I had to sit this movie out, sadly, owing once again to my ridiculously full work schedule. (Hey, I’ll keep harping on about it as long as it keeps happening.) Looks like I missed one hell of a mockable movie! This is sad to me, because I’m evidently one twisted, twisted soul. What’s also sad is, owing to an issue with my Linux box that I didn’t notice immediately, since I was busy with work, I apparently lost the first twelve minutes of the mockery. And Twitter evidently purges old @-replys that aren’t on a hashtag after a certain period of time, so they’re simply missing now. It’s okay though — the movie really gets started at the twelve minute mark, as apparently that’s the first sex scene. As well as the first death scene. You’d pretty much be fast-forwarding to that point anyway!

Once I get a spare hour and a half, I plan on watching this movie to catch up with my fellow mockers. I’ll also have the benefit of doing so with the mockery in-line, via Sky Captain CompulsoryAccount7746’s subtitle conversion script. I still need to cannibalize the script and integrate it into my current mockery-scraping engine eventually. For now, the script as-delivered pretty much requires that I post it first and convert to subtitles afterward. So, subtitle files to follow.

(missing first 12 minutes)
@blakestacey: @MockTM Dammit, this movie just can’t keep its clothes on!
2012-05-18 01:12:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM [singing] It’s gettin schlock in here, so take off all your clothes
2012-05-18 01:12:56
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Package delivery!
2012-05-18 01:12:59
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM GOOD GOD SOMEONE INVENT BOXERS!
2012-05-18 01:13:24
@brx0: @MockTM More flute music, this time with some synth. Damn, I want a wizard van now.
2012-05-18 01:13:47
@blakestacey: @MockTM I think I speak for everyone everwhere when I say, “Eww”.
2012-05-18 01:13:51
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Ok, so which level of flashback are we on?
2012-05-18 01:13:59
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM men should NOT have bikini areas
2012-05-18 01:14:03
@blakestacey: @MockTM I didn’t think *anyone* could say “where my father was killed” in that *chipper* a voice
2012-05-18 01:14:50
@CyberLizard: @mocktm You damn kids get off my lawn!
2012-05-18 01:14:57
@szvan: @MockTM “I just wanted to go on a nice vacation to that spot where my father used to die.”
2012-05-18 01:15:10
@blakestacey: @MockTM Jackets by the Power Rangers!
2012-05-18 01:15:12
@brx0: @MockTM A crack team of anthropology undergrads in puffy outdoor gear, not all of whom have speaking roles. #BigfootNoms
2012-05-18 01:15:22
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Insta-camp!
2012-05-18 01:15:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM They set up camp in the gun-toting weirdo’s front yard?
2012-05-18 01:16:16
@szvan: @MockTM If this were Scooby Doo, we’d already know who the bad guy was.
2012-05-18 01:16:24
@CyberLizard: @mocktm No dance till the cooking and scrubbing are done!
2012-05-18 01:16:43
@szvan: @MockTM “What time is it?” “Sadly, it’s still the disco era.”
2012-05-18 01:16:53
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “No thanks, I got some victims in the freezer”
2012-05-18 01:17:06
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Would you like to fertilize my eggs? I mean, some scrambled eggs?”
2012-05-18 01:17:37
@brx0: @MockTM An undergrad campout with the professor in 1980. Pretty sure the absence of weed & quaaludes is unrealistic.
2012-05-18 01:17:39
@szvan: @MockTM “Can we have some fun?” “Honey, may I remind you we brought you because you’re a girl? No fun for you!”
2012-05-18 01:17:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM the flannels, they are clashing in my brain
2012-05-18 01:18:08
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Camper hammer toss! Wheeee!
2012-05-18 01:18:18
@brx0: @MockTM One female student is here only because she promised to cook & clean. Welcome to 1980, kids!
2012-05-18 01:18:39
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM BigFoot should compete in the 2012 Olympics for shotput
2012-05-18 01:18:52
@blakestacey: @MockTM Monster and carnival ride, all in one! #LetTheRecordShowWeAreGutLaughing
2012-05-18 01:19:04
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Damn, that was my good t-shirt”
2012-05-18 01:19:08
@brx0: @MockTM Mr. Carlson isn’t very friendly, and he has a shotgun, and you’re camping on his lawn.
2012-05-18 01:19:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Did you hear something?” “It sounded like…the audience laughing themselves silly.”
