7 Forms of Atheist Support You May Never Have Heard Of

This piece was originally published on AlterNet.

“But people need religion for community! For social support! People get so much from religion — counseling, emotional help during hard times, financial help during hard times, rituals and rites of passage, day care, even job networking. Why do atheists want to take that away?”

There are a lot of arguments people make for religion. But this one gets atheists’ attention. Not because it’s a good argument for religion — it’s not. People don’t need religion to help each other out, or even to form organized groups to help each other out. We form communities and support networks around all sorts of ideas and identities: philosophies, political views, sexual orientations, gender identities or lack thereof, hobbies, geographical accidents, food preferences, and much, much more. And the communities people build around religion are hardly evidence that God exists… any more than Dickens re-creation societies are evidence that Oliver Twist exists.

This argument gets atheists’ attention, not because it’s a good argument for religion, but because we recognize that there is a real need here. In many parts of the world, religion is deeply intertwined with the social and economic and political system — and when atheists leave religion and come out as atheists, they often find themselves isolated, cut off from the support they’ve relied on all their lives, in some cases cut off from their families and closest friends. And even when religion isn’t an overpowering behemoth dominating the social landscape, support systems can have religion woven into them in ways that people aren’t even aware of — but that can make these support networks alienating to many atheists. Atheists often have distinct needs — when you don’t believe in any gods or any afterlife, you often handle things like grief, illness, rites of passage, bringing up children, very differently from people who do believe in a god or an afterlife. And support services often don’t meet these needs: even when they intend to be inclusive, they often aren’t.

So in the last few years, secular support systems have been flowering like… well, like flowers. Like flowers in a movie about mutant radioactive flowers, growing at astonishing rates and to colossal size. And like mutant radioactive flowers, they’re spreading their seeds profusely, and are sprouting brand new shoots every year. The very existence of these support systems is making more and more atheists aware of needs in our community that aren’t being filled… and they’re inspiring people to create new systems to fill them. (Of course, when atheists do create communities and support services, plenty of believers will respond by saying, “But that’s ridiculous! How can you create communities around something you don’t believe in?” Yet another way that atheists can’t win: we’re heartless and uncaring if we don’t create community, laughable and incomprehensible if we do. But I digress.)

Here are just seven atheist support systems — or eight, depending on how you’re counting — that you might not have heard of, focusing on particular issues or demographics that you might not have known existed. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and more are being created all the time. And most of these organizations know about most of the others, and can point you in their direction. If you’re an atheist, I encourage you to bookmark this page: you never know when you or one of your atheist friends might need one of these services. And if you’re not an atheist, but you have atheist friends or colleagues or family, you’d be doing them a kindness to let them know that these support systems exist. Your atheist friends and colleagues and family members may have needs that you aren’t aware of, needs they’ve never said anything about… because it never occurred to them that these forms of help could even exist. Continue reading “7 Forms of Atheist Support You May Never Have Heard Of”

7 Forms of Atheist Support You May Never Have Heard Of
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Greta Speaking in San Francisco, Minneapolis, SF Again, Akron, Stanford, Tacoma, and at Skepticon!

Hi, all! I have some speaking gigs coming up that I wanted to let you know about: in San Francisco, Minneapolis, Akron, Stanford, Tacoma, and at Skepticon in Springfield, MO. Here are the details. Hope to see you there!

CITY: San Francisco, CA (Perverts Put Out)
DATE: Saturday, July 27
TIME: 8:00 pm
LOCATION: The Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA (near Civic Center BART)
EVENT: Perverts Put Out — Pre-Dore Debauch
TOPIC: I have no idea. It’s Perverts Put Out. I’ll probably be reading porn.
EVENT SUMMARY/ OTHER PERFORMERS: Join a sexy celebration of leather and lust at Perverts Put Out!’s annual pre-Dore-Alley-Fair show, with performers including Greta Christina, Jaime Cortez, Gina deVries, Juba Kalamka, Lori Selke, horehound stillpoint, Fran Varian, and your hosts Simon Sheppard and Dr. Carol Queen.
COST: $10-25 sliding scale, no-one turned away. A benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture.
EVENT URL: http://www.simonsheppard.com/simonsheppard%27su.html

