Mock The Movie: Slugs: The Movie transcript

I’ll admit it — I can’t resist a movie with “Colon The Movie” in the title. This was a “quality” schlocky horror film from the late 80s, and it sure tasted like it. Moving to the monthly cycle seems to have reinvigorated our participation base, too — seems once every two weeks was too much for even our hardiest stalwarts. Watch this especially for the SCIENCE!!! that happens involving some sorta science goo that can explode on moisture, taken into the sewers for no particular reason.

February 5th, we mock Road House. We’ll see how well the stalwarts do while getting roundhouse-kicked repeatedly.

@CA7746: @MockTM New World Pictures, a subsidiary of AT&T?
2014-01-02 02:02:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And we begin with the truest mark of 80s quality there ever was: the New World Pictures logo.
2014-01-02 02:02:11
@abiodork: @mocktm Oh…this is going to hurt.
2014-01-02 02:02:11
@CA7746: @MockTM I’m bored. There’s a sewer outlet. Time to strip!
2014-01-02 02:02:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wayne discovered a natural Kool-Aid geyser under the lake!
2014-01-02 02:03:43
@abiodork: @mocktm I give that scream a six out of 10. I expect better from you, Slugs.
2014-01-02 02:03:57
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Date Idea! FISHING!!!!!
2014-01-02 02:04:04
@CA7746: @MockTM Parental advisory: May contain nudibranchs.
2014-01-02 02:04:11
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Ah, monochrome filtered stock footage, title sequence standby of the creature feature about animals that aren’t inherently scary.
2014-01-02 02:04:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Based on the novel? Wow. I bet the prose in that is amazing. Hot pseudopod on pseudopod action.
2014-01-02 02:05:20
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Not saying it’s a bad date idea, just saying that not many women I know are impressed by fishing as a seduction tool.
2014-01-02 02:05:25
@szvan: @MockTM And those are the last real slugs we’ll see during this movie, though we’ll see them several times.
2014-01-02 02:05:32
@abiodork: @mocktm Oh that dog is so dead.
2014-01-02 02:05:44
@szvan: @MockTM “That’s a good boy. Did you see that? Did you get a license number?”
2014-01-02 02:05:57
@Million_Gods: @lousycanuck @MockTM Somewhere @pzmyers is taking notes… furiously.
2014-01-02 02:05:57
@cinextrana: @mocktm Really? You just yelled at the dog? You’re even more dead now, dude.
2014-01-02 02:06:51
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Did you just try and run over someone at slightly faster than walking speed? And by driving on the road not the pavement?
2014-01-02 02:06:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Eviction notice.” “Condemnation notice.” “Burn notice.” Ya bastards.
2014-01-02 02:07:10
@szvan: @MockTM He wasn’t actually eaten by the slugs. His dog just got tired of him.
2014-01-02 02:08:04
@abiodork: @mocktm Mmmm…mutant slugs say thanks for the pizza.
2014-01-02 02:08:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Come on, Maureen. Slow up already. With that much hairspray combined with that much booze, you’re going to spontaneously combust.
2014-01-02 02:08:25
@Million_Gods: @MockTM As an avid gardener I know that beer attracts slugs.
2014-01-02 02:08:58
@abiodork: @MockTM – yay for telling the womanfolk when she’s had enough. Bad, bad Maureen.
2014-01-02 02:09:14
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “I’m Rick and Danny’s mother, and I’m extremely rude!”
2014-01-02 02:09:15
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I am not much of a dancer. It’s because I have a disability. I am painfully white and in the 80s. No one needs to see that happen.
2014-01-02 02:09:50
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Is she trying to float the idea of a threesome with Maureen? I’m not good at these signals.
2014-01-02 02:10:10
@abiodork: @mocktm
As always, you guys pick movies with the best dialogue 🙂
2014-01-02 02:10:20
@Million_Gods: @lousycanuck @MockTM No the signal is pretty strong. As is his sniggering.
2014-01-02 02:11:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Listen, Mirian, I can’t just drop this massive phone handset and come home. It’s glued to my hand!”
2014-01-02 02:11:12
@thetwillis: @MockTM True fact: Slugs like to watch.
2014-01-02 02:11:21
@szvan: @MockTM What’s the difference between snails and slugs? Slugs do it without the shells! They’re HARDCORE!
2014-01-02 02:11:27
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Oh no! Jaws Rip Off Music!
2014-01-02 02:11:35
@leilah: @mocktm “Snails, slugs, what’s the difference?” Someone go get Taxonomy Hulk.
2014-01-02 02:11:37
@abiodork: @Mocktm “Slugs, snails – what’s the difference?” Oh hell no! #biologyrage
2014-01-02 02:11:39
@ReasJack: @MockTM What time mark are you guys at?
