My Erotic Novel Crowdfunder Has Passed $2,000! Thanks, All!

laptop-user 200
Hi, all! I’m writing an erotic fiction novel, I’m crowdfunding for it — and the campaign just passed the $2,000 mark! Big thanks to the 73 backers so far who have kicked in. This support is going to give me the time I need to complete this book, and your confidence in my work means a lot. I’m sure you’re going to enjoy your perks (detailed below) — and mostly, I think you’re going to enjoy the hell out of this book.

For those who haven’t contributed but are interested: My novel is currently titled Coming. It tells the story of one woman’s sex life, starting in 1970 when she’s 18, and ending in roughly the present day. Each chapter describes a different sexual encounter, at a different point in her life: essentially, the book is a series of intense sex scenes, with several years between them. I’m looking at this woman’s life — her name is Sheila — through the lens of sex. I’m exploring Sheila’s sex life, the rest of her life, and how they intertwine. In particular, I’m looking at how she makes choices about sex: Sheila is often adventurous, even reckless, and she makes decisions impulsively, but she’s also cautious, a careful planner, and likes to be in control. I’m interested in how being both impulsive and a control freak plays out out in her sex life.

Yes, I’m writing the novel with lots of fun, hot, sexy sex. Women with women, women with men, probably some men with men, probably some gender fluidity, some of it kinky and SM-y, some of it not. It is an erotic novel, and I’m making it erotic. It’s also a novel — a story about people’s lives. As you know if you’ve read my erotic fiction, I hate erotica that’s, “plot, sex scene, plot, sex scene.” I don’t see these as separate. Erotica is much hotter when you feel what the sex feels like — not just what’s happening physically, but the emotions, the sensations, how this sex is going to change the characters’ lives.

Bending cover
I’m not going to be falsely modest — as an erotic fiction writer, I am very good at this, it’s one of the things I do best. People who have read my short erotic fiction collection, Bending, can attest to this. Don’t take my word for it — the reviews, both professional and from customers, are glowing.

So. Hopefully you’re intrigued, and want to read this novel. Why am I doing an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign?

There are expenses with writing and publishing a book. I generally self-publish my ebooks, which means paying a formatter. I’m a control freak about cover design, which means I get wonderful covers — but also means I have to pay a designer.

But the Number One expense of writing a book is time. Books do not spring fully formed from an author. It takes time — and I’ll need to pay the bills and the mortgage while I’m writing it. I’ll keep doing my other paid writing — blogging, magazine articles, etc. — but I won’t able to do as much of it. Writing a book is immensely fun, deeply rewarding — erotic fiction especially — and it produces something of substance that people want to read. But it takes time. Whenever you buy a book, or support an author’s crowdfunding campaign, that’s most of what you’re paying for. The more money I raise, the more time I’ll be able to put into this book, and the better it will be.

I’m offering a number of perks for donators. They’re listed on the Indiegogo page. Perks include: advance ebook copies; signed print copies; exclusive progress reports; invitation to a private launch party; a PDF copy of my “Kill Your Darlings” file for the book (a rare glimpse into the creative process!); a one-on-one Skype conversation discussing the book (no, it will not be Skype sex!); or copies in all formats of every book I’ve ever published, and every book I ever publish from now on, with all print copies signed with a personalized Thank you. But mostly, I hope you want to read this novel. Please kick in what you can, and please help spread the word. Thanks!

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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My Erotic Novel Crowdfunder Has Passed $2,000! Thanks, All!
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Godless Perverts Social Club – Game Night! Tuesday March 1

game pieces on game board

Godless Perverts is having another game night! Our last two have been well-attended and big fun, so it’s back by popular demand, on Tuesday, March 1. As you may have noticed, Wicked Grounds has a huge stash of games including chess and checkers, Cards Against Humanity*, Scrabble, Fluxx, Slash, Gloom, and much, much more. Feel free to bring your own games if you’re not sure Wicked Grounds has a copy of your favorite.

