Edit: yes, this is from March. It is still relevant though, and it was news to me.
I just read the purest example of unbelievable fuckwittery that enablers of rape culture — the substrate of society that deals with everything to do with sex as a commodity and with women as objects and obstacles to that commodity who must be conquered or overcome — considers a “joke”. It’s this kind of pick-up artist bullshit that basically tells men in general that it’s perfectly acceptable to forget that women are people as long as you’re tricking as many of them to jump on your bone as humanly possible. Letting one another know who you banged is just good courtesy, so others know who pokes and who they don’t have to waste their time on. This is all need-to-know stuff if you’re a college freshman!
“By the end of this memo,” this douchebag exhorts, “you will not only gain a greater understanding of what it means to live, but you will have embraced a lifestyle.”
Oh, I’m sure I will.
However, in order for this to happen you first must know a couple key terms.
*grabs notepad, licks pen tip*
Note: I will refer to females as “targets”. They aren’t actual people like us men. Consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.
Aren’t… actual… people. Got it.
Pie: A target’s vagina. Some of you may have heard phrases such as, twat, cooter, muff, snatch, poontang, cock pocket, DNA dumpster, fun hatch, cock sock, the fish flap, spunk-pot, whisker biscuit, or the rarely used, wizard’s sleeve. All these terms are interchangeable and fine to use. However, for the purpose of this memo, I will refer to a target’s vagina as pie.
Gullet: Usually refers to a target’s mouth and throat. Most often pertains to a target’s throat capacity and it’s ability to gobble cock. If a target is known to have a good gullet, it can deep-throat dick extremely well. My advice is to seek out this target early in the night. Good Gullet Girls (GGG) are always scooped up well before last call.
Slow down there hoss, you’re going too fast! All those fancy acronyms have gotten my head all in a spin! Possibly because all my blood rushed to my penis when you said “gobble cock”.
Also, your’ inabil’ity to us’e apostroph’es is ab’horrent.
Good thing there’s ever so much more for us to point at and mock.
Hey misogynists and howler monkeys in the community, I’m doing you a favour by linking this. Go learn how we’re supposed to treat women. Don’t worry, some women have said there is no problem with sexism in our community, and some skeptical leaders think the complainers are just being divisive, so you can feel perfectly justified in learning from a True Cocksman in how to manipulate those dumb bitches in our community into sex. The email even helpfully includes a scale on which you can score your “targets” objectively, so as to be sure you’re not being subjective about your objectification!
Be sure not to miss this important rule, while you’re at it.
Additional Rules for a Cocksman
1.) Non-consent and rape are two different things. There is a fine line, so make sure not to cross it.
Seriously, you can’t make this bullshit up. Well, obviously you can, you just have to have absolutely no empathy for women is all.