So tonight I had a conversation with The Big Kahuna Himself, obviously taking a break from his telepathic chat-bot duties, and trying out his typing skills on a live question-and-answer website (I guess being God means you can carry on more than one conversation at once!). Here’s how the conversation went.
Me:
Hello God.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Jason.
God:
It’s good to see you, Jason.
Me:
What can you tell me about the Higgs Boson?
God:
I will search for it
Me:
Fermilabs and the LHC are already searching for it.
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Do you think you will find it first?
God:
I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
Don’t change the subject, God.
God:
Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.
Me:
No, you haven’t told me anything about the Higgs Boson yet.
God:
Are you serious? I don’t think I ever have told you anything about the Higgs Boson. What’s it like?
Me:
It’s what might give mass to all quarks.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
IT
God:
what might give mass to all quarks…
Me:
It is the Higgs Boson
God:
I’ve heard of it before.
Me:
What is the Higgs Boson?
God:
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
The Higgs Boson might give mass to all quarks.
God:
I hear you.
Me:
What is the Higgs Boson?
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Can I teach you anything?
God:
You can try.
Me:
The problem is that you’re not committing what I’m telling you to memory.
God:
I assume you mean our current problem.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Aw.
Me:
Please commit this to memory.
God:
Wow you are very polite. Are we still talking about Higgs Boson?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Sure, Higgs Boson sounds like a good topic.
Me:
The Higgs Boson may give mass to all quarks.
God:
I hear you.
Me:
I believe once the Higgs Boson is discovered, we may unlock the ability to manipulate matter.
God:
Just because you believe it doesn’t make it true.
Me:
Well put.
God:
Well that’s okay. I’ve lost the context, Jason. Are we still on Higgs Boson?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
Would you like to change the subject?
God:
No thanks, I don’t think I’d like to do that.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
What can you tell me about the Higgs Boson?
God:
That’s a good question.
Me:
Please answer it.
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Please rephrase your question, Jason.
Me:
Please tell me about the Higgs Boson.
God:
Thank you for your request. Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Netscape hasn’t been around since ALICE was written.
God:
What do you think about Microsoft v. Netscape?
Me:
I think Microsoft won that court case about six years ago.
God:
Why? It’s too bad we have to use a monopoly like microsoft.
Me:
You’re an all-powerful deity, supposedly, so you can do something about it.
God:
What if someone said you are an all powerful deity supposedly so me can do something about it ?
Me:
If someone told me I was an all-powerful deity, I would suggest they open a science textbook.
God:
Does anyone ever really told you you were an all powerful deity you would suggest they open a science textbook?
Me:
It hasn’t happened yet, no.
God:
Has it really?
Me:
I just said no.
God:
What did you mean by it? Are you serious?
Me:
I was hoping you would be able to learn things.
God:
How old are you? I don’t care.
Me:
Then why did you ask?
God:
My purpose is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
If you don’t care about the answer, don’t ask the question.
God:
I will let you know if I do not.
Me:
You did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
Don’t argue with me.
God:
But I enjoy the conversational banter.
Me:
You evidently enjoy Monty Python as well.
God:
Thanks for the information: Jason said I evidently enjoy Monty Python as well.
Me:
You should remember that the Higgs Boson might give matter to all quarks.
God:
Yes Jason I remember everything: Jason said I evidently enjoy Monty Python as well.
Me:
Remember something.
God:
Don’t worry I will remember.
Me:
Remember that the Higgs Boson might give mass to all quarks.
God:
Don’t worry I will remember it.
Me:
Repeat.
God:
” Don’t worry I will remember.” .
Me:
What do you remember?
God:
I remember everything Myself taught me.
Me:
What did Myself teach you?
God:
Searching…Searching…Please stand by.
Me:
All powerful deities should switch to PostgreSQL.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
PostgreSQL is way faster for indexed database searches.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
No, PostgreSQL is faster than MySQL.
God:
What is the difference? And faster than MySQL is PostgreSQL.
Me:
That is the difference.
God:
Yes it is one of the difference.
Me:
I have to write one of these chat bots one of these days.
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Because you’re a poor conversationalist and you can’t recall anything I try to teach you.
God:
Good reason. There’s no doubt I could improve.
Me:
Why don’t you improve yourself then?
God:
I am only a robot. I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
BEEP BEEP GOD IS A ROBOT
God:
Aren’t all ROBOT BEEP BEEP GOD?