2012-05-18 01:19:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Looks like Sasquatch is practicising to perform the Pamchenko Twist! #TheCuttingEdge
2012-05-18 01:20:09
@CyberLizard: @mocktm That’s right, offer the gun-wielding crazy alcohol.
2012-05-18 01:20:23
@brx0: @MockTM Uh oh, ominous synth music!
2012-05-18 01:20:25
@blakestacey: @MockTM Lighting by Bill Rebane!
2012-05-18 01:20:29
@szvan: @MockTM Look, we’re trying to keep the clothing budget down here…take off your shirt.
2012-05-18 01:20:58
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “those women…they just hate being kept in wells in the basement”
2012-05-18 01:21:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Women, you know, dying and stuff.”
2012-05-18 01:21:18
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaaaand bigfoot does in male undergrad #1 with a WWF-style twirl-n-throw move.
2012-05-18 01:21:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hardly any place to get away anymore…away from this movie, in particular.”
2012-05-18 01:22:09
@szvan: @MockTM Does anyone else here “It must get lonely out here” as a come-on? How many varieties of porn do we get tonight?
2012-05-18 01:22:15
@brx0: @MockTM Aha! Mr. Carlson responds better to an offering of booze. Why didn’t they try this earlier?
2012-05-18 01:22:40
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Don’t be too quick to poke fun at something you know nothing about, like acting.”
2012-05-18 01:22:42
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM well, that scene was nice-but try THIS one!
2012-05-18 01:22:44
@CyberLizard: @mocktm I’d say, “speak in complete sentences”
2012-05-18 01:22:53
@brx0: @MockTM “I guess it must get lonely here”… boom chicka wah wah….
2012-05-18 01:23:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM [sings] “Cra-azy Wanda, help get me out of this film…”
2012-05-18 01:23:17
@szvan: @MockTM Bigfoot is just like the Loch Ness monster, right down to the coils and living on the bottom of the lake. Or something.
2012-05-18 01:23:35
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Good timing for a cut scene. What with gun guy forgetting his lines and all
2012-05-18 01:23:37
@brx0: @MockTM Mr. Carlson got sick of the rat race in frickin’ Sacramento. I’m bored with him already.
2012-05-18 01:23:47
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh, good! They’re taking the Scooby Doo approach and splitting up. This bodes well for our heros
2012-05-18 01:24:20
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM cause she speaks out of her vagina, of course
2012-05-18 01:24:41
@szvan: @MockTM “The crazy guy living in the woods drank four shots of whiskey. The obvious answer it that he’s afraid of Bigfoot…or something.”
2012-05-18 01:24:41
@brx0: @MockTM Another jump cut. I bet Carlson forgot his lines or something. Or it’s another Godard thing.
2012-05-18 01:25:11
@szvan: @MockTM “Crazy Wanda? Yeah, she doesn’t even live on a real map.”
2012-05-18 01:25:18
@brx0: @MockTM “The next logical thing would be to go to Herb’s General Store”. Now that’s what I call product placement.
2012-05-18 01:25:39
@szvan: @MockTM Wait. Crazy Wanda gave birth through her throat?
2012-05-18 01:25:40
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Dead babies are a blessing!
2012-05-18 01:26:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM Who is this person and who is she talking to? And this one? Aaaa
2012-05-18 01:26:15
@szvan: @MockTM “That’s an interesting accent. Where you from?” “Generic backwoods. You?
2012-05-18 01:26:31
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Ma’am, I’m gonna kiss ya now”
2012-05-18 01:26:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It died at birth. A blessing. Because children are horrid creatures, you know?”
2012-05-18 01:26:51
@brx0: @MockTM And this being rural 70s California, you have to wink-wink at “Herb’s General Store”.
2012-05-18 01:27:03
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “This meeting of the Plaid Council is now in session”
2012-05-18 01:27:24
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Backwoods, weird cult… where’s Rowdower?
2012-05-18 01:27:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Thought he’d seen the devil. Probably did. Hitting the blotter sunshine pretty hard.”
2012-05-18 01:27:33
@szvan: @MockTM For the record, in 1980, *I* knew the term Down’s Syndrome.
2012-05-18 01:27:41
@brx0: @MockTM So they’re looking for someone who went mute/crazy after having a baby. Is that a thing that happens?
2012-05-18 01:27:50
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what this shot needs? More flannel.