CITY: Minneapolis, MN (Minnesota Atheists/American Atheists Regional Conference)
DATE: Saturday, August 10
TIME: All-day conference
LOCATION: Ramada Plaza, 1330 Industrial Blvd NE, Minneapolis, MN
EVENT/HOSTS: Minnesota Atheists/American Atheists Regional Conference
TOPIC: Coming Out: How To Do It, How to Help Each Other Do It, And Why?
SUMMARY: Coming out is the most powerful political act atheists can take. But coming out can be difficult and risky. What are some specific, practical, nuts-and-bolts strategies we can use: to come out of the closet, to support each other in coming out, and to make the atheist community a safer place to come out into? What can atheists learn about coming out from the LGBT community and their decades of coming-out experience — and what can we learn from the important differences between coming out atheist and coming out queer?
OTHER SPEAKERS: PZ Myers, Hector Avalos, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Amanda Knief, Greg Laden, Stephanie Zvan, Rohit Ravindran, Kim Socha, Jill Carlson, James Zimmerman, Eric Jayne, Cliff Buhl, and Susan Campion.
COST: $10.00 – $60.00
EXTRA EVENT: The evening before the conference, the minor league baseball team The St. Paul Saints will change their name for the day to the Mr. Paul Aints, in honor of the atheist conference. Seriously. A special group rate is available for the game for conference attendees.
EVENT URL: http://mnatheists.org/

CITY: San Francisco, CA (Godless Perverts Story Hour)
DATE: Saturday, August 31
TIME: 7:00 pm
LOCATION: The Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA (near Civic Center BART)
EVENT: The Godless Perverts Story Hour
TOPIC: I have no idea. It’s the Godless Perverts Story Hour. I’ll probably be reading something about religion and sex.
EVENT SUMMARY: Join us for another evening of blasphemy and depravity at our next Godless Perverts Story Hour on Saturday, August 31. The Godless Perverts Story Hour is an evening about how to have good sex without having any gods, goddesses, spirits, or their earthly representatives hanging over your shoulder and telling you that you’re doing it wrong. We’ll be bringing you depictions, explorations, and celebrations of godless sexualities, as well as critical, mocking, and blasphemous views of sex and religion. The evening’s entertainment will have a range of voices — sexy and serious, passionate and funny, and all of the above — talking about how our sexualities can not only exist, but even thrive, without the supernatural.
OTHER PERFORMERS: As of now, our lineup for August 31 includes Molly Weatherfield (aka Pam Rosenthal), Victor Harris, Jen Cross, Virgie Tovar, Kate Sirls, M. Christian, and Simon Sheppard — plus your charming hosts Greta Christina, David Fitzgerald, and Chris Hall. Other readers and performers will be announced as appropriate.
COST: $10-20 sliding scale donation. No-one turned away for lack of funds. A benefit for the Center for Sex and Culture.
EVENT URL: http://www.godlessperverts.com/event/godless-perverts-story-hour-august-2013/

CITY: Stanford, CA
DATE: Tuesday, October 15
TIME: TBA
LOCATION: TBA
HOSTS: Humanist Community at Stanford and Atheists, Humanists, and Agnostics at Stanford (AHA!)
TOPIC: Coming Out Atheist: How To Do It, How to Help Each Other Do It, And Why?
SUMMARY: Coming out is the most powerful political act atheists can take. But coming out can be difficult and risky. What are some specific, practical, nuts-and-bolts strategies we can use: to come out of the closet, to support each other in coming out, and to make the atheist community a safer place to come out into? What can atheists learn about coming out from the LGBT community and their decades of coming-out experience — and what can we learn from the important differences between coming out atheist and coming out queer?
COST: TBA

