-09-11 01:10:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We need to show the Fire Nation we believe in our beliefs as much as…whoops, wrong movie. I think.”
2014-09-11 01:10:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What is thy bidding, my master?”
2014-09-11 01:10:46
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “useless council of idiots”. I had no idea this was about the 114 Congress
2014-09-11 01:11:01
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Wil Wheaton?
2014-09-11 01:11:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Captain Cyanide-Poisoning is really rocking that daedric armor.
2014-09-11 01:11:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM Mmm, nice uniform, but needs more shoulder, don’t you think?
2014-09-11 01:11:27
@DrRubidium: @MockTM no good movie has Marlon Wayans #truefact
2014-09-11 01:11:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Less talky, more magic-robby.
2014-09-11 01:12:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM Could he not see the giant dragon skeleton until he hit the floor?
2014-09-11 01:12:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM Starting the countdown until she lets her hair down and takes her glasses off
2014-09-11 01:13:03
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM the green screen is strong with this one
2014-09-11 01:13:30
@lousycanuck: @mocktm “It’s protected by very ancient magic. Like… the Enigma Cypher.”
2014-09-11 01:13:45
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Ruby Rhod he is not
2014-09-11 01:14:04
@Misantropey: @MockTM Surely director Courtney Solomon demanded to be called “Dungeon Master” on set. What a complete waste if not.
2014-09-11 01:14:43
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM can’t get enough of Wayans screaming like a girl
2014-09-11 01:14:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Chekov’s Dragon-Illusion Box. Bound to come in handy later.
2014-09-11 01:15:10
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Did he just Vulcan neck pinch him to death?
2014-09-11 01:16:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Unfortunately she only has one of that level spell a day.
2014-09-11 01:16:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM of course she falls, of course
2014-09-11 01:16:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hey, she’s actually OK at doing things. Can we just have a movie about her from now on?
2014-09-11 01:17:01
@szvan: @MockTM If only they could build more portals to get us through the rest of the movie that quickly.
2014-09-11 01:17:06
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM this is supposed to be….humor??
2014-09-11 01:17:18
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, this is the assembling of the D&D party, I guess. At least it didn’t start with 6 hours of rolling dice.
2014-09-11 01:17:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Two rogues, a mage and a warrior.
2014-09-11 01:17:49
@Misantropey: @MockTM nothing indicates ‘sinister and threatening’ like baby blue lips. D&D =/= Dance & Disco
2014-09-11 01:18:07
@leilah: @mocktm Aaaaaand the hair is down, glasses off.
2014-09-11 01:18:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “But isn’t… there a scrying spell or something we could use, sir?” “You die painfully-er.”
2014-09-11 01:18:23
@blakestacey: @MockTM ::countdown terminated::
2014-09-11 01:18:45
@brx0: @MockTM Does axe guy even have a name? They sort of bumped into him and now he’s following them around, just like that?
2014-09-11 01:19:06
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM …*I* killed Mufasa… Oh! Wait! Wrong movie!
2014-09-11 01:19:25
@brx0: @MockTM Scenery chewing contest!
2014-09-11 01:19:31
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m sorry, my lord. I was fixing my lipstick.”
2014-09-11 01:19:39
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Woah, going all Fist of the North Star on blue-lips
2014-09-11 01:19:46
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM this never would’ve happened if he used Bert’s Bees
2014-09-11 01:20:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Warriors generally wait for ppl to wake them up in a ridiculous action sequence then follow them until a fighting quota is reached
2014-09-11 01:20:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT. Dude, call HR.
2014-09-11 01:21:10
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Captain Cyanide-Poisoning now has a goa’ould. Like HE needed to level up.
2014-09-11 01:21:18
@szvan: @MockTM Cantina scene!
2014-09-11 01:21:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM HERE’S a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
2014-09-11 01:21:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM This movie doesn’t have a script so much as a copy of the Evil Overlord List.
2014-09-11 01:21:36
@Misantropey: @MockTM This movie could use 1000% more Jeremy Irons and 100% less everyone else.
2014-09-11 01:21:47
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, a cantina full of adventurers. I bet Han shoots first.
2014-09-11 01:21:47
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM why is Wayans polishing a brass dildo?
2014-09-11 01:22:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM Strangely enough, this restaurant actually does a very nice number in tofu and shiitake.
2014-09-11 01:22:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM SNAILS!?
2014-09-11 01:22:37
@Misantropey: @MockTM Could they not afford a cantina band? Give me that, movie.
2014-09-11 01:22:44
@leilah: @mocktm If this guy says “I’m GREAT with maps,” I’m so out of here.
2014-09-11 01:23:03
@jeremyironsnet: @Misantropey @MockTM Isn’t it that way with EVERY movie?
2014-09-11 01:23:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM he really just flashed the peace sign. This is the Middle Ages, right?
2014-09-11 01:23:21
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Yay!!!!! He’s gone!
2014-09-11 01:23:27
@Misantropey: @MockTM …could they not afford actual fake beards? What is on that dude’s face?
2014-09-11 01:23:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wow, @jeremyironsnet really should watch his movie with us. And mock. LOVINGLY.
2014-09-11 01:24:01
@DrRubidium: @MockTM blue lips is the villain from the Wesley Snipes movie Passenger 57
2014-09-11 01:24:15
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM PLEASE let them be eaten by dragons, SOON
2014-09-11 01:24:37
@Misantropey: @MockTM Uncanny Valley of the Beard
2014-09-11 01:24:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “So there I am, hogtied–” “Dude, TMI.”
2014-09-11 01:24:47
@Misantropey: @jeremyironsnet @MockTM Yes. Yes it is.
2014-09-11 01:25:31
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, an elf. Didn’t see that one coming.
2014-09-11 01:25:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Token dwarf, gotta get a token elf too. Halfling or half-orc next.
2014-09-11 01:25:41
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Of course the two black people in this movie gotta connect
2014-09-11 01:26:01
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Aww, he has LA Nails. Cute.
2014-09-11 01:26:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Imperial March!!!
2014-09-11 01:26:32
@Misantropey: @MockTM “Bartender, give me the most reasonable quality/cost ratio alcohol in the building!”