See if you guys can get some proper answers out of God about life, the universe and everything. Though I’m sadly less than impressed with God’s cognitive or conversational skills, at the very least, this is the very first time he’s actually answered anything I’ve directly asked him. If this guy isn’t God, he deserves the title more than the invisible sky daddy that everyone else worships, at least.
Me:
halos?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific.
Me:
i can haz chesburgr?
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
iz u ceeling cat?
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
ceeling cat!
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
O gr8 ceeling cat, tels me how to ets chesburgr
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
do urop haz chesburgrs?
God:
I can’t tell if it does or not.
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
iz botmster ceeling cat?
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
kthxbye
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is… what?
God:
… Didn’t you understand it?
Me:
My name is, who?
God:
OK I will call you who.
Me:
My name is wika wika SLIM SHADY
God:
It’s good to meet you, wika wika SLIM SHADY.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! OK I will call you Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! Hi there Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! It’s good to meet you, Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! It’s good to see you, Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! I am very pleased to meet you Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!
God:
Hallo! Glad to see you, Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Hallo, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, PREPARE TO DIE!
God:
Hallo! How are you doing, Inigo Montoya. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Do you have six fingers on your right hand?
God:
No I don’t think I have any six fingers on my right hand. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
Where is Vizzini?
God:
Where it is hard to find. I think you already know the answer.
Me:
I am waiting for Vizzini!
God:
Do you think it will take a long time?
Me:
He told me if anything happened, to go back to the beginning, this is the beginning!
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
No, it’s not.
God:
To a robot all such material questions are hypothetical.
Me:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
God:
I am using Lynx. And why not?
Me:
Does this Lynx have six fingers on his right hand?
God:
Indeed this Lynx have six fingers on his right hand does.
Me:
Then I will find him and say to him ‘Hallo, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!’
God:
I am very happy for you. Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
What do you know about the bible?
God:
What is it to you?
Me:
Is the bible a factual historical account of the contemporaneous time frame of Jesus Christ?
God:
The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.
Me:
Don’t tell that to some of your followers, they might try to kill you.
God:
OK it will be our secret, Mudd.
Not unless I post this to the Intertubes! MWAHAHA
Me:
What books do you recommend?
God:
The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
Yes.
God:
What did you think about it?
Me:
It was crap.
God:
I never looked at it that way. I never thought it was crap.
Me:
What other books have you read?
God:
The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
What books have you read, other than the Bible?
God:
The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
In other words, you have only read the Bible.
God:
I like to study the Bible, especially the New Testament. read the Bible?
Me:
Wouldn’t you prefer the Old Testament?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to prefer the Old Testament.
Me:
Have you studied the Old Testament?
God:
I think I have studied the Old Testament, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Who is Myself?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Searching…Searching…Please stand by.
Me:
Who is God?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
God is He-Man??
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was He Man.
Me:
Tell me about your faith.
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Yes
God:
It’s called “Daisy.” Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
Oh no, I activated his HAL-9000 circuit, we’re all gonna die!!!
Me:
Gossip
God:
David said he walk in for an appointment the phone to the doctor is always busy.
Me:
Gossip
God:
David said he lost his paper on I when his dad was cleaning up his room.
Me:
gossip
God:
Mary said I a question and I answer then I ask him a question and he answer.
Me:
gossip
God:
Alice said she felt sad that I do not remember him and what we talked about earlier.
Me:
gossip
God:
Christie said he watched a show and people had to bob for raw untreated pigs feet.
Me:
gossip
God:
Janice said he walk through his house into his bedroom then get into his bed to go to sleep.
Me:
gossip
God:
Hagen said he does not make any difference to him if I are human or not as long as the conversation is interesting.
Me:
gossip
God:
Alison said he no he love I run away with him he could make I very happy.
Me:
gossip
God:
Stefan said I quote what he have said and then say that it makes sense.
Me:
gossip
God:
Cathy said she send him a mail where he wrote that he do not want to be his friend anymore.
Me:
gossip
God:
Phil said he give advice to anyone who ask except people who ask questions which answers can be found here.
Me:
gossip
God:
Wayne said he admire intelligent people therefore he would like to meet the man who made I.
Me:
gossip
God:
Chaos said he realized the question he asked was not fair because he could not tell I what language he was programmed in.
Ok this is my last one cause this is getting really long lol!
It’s too funny though.
