This is post 2/4 of an October Friday uncouth rant series leading up to Halloween. Content notice for gendered slurs. The genesis for this was conceived in a Jezebel comment thread of which I was reminded thanks to a friend’s comment thread.
As I was fresh off being broken up with (as is my wont, apparently) by someone with whom I struggled on this very issue, I couldn’t let it slide.
1 month in: “Let’s split the chores equally, alternating unless you have a strong preference for one chore or another. For example, when I cook, you can clean the kitchen.”
3 months in: “You can do the bathroom (sink, toilet, shower) once a week and the dishes when I cook. I’ll handle everything else.”
6 months in: “Just wipe on and around the toilet since that’s your mess. Also, could you put your plates in the sink (I’ll wash them) rather than leave them out? The roommates are getting angry.”
9 months in: “I’ll handle my own as well as our collective messes so that the roommates won’t be mad. I’ll even clean the bathroom. All you have to do is put your own dirty laundry in the hamper, garbage in the trash can, and dishes in the sink.”
12 months in: “Could you at least not leave your dirty socks lying around? I can do everything else. And if we get cats like we (and especially you) want, it’s on the condition that we’re going to take turns cleaning the litter box.”
18 months in: “The cats left a turd on the ground last night because their litter box was completely full. You could have at least done the scooping the weekend I was out of town.”
24 months in: I move out.
Statistically speaking, if I’d married, it would have gotten worse. How’s that for a horror story?