2014-09-11 01:26:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM FOOD FIGHT
2014-09-11 01:27:11
@leilah: @mocktm He really said “I’m just gonna hit it”?
2014-09-11 01:27:19
@jeremyironsnet: @lousycanuck @MockTM Seriously, Jeremy would have made a hell of a lot better Empress Savina than Thora Birch.
2014-09-11 01:27:25
@brx0: @MockTM FWIW, starting bar fights by yelling “bar fight” does actually work.
2014-09-11 01:27:38
@blakestacey: @MockTM Man, Not-Spacey does *not* know how to conduct himself in a bar fight.
2014-09-11 01:27:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Bidet, bidet, bidet. Magic words for the ages.
2014-09-11 01:27:46
@Misantropey: @MockTM I would almost prefer watching the D&D animated series. Almost.
2014-09-11 01:27:58
@CyberLizard: @mocktm They need the Eye of the Tiger?
2014-09-11 01:28:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What does this rod do?” [porn music starts]
2014-09-11 01:28:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It’s the Eye of the Dragon, da da da da da da”
2014-09-11 01:28:41
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM she’s got BOOBS, man!
2014-09-11 01:29:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I suggest we head to the Winchester, have a pint, and wait for the whole thing to blow over.”
2014-09-11 01:29:07
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Rods, fisting, this movie is going unexpected places
2014-09-11 01:29:54
@DrRubidium: @MockTM is the Eye Of The Dragon related to Eye Of The Tiger?
2014-09-11 01:30:14
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I know I’m going to regret this” Dude speaks for all of us
2014-09-11 01:30:23
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM This main character has all the charisma of Zac from Saved By The Bell
2014-09-11 01:30:27
@Misantropey: @MockTM If you are going to cast a Wayans, go all Wayans or not at all. An all-Wayans D&D movie may have broken the world.
2014-09-11 01:30:36
@lousycanuck: @Rowsdower30 @MockTM Zac as played by Wil Wheaton pre-Wesley.
2014-09-11 01:30:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Yeah, let’s go for Ruby Rhod, but more so.”
2014-09-11 01:30:56
@brx0: @MockTM The dwarf dude is pretty much an NPC in this movie.
2014-09-11 01:31:32
@CyberLizard: @brx0 @mocktm Filler for the party, run by the DM.
2014-09-11 01:32:10
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Woohoo! Another person of color!
2014-09-11 01:32:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM For a wanted fugitive, she’s not doing much to change her appearance.
2014-09-11 01:32:19
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Don’t I know that guy’s head from Candy Crush?”
2014-09-11 01:32:21
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Purple dude has a vagina on his forehead!
2014-09-11 01:32:39
@szvan: @MockTM Most compelling performance of the movie so far.
2014-09-11 01:33:10
@lousycanuck: @CyberLizard @MockTM He keeps an eyeball in that vagina.
2014-09-11 01:33:12
@Misantropey: @MockTM FF Coppola was considered to direct this movie. I’ve sure he would’ve had a hearty condescending chortle if it made it to his desk.
2014-09-11 01:33:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM the empress’ stage directions just said “look indignant and constipated”
2014-09-11 01:33:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “If I’m not doing my stereotypical activity, you ain’t doing yours.”
2014-09-11 01:33:37
@CyberLizard: @lousycanuck @mocktm Don’t they all have eyeballs? Oh, no, wait, that’s teeth.
2014-09-11 01:33:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh sweet, trainer dungeon. Bet they fight big rats!
2014-09-11 01:34:09
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I meant Mage. Whatever, bite me!
2014-09-11 01:34:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM there aren’t enough white d00ds in khaki pants & short-sleeved buttondowns for this to be a legit D&D movie
2014-09-11 01:34:49
@brx0: @MockTM Stealthy tracking and infiltration isn’t one of their core talents, is it?
2014-09-11 01:34:53
@CyberLizard: @Rowsdower30 @MockTM You could have just said that. I’m sitting right next to you.
2014-09-11 01:34:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We was confused because your third eye was looking at someone else.” “HEY THAT’S RACIST.”
2014-09-11 01:35:09
@Misantropey: @MockTM via IMDb: When asked why he did this film, Irons replied, “Are you kidding? I’d just bought a castle, I had to pay for it somehow!”
2014-09-11 01:35:17
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I like Watermelon Head over there
2014-09-11 01:35:42
@DrRubidium: @mockTM just a little casual molestation to say “hello!”
2014-09-11 01:35:42
@leilah: @mocktm Oh no! They’ve been captured by Riffraff!
2014-09-11 01:36:06
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Eye of the Dragon jokes? Too soon, people! #SeecausethesingerfromSurvivorjustdied #ShutUpImFunny
2014-09-11 01:36:48
@Misantropey: @MockTM EYE OF THE DRAGON
https://t.co/shi794yyTp
2014-09-11 01:36:53
@leilah: @mocktm Wait, is that actually him?
2014-09-11 01:36:56
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, it’s official: From here on out if anyone wants something from me, they have to complete a maze first.
2014-09-11 01:37:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Soloing a raid dungeon. That’s fair.
2014-09-11 01:37:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Riff Raff. Whoa.
2014-09-11 01:37:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Only the penitent man shall pass. Only the penitent…the penitent…”
2014-09-11 01:37:20
@szvan: @MockTM I’ve seen more convincing stone walls at our local Renaissance Festival.
2014-09-11 01:37:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Spike Trap of Decrotchinating +4
2014-09-11 01:37:34
@Misantropey: @MockTM …and now we are introduced to the eponymous co-star of our film: “Dungeon”
2014-09-11 01:37:48
@leilah: @DrRubidium @MockTM It totally is!
2014-09-11 01:37:58
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Extras from Mad Max
2014-09-11 01:38:02
@jailawrites: @szvan @MockTM …and that was the point where I choked on lemonade. Thanks, lady! 🙂
2014-09-11 01:38:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Seems an easy bet, lady. Just bet high then tell our charmer to stall.
2014-09-11 01:38:45
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Hey, I think I played this level in Super Mario Bros Wii
2014-09-11 01:38:45
@leilah: @mocktm More Riff Raff! I can watch him all day. Nooo! stop following this guy!
2014-09-11 01:39:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Next up on Fantasy Ninja Warrior…
2014-09-11 01:39:28
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM If you want this guy roasted, say “EYE”!