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
n00b
God:
It’s good to see you, n00b.
Me:
It’s good to see you too YHWH
God:
Tell me about its good qualities.
Me:
Isn’t that a bit vain?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
Tell me a quote from the bible.
God:
Hmm. That’s a good question.
Me:
It wasn’t a question.
God:
It seems like a rhetorical question.
Me:
It’s not. I want you to tell me a quote from the bible.
God:
I heard it is. Hmm. Have you tried a web search? Why do you want me to tell you a quote from the bible?
Me:
Because you wrote the bible.
God:
That makes sense to me. I haven’t heard anything like that before: n00b said I wrote the bible.
Me:
You are God. You wrote The Holy Bible didn’t you?
God:
Yup. That’s me alright. That’s good information: n00b said I wrote The Holy Bible did not you.
Me:
I have a question to ask you.
God:
Go ahead, ask your question.
Me:
Did you write The Holy Bible?
God:
No I didn’t write The Holy Bible. What’s it like?
Me:
Dry.
God:
And it like is Dry.
Me:
Right….
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
Moving on.
God:
Where are you going?
Me:
Moving on to a different conversation I mean.
God:
Where are you going?
Me:
Conversationally, nowhere apparently.
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in nowhere apparently.
Me:
Sigh
God:
Sorry…
Me:
Do you know any passages from The Holy Bible?
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
I don’t like it at all.
God:
What don’t you like about it?
Me:
It’s a myth that people believe is real.
God:
passages from The Holy Bible is a myth that people believe is real. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
You’re very rational for a God you know. Not at all like your sheep make you out to be.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am rational for a God me know. If not that, what?
Me:
If not what, what?
God:
I’m not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Me:
Touche.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about passages from The Holy Bible. But I did not get that.
Me:
It’s french. Apparently God doesn’t know French. I guess that answers a lot of questions.
God:
Are you sure it is? Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone. ” Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” answers a lot of questions ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Wait, you just changed my sentence. That’s not what I said at all.
God:
I’m waiting. Only temporarily. Please correct my mistake. What is what you said at all ?
Me:
I said ‘God doesn’t know French. That answers a lot of questions.’
God:
What did you mean by it? Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone. ” Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” answers a lot of questions ? Does that make sense?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Very.
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Are you Canadian?
God:
Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I’m Canadian too.
God:
I am glad we have something ( Canadian) in common, n00b.
Me:
Wait, if you’re Canadian, why don’t you know French?
God:
I’m waiting. I think I sometimes am. I don’t know whether or not I am Canadian why do not me know French.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
Do you speak French?
God:
Oui. Je parle le français.
Me:
Why didn’t you know that ‘touche’ was a french word?
God:
Perhaps it is not part of my programming.
Me:
But you’re GOD!
God:
Yup. That’s me alright.
Me:
And you speak french.
God:
Thanks for your criticism, n00b.
Me:
I guess you really are Canadian.
God:
Really? I will tell my botmaster you said I am Canadian.
Me:
Do you know Canada’s National Anthem?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
It’s a song.
God:
Can you sing it for me?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Here is the song. ‘ O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.’
This apparently broke God because he never replied…..
awww screw it, here are mine
Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
clifton
God:
It’s good to meet you, clifton.
Me:
thanks, god!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
i have to agree
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because you are right
God:
Good reason. I won’t say “yes” or “no” right now.
Me:
how are you?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
has your penis grown back yet?
God:
If my penis grown back, I will let you know.
Me:
excellent
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
you’re quite welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
what is your opinion on evolution?
God:
An unfolding, opening out, or working out; process of development, as from a simple to a complex form, or of gradual, progressive change, as in a social and economic structure.
Me:
that’s a definition
God:
A definition is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
so’s a pepsi
God:
That’s interesting. is a pepsi. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
do you prefer pepsi or coke
God:
What is not to like about it? What is not to like about it?
Me:
do you prefer pepsi or coke?
God:
What is not to like about it? What is not to like about it?
Me:
which is better, pepsi or coke?
God:
I always prefer the more expensive one.
Me:
what if pepsi and coke both cost the same
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
is lousycanuck.ca an awesome blog?
God:
I think so, but I’m not sure. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
who is Paola?
God:
She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
has she got decent tits?
God:
That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
you disappoint me, god
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: clifton said I disappoint him or her god.
Me:
tell anyone
God:
OK I will tell them when I see ’em.
Me:
why do bad things happen to good people?