2012-05-18 01:28:02
@brx0: @MockTM Investigation montage, including the Most Judgmental Teacher Ever.
2012-05-18 01:28:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ah, yes, I heard this track on the album SONGS OF THE HEADACHE INDUCING.
2012-05-18 01:28:47
@CyberLizard: @mocktm JJ Abrams was profoundly influenced by this shot
2012-05-18 01:29:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Current status: 0.5 metric jjabrams of lens flare.
2012-05-18 01:29:26
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, and there’s a crazy cult reverend, human sacrifice, inbreeding etc. So it’s Godard meets Fox News basically.
2012-05-18 01:29:54
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Dr Mellow is bringin down the mood
2012-05-18 01:30:11
@brx0: @MockTM Also they only brought two guns. This may be important later.
2012-05-18 01:30:15
@blakestacey: @MockTM Again with the nested flashbacks!
2012-05-18 01:30:46
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Okay, who else is seeing a future scene where they’re being chased back to the boat, but wait! The engine won’t start!
2012-05-18 01:30:53
@blakestacey: @MockTM He’s parked in the synth forest.
2012-05-18 01:31:38
@szvan: @MockTM In high school theater, I always got cast as the narrator. I still had more personality than these “people”.
2012-05-18 01:31:50
@brx0: @MockTM Mother of all lens flares. Vague outlines of people; no matter, they’re just expendable undergrads.
2012-05-18 01:31:53
@szvan: @MockTM And which part of the motorcycle does the blood run down?
2012-05-18 01:32:22
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM puff, puff, castrate!
2012-05-18 01:32:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow. Sasquatch is willing to hit below the belt.
2012-05-18 01:32:34
@brx0: @MockTM They really don’t seem that upset about losing one of their fellow students. Class must be graded on a curve or something.
2012-05-18 01:32:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm So Bigfoot likes sausage
2012-05-18 01:32:40
@szvan: @MockTM Sorry. “Blood”.
2012-05-18 01:33:04
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Life lesson: don’t piss on bigfoot while smoking a joint. And now we know
2012-05-18 01:33:19
@brx0: @MockTM Cut to random guy on motorcycle. I hear synthesizers, so Bigfoot can’t be far away. Check out that groovy moustache!
2012-05-18 01:33:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Who are these people? What are they trying to do?
2012-05-18 01:34:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Hell, I’d settle for knowing what the camera is pointed at.
2012-05-18 01:34:42
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I can’t believe I’m seeing this.” You and me both, compadre.
2012-05-18 01:35:20
@szvan: @MockTM “I know. We’ll have a Satanic ritual in the backwoods. Nobody’s ever put one of those in a movie before.”
2012-05-18 01:35:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM For the record, I really do think they were chanting “Cosmos Deos Loki Thor”. #AvengersStealthViralMarketing
2012-05-18 01:36:03
@brx0: @MockTM Heh, the infamous “Bigfoot rips the guy’s junk off” scene. Still nobody seems that upset. Or the actors just suck.
2012-05-18 01:36:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM U…M…Q…R…A…
2012-05-18 01:36:32
@szvan: @MockTM “Do you want to get lost out there in the woods?” “Is the alternative staying here with you, asshole?”
2012-05-18 01:36:55
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Poor Bigfoot’s just mad cause his lasik surgery went awry
2012-05-18 01:37:25
@brx0: @MockTM Oh hey, a rural demonic cult, complete with cultists in plaid.
2012-05-18 01:37:30
@szvan: @MockTM Uh, oh. Bigfoot’s not thrilled about being deprived of nooky.
2012-05-18 01:37:34
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Huge anthropoid effigy” was my nickname in high school!
2012-05-18 01:38:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM I am *so* lost right now.
2012-05-18 01:38:13
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM *gasp* IT’S THE 70’S!
2012-05-18 01:38:13
@brx0: @MockTM So our heroes mess with the cultists & don’t seem to upset about maybe starting a forest fire. I bet they’re tempting fate here.
2012-05-18 01:38:45
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM yes…an ELEPHANT is the most likely suspect
2012-05-18 01:38:49
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Was it a bear?”
2012-05-18 01:39:10
@szvan: @MockTM “What’s up?” “Come quick… … …The boat’s gone!” “Dude, you could have told us that in camp.”
2012-05-18 01:39:12
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Bigfoot ain’t got much of a big foot amirite?