CITY: Akron, OH (The Sexy Secular Conference)
DATE: Saturday, Oct. 19
TIME: All-day conference
LOCATION: The University of Akron, Student Union Theater Rm. 210, Akron, OH
EVENT/HOSTS: The Secular Student Alliance at The University of Akron
TOPIC: Atheism and Sexuality
SUMMARY: The sexual morality of traditional religion tends to be based, not on solid ethical principles, but on a set of taboos about what kinds of sex God does and doesn’t want people to have. And while the sex-positive community offers a more thoughtful view of sexual morality, it still often frames sexuality as positive by seeing it as a spiritual experience. What are some atheist alternatives to these views? How can atheists view sexual ethics without a belief in God? And how can atheists view sexual transcendence without a belief in the supernatural?
OTHER SPEAKERS: Annie Laurie Gaylor, Aron Ra, Heina Dadabhoy, Nate Phelps, Jamila Bey, Dr. Darrel Ray, David Fitzgerald, Katherine Stewart, and Mandisa Thomas
COST: Free and open to the public
EVENT URL: http://sexysecularconference.com/

CITY: Tacoma, WA (CFI Summit)
DATES: October 24-27 (don’t know which day I’m speaking)
LOCATION: Hotel Murano, 1320 Broadway, Tacoma, WA
EVENT/HOSTS: A joint conference of the Center for Inquiry, the Council for Secular Humanism, and the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry
TOPIC: TBA
OTHER SPEAKERS: Susan Jacoby, Bill Nye, Eugenie Scott, Cara Santa Maria, Phil Zuckerman, Katherine Stewart, Leonard Mlodinow, Todd Stiefel, and more
COST: $50.00 – $199.00
EVENT URL: http://www.cfisummit.org/

CITY: Springfield, MO (Skepticon)
DATES: November 15th-17th
LOCATION: Springfield Expo Center, Springfield, MO
EVENT: Skepticon!
TOPIC: TBA
EVENT SUMMARY: Skepticon is an annual skeptic/freethinker/atheist/awesome conference that is held annually in Springfield, MO. It is the mission of Skepticon to support, promote, and develop free-thought skeptic, and scientific communities through inclusive educational programming. Skepticon is also the largest free skeptic conference in the nation.
OTHER SPEAKERS: Seth Andrews, Richard Carrier, John Corvino, JT Eberhard, David Fitzgerald, Debbie
Goddard, Rebecca Hensler, Keith Lowell Jensen, Amanda Knief, Amanda Marcotte, Hemant Mehta, Monica R. Miller, PZ Myers, Aron Ra, Shelley Segal, David Tamayo, and Rebecca Watson.
COST: Free. This is a TOTALLY FREE conference. Discount hotel rates available.
EVENT URL: http://skepticon.org/

Greta Speaking in San Francisco, Minneapolis, SF Again, Akron, Stanford, Tacoma, and at Skepticon!

Secular Meditation: I Am Who I Am

“Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water.”

wood_chopping
This is a moderately famous Zen koan. And it’s a phrase that keeps popping into my head as I pursue the secular meditation/ mindfulness practice that I keep gassing on about. Like many Zen koans, it seems to mean somewhat different things to different people (if you Google the phrase “chop wood, carry water,” you’ll find hundreds of people explaining what it “really” means). There’s the obvious meaning: after you get enlightenment (whatever the hell that means), the everyday tasks of your life aren’t going to go away, you still have to do work and manage your life. There’s the somewhat less obvious meaning: after you get enlightenment (whatever the hell that means), the pains and stresses of your life aren’t going to go away, chopping wood will still be hard work and carrying water will still make your back hurt. There’s the still less obvious but more commonly- understood meaning: our lives are largely made up of mundane tasks, and these tasks aren’t just junk we have to slog through to get to our real lives, they are our real lives, so it makes sense to embrace them and fully experience them rather than racing through them distractedly as if they didn’t matter.

All of which is true. But here’s what this koan has been meaning to me, and why it keeps popping into my head when I meditate:

I am who I am.

I will always be who I am. I am not going to get away from myself.

Here’s what I mean. There’s this weird paradox I keep running into. Meditation and mindfulness are having a dramatically transformative effect on my mind and my mood, my emotions and my approach to life. At the same time, they’re not really changing who I am at all. I am still fundamentally the same person that I was before I started, with the same affections and ambitions and anxieties, the same irritations and guilts and self-doubts. And I have to accept that if this practice is going to work.