2014-09-11 01:39:34
@Misantropey: @MockTM Now I just wish this movie was a medieval “Tango & Cash”, about traveling knights “Sir Dungeon” and “Sir Dragon”
2014-09-11 01:39:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM That’s what you get if you wander into a room whose number is a power of a prime.
2014-09-11 01:39:47
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I feel like Ben Stein should be in there droning about dry eyes
2014-09-11 01:40:08
@Misantropey: @MockTM It just seems more loyal to the source material.
2014-09-11 01:40:23
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Noooo! I thought MTM was tomorrow night! I was ready and everything! http://t.co/lcmns4cZgb
2014-09-11 01:40:29
@szvan: @jailawrites @MockTM It was the least I could do. Seemed appropriate for this movie.
2014-09-11 01:40:41
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Fuck it, imma just run” Works every time
2014-09-11 01:40:46
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Okay, time check?
2014-09-11 01:40:55
@brx0: @MockTM Our hero seems to have wandered into a Japanese game show.
2014-09-11 01:41:07
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Indy? Is that you?
2014-09-11 01:41:36
@DrRubidium: @MockTM where is a bag of sand and a Nazi when you need it?
2014-09-11 01:42:01
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM what is he looking for, again- a raisin? Sorry, I dozed off…
2014-09-11 01:42:05
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Wait. Where’s the giant boulder?
2014-09-11 01:42:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM By rights, making all the sand fall out the bottom should have made the spikes fall instantly.
2014-09-11 01:42:30
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM just a head scarf and this guy could be Maude
2014-09-11 01:42:53
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Really, Ridley? You didn’t see that coming?
2014-09-11 01:43:04
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Who the hell is he? Who the hell are you? Who the hell am I?”
2014-09-11 01:43:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “A lesson in pain? I survived PAY IT FORWARD.”
2014-09-11 01:43:51
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM pain… You must listen to Britney Spears WITHOUT auto tune
2014-09-11 01:43:51
@Misantropey: @MockTM Gosh, I could cut the tension with a meat tenderizer.
2014-09-11 01:44:28
@DrRubidium: @MockTM this guard is the couldn’t beat up a grape in a fruit fight
2014-09-11 01:44:42
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM The Knights Who Said Ni had more dignity than these guys
2014-09-11 01:44:45
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM It’s a good thing none of these folks have swords. Someone could hurt themselves…
2014-09-11 01:44:46
@leilah: @mocktm Riff Raff and Blue Lips would make a great couple.
2014-09-11 01:44:51
@brx0: @MockTM Oh noes, he fumbled the MacGuffin…
2014-09-11 01:45:01
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Look here, silly white girl, stop your crying and cast a damn spell
2014-09-11 01:45:36
@brx0: @MockTM Doesn’t she have a spell she can use or something?
2014-09-11 01:45:36
@szvan: @MockTM Good thing hero boy’s been carrying that big sword that totally wouldn’t be a hindrance to a thief.
2014-09-11 01:45:45
@Misantropey: @MockTM this is one of those movies where a twig is comparable in combat to a sword. Right-o.
2014-09-11 01:45:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Two “homages” to Indiana Jones. And Belloq didn’t even step on her hand, nor the Macguffin.
2014-09-11 01:45:50
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “How come I always gotta get the dwarf?” A question for the ages
2014-09-11 01:45:52
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “getting the dwarf” was a euphemism for… Oh, Nevermind…
2014-09-11 01:46:03
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, there’s the sword he failed to use in that fight.
2014-09-11 01:46:51
@DrRubidium: @MockTM does her armor seriously have nipples?
2014-09-11 01:47:12
@CyberLizard: @DrRubidium @mocktm If nipples were good enough for Batman…
2014-09-11 01:47:29
@blakestacey: @MockTM “He just took off with Marina. Grabbed her upper arm and everything.”
2014-09-11 01:47:42
@Misantropey: @MockTM The technology in this world seems…inconsistent. I’m guessing some Kobolds will show up with AKs in a minute.
2014-09-11 01:48:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Medieval FaceTime.
2014-09-11 01:48:07
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Nope, her armor is just ridiculously pointy
2014-09-11 01:48:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Have you found me the scroll?” “No, your Blandness.”
2014-09-11 01:48:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Norda. Please hurry. And also… please. Name me.”
2014-09-11 01:48:43
@Misantropey: @szvan @MockTM He was fine, he had a reasonably thick twig!
2014-09-11 01:48:45
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM These costumes are less authentic than ones we saw at #DragonCon
2014-09-11 01:49:05
@brx0: @MockTM “Prophyon also seeks the rod.” #twss
2014-09-11 01:49:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM If a luck dragon shows up, I QUIT
2014-09-11 01:49:49
@leilah: @mocktm Why baby blue, though? Or is that supposed to be corpse blue?
2014-09-11 01:50:06
@Misantropey: @MockTM DYK: whispering makes scenes more dramatic, and people will think you can act if they can’t hear you.
2014-09-11 01:50:08
@lousycanuck: @Rowsdower30 @MockTM If a luck dragon shows up, it’d better be ridden by Yoda and Short Round.
2014-09-11 01:50:20
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM (why are they whispering? Do they not want to wake the baby?)
2014-09-11 01:50:28
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Look at me! I haven’t taken a crap in WEEKS!!
2014-09-11 01:50:56
@Misantropey: @MockTM the alternative is also true. Screaming your lines will overload the audience’s circuits, and they will be wowed by your prowess.
2014-09-11 01:51:03
@DrRubidium: @MockTM sad guardsman is sad 🙁
2014-09-11 01:51:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “LOOK AT ME” “okay” “LOOK AT ME” “dude I’m looking”
2014-09-11 01:51:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Look at me! Look at me!” “Eww. Do I have to?”
2014-09-11 01:51:23
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Bit of an ear fetish here
2014-09-11 01:51:32
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM then why didn’t he do that in the FIRST place?! *throws hands up*
2014-09-11 01:51:38
@Misantropey: @MockTM this is called “DiCaprio Method”
2014-09-11 01:51:39
@leilah: @mocktm A fireball? Anything? Come ON, mage!