We’re meeting at Wicked Grounds, the kink cafe and boutique, at 289 8th Street at Folsom in San Francisco (near Civic Center BART). 7-9 pm. Admission is free, but we ask that you buy food and/or drink at the cafe if you can: Wicked Grounds has beverages, light snacks, full meals, and milkshakes made of literal awesome sauce. We meet at Wicked Grounds on the first Tuesday of every month: we also meet in Oakland, on the third Thursday. All orientations, genders, and kinks (or lack thereof) are welcome. Community is one of the reasons we started Godless Perverts. There are few enough places to land when you decide you’re an atheist; far fewer if you’re also LGBT, queer, kinky, poly, trans, or are just interested in sexuality. And the sex-positive/ alt-sex/ whatever- you- want- to- call- it community isn’t always the most welcoming place for non-believers. So please join us. We meet at Wicked Grounds on the first Tuesday of every month: we also meet in Oakland, on the third Thursday. Hope to see you there!

Godless Perverts presents and promotes a positive view of sexuality without religion, by and for sex-positive atheists, agnostics, humanists, and other non-believers, through performance events, panel discussions, social gatherings, media productions, and other appropriate outlets. Our events and media productions present depictions, explorations, and celebrations of godless sexualities — including positive, traumatic, and complex experiences — focusing on the intersections of sexuality with atheism, materialism, skepticism, and science, as well as critical, questioning, mocking, or blasphemous views of sex and religion. Godless Perverts is committed to feminism, diversity, inclusivity, and social justice. We seek to create safe and welcoming environments for all non-believers and believing allies who are respectful of the mission, and are committed to taking positive action to achieve this.

*(If you decide to play CAH, please be cautious; it can be a really hard game between people who don’t know each other and aren’t familiar with each others’ limits and triggers.)

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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Godless Perverts Social Club – Game Night! Tuesday March 1

Secular Meditation: A Review

secular meditation rick heller book
The very short review of Rick Heller’s Secular Meditation: If you’re curious about secular meditation and mindfulness, there’s finally a book for you. And it’s a good one.

The somewhat longer review: the book is exactly what it sounds like—a guide to meditation practices, written from an entirely secular viewpoint. And it’s hugely welcome. The vast majority of writing, teaching, and other guidance about meditation come from a religious or supernatural perspective. So when humanists want to pursue these practices, we’re given teachings and techniques we mistrust because they’re founded on supernatural assumptions. We understand that the mind is a product of the brain and the rest of the body, and that the mental or physical practices of meditation might affect how we think and feel—but we have to figure out which of these practices have good research supporting them, and which are nonsense or even dogma. We might even be subjected to teachings that denigrate us, telling us that our supernatural soul is the most important part of our being and our lives are hollow if we don’t believe in it. Even supposedly secular teachings about meditation are often rooted in supernatural ideas about “energy” and whatnot.

*****

Thus begins my review of Secular Meditation: 32 Practices for Cultivating Inner Peace, Compassion, and Joy, for The Humanist. To read more, read the rest of the review. Enjoy!

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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Secular Meditation: A Review

Yes, I’m Asking For Donations For an Erotic Novel

Your asking for donations for a porn novel? Are you kidding?

A commenter on Facebook asked this the other day, replying to a post about the crowdfunder I’m doing for my erotic novel, Coming. Here’s my reply:

Yes, I am.

laptop-user 200
I think sex is important and interesting, and I think it’s worth writing about, in both nonfiction and fiction. I’ve been writing about sex from a feminist, queer, political perspective for decades – long before I started writing about atheism. Many of my readers enjoy and respect my writing about sex, and want to support it and read more of it.

If you don’t want to read this novel and don’t want to support the crowdfunder for it, don’t. Not everyone is interested in everything, and that’s fine: I’m probably not going to support a crowdfunder for a book about golf. But if you hold sex writing in contempt and think the very idea of asking for support for it is ridiculous, I’m going to ask you to either reconsider that opinion or leave my page.

And for those who do enjoy and respect my writing about sex, and want to support it and read more of it: Here’s the link to the crowdfunder! A little more about the novel: Tentatively titled Coming, it tells the story of one woman’s sex life, starting in 1970 when she’s 18, and ending in roughly the present day. Each chapter describes a different sexual encounter, at a different point in her life: essentially, the book is a series of intense sex scenes, with several years between them. I’m looking at this woman’s life — her name is Sheila — through the lens of sex. I’m exploring Sheila’s sex life, the rest of her life, and how they intertwine. In particular, I’m looking at how she makes choices about sex: Sheila is often adventurous, even reckless, and she makes decisions impulsively, but she’s also cautious, a careful planner, and likes to be in control. I’m interested in how being both impulsive and a control freak plays out out in her sex life.