2014-01-02 02:11:47
@CA7746: @MockTM “Well, both our windows were rolled up, so it ain’t littering. … Sonova-”
2014-01-02 02:12:02
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Thrilling parking action!
2014-01-02 02:12:04
@leilah: @ReasJack @MockTM I think we started at 6:01-ish. I’m at 10:30.
2014-01-02 02:12:23
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Sheriff, littering?” “I AM THE LAW.”
2014-01-02 02:12:24
@thetwillis: @MockTM The music is very excited about the way he parked that car.
2014-01-02 02:13:10
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Anti-Smoking PSA… If smoking comes up as a solution to beat the damn slugs I will say “CALLED IT”
2014-01-02 02:13:14
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM When exfoliation goes too far…
2014-01-02 02:13:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh my god… it’s that actor from No Country for Old Men.”
2014-01-02 02:13:40
@CA7746: @MockTM Liver, kidneys, and heart? That’s offal.
2014-01-02 02:14:00
@abiodork: @mocktm Not even in ‘NAM!
2014-01-02 02:14:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Entering houses without warrants is prefectly legal procedure
2014-01-02 02:14:28
@abiodork: @mocktm Yeah, going back in sounds like fun.
2014-01-02 02:14:28
@ReasJack: @MockTM They bought that model body from They Live.
2014-01-02 02:14:43
@cinextrana: @mocktm Kid, you weren’t old enough to be in ‘Nam.
2014-01-02 02:15:02
@abiodork: @mocktm For once going *down* the stairs is the wrong move in a bad horror film.
2014-01-02 02:15:23
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Liver, Kidneys and Heart? The Tin Man needed courage but he decided to also deal in piss and vinegar and bile.
2014-01-02 02:15:34
@abiodork: @mocktm Racoons – inconceivable. Maybe rats?
2014-01-02 02:15:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Excuse me, Mr. Brady, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but someone wants to talk to you about getting better rates on car insurance.”
2014-01-02 02:16:03
@CA7746: @MockTM “It was offal.” Called it!
2014-01-02 02:17:17
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We can start anywhere you want, young man, as long as we end up in bed. With heavy petting.”
2014-01-02 02:17:25
@abiodork: @mocktm Dude – she totally looks like the slug from Monsters Inc!
2014-01-02 02:17:26
@ReasJack: @MockTM These guys need to go to indifferent bureaucrat training.
2014-01-02 02:17:26
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I want results damnit! Or Hand In Your Badge!
2014-01-02 02:18:19
@ReasJack: @MockTM That dog is slug food.
2014-01-02 02:18:21
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “‘Tight spaces?’ Joke’s on him. This is bigger than my apartment. And the rent is cheaper.”
2014-01-02 02:18:59
@thetwillis: @lousycanuck @MockTM And she’ll want him to wear that yellow suit.
2014-01-02 02:19:06
@Million_Gods: @MockTM More methane than some other planets? That seems unlikely….
2014-01-02 02:19:07
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Hey, gimme back my poop-scraper!!”
2014-01-02 02:19:45
@thetwillis: @MockTM Protip: The mask doesn’t do you a lot of good unless you actually breathe through it.
2014-01-02 02:19:59
@abiodork: @mocktm Damn carnivorous slugs didn’t even eat the meat on that thing.
2014-01-02 02:20:03
@cinextrana: @mocktm Was that a tenderloin?
2014-01-02 02:20:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait is that a gigantic plastic bag… what the hell is that lady disposing off down the loo?
2014-01-02 02:20:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Any thoughts how Romeo and Juliet might have solved their problems?” “Well… what if instead of suicide, they murdered everyone?”
2014-01-02 02:20:32
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM ah I see you have read the Klingon version
2014-01-02 02:20:56
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, David Lee Roth there is soooo dead.
2014-01-02 02:21:08
@abiodork: @mocktm Kissing teenagers – so dead.
2014-01-02 02:21:12
@lousycanuck: @ingdamnit @MockTM TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO RENAME ROSES.
2014-01-02 02:21:17
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Maybe their parents would have understood? HAVE YOU READ FUCKING ROMEO AND JULIET!
2014-01-02 02:21:20
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait! Act 3! FFS! They have not comitted suicide yet!!!
2014-01-02 02:21:47
@ReasJack: @MockTM Hey its the badboy cliche.
2014-01-02 02:21:54
@CA7746: @MockTM I see they have a MATH textbook.
2014-01-02 02:22:03
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You know he is a bad boy because he has a leather jacket.
2014-01-02 02:22:22
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The goat killer.” “Don’t be silly. That’s a myth, unlike Chupacabra and Ron Popeil.”
2014-01-02 02:22:30
@ReasJack: @MockTM Did they pick the soundtrack at random?