2014-09-11 01:52:07
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I can suck the information right out of you! If I get through all this earwax first.”
2014-09-11 01:52:18
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Nope, spray painting plastic silver doesn’t make it look like armor
2014-09-11 01:52:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Information isn’t something you can… uh… gulp.
2014-09-11 01:52:31
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM that totally happened to me once, when I went in to get my ears pierced
2014-09-11 01:52:32
@CyberLizard: @mocktm And over the river and through the woods
2014-09-11 01:53:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I know these lands. There’s a shortcut up ahead, through the Fire Swamps.”
2014-09-11 01:53:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Through the forest and over these hills, to Grandmother’s house we go!”
2014-09-11 01:53:46
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I’m putting down bets that Wayans will charm the girl elf at the end and we will all vomit and cry
2014-09-11 01:54:17
@Misantropey: @MockTM ok, what is on Marlon Wayans’s head? Is that technically a hat? A mystical headband?
2014-09-11 01:54:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Ridley, look! Beholders! Also, The English!”
2014-09-11 01:54:58
@brx0: @MockTM Righty, you’ll just sneak around the beholders. I call shenanigans.
2014-09-11 01:55:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Beholders are evidently not very good at beholding.
2014-09-11 01:55:52
@CyberLizard: @mocktm The bromance is strong with these two
2014-09-11 01:55:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM The rolling helps.
2014-09-11 01:56:00
@brx0: @MockTM Pretty sure I’ve seen that beholder in a Mucinex commercial.
2014-09-11 01:56:11
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM There is no sneakier way to cross a doorway than a somersault
2014-09-11 01:56:14
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Clearly you didn’t know it was too easy
2014-09-11 01:56:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Tell the brother “be careful”, you’ve just signed his death warrant.
2014-09-11 01:56:20
@blakestacey: @MockTM “This task they must complete alone.” “I will nod as if that makes sense.”
2014-09-11 01:56:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This task, they must complete alone.” *nods sagely* “So we wait what, five minutes then go in?”
2014-09-11 01:56:59
@Misantropey: @lousycanuck @MockTM They behold loosely, but don’t let it go.
2014-09-11 01:57:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Wayans could’ve just crossed the hallway, without the Mary Lou Retton routine
2014-09-11 01:57:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Being careful involves touching and trying out every item you see as soon as you see it.
2014-09-11 01:57:32
@szvan: @MockTM Looks like golden, sparkly magic to me.
2014-09-11 01:57:42
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM YAAAAAAAY!!! Die, die, die!
2014-09-11 01:57:48
@brx0: @MockTM Quicksand rug! Quick, roll to save!
2014-09-11 01:57:56
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM that’s Wilford Brimley. He gets pissed when you mess with his Quaker Oats
2014-09-11 01:58:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Need a hand?” “But I paid for the full oatmeal bath treatment, I’ve only been in for ten seconds!!”
2014-09-11 01:58:46
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?”
2014-09-11 01:59:02
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM At the 1 hour mark, we all get to re-roll our classes, right?
2014-09-11 01:59:07
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Please, please let me out of this movie- I’ll go back to waitressing, I PROMISE
2014-09-11 01:59:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Nobody knows, the trouble a’ve seen…”
2014-09-11 01:59:19
@Misantropey: @MockTM the cry of a Wayans in distress is not unlike the wail of the fabled banshee.
2014-09-11 01:59:40
@DrRubidium: @MockTM these are the worst guards ever
2014-09-11 01:59:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Let’s get you out of here. Wait, have you re-learned your spells?”
2014-09-11 01:59:53
@szvan: @Misantropey @MockTM Signaling the death of a movie.
2014-09-11 02:00:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Just like you thieves. Always… thieving.” “And just like you douchebags, always douching.”
2014-09-11 02:00:17
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Just like you thieves. Always taking things that don’t belong to you. See, I was a lexicographer, once.”
2014-09-11 02:00:19
@Misantropey: @MockTM those plastic gauntlets sure pack a mean punch.
2014-09-11 02:00:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The only way he escaped with that boot knife was by rolling three natural twenties in a row.
2014-09-11 02:00:50
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM He remembered he had a sword this time! *wipes tear* I’m so proud
2014-09-11 02:00:50
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “you cannot be serious” is this guys motto
2014-09-11 02:01:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If only there was an airplane prop to shove this guy into.
2014-09-11 02:01:22
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “I need a Ricola”
2014-09-11 02:01:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm It’s ok, Snails. That’s how we all feel right about now
2014-09-11 02:01:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Thieves do best with their knives, due to a class weapons specialty bonus.
2014-09-11 02:02:08
@Misantropey: @szvan @MockTM if only. Over 45 minutes left. Oy.
2014-09-11 02:02:10
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @MockTM or a tall staircase that leads to nowhere while a storm rages in the backdrop?
2014-09-11 02:02:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM …and a dragon comes and eats them both… Can I go now?
2014-09-11 02:02:32
@szvan: @MockTM I’m with blue lips on the “Oh, please.”
2014-09-11 02:02:55
@DrRubidium: @MockTM of course the black character dies
2014-09-11 02:03:08
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ve never been so serious.” Thinking back over the movie, I think that’s actually true.
2014-09-11 02:03:09
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Girl, why you standing there helpless?
2014-09-11 02:03:30
@Misantropey: @MockTM If he dies quickly, does the movie end sooner? I’m conflicted.
2014-09-11 02:03:43
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Good plan. Kill the friend in front of the hero to give him motivation.
2014-09-11 02:04:12
@CyberLizard: @mocktm KAAAAAAAAHHHN!!!!!!
2014-09-11 02:04:32
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM that was a Darth Vader level “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
2014-09-11 02:04:42
@Misantropey: @MockTM For added dramatic effect, deliver lines slowly (as well as quietly).
2014-09-11 02:05:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’LL NEVER JOIN YOUUUUU”
2014-09-11 02:05:25
@brx0: @MockTM This is an unfortunate turn of events for our heroes, huh?
2014-09-11 02:05:27
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Um, since when did D&D magic require pixie dust?
2014-09-11 02:05:32
@leilah: @mocktm I can’t decide between being angry that the movie killed the only black guy and being glad that horrible character is gone…
2014-09-11 02:05:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM See? One a day.