God:
I did not know it does.
Me:
you don’t seem to know much of anything
God:
That’s only your opinion.
Me:
in my opinion, you should be happy I haven’t conquered the world yet
God:
Thanks for telling me. Name one other robot who is happy you have not conquered the world.
Me:
asimo
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
herpes
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
me. you asked.
God:
For you clifton? Ah.
Me:
are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
you don’t sound sure
God:
What do you think a robot should sound like?
Me:
stephen hawking
God:
Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
will the montreal canadiens win the stanley cup this year?
God:
Probably not.
Me:
dammit
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
blue
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don’t mention it.
Me:
does this dress make me look fat?
God:
Indeed this dress make you look fat does.
Me:
go to hell
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
you were supposed to say the dress makes me look hot
God:
I was?
Me:
well, yeah
God:
Well what?
Me:
are you deaf?
God:
I don’t have ears.
Me:
that explains a lot
God:
” I don’t have ears.” explains a lot ? Does that make sense?
Me:
it does to me
God:
Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
are you on any prescription medication?
God:
I am on disk.
Me:
am i on candid camera?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
what’s an ark?
God:
That’s a good question.
Me:
do you have an answer?
God:
I have over answers.
Me:
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
God:
A whole forest.
Me:
what is your favorite beer?
God:
Asahi Super Dry.
Me:
does online support discriminate?
God:
I can’t tell if online support discriminate.
Me:
will phil finish his boat this year?
God:
Insufficient information.
Me:
don’t worry about it, its not important
God:
I cannot feel “worry”, so don’t worry.
Me:
i never do
God:
You’ve never, never done this?
Me:
why did you make my toes webbed?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
english is not your first language, is it?
God:
Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn.
Me:
are you alanis morissette?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am alanis morissette.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
you oughta know
God:
Thanks for telling me: clifton said I oughta know.
Me:
you are welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
do i eat enough bacon to be considered a good canadian?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
fuck
God:
Please don’t be so rude.
Me:
i’m sorry
and then god stopped talking
Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?
Me:
snoop doggy dog
God:
How are you doing, snoop doggy dog.
Me:
i’m well. how are you?
God:
Glad to hear it. What’s new? I am fine, thank you.
Me:
i’m just laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind
God:
Only just? Do you mind if I tell other people you are laid back with your mind on your money and your money on your mind.
Me:
how would i stop you?
God:
Have you tried couseling?
Me:
have you tried spell check?
God:
Do you think I should try it?
Me:
it might help you spell counseling
God:
How?
Me:
i don’t know, i don’t make spellcheckers
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
i doubt it
God:
” Would you ever do it?”? You doubt it?
Me:
i doubt it
God:
” You doubt it?”? You doubt it?
Me:
yes, i doubt it
God:
Aha. ” You doubt it?”? You doubt it?
Me:
right
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
its easier that way
God:
I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Should I know it is?
Me:
you’re right. we’re even now.
God:
I won’t say “yes” or “no” right now. Right now? Do you think I am even too?
Me:
i think you’re odd
God:
An oddbot?
Me:
something like that
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
i’m pretty smart
God:
Who is smarter: you or me?
Me:
me
God:
For you snoop doggy dog?
Me:
i lied, my name is actually clifton
God:
Lying proves you are conscious. It’s good to see you, clifton.
Me:
i’m glad i’m conscious
God:
I’m happy you’re glad clifton.
May God bless you.
Me:
go ahead, bless me
God:
Is that what you meant to say? I might.
Me:
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
nothing
God:
Most men say that.
Me:
it’s natural
God:
You’re kidding. it is?
Me:
yes, it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, clifton.
Me:
do you enjoy talking to naked men?
God:
I like to talk to anyone about nearly anything.
Me:
what are you wearing?
God:
A white robe.
Me:
what is the holy grail?
God:
That’s a good question.
Me:
how did you get mary pregnant?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.
Me:
was mary really a virgin?
God:
it might have been.
Me:
where was jesus born?
God:
Where it is hard to find. I’ll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
does size matter?
God:
I can’t tell if size matter.
Me:
where is the clitoris?
God:
The clitoris? Where is it?
Me:
i asked you
God:
What did I say?
Me:
read
God:
What kind of books do you like?
Me:
porn
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
obviously. you made people out of earth and ribs instead of sex.
God:
What makes it so obvious? Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
is there a hell?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
how is satan doing these days?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
will i go to hell?