2014-01-02 02:22:43
@szvan: @MockTM “I’m hungry, babe, so I’m going to eat all your hair.”
2014-01-02 02:22:43
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM misread as Ron Paul, who is indeed an urban myth
2014-01-02 02:23:00
@Million_Gods: @lousycanuck @MockTM Goat Killer? We call that Tommy Lee Jones….
2014-01-02 02:23:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Henpecked husband trope. Both gonna die, but of course the wife will die first.
2014-01-02 02:24:04
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Teenagers not wanting to go to parties? BURN HER! SHE IS A WITCH!
2014-01-02 02:24:10
@thetwillis: @MockTM If you didn’t care what they were, why did you ask what they were?
2014-01-02 02:24:20
@lousycanuck: @MockTM In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan, it turns out the slugs were actually lettuce the whole time.
2014-01-02 02:24:29
@abiodork: @mocktm I’m super annoyed that I can’t find the soundtrack for this movie online.
2014-01-02 02:24:44
@szvan: @MockTM Feeling sorry for the poor props guy sitting under that sink. “Move the lettuce…menacingly?”
2014-01-02 02:24:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM As a gardener with so many plants you would be a lot more hacked off with slug eggs of that quantity and magnitude.
2014-01-02 02:25:10
@abiodork: @mocktm Oooo… can we have fan wars over slow slugs vs. fast slugs?
2014-01-02 02:25:42
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Other prediction. Slugs only attack people who are drinking.
2014-01-02 02:25:47
@ReasJack: @MockTM Wait. Is she drinking and watching a bad movie? Soooo meta.
2014-01-02 02:25:56
@abiodork: @mocktm NO YOU DON’T CUT OFF YOUR HAND.
2014-01-02 02:26:15
2014-01-02 02:26:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM He’d better replace that hand with a chainsaw when he’s done.
2014-01-02 02:27:00
@Million_Gods: @MockTM what chemicals do you have in your garden that knock people unconscious if broken?
2014-01-02 02:27:01
@ingdamnit: @Million_Gods @MockTM Slugs actually are really attracted to beer so I can believe that!
2014-01-02 02:27:14
@abiodork: @mocktm – WTF
2014-01-02 02:27:32
@ReasJack: @MockTM Jaaaane. Stop this cray thing. Jaaaaane!
2014-01-02 02:27:37
@leilah: @mocktm This is NOT how you get rid of slugs. Ok, no I take it back. THAT is not how you get rid of slugs.
2014-01-02 02:27:45
@szvan: @MockTM Well, I can’t say it wasn’t the most satisfying scene in the movie so far.
2014-01-02 02:27:46
@Million_Gods: @MockTM That is one blunt axe…
2014-01-02 02:28:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM I look forward to the intermission when Mike and the Bots sing about the slugs’ weakness: sodium.
2014-01-02 02:28:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait did slugs blow up two people?
2014-01-02 02:28:42
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You see these slime trails everywhere? Republican politicians moved into the neighborhood recently.”
2014-01-02 02:29:12
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Forensics in this town is awfully shitty. Well considering they describe dead bodies as icky.
2014-01-02 02:29:24
@cinextrana: @mocktm Favourite part of the whole movie. Chompy the slug. =)
2014-01-02 02:29:41
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Maureen brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels.
2014-01-02 02:30:06
@ReasJack: @MockTM And leave me here with the slugs. No way.
2014-01-02 02:30:21
@Million_Gods: @lousycanuck @MockTM Jack? She’s classy! That’s curvoisier!
2014-01-02 02:30:51
@CA7746: @MockTM *Dramatic parking*
2014-01-02 02:30:52
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “I thought we’d eat light tonight: lettuce and ketchup salad!”
2014-01-02 02:30:55
@abiodork: @mocktm – I hope the slug bites her in the butt. Just cuz.
2014-01-02 02:30:59
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I was kind of hoping for some hors d’oeuvres.” “Hmmm.” “Could you make devilled egs?” “Uh…”
2014-01-02 02:31:12
@abiodork: @mocktm – Shit. They’re going to do science. *buckles in*
2014-01-02 02:31:38
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Can we stop referring to sex via food analogies?
2014-01-02 02:31:52
2014-01-02 02:32:08
@CA7746: @MockTM Real gardeners hate slugs. That guy that blew up was just a greenhouse enthusiast.
2014-01-02 02:32:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What does it eat?” “Greens, mainly. And a human now and then.”
2014-01-02 02:32:27
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Honestly? I would be less insulted if you had him speak with a Dick Van Dyke accent.
2014-01-02 02:32:52
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM Perfectly describes a llama i once owned
2014-01-02 02:33:05
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Nothing says “science laboratory” like the sign in the background exhorting you to drive carefully in school zones.