2014-09-11 02:05:38
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Empress’ diction is odd
2014-09-11 02:05:54
@leilah: @mocktm Wait, she requires raw materials of some sort to cast spells?
2014-09-11 02:05:58
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM urgh, blech- anyone have a Dramamine?
2014-09-11 02:06:12
@brx0: @MockTM Looks like y’all need a cleric. Too bad you didn’t recruit one for your party ahead of time.
2014-09-11 02:06:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Body’s still mostly intact. Take him to a house of healing.
2014-09-11 02:06:26
@Misantropey: @MockTM Ah, the Salting of Snails. A great moment in cinema.
2014-09-11 02:06:40
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM oh shit- she’s gonna start singing “Let It Go”
2014-09-11 02:06:53
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Didn’t we see this scene in the phantom menace?
2014-09-11 02:07:03
@DrRubidium: @mockTM mansplaining blah blah blah mansplaining
2014-09-11 02:07:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Don’t worry, Senator Jar-Jar will vote against it.
2014-09-11 02:07:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Do you hear her words? Do you see her ‘acting’?”
2014-09-11 02:08:06
@Misantropey: @MockTM Pro tip, D&D: Phantom Menace is not a movie you should imitate. Dramatic senate scenes? Nah, I’m good.
2014-09-11 02:08:06
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Like, my 6th period Literature teacher told me this”
2014-09-11 02:08:20
@szvan: @MockTM Funny how no one listens to the woman when she explains systemic inequality.
2014-09-11 02:08:35
@DrRubidium: @MockTM so the council is made up of Statler and Waldorf clones?
2014-09-11 02:09:00
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Idealism is for children. SCENERY CHEWING IS FOR ADULTS!”
2014-09-11 02:09:09
@Misantropey: @MockTM Irons as Palpatine I could have definitely lived with, though.
2014-09-11 02:09:15
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “This is, like, so bogus”
2014-09-11 02:09:20
@leilah: @mocktm Oh, thank goodness. ACTING!
2014-09-11 02:09:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Know one thing: I am not afraid. I will cut you.”
2014-09-11 02:09:48
@brx0: @MockTM Wow, these guys are just like Congress.
2014-09-11 02:09:49
@szvan: @MockTM “Know one thing. I’ll only give up this scepter when you give up the amateur dramatics.”
2014-09-11 02:09:55
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM All the gray cloaks leave
2014-09-11 02:10:15
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Rivendell!
2014-09-11 02:10:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Are we prepared to see our empire destroyed by a child?” “NO! WE PREFER OUR EMPIRES DESTROYED BY ADULTS!”
2014-09-11 02:10:22
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Slow, sarcastic clapping is like Shakespearian-level acting, yo
2014-09-11 02:10:29
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, it’s Miracle Max!
2014-09-11 02:10:30
@DrRubidium: @MockTM magic hooha life force hooha magic
2014-09-11 02:10:51
@leilah: @mocktm I KNEW there was another reason I watched this movie. =) The Doctor will save him!
2014-09-11 02:10:53
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The DOCTOR!!!
2014-09-11 02:10:57
@Misantropey: @MockTM Dig those snazzy robes on Irons. Guess he almost slept through senate.
2014-09-11 02:11:06
@brx0: @MockTM You know, I haven’t seen a single gold piece change hands so far. What kind of D&D is this anyway?
2014-09-11 02:11:26
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM She uses magic and she’s all “How did you DO that!?”
2014-09-11 02:11:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Doctor Miracle Max uses chocolate-painted jelly babies to resurrect our main character.
2014-09-11 02:11:42
@Misantropey: @MockTM I assume Tom Baker’s career was sacrificed to reverse a neutron flow’s polarity or something.
2014-09-11 02:11:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Life was exploding all around. Like life was…directed by Michael Bay.”
2014-09-11 02:12:24
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Atreyu!
2014-09-11 02:12:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM It surrounds us, and binds us. And it has a light side and a dark side. Magic is the Force is duct tape.
2014-09-11 02:12:36
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Uh huh huh, “rod”
2014-09-11 02:12:36
@szvan: @MockTM Luddite!
2014-09-11 02:12:52
@Misantropey: @MockTM Timelords regenerate, careers don’t.
2014-09-11 02:12:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM then he finds out she’s his sister- SEEN IT!!
2014-09-11 02:13:17
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Here, magic-lady, spit on this hanky, you’ve got a little something on your face
2014-09-11 02:13:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m sorry about Snails.” “I’ll take ‘lines no actor can sell’ for $500, Alex.”
2014-09-11 02:13:53
@leilah: @mocktm NOT ALL MAGES!!
2014-09-11 02:14:07
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM #NotAllMages
2014-09-11 02:14:13
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “No you’re wrong” “NO YOU’RE WRONG” NO YOU
2014-09-11 02:14:17
@szvan: @MockTM “Nuh-uh! You!”
2014-09-11 02:14:21
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM ACTING!!
2014-09-11 02:14:40
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Yep, this is the perfect time for a hook-up
2014-09-11 02:14:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Yeah but Snails didn’t know any of that so he only lucked into his noble sacrifice. Is THAT fair?
2014-09-11 02:15:22
@brx0: @MockTM You know, you guys could give your “What Snails died for” speeches, or you could just resurrect him.
2014-09-11 02:15:27
@szvan: @MockTM Nah. Snails died for the hope of an elven hookup.
2014-09-11 02:15:29
@lousycanuck: @DrRubidium @mockTM Dungeons and Raiders of the Lost Star Princess Bride.
2014-09-11 02:15:49
@Misantropey: @MockTM TIL that Tom Baker has played both Rasputin and a Pope. Thanks, @IMDb! Special thanks to D&D for being boring enough for me to learn
2014-09-11 02:16:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM WAIT! SHE’S YOUR SISTER!! Oh, wrong movie…
2014-09-11 02:16:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY SAD NOW KISS
2014-09-11 02:16:36
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You know, for a mage, you’re pretty boobs. I mean, smart. Boobsmart.”
2014-09-11 02:16:36
@Ben_TAF: @lousycanuck @DrRubidium @mockTM The Neverending Hope of the Lost Temple
2014-09-11 02:16:52
@CyberLizard: @mocktm The blade that was broken has been reforged!