Yes, I’m writing the novel with lots of fun, hot, sexy sex. Women with women, women with men, probably some men with men, probably some gender fluidity, some of it kinky and SM-y, some of it not. It is an erotic novel, and I’m making it erotic. It’s also a novel — a story about people’s lives. As you know if you’ve read my erotic fiction, I hate erotica that’s, “plot, sex scene, plot, sex scene.” I don’t see these as separate. Erotica is much hotter when you feel what the sex feels like — not just what’s happening physically, but the emotions, the sensations, how this sex is going to change the characters’ lives.

Bending cover
I’m not going to be falsely modest — as an erotic fiction writer, I am very good at this, it’s one of the things I do best. People who have read my short erotic fiction collection, Bending, can attest to this. Don’t take my word for it — the reviews, both professional and from customers, are glowing.

If this makes you want to read the novel — please kick into the crowdfunder if you can! I’m offering a number of perks for donators, including signed copies of the book, regular updates about the book’s progress, invitations to a private book launch party, one-on-one Skype conversations about the book, and thank yous, of course. (A complete list of perks is on the Indiegogo page.) If you don’t want to read the novel, that’s totally fine; whether it’s because you don’t like erotic fiction or aren’t interested in this particular book. But if you’re going to express dismissive contempt for the very idea of erotic fiction as something of value, you picked the wrong writer to tangle with.

Yes, I’m Asking For Donations For an Erotic Novel

Clinton or Sanders? READ THE COMMENT POLICY BEFORE COMMENTING

clinton and sanders 600

I want to have a conversation, and I’m putting very strict limits on it. If you can’t abide by these limits, please don’t participate. If you violate these boundaries, I will block you or put you into comment moderation, possibly without being given a second chance (at my discretion).

I want to hear your case for Clinton over Sanders, or for Sanders over Clinton. If you’re on the fence, I want to hear why. More about election specifics in a moment: here are the discussion parameters. READ THEM CAREFULLY.

I only want to hear from people who accept that this is not an obvious choice, or at the very least understand and respect why some people would make a different choice. I want the conversation to remain civil, with absolutely no name-calling or personal attacks aimed at the candidates or the other people in the conversation. I’m even going to ask people to dial back on invective and heated rhetoric aimed at ideas and behavior: usually I’m okay with that, but here I’m not. I want a civil, calm conversation, based on the assumption of good faith. And this should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: I do not want to hear even a whiff of sexism or misogyny aimed at Clinton. If you so much as use her first name while using Sanders’ last, you’re out of the conversation.

And I specifically want to hear your thoughts about which candidate would be a better President and why. I don’t want to hear arguments based on electability. I’ve seen convincing arguments that both candidates are more electable, based on current polling, who’s traditionally likely to vote, which demographics each candidate is likely to bring to the polls, etc. I have my own thoughts on that subject, but it’s not what I want to discuss here. And I don’t want to hear arguments based on either candidate’s followers being jerks. That’s happening on both sides, and unless you can make a REALLY convincing case that this is relevant to which candidate would make a better President, leave it. I want to know which candidate you think would make a better President.

Here’s my current state of mind. I did that “I Side With” quiz to see which candidate agreed with me on more of the issues. I got 98% agreement with Sanders — and 95% agreement with Clinton. That difference is insignificant. Even if there had been a significant difference, stated positions on issues aren’t the only thing that matters (although of course they’re hugely important). A candidate’s history also matters: are they likely to go back on their word, are they effective at building coalitions, do they listen to criticism and respond well to it, are they in bed with corporate interests, and so on. And of course, not all issues show up on this quiz or others like it; this quiz skews more towards platform positions than voting records; and while it allows you to weight which issues are more important to you, it doesn’t allow you to say “Dealbreaker.”