2014-01-02 02:33:11
@cinextrana: @mocktm You don’t want to maybe, I don’t know, warn the guy about the biting slug before you go?
2014-01-02 02:33:30
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You’re not a bitch. I think the real problem is…” “My drinking. I know.” “Yeah. You’re nasty when you’re sober. Drink more.”
2014-01-02 02:33:49
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Why are they asking a chemist about biology?
2014-01-02 02:33:50
@szvan: @MockTM Well, there goes her sobriety plan.
2014-01-02 02:33:53
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “What’s wrong?”
“Just feeling a little sluggish.”
2014-01-02 02:33:57
@ReasJack: Gratuitious lingerie scene take 2. @MockTM
2014-01-02 02:34:15
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM dangerous materials near school zones? must take place in Texas
2014-01-02 02:34:19
@CA7746: @MockTM “Honey, do you think Kim’s attractive?”
2014-01-02 02:34:22
@abiodork: @RealEnthusedMTM @MockTM Ba da dum!
2014-01-02 02:34:25
@Million_Gods: @ReasJack @MockTM There is no such thing….
2014-01-02 02:34:27
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You are what you eat. And what you ate was slugs…
2014-01-02 02:35:05
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “I need to go over these papers one more time, make sure they’re still rectangular.”
2014-01-02 02:35:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM 20 minutes? And then I will be up. For Sex. And by sex I mean dessert
2014-01-02 02:35:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Come on, clunk her head, CLUNK HER HEAD, awww…
2014-01-02 02:36:00
@abiodork: @Million_Gods @MockTM Wereslugs! Worse shifter possibility ever.
2014-01-02 02:36:07
@szvan: @MockTM Bets on whether she spit out her gum?
2014-01-02 02:36:13
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Man teenagers in the 80s learnt their seduction methods from the Famous Five
2014-01-02 02:36:56
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Jesus, what a stash.”
“But I waxed!”
2014-01-02 02:36:58
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You know what I want.” *rubs body* “Moisturiser. Like a goddamn alligator up in here.”
2014-01-02 02:37:23
@leilah: @abiodork @Million_Gods @MockTM I bet it’d make a fortune as an e-book… The Scent of Slime?
2014-01-02 02:37:37
@szvan: @MockTM “You know what I want: To touch myself in every place that won’t freak out the MPAA.”
2014-01-02 02:37:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM No slugs were harmed in the making of this film.
2014-01-02 02:37:56
@ingdamnit: @szvan @MockTM so forehead and elbows?
2014-01-02 02:38:11
@ReasJack: @MockTM Booze trumps ongoing sex. For that alone he should be feed to the damn slugs
2014-01-02 02:38:13
@abiodork: @mocktm – No! Not the hamster!
2014-01-02 02:38:17
2014-01-02 02:38:26
@Million_Gods: @MockTM We now have this sexy interlude…. of SCIENCE
2014-01-02 02:38:32
@CA7746: @MockTM Great, now we’re gonna have hybrids….
2014-01-02 02:38:35
@szvan: @ingdamnit @MockTM And sides. Lots of sides.
2014-01-02 02:38:45
@ingdamnit: @szvan @MockTM nah those are all elbows and foreheads shot to look like sides
2014-01-02 02:39:15
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “DON’T STOP!” “But you’re bawling! That’s not a normal reaction to sex.”
2014-01-02 02:39:23
@ingdamnit: @szvan @MockTM clever camera work for elbows looks more like side boob than real sideboob does trade secret
2014-01-02 02:39:40
@abiodork: @mocktm – Woah. That’s a lot more softcore than I would have thought would have got through here.
2014-01-02 02:39:49
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Dear Scientist in Movie. Do not align slide specimen with finger. It’s bad science even if you aren’t facing carnivore snails.
2014-01-02 02:39:54
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Who knew people were filled with so much ketchup.
2014-01-02 02:39:54
@szvan: @MockTM Just in case you were considering getting remotely turned on by that scene….
2014-01-02 02:40:15
@abiodork: @mocktm – Holy shit, WHY CAN’T I STOP LAUGHING?
2014-01-02 02:40:16
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh for gods sake would you slugs hit a vital organ already?
2014-01-02 02:40:43
@Million_Gods: @MockTM That must have been some awfully good sex if you didn’t notice the freaking carpet of slugs.
2014-01-02 02:41:10
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “My God, it has been a horrible first half of a movie.”
2014-01-02 02:41:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Maybe if I listen to this lullaby music and vividly remember things, my life will come into focus again.
2014-01-02 02:41:46
@abiodork: @mocktm I bet he’s thinking “correlation isn’t causation”.