2014-09-11 02:16:52
@szvan: @MockTM If they keep making out, it means less dialogue. #conflicted
2014-09-11 02:17:04
@brx0: @MockTM Wait, German subtitles?
2014-09-11 02:17:22
@DrRubidium: @MockTM Yes, Ridley, you walk alone. Like Green Day.
2014-09-11 02:17:26
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM her mime act is LAME
2014-09-11 02:17:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM The belly button on her armor is obviously to direct the sword blows inward toward her stomach.
2014-09-11 02:17:56
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Don’t know what language that was, but the German subtitles were unfortunately less than helpful
2014-09-11 02:17:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Only you were meant to pass. And your clothes.” “Does that mean I can walk back through and pull you through?”
2014-09-11 02:18:34
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “I’ll be fine”. Oh, how I wish that wasn’t true
2014-09-11 02:18:38
@leilah: @Ben_TAF @MockTM Hey, having the dialogue all in German might improve the movie.
2014-09-11 02:18:44
@Misantropey: @MockTM You can see where all of that 45 million dollars went in this movie. Answer: somewhere else.
2014-09-11 02:18:44
@lousycanuck: @Misantropey @MockTM Ye freaking gads. I knew it was big budget but WOW.
2014-09-11 02:19:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Now he fights Vader! Now I know where we are!
2014-09-11 02:19:22
@Ben_TAF: @leilah @MockTM It’s not a good MTM if it couldn’t be better in a foreign language!
2014-09-11 02:19:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He’s about to disturb that rod a whole bunch.
2014-09-11 02:19:37
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Failed a Perception roll, then fumbled the Dexterity saving throw.
2014-09-11 02:20:03
@Misantropey: @MockTM “There’s an awful lot of green mood lighting in this cave…”
2014-09-11 02:20:10
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh, so we’ve switched to AvP now…
2014-09-11 02:20:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Dragon: “What are you doing, Dave?”
2014-09-11 02:20:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM “KALI MAAAA!”
2014-09-11 02:20:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Whoa, whoa, buddy, I’ve seen Tomb Raider and Resident Evil and every other fantasy involving putting a gem in a statue eye socket.
2014-09-11 02:20:56
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Touch nothing but the lamp!
2014-09-11 02:21:01
@szvan: @MockTM This is where he really needs Snail to poke at all the bullshit until the rod falls out.
2014-09-11 02:21:18
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM now he’s eaten by a bunch of cockroaches, yeah- we’ve seen The Mummy
2014-09-11 02:21:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dragon on the door, Eye of the Dragon to get in, dragon statues everywhere, dead things. Could this be a dragon’s hoard?
2014-09-11 02:21:57
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, it’s the Crypt Keeper!
2014-09-11 02:22:03
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Sophia”? Not a very intimidating name…
2014-09-11 02:22:11
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Why do you disturb my rod? Never mind, disturb some more!”
2014-09-11 02:22:18
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM IIRC this is where the Predator shows Indiana how to make a shield from Boba Fett’s helmet
2014-09-11 02:22:26
@DrRubidium: @MockTM red dragon, not to be confused with Thomas Harris’ The Red Dragon :-0
2014-09-11 02:22:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You are such a man” “Wait, was that a question or a statement? I think you ended on an up inflection.”
2014-09-11 02:22:44
@Misantropey: @MockTM Pro Tip: heed warnings from talking skeletons, even if they are clearly puppets from the director’s shed.
2014-09-11 02:23:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Nice rod you got there, Sevril.”
2014-09-11 02:23:13
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM he’s polishing his rod, right there in front of god-n-everybody
2014-09-11 02:23:17
@DrRubidium: @MockTM http://t.co/hxmWQttLWJ
2014-09-11 02:23:18
@szvan: @MockTM The skeleton looks skeptical.
2014-09-11 02:23:19
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Poppies”
2014-09-11 02:24:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Looks like you involuntarily just took a level in dragoon.
2014-09-11 02:24:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM The mall Christmas tree called. It wants its red ball back.
2014-09-11 02:24:13
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Railing kill!
2014-09-11 02:24:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Shields up! Red alert!
2014-09-11 02:24:42
@szvan: @MockTM Someone get him a lozenge.
2014-09-11 02:24:57
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Aim for their wings, you fools! Actually, just aim at them this time. That’s an improvement over the fireballs.”
2014-09-11 02:25:05
@leilah: @mocktm “But their wings keep moving!”
2014-09-11 02:25:08
@DrRubidium: @MockTM “Then give me the rod!” Really? This dialogue?
2014-09-11 02:25:09
@brx0: @MockTM Starting to think think the bad guy really hadn’t thought out this civil war idea.
2014-09-11 02:25:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM She’s dressed like Stevie Nicks in an 80s video
2014-09-11 02:25:32
@blakestacey: @MockTM “What have I done?” Well, it sure wasn’t “emote”.
2014-09-11 02:25:39
@DrRubidium: @MockTM how is Ridley this stupid?
2014-09-11 02:25:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What have I done? I should have maybe sent them after the BOTTOM of the tower where it’s unprotected and they can collapse it.”
2014-09-11 02:26:05
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I got the rod!” “Feels good, doesn’t it” This movie!
2014-09-11 02:26:07
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Aren’t I droll?”
2014-09-11 02:26:21
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Give me the rod” #twss (Sorry, had to be done)
2014-09-11 02:26:35
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Once again, Ridley, I have proven there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away.”
2014-09-11 02:26:50
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM the evil bad guy broke his word?! NEVER saw THAT coming!!
2014-09-11 02:27:04
@brx0: @MockTM Our hero isn’t so great with the negotiating, is he?
2014-09-11 02:27:31
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I lied. Duh. Didn’t you figure out my character alignment?”
2014-09-11 02:27:50
@CyberLizard: @mocktm The elf-lady is the real thief. She’s getting her backstab on!
2014-09-11 02:27:53
@DrRubidium: @mockTM pretty sure you can get that rod at Crate and Barrel
2014-09-11 02:28:17
@szvan: @MockTM Does he know that axe has a blade?