The most persuasive big-picture argument I’ve seen for Sanders: he’s the only candidate who could potentially change the system. Clinton is on the liberal side of moderate, a business as usual candidate — and the business is broken. The political and economic system in the United States is rotten to the core, it needs radical change, and Clinton will not make that happen.

The most persuasive big-picture argument I’ve seen for Clinton: Sanders is not good at management, compromise, organization, or getting along with people generally. If Sanders is elected, he’ll be a bad President and will be unable to effect the changes he’s promising.

So — make your case. Again, SEE THE COMMENT POLICY ABOVE, and if you can’t abide by it, please stay out of the conversation. Thanks!

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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Clinton or Sanders? READ THE COMMENT POLICY BEFORE COMMENTING

Why I Didn’t Write About (X)

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“If you’re such a feminist, why didn’t you say anything about this particular incident? If you care about social justice, why weren’t you willing to debate that guy? A major news event happened this week — why were you just writing about pop culture?”

It occurs to me that this is just another way to trivialize and silence. The expectation that every writer address every topic that’s even vaguely in their wheelhouse — it’s ridiculously burdensome. If that’s the bar for participating in public discourse, it’s so high a kangaroo couldn’t jump it. And it’s another way to control the conversation. Privilege includes getting to decide which topics are important and which ones aren’t — whether that’s telling people to calm down about things they’re upset about, or telling them what to aim their anger at instead.

So because I’m tired of answering this question, and other people are tired of answering this question, I’m writing this all-purpose reply we can link to any time it’s asked.

Why didn’t I write about (X)? The reason could be any of the following:

I was busy writing about something else.
I was on deadline writing about something else.
I was recovering from the really hard work I put into writing something else.
I’ve been writing about that topic a lot lately, and decided I needed to change it up a bit.
Lots of other people were writing about it, and I didn’t feel a need to add my voice this time.
I didn’t hear about it soon enough for my contribution to be timely.
My ideas about it are complicated and still developing, and I didn’t want to think out loud on this one.
I knew it would spark a firestorm of controversy, and I didn’t have time or energy to handle it that week.
I was sick that week.
I was taking care of personal business.
I was on vacation.
I was taking a mental-health break from heavy topics.
I was writing about some other heavy topic.

Finally, and most importantly:

I was writing about cats or chocolate pie or Steven Universe, and it’s none of your damn business what I write about. I am not a public utility: I am not a fire hydrant of insightful commentary for you to point at any issue you’re interested in. The people who get to do that are the editors who pay me money. And I am not the New York Times: I don’t even pretend to write all the news that’s fit to print. I write all the news that catches my attention at a moment when I have time and energy to write about it.

If there’s an issue you think I might be interested in, by all means send it my way: just don’t do it with a sense of entitlement. If I have a pattern of missing a particular issue that would normally be in my wheelhouse — like there’s a form of marginalization I consistently overlook when I write about social justice stuff — please do let me know about it. And if a writer or publication does aspire to be the Progressive Times, the Feminist Times, the Atheist Times, it’s worth looking at holes in their coverage. But even the Feminist Times couldn’t address every single incident of sexism and misogyny. It’s transparently laughable to insist that this makes everything they say irrelevant.

If you like my writing and are interested in what I write about, read it. If not, don’t. But do not try to shame me out of writing by setting an impossibly high bar and berating me for not clearing it. I write about plenty of weighty topics, and you don’t get to tell me which ones. My voice, my right to decide.

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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Why I Didn’t Write About (X)

Godless Perverts Social Club in Oakland Feb. 18: Sex, Gender, and Cultural Appropriation

godless perverts social club sex gender and cultural appropriation
The Godless Perverts Social Club is excited to host a discussion led by Cinnamon Maxxine and Donna about cultural appropriation, especially as it happens in alternative sexuality communities. Come ready for a dynamic, serious discussion about how to have a respectful relationship with other cultures.

We have a new location for the Oakland Godless Perverts Social Clubs! We’re now meeting at Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe, 1805 Telegraph Avenue, next to the Fox Theater (and right near the 19th St. Oakland BART station). Rudy’s Can’t Fail is a fun, friendly space that serves meals, small bites, beer, cocktails, soft drinks, and desserts. We’re meeting in the back room/ dining car: the dining car has somewhat limited space, probably enough for all of us, but it’s a good idea to arrive on time if you want to be sure to get a seat. Thursday, February, 7-9 pm. The Oakland Social Clubs are on the third Thursday of the month (First Tuesdays are still in San Francisco at Wicked Grounds.)