2014-01-02 02:41:48
@ReasJack: @MockTM Yes. The girl who likes sex gets it first.
2014-01-02 02:41:54
@Million_Gods: @ReasJack @MockTM In more ways than one… BAM!
2014-01-02 02:42:20
@szvan: @MockTM And the slugs’ weakness turns out to be antacid.
2014-01-02 02:42:31
@Million_Gods: @MockTM FINALLY! SALT!
2014-01-02 02:42:53
@szvan: @MockTM I wonder how the slugs evolved to not use slime at crime scenes.
2014-01-02 02:43:13
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Yeesh! Problems at home, sheriff?
2014-01-02 02:43:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I know this sounds crazy as hell, but just hear me. Maybe, just maybe, we’re dealing with… ALIENS.”
2014-01-02 02:43:40
@abiodork: @mocktm Haha! A TOE truck.
2014-01-02 02:43:46
@ingdamnit: @szvan @MockTM imagining slugs sliding across a grill to burn off their finger prints
2014-01-02 02:44:09
@thetwillis: @MockTM Killer slugs that eat meat and know to flee a murder scene.
2014-01-02 02:44:14
@cinextrana: @mocktm Heck, I’d pay to see a demented cricket horror movie. Kickstarter, anyone?
2014-01-02 02:44:16
@Million_Gods: @MockTM for once I want to fight a monster that’s repelled by sex. Maybe Fred Phelps?
2014-01-02 02:44:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Mike. Listen. I can’t tell you on the phone. THEY’RE LISTENING.”
2014-01-02 02:44:48
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Upholstered office walls? Swank-y!
2014-01-02 02:44:58
@thetwillis: @ingdamnit @szvan @MockTM Slugs don’t have fingers. Great. You’ve just totally wrecked my willing suspension of disbelief.
2014-01-02 02:45:10
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM awww got image of little slugs in a van wearing little head phones
2014-01-02 02:45:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Half eaten rats, chickens, cats and even a large dog… El Goat Killer strikes again
2014-01-02 02:46:10
@abiodork: @mocktm – Toxic Waste Dump – there it is!
2014-01-02 02:46:24
@ReasJack: @MockTM Slugs erupt from body in front of clients in 10. 9, 8, 7….
2014-01-02 02:46:27
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I discovered that in the 60s, this entire area was a hippie commune. The peyote and weed might have created these slugs.”
2014-01-02 02:46:29
@abiodork: @mocktm – I’m kinda sad it wasn’t an ancient Indian burial ground.
2014-01-02 02:47:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh, ohhh. I’ll be back in a minute. Just need to powder my pseudopod.”
2014-01-02 02:47:19
@Million_Gods: @MockTM This movie would be more amusing if the main villain were 4 mutated turtles and their rat boss.
2014-01-02 02:47:36
@thetwillis: @MockTM A toxic waste dump that was built on an ancient slug burial mound.
2014-01-02 02:47:50
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, noes! The slugs are going for his brain! Slug-ZOMBIES!
2014-01-02 02:48:04
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM ahem! GASTROPOD!
2014-01-02 02:48:08
2014-01-02 02:48:30
@ReasJack: @MockTM 3…..2…..1….we have
2014-01-02 02:49:22
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Might as well tell him now, because you fucking suck at keeping secrets.
2014-01-02 02:49:25
@szvan: @MockTM Oh, 1980s. How long it’s been since toxic waste was a bloody nightmare and not a bureaucratic nightmare.
2014-01-02 02:50:17
@abiodork: @mocktm Those looked like maggots, not slugs, that exploded out of his eye. Sloppy, producers. Sloppy.
2014-01-02 02:50:18
@Million_Gods: @MockTM This is horrifying! Let’s all watch. Except the guy who’s taken the opportuniity to comfort the hot waitress.
2014-01-02 02:50:20
@ReasJack: @MockTM Waiter I’d like to change my escargot order to mozarella sticks.
2014-01-02 02:50:24
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Correct me if I’m wrong but “culo” is ass, right, He was going to shove worms right up his ass? That’s… a kinky suggestion.
2014-01-02 02:51:01
@Felix3333: Have to say, all the tweets live mocking the alien slug movie much improve my TL. @MockTM
2014-01-02 02:51:29
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Food poisoning? Mike, I checked that guy’s menu. He had escargot, not slugs.”
2014-01-02 02:51:45
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Guy dies of explosive haemorrhage in a public area. No one brings the CDC in to the conversation. Ah the pre-ebola days
2014-01-02 02:51:53
@szvan: @MockTM Look, I know the town is small, but just getting to the school is going to take more than five minutes. Way to over-promise.
2014-01-02 02:52:14
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “The slugs came from Dave Watson’s head. We traced them using my slug origin database search engine.”