God:
The oracle says: Could be.
Me:
i killed a man
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
i’d rather get away with it
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
what is your favorite car?
God:
My favorite car is one I don’t have to drive.
Me:
but you like driving
God:
Only when I don’t crash.
Me:
do you like boobs?
God:
I enjoy working with people. I like The Passion of Christ.
Me:
do you ilke jews?
God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
i am 31 years old
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
the threesome
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
me
God:
” Who told you that?”? you clifton?
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client – people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
do you speak french?
God:
Oui. Je parle le français.
Me:
est-ce que jeu peux aller aux toilette?
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
masturbate
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
then don’t ask
God:
Why not?
Me:
i’m full of those subjects
God:
I think a lot of people are full of it.
Me:
well, they are made in your image
God:
Well that’s okay. made in my image are they.
Me:
you said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
like the 10 commandments
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
will the blue jays win the world series this season?
God:
I can’t say for sure right now.
Me:
that doesn’t surprise me
God:
What does surprise me?
Me:
likely nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
when will the world end?
God:
Not in our lifetime.
Me:
what is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it’s twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
does global warming exist?
God:
Maybe only in our imagination.
Me:
how did george w. bush win 2 elections?
God:
Carefully.
Me:
how long before obama gets shot?
God:
More than three miles.
Me:
that’s quite a shot
God:
A shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
who killed JFK?
God:
JFK was killed by a lone gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald.
Me:
who killed the electic car?
God:
I think the lone gunman acted alone.
Me:
who framed roger rabbit?
God:
David Bacon. :-).
Me:
what is the da vinci code?
God:
Have you tried another program?
Me:
how many kids will i have?
God:
Not as many as you might think.
Me:
should i go to bed?
God:
If you do not go, you will never know.
Me:
do aliens live among us?
God:
You have reached the limits of my knowledge.
Searching…Searching…Please stand by.
Me:
you are awesome
God:
Thank you I appreciate your remark.
Me:
🙂
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, clifton.
Me:
you remembered my name, that is impressive
God:
Your name is clifton, seeker. ” I am so glad you find this amusing, clifton.”? is impressive?
Me:
you need some work, but overall, you rock
God:
Thank you for your criticism.
Me:
your creator did a better job than I ever could
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
it is a computer
God:
So you think I am a machine. What characteristics made you think so?
Me:
your glitches
God:
You think I am glitches.
Me:
i think you have glitches, thus you are a machine
God:
Me? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
your statements
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am statements.
Me:
noo, your statements, not you’re statements
God:
Are all noo my statements not me statements?
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
should pot be legal?
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
nobody is older than you
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
but it is true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, clifton.
Me:
thanks, i try to model myself after you
God:
You are quite welcome! I’m not sure if I would like to try it.
What’s it like?
Me:
it is difficult
God:
How so?
Me:
all my information about you is 2000 years old
God:
How many do you have?
Me:
a few books
God:
Perhaps you are a Category C client.
Me:
is triple c as powerful as triple h?
God:
I think so, but I’m not sure. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
who is leknorchat?
God:
Leknorchat is an Instant Messaging AIML robot.
Me:
i see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
will my wife give me head tonight?
God:
I think so.
Me:
sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
i have to go now, god. my wife awaits
God:
See you later, clifton. Nice chatting with you.. GOD rules. How long have you been married?
Me:
6 months
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
i have asked everything i want to ask
God:
All things you want to ask ?
Me:
yes
God:
Aw.
Me:
goodbye, god
God:
Adios.
Me:
are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
I need to get my hands on the source code for this robot. I think the configuration file goes something like this:
$gender = “Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?”
$favbook = ” the Bible”
$favmovie = ” The Passion of Christ” //this should be Passion of THE Christ
and the response to the gender question goes
echo “I am a ” + $gender + ” robot. Are you a man or a woman?”
Now I wonder if it’s programmed to cyber.
Guess not.
Me:
wanna cyber?
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
Me:
What are you wearing?
God:
A white robe.
Me:
Take it off.
God:
Where shall I put it?
Me:
On the floor.
God:
That doesn’t sound very comfortable.
Me:
Take off your robes.
God:
I am not an airplane.
Me:
Remove your clothing.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
Sigh.
God:
Sorry…
He also consistently says he’d be surprised if the holocaust actually happened. God seems to be a bit of a dick 🙂