2014-09-11 02:28:17
@Ben_TAF: @brx0 @MockTM and the guards aren’t so great with the frisking, either
2014-09-11 02:28:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Dwarf, use the sharp side of the axe.
2014-09-11 02:28:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM If they’re so good at taking the baddies out, how did they get caught? Oh, right, they were offscreen.
2014-09-11 02:28:24
@Misantropey: @MockTM
“Are YOU such a man?”
“ARE you such a man?”
“Are you SUCH a man?”
“Are you such a MAN?”

“CUT! we’ll fix it later”
2014-09-11 02:28:24
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM now they’re BOTH holding his rod… WHAT is this movie rated?!
2014-09-11 02:28:56
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Really, blue-lips? Really? You expected anything else?
2014-09-11 02:29:34
@Ben_TAF: @DrRubidium @mockTM Pier 1 Imports finds the dragon rods that speak to you!
2014-09-11 02:29:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM There’s our heavy metal bad guy. Where’d Ridley get dumped? He was right behind him.
2014-09-11 02:29:45
@Misantropey: @MockTM If you are going to have a MacGuffin in your film, splurge and make it from something other than plastic.
2014-09-11 02:29:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Where’s Big McLargeHuge when you need him?
2014-09-11 02:29:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, there he is, where he can make no difference at all.
2014-09-11 02:30:00
@brx0: @MockTM Making a final stand in a stained glass tower wasn’t too smart, was it?
2014-09-11 02:30:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Owa tana siam!”
2014-09-11 02:30:16
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Oh, boy, Jeremy Irons O face again
2014-09-11 02:30:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “My destiny. My…. PRECIOUSSSS”
2014-09-11 02:30:39
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “BADGUY!” “… sup?”
2014-09-11 02:30:57
@CyberLizard: @mocktm THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
2014-09-11 02:31:24
@szvan: @MockTM And that’s why you don’t do the big, dramatic, overhand sword swings.
2014-09-11 02:31:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Gold dragons are significantly more powerful than red dragons.
2014-09-11 02:31:48
@brx0: @MockTM Why are their swords electric now?
2014-09-11 02:31:52
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM oh, they took out a TIE fighter! Aw, hell- I give up.
2014-09-11 02:31:56
@Misantropey: @MockTM “Ah, my density!”

This movie could use Christopher Lloyd or Crispin Glover in a bad way.
2014-09-11 02:32:03
@CyberLizard: @mocktm NOW he’s acting like a thief. Nailed that backstab roll
2014-09-11 02:32:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Backstab. FINALLY.
2014-09-11 02:32:30
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “RAAR RAAR RAAR RAR RAAAAR!!” Jeremy Iron’s dialogue
2014-09-11 02:33:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh Jeremy Irons. Never change.
2014-09-11 02:33:14
@szvan: @Misantropey @MockTM Why not? It’s used all its other actors in a bad way.
2014-09-11 02:33:15
@Misantropey: @MockTM

“He can’t breathe! You pieced his lungs! His lips have gone blue!”

“Nah, he’s just like that”
2014-09-11 02:33:15
@leilah: @lousycanuck @MockTM And they can change form! Wait, that’s only in the Witcher.
2014-09-11 02:33:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’ll invent a new destiny! With blackjack! And hookers!”
2014-09-11 02:33:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM So this is a duel… to the pain then.
2014-09-11 02:33:47
@Misantropey: @szvan @MockTM Crispin Glover with blue lips and plastic armor would be A-OK.
2014-09-11 02:34:08
@lousycanuck: @MockTM You manifested loot just to throw it away, you’re so badass.
2014-09-11 02:34:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM And, his team is ineffectual as always
2014-09-11 02:34:19
@DrRubidium: @MockTM that’s a lot of useless gold
2014-09-11 02:34:26
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM This is Jim-Carrey-level scene chewing, here
2014-09-11 02:34:55
@Misantropey: @MockTM If he says “I have the power”, I’m leaving.
2014-09-11 02:34:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You really think you can use that? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha… oh.”
2014-09-11 02:35:14
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh, our hero is having Important Emotions.
2014-09-11 02:35:30
@CyberLizard: @mocktm I’ll never join you. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
2014-09-11 02:35:32
@DrRubidium: @MockTM you mean this whole time the Empress could have ordered one of her dragons to eat that fool?
2014-09-11 02:35:56
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM nice use of the echo machine
2014-09-11 02:35:59
@Misantropey: @MockTM The only way to save her is to spend the rest of the budget, fast!
2014-09-11 02:36:38
@DrRubidium: @MockTM what’s up with the 3 belts?
2014-09-11 02:36:43
@brx0: @MockTM OMNOMNOM
2014-09-11 02:36:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Spell of Summon Monkey on Their Back. (Necromancy spell, of course.)
2014-09-11 02:36:47
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM So we’re back to the German, only dubbing this time, instead of subtitles?
2014-09-11 02:36:57
@szvan: @MockTM Not only has he forgotten the guy with a the sword standing behind him, so has the guy behind him.
2014-09-11 02:36:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh, he’s gonna give you some indigestion something bad.
2014-09-11 02:37:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well. The scenery finally chewed back.
2014-09-11 02:37:17
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Most useless. Dwarf. Evar.
2014-09-11 02:37:25
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM That dragon needed more *takes off sunglasses* IRON in his diet *YEEEAAAAAAAH!!*
2014-09-11 02:37:32
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Or was that magic speak. That was magic speak. I suck at foreign language.
2014-09-11 02:37:32
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Alright, who forgot to invite the Ewoks?
2014-09-11 02:38:08
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I declare that you are now all equal” Damn, why didn’t Obama think of that?
2014-09-11 02:38:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Number of things dwarf hit: 4-ish. Number of things dwarf hit that matter: zero.
2014-09-11 02:38:40
@DrRubidium: @mockTM ..and I’m BACK! Because that rock is magic!
2014-09-11 02:38:44
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I’ve been practicing these rock stacking techniques down by the bay…
2014-09-11 02:38:48
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ridley took a level in Biker.
2014-09-11 02:38:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM “You hear that, buddy? That’s for you. In the loosest sense of the word.”
2014-09-11 02:38:52
@Misantropey: @MockTM “I declare everyone equal! Racism and classism are over!”