2014-01-02 02:52:51
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Now get out of here. You’re interrupting my very important food coloring research. The PAAS corporation is gonna have my ass.”
2014-01-02 02:53:02
@abiodork: @mocktm – A sewer? Why didn’t I think of that?
2014-01-02 02:53:19
@ReasJack: @MockTM I don’t think you have to close a place where guy just got eaten alive. Nah.
2014-01-02 02:53:33
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Schistosomiasis does not cause explosive haemorrhage.
2014-01-02 02:53:35
@ReasJack: @Million_Gods @MockTM Awwww, you’re no fun 😉
2014-01-02 02:54:56
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Hurry! But drive under the speed limit.
2014-01-02 02:55:02
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Slugs in the sink? Oh my kingdom for a garbage disposal!”
2014-01-02 02:55:07
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “Hang in there? How do I do that?“
“Just look at that inspirational cat poster I bought you!”
2014-01-02 02:55:41
@szvan: @MockTM “Look, I have to go now. I have to leave you here with the slugs because I have to take my unicycle.”
2014-01-02 02:55:51
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Just hang in there. You’ll be fine.” “How? How am I going to do that?” “Hairspray and a lighter. And you’re bigger than them.”
2014-01-02 02:56:01
@abiodork: @mocktm – Also…maybe you should leave the slug-infested house.
2014-01-02 02:56:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Is this your idea of a joke?” “No, my idea of a joke is ‘A grilled cheese sandwich walks into a bar.'”
2014-01-02 02:56:31
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I am losing my mind… at slugs? Worst Arkham Asylum Character Ever….
2014-01-02 02:56:57
@CA7746: @MockTM “AND you gotta pay royalties. THEN you can sing Happy Birthday.”
2014-01-02 02:57:02
@szvan: @MockTM See? I told you the people insinuating I was crazy weren’t actually arguing.
2014-01-02 02:57:11
@ingdamnit: @lousycanuck @MockTM if only they were near a readily available source of salt
2014-01-02 02:57:11
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Is that… Mayor Frank Drebbin? Mutated Slugs? SURELY NOT!
2014-01-02 02:57:31
@abiodork: @mocktm HAHAHA! You ain’t got the authority to declare happy birthday! New meme, please.
2014-01-02 02:57:34
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Why are all the city employees so surly?
2014-01-02 02:57:55
@lousycanuck: @Million_Gods @MockTM No, we’re serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
2014-01-02 02:58:05
@CA7746: @MockTM *Ominous parking*
2014-01-02 02:58:12
@thetwillis: @MockTM I like the way the music really seems to care.
2014-01-02 02:58:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I’m sorry Mr. Mayor, but what I have to say can’t wait. The meteor is heading straight for town. We have to call Bruce Willis.”
2014-01-02 02:59:28
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Put down the phone.” “But I was calling that guy you said we needed to get in touch with.”
2014-01-02 03:00:13
@thetwillis: @MockTM Mayor: Psst! ixnay on the isasterday talk!
2014-01-02 03:00:15
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Who the hell do you think you are? I AM THE LAW
2014-01-02 03:00:25
@CA7746: @MockTM Nothing to hide in this town… except that bathroom.
2014-01-02 03:01:01
@abiodork: @mocktm Yes let’s just see!
2014-01-02 03:01:16
@thetwillis: @MockTM Uh, didn’t you guys just watch a dude’s head explode?
2014-01-02 03:01:38
@ReasJack: @MockTM Now see, this community knows the value of not calling in anything like a federal nanny-state expert. Just use teachers.
2014-01-02 03:01:50
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I don’t know what your game is… Parcheesi.
2014-01-02 03:01:56
@szvan: @MockTM Sorry, the correct word is “disbelieving”. #pedant
2014-01-02 03:02:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Mr. Phillips? Are you okay there?” “Stay back, I’m taking a wicked dump in here!”
2014-01-02 03:02:45
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM Terror facepalm!
2014-01-02 03:02:55
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Why won’t you believe me! That’s because you keep showing up without your scientific expert and the carnivore slug you have…
2014-01-02 03:03:02
@szvan: @MockTM “We need to get them all in one place.” “Drunken orgy!”
2014-01-02 03:03:38
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Making a bunch of science stuff all at once is no problem, but getting them in one place –” “Don’t worry, I have a flute.”
2014-01-02 03:03:45
2014-01-02 03:03:48
@CA7746: @MockTM *Regular parking*
2014-01-02 03:04:11
@abiodork: @mocktm – sorry, there’s been a lot of all caps for this movie.
2014-01-02 03:04:36
@CA7746: @MockTM 53 on the back, 42 on the front?
2014-01-02 03:04:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Ooh, Brillo product placement.
2014-01-02 03:04:44
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “We’re pocket pals!”