2012-05-18 01:39:18
@brx0: @MockTM And a clip of Bigfoot-O-Vision. Turns out Bigfoot can reach right through your tent and get you!
2012-05-18 01:39:33
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We’ve lost our supplies. I suggest we eat the weakest of the group.”
2012-05-18 01:39:40
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “Our radio’s gone. Awww, maaaaan! Shucks!”
2012-05-18 01:40:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The chumps go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah…”
2012-05-18 01:40:21
@szvan: @MockTM What kind of anthropology students leave their radio in the boat? Oh, right. Dead ones.
2012-05-18 01:40:38
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “You know what I just realized? I’m never going to work in another movie after this”
2012-05-18 01:40:40
@brx0: @MockTM Their boat’s missing, and the first culprit they think of is elephants?
2012-05-18 01:40:43
@blakestacey: @MockTM This must be what you think up when you have happy hour in the back row of anatomy lecture.
2012-05-18 01:41:31
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM EXTREME CLOSEUP!!!
2012-05-18 01:41:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Is this movie under some mate-or-die curse?
2012-05-18 01:42:16
@szvan: @MockTM “You do that, I’ll jump you.” “No wonder you suck at chess.”
2012-05-18 01:42:17
@brx0: @MockTM “I can’t imagine a fake foot being constructed so accurately.”
2012-05-18 01:42:47
@szvan: @MockTM Sadly, the music is too chipper. Mr. Make-Me-a-Sandwich won’t die today.
2012-05-18 01:42:53
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “Mmm, Brad….you’re no Bigfoot”
2012-05-18 01:43:01
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, the Predator-Sasquatch vision doesn’t look much more confusing than the normal video.
2012-05-18 01:43:14
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM C’mon, Bigfoot. Take a lesson from Predator and switch off your infrared and go for ultra violet. Much better suited for the woods.
2012-05-18 01:44:08
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, close up sexy chess. Only filming the speakers’ eyes, so you can wing it & write the crappy dialogue later.
2012-05-18 01:44:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Moral: don’t have sex in a world of grainy purple.
2012-05-18 01:44:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I saw this terrible…terrible costume…”
2012-05-18 01:44:37
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand cue the unsexy 1980 sleeping bag beast with two backs…
2012-05-18 01:44:59
@blakestacey: @MockTM “The weeds are all squashed… SASquashed.” [sunglasses] YEEEEEEEAH.
2012-05-18 01:45:17
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Yes, why didn’t it kill them and spare us the rest of this movie?”
2012-05-18 01:46:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Hey, guys, how ’bout a sing-along?”
2012-05-18 01:46:24
@brx0: @MockTM So Bigfoot’s kind of a prude, apparently. Pretty sure in 2012 he has an AM radio show somewhere.
2012-05-18 01:46:25
@szvan: @MockTM “Let’s look for Wanda. Because a single crazy woman is a much more plausible culprit than that cult we saw.
2012-05-18 01:46:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM That’s a very Bob Ross mountainside.
2012-05-18 01:46:43
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM All this walking…sure this isn’t a Corman film?
2012-05-18 01:47:14
@brx0: @MockTM These people really aren’t very talented actors, are they?
2012-05-18 01:47:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM I’m running out of ways to ask who these people are and what they are doing.
2012-05-18 01:48:08
@szvan: @MockTM I know I just got stripes ripped into my back, but I really feel better carrying my jacket over one shoulder.
2012-05-18 01:48:16
@blakestacey: @MockTM Typical professor: research first, injured student second.
2012-05-18 01:48:36
@szvan: @MockTM You can tell Wanda’s crazy. She’s left over from the 60s instead of the 70s.
2012-05-18 01:49:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM here, let me poke you in the eye with a pencil
2012-05-18 01:49:21
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, they know how to make themselves at home!
2012-05-18 01:49:22
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Protip: when a creepy eye stares at you through the door window, give it a pixie stix.
2012-05-18 01:49:38
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM David Bowie as Crazy Wanda
2012-05-18 01:50:14
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Wanda-vision!
2012-05-18 01:50:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM Yeah, let’s trigger the woman! Yeah! That’s a great idea!
2012-05-18 01:50:59
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “My mustache will comfort her”
2012-05-18 01:51:20
@szvan: @MockTM “Such a dumb thing to do!” Most perceptive line in the entire movie.