Community is one of the reasons we started Godless Perverts. There are few enough places to land when you decide that you’re an atheist; far fewer if you’re also LGBT, queer, kinky, poly, trans, or are just interested in sexuality. And the sex-positive/ alt-sex/ whatever- you- want- to- call- it community isn’t always the most welcoming place for non-believers.

So please join us! Hang out with other nonbelievers and chat about sex, sexuality, gender, atheism, religion, science, social justice, pop culture, and more. All orientations, genders, and kinks (or lack thereof) are welcome. We meet on the third Thursday of every month at Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe (we also meet on the first Tuesday of every month at Wicked Grounds, 289 8th Street at Folsom in San Francisco, near Civic Center BART). 7-9 pm. Admission is free, although we do ask that you buy food and/or drink at the venue.

Godless Perverts presents and promotes a positive view of sexuality without religion, by and for sex-positive atheists, agnostics, humanists, and other non-believers, through performance events, panel discussions, social gatherings, media productions, and other appropriate outlets. Our events and media productions present depictions, explorations, and celebrations of godless sexualities — including positive, traumatic, and complex experiences — focusing on the intersections of sexuality with atheism, materialism, skepticism, and science, as well as critical, questioning, mocking, or blasphemous views of sex and religion.

Godless Perverts is committed to feminism, diversity, inclusivity, and social justice. We seek to create safe and welcoming environments for all non-believers and believing allies who are respectful of the mission, and are committed to taking positive action to achieve this. Please let the moderators or other people in charge of any event know if you encounter harassment, racism, misogyny, transphobia, or other problems at our events.

If you want to be notified about all our Godless Perverts events, sign up for our email mailing list, follow us on Twitter at @GodlessPerverts, or follow us on Facebook. You can also sign up for the Bay Area Atheists/ Agnostics/ Humanists/ Freethinkers/ Skeptics Meetup page, and be notified of all sorts of godless Bay Area events — including many Godless Perverts events. And of course, you can always visit our Website to find out what we’re up to, godlessperverts.com. Hope to see you soon!

Godless Perverts Social Club in Oakland Feb. 18: Sex, Gender, and Cultural Appropriation

Criticize Famous and Powerful Figures, Win Fame and Fortune!

Robyn Blumner, the new CEO of Center For Inquiry, in a podcast interview with Hemant Mehta

I think Richard Dawkins is purposefully misunderstood at times as a way to generate clicks on some bloggers’ page. It’s because his name brings page views and eyes so why not generate a lot of heat around something that is pretty tame if you really unpack it.

Sigh. This again?

Dear Ms. Blumner: Do you really think the way to fame and fortune as a writer is to alienate famous and powerful writers with millions of followers?

Richard Dawkins used to support and publicize my writing. Once I started criticizing him, he stopped. It made a serious dent in my income. And criticizing Dawkins and other powerful atheists for sexism, racism, etc. led to years of harassment, threats of rape and death — which is still ongoing.

People don’t criticize powerful figures for clicks and attention. We do it because we’re trying to make this community better. If you disagree with criticism of Dawkins, address the content. Don’t impugn our motives. This is a hard road, and we don’t take it for fun.

(Amy Roth takes this apart really well, as does PZ Myers and Monette Richards.)

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Criticize Famous and Powerful Figures, Win Fame and Fortune!

I’m Writing an Erotic Fiction Novel, “Coming” — And I’m Crowdfunding!

computer keyboard with hands
Hi, all! I’m writing an erotic fiction novel, and I’m crowdfunding for it! I’m giving all sorts of perks for people who kick in (details below, and at Indiegogo of course) — but mostly, I hope you just want to read the book.