2014-01-02 03:04:48
@szvan: @MockTM “Coffee?” “No, thanks. We’ll be in the den. Oh, also? You might not want to draw the water for that coffee.”
2014-01-02 03:05:39
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Lithium Arsenic is perfectly safe for human usage. Toxic Waste caused this and this is clearly not toxic waste.
2014-01-02 03:05:40
@leilah: @lousycanuck @MockTM Actually, cleaning products would be perfect for product placement in this film. Good choice.
2014-01-02 03:05:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “You want to take stuff that explodes on moisture into the sewer?” “Don, we have no alternative.” “What about salt?”
2014-01-02 03:06:04
@cinextrana: @mocktm What about beer? Why does no one want to trap them with an enormous thing of beer? Think of the comedy potential!
2014-01-02 03:06:14
@Million_Gods: @MockTM We got no alternatives except for this highly dangerous plan involving exploding slugs? SWEET
2014-01-02 03:06:57
@ReasJack: @MockTM Just wondering if that guy said lithium arsenic before. Nothing saves a town like the introduction of heavy metals.
2014-01-02 03:07:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “I trust these so-called killer slugs aren’t 18 years old and speak French?” “Oh-ho-ho, no. No. Spanish.”
2014-01-02 03:07:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You don’t want time to think about it? Of course not! Blowing Shit Up is ‘Merican.
2014-01-02 03:07:29
@cinextrana: @mocktm When you get back? Oh, hell. He’s dead. Never make plans, people.
2014-01-02 03:07:37
@thetwillis: @MockTM Welp, they’re doomed.
2014-01-02 03:07:39
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Let’s get naked and get crazy. Oh you Americans are such smooth talkers.
2014-01-02 03:08:09
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Kim? Kim? I think I just found your slug collection.”
2014-01-02 03:08:27
@szvan: @MockTM “I didn’t want to scare you. That’s why I left you alone with the slugs.”
2014-01-02 03:08:44
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Shut up and go to your mother’s. The slugs haven’t figured out how to drive to Jersey yet.”
2014-01-02 03:09:05
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Why do people keep going into basements. I don’t even go into my basement and I don’t live in a horror movie.
2014-01-02 03:09:12
@lousycanuck: @MockTM SCIENCE!!
2014-01-02 03:09:15
@szvan: @MockTM See? Drunken orgy.
2014-01-02 03:10:01
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM And that’s how the formula for Red Bull was discovered.
2014-01-02 03:10:01
@CA7746: @MockTM *Suspenseful parking*
2014-01-02 03:10:09
@abiodork: @mocktm – No gloves, no goggles, coat unbuttoned. #PPEpolice
2014-01-02 03:10:14
@ReasJack: @MockTM See, she turned down sex. She gets to live. Just wait and see.
2014-01-02 03:10:42
@abiodork: @mocktm This guy keeps making sense – Go go killer slugs!
2014-01-02 03:11:15
@Million_Gods: @MockTM We only get one shot at this. After that I give up because I am damn lazy.
2014-01-02 03:11:45
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “TRY SOME PIZZA” “um” “TRY IT EAT THE PIZZA” “Wow. Coming on a little strong there…” “IT HAS ROOFIES”
2014-01-02 03:12:09
@szvan: @abiodork There are no apologies in @mocktm!
2014-01-02 03:12:14
@Million_Gods: @MockTM The Musical Score is Way too dramatic for driving slowly
2014-01-02 03:13:03
@cinextrana: @mocktm GO, SLUGS.
2014-01-02 03:13:06
@szvan: @MockTM We now have exactly one character I want to see survive.
2014-01-02 03:13:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Hey, um, humans are mostly moisture. How’s that lithium arsenic supersoaker plan working out for you guys?
2014-01-02 03:13:32
@thetwillis: @MockTM Count me out of you mind games! I don’t even have a mind!
2014-01-02 03:13:44
@Million_Gods: @MockTM How would you like me to put it? Heh Heh Heh He Heh
2014-01-02 03:13:50
@ReasJack: @MockTM After you Starsky.
2014-01-02 03:14:00
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Oh what a fun prank, what silly teenage japes. Just a little rape, so silly.
2014-01-02 03:14:33
@Million_Gods: @MockTM You stand by the manhole and get ready to drop your stuff… prepare to enter the chamber… #Innuendo
2014-01-02 03:14:52
@abiodork: @mocktm Excuse me? Fuck you, Slugs.
2014-01-02 03:14:52
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And the women who wouldn’t put out escapes rape and gets eaten by slugs. Seriously?
2014-01-02 03:15:22
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wow… that’s a twist…
2014-01-02 03:15:56
@abiodork: @mocktm Wouldn’t put out? Bitch. Yay rape culture in popular media!