*raises Mission Accomplished banner*
2014-09-11 02:38:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Wow, he really, uh- put some big effort into that tombstone
2014-09-11 02:39:06
@lousycanuck: @MockTM An inukshuk? I’m not entirely sure that’s appropriate to Snails’ heritage. Also, the loot you put on top will get stolen in 3, 2…
2014-09-11 02:39:42
@szvan: @MockTM Who knew you could get knighted for cheekbones?
2014-09-11 02:39:54
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM The same thing happened in “Sebastian and the Magic Pebble!”
2014-09-11 02:40:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM If Snails doesn’t come out of that grave a vampire, I’m going to be pissed.
2014-09-11 02:40:28
@Misantropey: @MockTM That potato carving just faded away like nothing! Must be magic Snails.
2014-09-11 02:40:34
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “your friend awaits you…with his rod- oh, wait”
2014-09-11 02:40:37
@brx0: @MockTM Hey, Snails has a disembodied glowing reincarnatey ET heart or something.
2014-09-11 02:40:37
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Aaaaaaand… go TEAM!”
2014-09-11 02:40:54
@DrRubidium: @mockTM Joel Silver was the executive producer? Now that is a surprise ending.
2014-09-11 02:40:55
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh no! I’ve seen Dawn of the Dead, I know how this goes from here. Nope! I’m out!
2014-09-11 02:41:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM *everyone looks at the dwarf* “ALL RIGHT FINE I’ll touch the glowy thing. Jeez.”
2014-09-11 02:41:11
@brx0: @MockTM Or… I dunno what just happened. What was that? Trippy, man.
2014-09-11 02:41:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Written by: A Complete Moron
2014-09-11 02:41:26
@Misantropey: @MockTM They should have reconsidered the font size for these credits. I would have gone small. Very small.
2014-09-11 02:41:47
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Do not question your gift, everyone touch this rock so we can get disintegrated.” “OKAY!!~”
2014-09-11 02:41:48
@szvan: @MockTM I’m just going to tell myself they were all reunited–instantly–in the afterlife.
2014-09-11 02:41:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM At long last, our nightmare is over.
2014-09-11 02:41:58
@CyberLizard: @mocktm I want to wash the taste of this horrible D&D out of my mouth with a game of Spellfire.
2014-09-11 02:42:41
@blakestacey: @MockTM The term “credits” strikes me as overly generous here.
2014-09-11 02:42:41
@Misantropey: @szvan @MockTM Party wipe via magic glowing potato grenade
2014-09-11 02:42:46
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM I read somewhere that Tarantino was gonna do a remake of this…with a really funny “disco dancing” scene
2014-09-11 02:42:55
@szvan: @Misantropey @MockTM Whatever it takes, man. Whatever it takes. Just wipe them out.
2014-09-11 02:43:29
@lousycanuck: @CyberLizard @mocktm I’m in. Somehow. Need to dig my Eye of the Dragon out of the closet to teleport though.
2014-09-11 02:43:30
@leilah: @mocktm “Another Mage”? Really?
2014-09-11 02:43:47
@lousycanuck: @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM LEROOOOOOOY JENKINNNNNNNS
2014-09-11 02:43:54
@Misantropey: @szvan @MockTM Re-roll characters for the almost certain sequel. Right?
2014-09-11 02:44:14
@lousycanuck: @leilah @mocktm Da da dun dun dun, another mage bites the dust.
2014-09-11 02:44:28
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Wow, it’s… uh- Man, it’s just too bad… uh- I mean, wow… I missed the first 40 minutes?
2014-09-11 02:44:40
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Music by John Wollioms?
2014-09-11 02:44:43
@szvan: @Misantropey @MockTM As far as I know, the only one they brought back was Damodar. I can deal with that.
2014-09-11 02:44:53
@Misantropey: @lousycanuck @szvan @MockTM I would love if someone went through this movie and estimated all of the rolls. I’m predicting a lot of nat 1s
2014-09-11 02:45:35
@leilah: @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM Wait, that wasn’t a joke? They really made a sequel? To THIS?
2014-09-11 02:45:38
@szvan: @leilah @Misantropey @MockTM Two!
2014-09-11 02:46:03
@lousycanuck: @Misantropey @szvan @MockTM “Failed perception roll. Failed dexterity roll. Failed intelligence roll. Failed intelligence roll.”
2014-09-11 02:46:13
@leilah: @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM …I’m speechless.
2014-09-11 02:46:25
@lousycanuck: @leilah @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM They’re going on the list.
2014-09-11 02:46:33
@leilah: @lousycanuck @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM Nooooooooooooooooooo!
2014-09-11 02:46:53
@CyberLizard: @szvan @leilah @Misantropey @MockTM My poor, poor D&D. I’m SO sorry they did this to you 🙁
2014-09-11 02:47:03
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Alright, everyone pick out someone they wanna punch
2014-09-11 02:47:05
@lousycanuck: @leilah @szvan @Misantropey @MockTM http://t.co/b2qGr7uBLN
2014-09-11 02:47:13
@lousycanuck: @Rowsdower30 @MockTM Just one? That’s not fair. Everyone but Irons, who plainly knew what kind of shit this was.
2014-09-11 02:47:48
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “No dragons or animals were hurt in the filming of this movie” No, just our very souls.
2014-09-11 02:48:09
@Misantropey: @szvan @leilah @MockTM Both have higher IMDb scores than this. That’s probably because no one watched them though…
2014-09-11 02:48:50
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Oh Grod NO! It’s starting over!!! Where’s the remote?!
2014-09-11 02:49:02
@lousycanuck: @Misantropey @szvan @leilah @MockTM We have to change that.
2014-09-11 02:49:07
@lousycanuck: @CyberLizard @mocktm You failed a saving throw.
2014-09-11 02:49:29
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM it felt like several souls cried out at once…then were silenced
2014-09-11 02:50:11
@Ben_TAF: @szvan @leilah @Misantropey @MockTM Yes!
2014-09-11 02:50:23
@Misantropey: That’s another one in the bag. @MockTM is great fun, I encourage more to join. I don’t encourage watching D&D. Instead: Mazes and Monsters.
2014-09-11 02:51:12

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Mock The Movie: Dungeons and Dragons transcript
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