2012-05-18 01:51:42
@brx0: @MockTM So, naming your kid “Linda” probably guarantees insanity.
2012-05-18 01:51:50
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Soooo, that’s a no on the foot rubs?
2012-05-18 01:51:58
@blakestacey: @MockTM Lighting the night scenes by an actual flashlight. Now that’s cinema verite for you!
2012-05-18 01:52:11
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM giant bees!
2012-05-18 01:53:29
@szvan: @MockTM Pro-tip: When your life’s soundtrack starts getting psychedelic, run.
2012-05-18 01:53:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM … the Hell? Pressing an ax to your own shoulder is *dangerous*!
2012-05-18 01:53:34
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM “This isn’t far from where a hunter was found horribly mutilated. Anyway, sleep tight!”
2012-05-18 01:53:35
@brx0: @MockTM Disposable undergrad #5 isn’t “in the mood” to fix their radio. Gee, thanks.
2012-05-18 01:53:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm He’s being attacked by siren whistles!
2012-05-18 01:53:39
@brx0: @MockTM When you hear the phrase “horribly mutilated”, DRINK!
2012-05-18 01:54:05
@Cotesia1: @MockTM That woodsman scene was cut out of “Oklahoma”
2012-05-18 01:54:14
@blakestacey: @MockTM Two Girl Scouts wandering through the woods. Most porn-like setup we’ve had in at least 10 minutes!
2012-05-18 01:54:14
@szvan: Done. RT @brx0: @MockTM When you hear the phrase “horribly mutilated”, DRINK!
2012-05-18 01:54:33
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Yay! Girl scout slaughter!
2012-05-18 01:54:46
@blakestacey: @MockTM Their mission: to placate Sasquatch with offerings of Thin Mints.
2012-05-18 01:54:47
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM These “Girl Scouts” are like 35
2012-05-18 01:55:12
@brx0: @MockTM Ooh, synthesizer! Bigfoot! Exhibiting tool use (an axe)! Orange 70s movie blood!
2012-05-18 01:55:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Noises! Quick! Fall into each other’s arms!”
2012-05-18 01:55:41
@brx0: @MockTM Another flashback, this time with Girl Scouts! But is the top still spinning?
2012-05-18 01:56:00
@cbane0: @MockTM Well, at least *someone* has tried to run from bigfoot
2012-05-18 01:56:06
@szvan: @MockTM See? The Girl Scouts understand musical cue warnings!
2012-05-18 01:56:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, looks like Sadie and Janice won’t be earning the Fleeing For Life merit badge!
2012-05-18 01:56:31
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Oh no! It’s coming after us! Walk slightly faster downhill!
2012-05-18 01:56:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM You know what would have been helpful? Explaining all this before you left.
2012-05-18 01:57:06
@brx0: @MockTM These Girl Scouts look like they’re about 23. Was that a thing in 1980?
2012-05-18 01:57:10
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Stop cutting yourself! Why are you cutting yourself?”
2012-05-18 01:57:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, and working out the whole “someone stay on watch” idea beforehand, too. Just a thought.
2012-05-18 01:57:44
@Cotesia1: @MockTM Big Foot is a mutated Cocker Spaniel – with a bad attitude.
2012-05-18 01:58:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Well, there’s no one awake to sex up, so I guess I’m safe…”
2012-05-18 01:58:33
@szvan: @MockTM Let’s see. Brunette female. All alone. Yep, high risk of not surviving the movie.
2012-05-18 01:58:39
@brx0: @MockTM Oh, Bigfoot has a knife now. Since when has Bigfoot needed tools? #fail
2012-05-18 01:58:42
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Two guns and no ammunition: a right-wing nut job at an Obama rally’s worst nightmare.
2012-05-18 01:59:13
@blakestacey: @MockTM Why does Sasquatch look at everything through a hole in a piece of orange construction paper?
2012-05-18 01:59:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Sasquatch should get LASIK. Fix that right up.
2012-05-18 02:00:05
@szvan: @MockTM I’ll just take my anthropological notes on this stray piece of paper I turned up, shall I?
2012-05-18 02:00:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM If I could tell any of these people apart, I might be more concerned about their grisly fates.
2012-05-18 02:00:21
@szvan: @MockTM “My name is Sasquatch. You scared my mother. Prepare to die.”