My novel is currently titled Coming. It tells the story of one woman’s sex life, starting in 1970 when she’s 18, and ending in roughly the present day. Each chapter describes a different sexual encounter, at a different point in her life: essentially, the book is a series of intense sex scenes, with several years between them. I’m looking at this woman’s life — her name is Sheila — through the lens of sex. I’m exploring Sheila’s sex life, the rest of her life, and how they intertwine. In particular, I’m looking at how she makes choices about sex: Sheila is often adventurous, even reckless, and she makes decisions impulsively, but she’s also cautious, a careful planner, and likes to be in control. I’m interested in how being both impulsive and a control freak plays out out in her sex life.

Yes, I’m writing the novel with lots of fun, hot, sexy sex. Women with women, women with men, probably some men with men, probably some gender fluidity, some of it kinky and SM-y, some of it not. It is an erotic novel, and I’m making it erotic. It’s also a novel — a story about people’s lives. As you know if you’ve read my erotic fiction, I hate erotica that’s, “plot, sex scene, plot, sex scene.” I don’t see these as separate. Erotica is much hotter when you feel what the sex feels like — not just what’s happening physically, but the emotions, the sensations, how this sex is going to change the characters’ lives.

Bending cover
I’m not going to be falsely modest — as an erotic fiction writer, I am very good at this, it’s one of the things I do best. People who have read my short erotic fiction collection, Bending, can attest to this. Don’t take my word for it — the reviews, both professional and from customers, are glowing.

So. Hopefully you’re intrigued, and want to read this novel. Why am I doing an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign?

There are expenses with writing and publishing a book. I generally self-publish my ebooks, which means paying a formatter. I’m a control freak about cover design, which means I get wonderful covers — but also means I have to pay a designer.

But the Number One expense of writing a book is time. Books do not spring fully formed from an author. It takes time — and I’ll need to pay the bills and the mortgage while I’m writing it. I’ll keep doing my other paid writing — blogging, magazine articles, etc. — but I won’t able to do as much of it. Writing a book is immensely fun, deeply rewarding — erotic fiction especially — and it produces something of substance that people want to read. But it takes time. Whenever you buy a book, or support an author’s crowdfunding campaign, that’s most of what you’re paying for. The more money I raise, the more time I’ll be able to put into this book, and the better it will be.

I’m offering a number of perks for donators. They’re listed on the Indiegogo page. Perks include: advance ebook copies; signed print copies; exclusive progress reports; invitation to a private launch party; a PDF copy of my “Kill Your Darlings” file for the book (a rare glimpse into the creative process!); a one-on-one Skype conversation discussing the book (no, it will not be Skype sex!); or copies in all formats of every book I’ve ever published, and every book I ever publish from now on, with all print copies signed with a personalized Thank you. But mostly, I hope you want to read this novel. Please kick in what you can, and please help spread the word. Thanks!

Comforting Thoughts book cover oblong 100 JPG
Coming Out Atheist
Bending
why are you atheists so angry
Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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I’m Writing an Erotic Fiction Novel, “Coming” — And I’m Crowdfunding!

Subjective Tastes and Character Judgments — Two Great Tastes that Taste Lousy Together

This piece was originally published in The Humanist.

basketball 200
“All I hear about these days is the NBA finals. Who are these brainless yahoos who get so obsessed about a ball going into a net?”

“I hate those ditzes who care so much about fashion. They’re so superficial.”

“What is it with selfies, anyway? Who are these self-involved twerps who keep taking pictures of themselves?”

“You know the kind of guy. He likes NASCAR, country music — total fool.”

Why do people do this? Why do we make character judgments about other people, based solely on their personal, subjective tastes in entirely consensual activities?

To be very clear: I’m not talking about subjective tastes that genuinely do have a moral component. I understand that there are moral issues with, for instance, food (eating meat or not?); consumer items (were they made by exploited labor?); choices in transportation (does it pollute?); lots of other examples. I’m also not talking about subjective choices that actually do immediately infringe on other people, like playing loud music at three in the morning and keeping the neighbors awake. And I’m not talking about making our own aesthetic judgments, and mouthing off about them. Of course we’re free to like or dislike any food, art, or entertainment that does or doesn’t strike our fancy — and we’re free to say so.

I’m not talking about any of that. I’m talking about making character judgments about other people, making assumptions about people’s lives and values and relationships, even making moral judgments about them — based on their tastes in music, food, art, entertainment, or other activities that are entirely subjective and consensual. I don’t get it. Why do people do this?