When I meditate, I sometimes get frustrated with the constant hamster wheel in my head, chattering and nattering and worrying and distracting me from my focus. In theory, my meditation practice is supposed to involve focusing my attention on something specific (such as my breath, or scanning my body from foot to head); noticing when my attention has drifted from this focus; observing my distracting thoughts or feelings without judgment; and gently returning my focus to my breath or my body or whatever. In practice, my meditation often goes something like this:

Foot
“Focus on my right heel. My right heel. Jesus, I can’t believe that idiot commenter on AlterNet. Did I remember to pitch my AlterNet editor with that story idea… hm, I’m noticing that my attention is drifting. I’m gently returning the focus to my right heel. Right heel. Sole of my right foot. Sole of my… I haven’t returned that email from Charlie, I really need to do that. I wonder if Charlie would be interested in a workshop or a discussion group on mindfulness and sexuality? Who else would be interested in that? If I do that, should I do it as an in-person group in San Francisco, or an online group, or… no, this ISN’T what I’m focusing on right now. Crap. Observe that my attention has drifted onto this thought, LET THE THOUGHT GO already, return my focus to the sole of my right foot. Sole of the foot. Ankle. Notice that my ankle is a bit sore and tight… probably from the gym yesterday. Am I going to have time to go to the gym tomorrow? Maybe if I get caught up on my email and the messages in my Facebook inbox. You know, I haven’t done the Atheist Meme of the Day on Facebook in a while, I know people really liked that, but it was such a time-suck… GODDAMN IT, YOU STUPID FUCKING BRAIN, WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME FOCUS ON MY RIGHT ANKLE FOR TEN FUCKING SECONDS?!?!?”

Somehow, I don’t think that’s what my meditation teacher meant by “observe without judgment, and gently return.”

In fact, getting frustrated and angry with myself for having thoughts and feelings and plans and ideas and anxieties and so on arise in my mind when I meditate… it’s totally counter-productive. When I get irritated with my distracting thoughts or feelings, and angrily shove them on the back burner, and jerk my attention back to my breath or my left knee or whatever… I lose the flow of the practice. When I can observe my distracting thoughts or feelings, and sit with them for a moment, and let them be what they are, and then gently return my focus to my breath or my left knee or whatever… the practice is much more effective. (Not to mention more pleasant.) And the thoughts and feelings and so on don’t jar me out of the practice. They become part of it.

So when I meditate, and the hamster wheel is being unusually loud and active and frustrating, one of the things I do to stay in the practice is to remind myself: I am who I am.

hamster wheel
This practice is not making the hamster wheel in my head go away. And I don’t think it’s going to. I think I’m always going to be a person whose mind is perpetually spinning at a zillion miles an hour, a person who has dozens of thoughts on her mind at once, a person who’s constantly thinking of the future and trying to shape it, a person who lives in the future far more than she lives in the present, a person with plans and worries and hopes almost constantly on her mind. And I’m basically okay with that. It’s frustrating and annoying at times… but it’s also a big part of why I am where I am today, and why I’m able to live this life and do this work that I find so fulfilling. This practice isn’t going to make the hamster wheel go away… and I wouldn’t want it to.

What the practice is doing — gradually, to a small degree, to a very slightly greater degree every day — is changing my relationship with the hamster wheel.

What the practice is doing — gradually, to a slightly greater degree every day — is enabling me to have my thoughts and feelings and plans and anxieties… instead of them having me.

This has become one of the chief ways that I frame this practice, and one of my chief goals with it. And yes, I’m aware of the irony of being goal-oriented about a practice that’s fundamentally about self-acceptance and being in the moment. But… well, again, that’s sort of the point. I am who I am. And who I am, among many other things, is an intensely goal-oriented person. And I’m basically okay with that. Again: big part of why I am where I am today, and why I’m able to live this life and do this work that I love. And — returning to the point — one of the chief goals I have with this practice is to have my thoughts and feelings and plans and anxieties… instead of them having me.