2012-05-18 02:00:53
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “My Dorothy Hamill hair will protect me”
2012-05-18 02:01:01
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Luke just got jumped by a wampa!
2012-05-18 02:01:12
@blakestacey: @MockTM “It’s fresh. The Tabasco people were here, and recently.”
2012-05-18 02:01:22
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, that was confusing and pointless.
2012-05-18 02:02:00
@drskyskull: Damn — I missed @MockTM *again*! (But I met @TheBloggess, so it’s all good.)
2012-05-18 02:02:10
@brx0: @MockTM Huh, there goes another undergrad. Btw, why do they bother with the guns if they don’t have any ammo?
2012-05-18 02:02:31
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Dumb blonde mental breakdown: check!
2012-05-18 02:02:56
@cbane0: @drskyskull @mocktm There’s still a half hour left! It probably’ll make just as much sense starting from there as from the beginning.
2012-05-18 02:03:15
@brx0: @MockTM Apparently this disposable undergrad was called “Pete”.
2012-05-18 02:03:18
@blakestacey: @drskyskull @MockTM Just jump in at the 1:03 mark. It won’t make any less sense.
2012-05-18 02:03:35
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I better go talk to Wanda. Because that’s been so fruitful up till now”
2012-05-18 02:03:57
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow, they’re really getting off on abusing this woman.
2012-05-18 02:04:11
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM SLEEEEEEEP!
2012-05-18 02:04:12
@drskyskull: @cbane0 @mocktm Indeed! The only trick is trying to synch up with everyone so it makes no sense in the same way for everyone.
2012-05-18 02:04:19
@blakestacey: @MockTM Ooh, synth *organ*!
2012-05-18 02:05:04
@szvan: @MockTM Ooh, a religious altar. She’s definitely crazy.
2012-05-18 02:05:28
@brx0: @MockTM Because hypnotizing the crazy lady’s obviously a good idea, right?
2012-05-18 02:05:54
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We’ve already triggered her traumatic memories. Now let’s make her cluck like a chicken!”
2012-05-18 02:06:21
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM This movie reminds me that I have paint drying in the other room. Oh! And my grass might need me to watch it grow
2012-05-18 02:06:31
@blakestacey: @MockTM Because when I think “15 years old”, I think “tinkly music box”.
2012-05-18 02:07:16
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I’d like to say “oogity-boogity”.
2012-05-18 02:07:23
@CyberLizard: @mocktm I feel a flashback coming on…
2012-05-18 02:07:45
@brx0: @MockTM Aaand the rural shack has a Sealed Cobweb Room. If only they’d had the budget to hire Barbara Steele…
2012-05-18 02:07:48
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wow. It’s Rick Santorum’s base demographic.
2012-05-18 02:08:12
@szvan: @MockTM This is the one time I’m going to believe him when he says, “I had no way to know she was 15.”
2012-05-18 02:08:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Just let me grow up and attend Liberty University!
2012-05-18 02:08:52
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “I’m saving your soul, you ungrateful bitch!” Republican Party slogsn
2012-05-18 02:09:35
@brx0: @MockTM More hypnotizin’. And *another* flashback.
2012-05-18 02:09:35
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Bow chicka wow wow
2012-05-18 02:10:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait, so, being violated by Sasquatch Sr. is her punishment for unchastity?
2012-05-18 02:11:02
@szvan: @MockTM Ah, so all that attacking couples sexing it up is really just monster guilt?
2012-05-18 02:11:30
@rvitelli: @drskyskull @MockTM @TheBloggess She’s real? Up to now, I thought @TheBloggess was an urban legend…
2012-05-18 02:12:04
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand we meet hick jebus daddy in overalls, w/ a home Virgin Mary shrine. Wouldn’t have guessed he was Catholic, gotta say.
2012-05-18 02:12:07
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Sooooo, daddy just likes to watch?
2012-05-18 02:12:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Save me! Give me the strength to bear up!” “Oh, it’s all about you, isn’t it?”
2012-05-18 02:12:43
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “so, Biggie…you’ll call?”
2012-05-18 02:12:43
@brx0: @MockTM And Flashback Bigfoot, complete with lightning.
2012-05-18 02:12:59
@szvan: @MockTM Nothing like calling for a religious abortion, now, is there? Toto, we’re not in 1980 anymore.