Actually — that’s not true. I do get it. There are lots of reasons we do this. It’s just that none of them are good reasons.

We often have good or bad associations with certain activities — and we connect those with the people we think of as doing those activities. If you were bullied in high school by jocks, you might have bad associations with sports, and assume that anyone who enjoys them is a mean, mindless jerk.

marge simpson reading love in the time of scurvy
We can also forget that people have widely varying tastes. If we think romance novels are formulaic and shallow, we might form a mental picture of a romance novel reader based entirely on that — forgetting that they also probably like science fiction, books about history, nature hikes, The Simpsons, homemade chili, ballroom dancing, vintage cars, or any of a hundred million possible activities that make up a rich, full, complicated life.

In addition, we tend to associate certain activities with certain groups of people — and if there are people we already fear, hold in contempt, or otherwise dislike, we often use subjective preferences as a way to denigrate them. Many of the most widely despised personal tastes, the ones that most often get seen as character flaws, are the ones commonly enjoyed by marginalized people. Looking down on people who like rap and hip-hop, or country music, or fashion and style — it’s a way of denigrating black people, poor and working-class people, women. And of course, this becomes a self-perpetuating circle. If we’re already pre-disposed to look down on certain kinds of people (consciously or unconsciously), we’re more likely to dislike the activities we associate with them — and our dislike of their activities becomes a justification for disliking the people.

And some people really do use aesthetic preferences as markers of group identity — and group identities often involve shared values. If we know a particular group of people with a sexist, macho worldview, and they not only like heavy metal but use their heavy metal fandom to signal their group identity to each other and the rest of the world, it’s easy to take them at their word, and assume that heavy metal really does translate to rigid gender roles and macho posturing.

But a big part of this phenomenon, I think, is simply that we like to have our decisions validated by others.

If you know anything about cognitive biases, you probably know about rationalization. Any time we make a decision, we immediately start unconsciously rationalizing why it was right. And part of how we do that is seeking out people who agree with us — and ignoring, dismissing, or pushing aside people who don’t. So when we say that we like white chocolate or basketball or Miles Davis, and someone says, “Ew, I hate that” — it feels dissonant. It conflicts with our image of ourselves as someone who always makes the right decisions. It can even feel like a personal insult — even if no insult was intended, even if no insult was given, even if literally all the person said was, “I don’t like the thing that you like.” Personal tastes are subjective, but they’re also… well, personal. Disagreements with our tastes, especially ones we care about a lot, can feel like disagreements with our very being. And one way to resolve that dissonance is to distance ourselves from people who disagree, and convince ourselves that there’s something wrong with them. Even if all they disagree about is white chocolate or basketball or Miles Davis.

So I get it.

But none of it makes sense.

fans watching baseball game
There are plenty of thoughtful, good-natured people who like sports. There are plenty of intelligent people with rich musical knowledge who like country music and hip-hop. There are plenty of easy-going, egalitarian people who like opera. There are plenty of confident feminists who care about fashion. Etc., etc., etc. They’re not rare exceptions. If you want to make judgments about people’s character, it makes no sense to focus on their subjective tastes in consensual activities. Instead, we should pay attention to, you know, how they treat other people.

If jocks were mean to you in high school, that says nothing at all about the sports fan in front of you. If some people use their fondness for heavy metal to signal their identity with a sexist subculture, that says nothing at all about the heavy metal fan in front of you. Of all the crappy excuses people have come up with to denigrate entire classes of people, “I don’t like their music or fashion” has got to be one of the crappiest.

And people can like and love and respect each other, and still have different tastes. Surely we can be confident enough, secure enough, to like the things we like, and let other people like the things they like, and not take it as an insult, a character failing, or a deep clash of our most basic values, when we like different things. If some people don’t like basketball or fashion or selfies or country music or NASCAR, or whatever entirely consensual activities you happen to enjoy, they are not saying a single damn thing about you.

And if they are — if someone’s judging your character because you’re excited about Project Runway or the Final Four — show them this column, and tell them to knock it off.

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Coming Out Atheist
Bending
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Greta Christina is author of four books: Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More.

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Subjective Tastes and Character Judgments — Two Great Tastes that Taste Lousy Together