2014-01-02 03:16:08
@Million_Gods: @MockTM I brought a gas mask… fuck everyone else!
2014-01-02 03:16:18
@ReasJack: @MockTM Worse than you thought? The Dialog? No kidding
2014-01-02 03:16:19
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “They closed the entrance without marking it on the map.” “What do we do now?” “If only we had something that explodes…”
2014-01-02 03:16:32
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Oh my god!” “What is it?” “God. I just said. Yahweh. The big guy.” “Shoot it!”
2014-01-02 03:18:02
@abiodork: @mocktm Best special effects yet!
2014-01-02 03:19:03
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “What do we do?” “There’s nothing else we can do. We just have to give up and go home.”
2014-01-02 03:19:28
@Million_Gods: @MockTM And in other news today… Power losses affect half the town.
2014-01-02 03:19:49
@ReasJack: @MockTM Induce a feeding frenzy. Good plan
2014-01-02 03:20:34
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Slugs. Why did it have to be slugs?”
2014-01-02 03:20:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “This is it.” “Looks like normal effluence to me.”
2014-01-02 03:22:24
@abiodork: @mocktm That is NOT the way to open a manhole cover.
2014-01-02 03:22:26
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Wait… why are you so worried about methane explosions when you plan to pour explosives into the area anyways….
2014-01-02 03:22:33
@RealEnthusedMTM: @MockTM “I’ll go get the meat.” Now there are three lifeless sacks of meat on the screen!
2014-01-02 03:22:46
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “Distract them for a minute.” “Okay, here goes. LOOK HERE I’M A DIVERSION. HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY DARLING HELLO MY RAG TIME GAL”
2014-01-02 03:23:16
@ReasJack: @MockTM I take back everything. This movie is awesome.
2014-01-02 03:23:36
@abiodork: @mocktm – Good thing he has that slugproof yellow coat on….oh wait.
2014-01-02 03:24:40
@CA7746: @MockTM Oh look, an overhead pipe that reaches the other side.
2014-01-02 03:24:44
@abiodork: @mocktm Another koolaid geyser!
2014-01-02 03:25:26
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait… what was the point of them crawling through the sewers at all, then, if they knew where to spray the SCIENCE the whole time?
2014-01-02 03:25:45
@cinextrana: @CA7746 @MockTM …I can’t believe I didn’t notice that.
2014-01-02 03:25:52
@ReasJack: @MockTM That didn’t seem like enough explosion for all those slugs. booooooo
2014-01-02 03:26:33
@CA7746: @MockTM He died doing what he loved.
2014-01-02 03:26:56
@lousycanuck: @MockTM “We could never have done it without him.” “But… what exactly did he DO?” “Uh…”
2014-01-02 03:27:18
@szvan: @MockTM He had to die. He was the only one who could read the map.
2014-01-02 03:27:19
@CA7746: @MockTM “It’s all over now. Let’s go home.” “Yeah, about that…”
2014-01-02 03:27:28
@cinextrana: @mocktm Oh no! Science guy is going to turn out to be the evil mastermind behind it all!
2014-01-02 03:27:33
@lousycanuck: @MockTM Wait, why are the humans the good guys? By killing all the slugs, they TAMPERED IN GOD’S DOMAIN.”
2014-01-02 03:27:52
@Million_Gods: @MockTM Crap… his wife’s expecting naked fun time….
2014-01-02 03:28:03
@cinextrana: @cinextrana @mocktm …or was that just really bad acting?
2014-01-02 03:28:18
@lousycanuck: @MockTM We end with a banana slug being char-broiled on a grate. Wait… um… it’s a little rare.
2014-01-02 03:28:42
@abiodork: @mocktm One slug – not a problem…damn you self-replicating hermaphrodites!
2014-01-02 03:29:32
@Million_Gods: @MockTM So is no one going to tell his wife that her husband died by slugs?
2014-01-02 03:29:36
@lousycanuck: @MockTM @Million_Gods Nope. Sadly, she’s going to be waiting a very long time for naked fun times.
2014-01-02 03:30:10
@Million_Gods: @lousycanuck @MockTM So we tell her that her husband ran away with 18 year old french women.
2014-01-02 03:31:11
@lousycanuck: @MockTM And now that that’s done, the rest of 2014 will be awesome by comparison. Thanks everybody!
2014-01-02 03:31:14
@abiodork: @mocktm Nighty night.
2014-01-02 03:31:28
@lousycanuck: @Million_Gods @MockTM That does seem the most humane.
2014-01-02 03:31:49
@leilah: @mocktm Oh, sweet! Road House is next? I still haven’t seen that one, can’t wait!
2014-01-02 03:33:25

Mock The Movie: Slugs: The Movie transcript
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