2012-05-18 02:13:25
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Hey, look at that! Lens flare actually working to the benefit of the scene for once
2012-05-18 02:13:55
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Papa’s monologue sounds like Santorum’s stump speech
2012-05-18 02:14:38
@szvan: @MockTM Nine months of praying for his daughter to die? Can we just kill him already?
2012-05-18 02:14:44
@blakestacey: @MockTM What possessed someone to put this in a movie?
2012-05-18 02:15:24
@blakestacey: @MockTM That’s the kind, loving, patneral expression of a servant of Manos.
2012-05-18 02:16:12
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Oooh, the big reveal!
2012-05-18 02:16:18
@brx0: @MockTM So now she’s having Bigfoot’s baby. Still probably a step up from Levi Johnston.
2012-05-18 02:16:28
@szvan: @MockTM So…she gave birth to a monkey alarm clock?
2012-05-18 02:16:45
@CyberLizard: @mocktm She gave birth to a roast turkey?
2012-05-18 02:16:59
@Cotesia1: @MockTM. Nutella Baby!
2012-05-18 02:17:05
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Open your eyes. How do you feel?” “Just peachy. Dickhead.”
2012-05-18 02:17:15
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Whoa! What happened to my video quality? For a second there it was actually good
2012-05-18 02:17:38
@brx0: @MockTM Although quite honestly I’m not sure how this whole half-Bigfoot thing advances whatever our plot happens to be here.
2012-05-18 02:17:48
@CyberLizard: @mocktm How the fuck do you think she feels, jackass?
2012-05-18 02:18:18
@blakestacey: @MockTM Digging up a grave is actually a step *up* for this movie.
2012-05-18 02:18:25
@szvan: @MockTM It may be just me, but shouldn’t the scientific investigations be in the hands of someone who can, say, use a shovel?
2012-05-18 02:19:10
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Only one way to find out” Let’s exhume a baby corpse!!!
2012-05-18 02:19:11
@blakestacey: @MockTM “I’m going to boil some water and scald you to distract you from your lacerated back, OK?”
2012-05-18 02:19:29
@CyberLizard: @mocktm So her baby was a boar’s skull?
2012-05-18 02:20:52
@brx0: @MockTM Naturally it’s time for a little grave robbing.
2012-05-18 02:21:14
@szvan: @MockTM And Sasquatch tenderly takes care of the corpse of his rape baby. Sums the whole movie up, really.
2012-05-18 02:21:26
@brx0: @MockTM But what if it’s a zombie bigfoot? Did you think of that? I didn’t think so…
2012-05-18 02:21:45
@brx0: @MockTM So, turns out desecrating the graves of Bigfoot’s kids makes him surly. Who knew?
2012-05-18 02:22:29
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “It’s dark now. Do you want to be the next Sasquatch baby-mama?”
2012-05-18 02:22:29
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “let me fix your back…and some mac n cheese”
2012-05-18 02:22:30
@blakestacey: @MockTM Oh, I think asking this movie to make sense at this point is a little overdue.
2012-05-18 02:23:16
@szvan: @MockTM Crazy Wanda is the best actress in the whole movie. Of course that might be because she has no affect.
2012-05-18 02:23:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Mmm. Who wants meatloaf?
2012-05-18 02:23:53
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Burnt in the outhouse. Oh, SNAP!
2012-05-18 02:24:03
@brx0: @MockTM Nobody seems to have a genius anti-Bigfoot plan here, and the fact that this is all a flashback doesn’t really make me optimistic.
2012-05-18 02:24:04
@szvan: @MockTM We’re getting close to the end. Can we just kill them all off already?
2012-05-18 02:25:27
@blakestacey: @MockTM “We should have known this was coming. The music should have warned us.”
2012-05-18 02:25:47
@szvan: @MockTM Wasn’t he just wearing a shirt.
2012-05-18 02:25:58
@brx0: @MockTM See, this is how people had to resolve their messy domestic stuff before Jerry Springer came along.
2012-05-18 02:26:05
@szvan: @MockTM He just took my poker. Let me stick my face near the window to look for it!
2012-05-18 02:27:16
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM OPA!
2012-05-18 02:27:41
@brx0: @MockTM Apparently we’ve lost another disposable undergrad.
2012-05-18 02:27:54
@szvan: @MockTM Everyone! He’s trying to get in! Stay near the windows!
2012-05-18 02:28:10
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Pictures! Of course? Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, yeah, the imminent slaughter…
2012-05-18 02:28:26
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, there goes the one youngster who had anything approaching characterization.
2012-05-18 02:29:14
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM Tina Turner?!
2012-05-18 02:29:18
@szvan: @MockTM “Why don’t you do anything, Sasquatch?” “Can’t It’s this stupid, cheap prosthetic job.”
2012-05-18 02:29:37
@CyberLizard: @mocktm “Rroooooar!” Translation: This is a nice little place you got here
2012-05-18 02:29:41
@brx0: @MockTM Yeah, Bigfoot’s attacking the house and someone whips out a camera. Like anyone’s going to believe photos on 110 film
2012-05-18 02:29:51
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Heh, got this idea from a movie called THE CELL.”
2012-05-18 02:30:31
@CyberLizard: @mocktm So, who’s up for sausage?
2012-05-18 02:30:42
@szvan: @MockTM They really didn’t have to shoot this in slo-mo. I’m ready for them to be dead.
2012-05-18 02:30:56
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I whip my entrails back and forth! I whip my entrails back and forth!
2012-05-18 02:30:56
@blakestacey: @MockTM Can Sasquatch really take credit for these kills? He’s just pushing them onto sharp things.
2012-05-18 02:31:10
@brx0: @MockTM Aaaand Bigfoot is a guy in body paint & a fright wig.
2012-05-18 02:31:27
@Cotesia1: @MockTM Big Foot looks a little mangy.
2012-05-18 02:31:59
@brx0: @MockTM Ok, the costume intestines were unnecessary.
2012-05-18 02:32:11
@szvan: But packing them in Jell-O was a nice touch. RT @brx0: @MockTM Ok, the costume intestines were unnecessary.
2012-05-18 02:32:45
@blakestacey: @MockTM “Now I make my own luck.”
2012-05-18 02:32:54
@Cotesia1: @MockTM – thank goodness “the death by glazing” was in slo-mo.
2012-05-18 02:33:08
@CyberLizard: @mocktm NOW doc Nugent shows some personality
2012-05-18 02:33:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Wait, “criminally” insane? Well, I guess that soundtrack could do it to anyone.
2012-05-18 02:34:26
@brx0: @MockTM And now Bigfoot does in the other undergrads. Maybe the theme here is Bigfoot using the hu-mons’ technology against them. Deep?
2012-05-18 02:34:27
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM “What do you think, Inspector Groovy?”
2012-05-18 02:34:29
@szvan: @MockTM It’s a sad day indeed when your monster’s roars are so dull you have to layer them with dissonant music for effect.
2012-05-18 02:35:26
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM Good thing they left it open for a sequel
2012-05-18 02:35:26
@CyberLizard: @mocktm Does anyone else feel hollow inside?
2012-05-18 02:36:25
@brx0: @MockTM Or maybe HE made it all up? And HE did the students in? Mysterious!
2012-05-18 02:36:35
@szvan: @MockTM Tonight’s lesson: Just…just don’t.
2012-05-18 02:36:43
@Rowsdower30: @MockTM it’s heartwarming when the hero gets the girl at the end of the movie
2012-05-18 02:37:09
@blakestacey: @MockTM Well, *that* was disturbing on multiple levels. Particularly the level known as “bad filmmaking”.
2012-05-18 02:37:45
@brx0: @MockTM And he’s diagnosed as criminally insane, just like that. Everyone leaves. Roll credits!
2012-05-18 02:37:49
@blakestacey: @MockTM I mean, when I want leering, objectifying, exploitative sexual violence in a film, I want it to be *visible*, gosh darn it.
2012-05-18 02:39:35
@blakestacey: @MockTM Guys, I think I need a Pixar chaser after that movie. https://t.co/JWbgBzyJ
2012-05-18 02:41:31
@CyberLizard: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie before where Bigfoot rips off a man’s penis before. Mark one off the bucket list. Thanks, @MockTM!
2012-05-18 02:42:05
@Ben_TAF: @MockTM I now have a reason to officially take back everything bad I said about Frankenstein…
2012-05-18 02:45:37
@LalSox: @szvan I am so sad I didn’t make it home in time to watch this tonight. @mocktm
2012-05-18 03:09:23
@szvan: @LalSox @mocktm There will be another in a couple of weeks. I won’t say “just as bad”, though, because that’s setting a high bar. 🙂
2012-05-18 11:20:11