I want to have ambition — I don’t want my ambition to control me. I want to have anger — I don’t want my anger to overwhelm me. I want to have plans — I don’t want my plans to spin me, to drown me, to constantly poke me and prod me and nag me and swamp my entire field of consciousness. I want to respond to the things that happen in life — I don’t want to react to them. I want to have lots of ideas and hopes and analyses and strategies and imaginings and desires and feelings. I don’t want them to have me.

I am who I am. I will always be who I am. Who I am is changing, of course, and I don’t know for sure how I will and won’t change. But some things about me have been pretty much constant throughout my life, and I don’t expect them to change. The hamster wheel in my head will always be chopping wood and carrying water. But as I continue to work on mindfulness, I’m finding that — gradually, to a small degree, to a very slightly greater degree every day — I’m better able to notice when my attention has drifted, and to observe it without judgment, and to return my attention to the task at hand. I’m better able to notice when I’m having strong emotions, and to observe them without judgment, and to make decisions that are informed by those emotions without being a total reflexive reaction to them. I’m better able to look at a long to-do list, and pick the next most important do-able thing on the list, and do it, without being overwhelmed and paralyzed by how much I have to do.

bucket on water faucet
The hamster wheel in my head will always be chopping wood and carrying water. But as I continue to work on mindfulness, it seems that I’m becoming better able to consciously choose which wood to chop, and which water to carry.

Other pieces in this series:
On Starting a Secular Meditation Practice
Meditation and Breakfast
Meditation, and the Difference Between Theory and Practice
Some Thoughts on Secular Meditation and Depression/Anxiety
Secular Meditation, and Doing One Thing at a Time
Secular Meditation: “Energy,” and Attention/ Awareness
Secular Meditation: How Down Time is Changing
Secular Meditation: “This is my job”

Secular Meditation: I Am Who I Am

Compassion for the Religious

This piece was originally published in The Humanist.

“These people bring it on themselves.”

“Their hijinks should be held up as an example.”

“We can’t be soft on these people.”

call 911
These are some of the reactions I got when I posted a piece of news on my Facebook page, and wrote my commentary about it. The piece of news: A person had gotten stuck in a consensual but dangerous situation involving unconventional sexuality, had called 911 for help… and then had their story spread all over the Internet, with all the lurid details including the person’s name, when the recording of the 911 call was made public.

These reactions came, as far as I can tell, from atheists. Given the context, they were almost certainly atheists. But their anger and contempt wasn’t directed at the people who had exposed the 911 caller. It wasn’t directed at the people all over the Internet who were ridiculing him. It didn’t come from a humanist embrace of consensual human sexuality, and it wasn’t directed at the people who were dragging this person’s private sex life all over the Internet and taking gleeful pleasure in mocking it.

It was directed at the person who had placed the 911 call. And it was sharing in the Internet’s gleeful pleasure.

Why?

Because the person who made the 911 call was a priest.

He was a priest. And therefore, according to these atheists on my Facebook page, he had abdicated any right to call 911 for help when he was in danger, without having his sex life dragged all over the Internet. He was a hypocrite. Actually, we don’t know that for sure — we don’t know anything about this priest other than what he said in the 911 call, and we don’t know whether he was in a conservative church that practiced a lot of sexual shaming, or a more inclusive one that cherry-picked out the nasty pits of Catholic sexual shame. But he had perpetuated an institution — the Catholic Church — that’s created pointless sexual guilt for exactly the kinds of activities he was engaging in. So on at least some level, he was a hypocrite. And the punishment for religious hypocrisy — according to these people on my Facebook page — should be the public shaming of his private sexuality, and of his call for help. Even if the result is that other people with unconventional sexualities are now more afraid to call 911 if they need help, for fear that they’ll be exposed and humiliated… that’s okay. That’s a price these folks are willing to pay, if it means we can expose a religious sexual hypocrite. Another one. This week.

If you think I’m exaggerating, here are some other comments from the same discussion: “I am glad he was humiliated.” “You deserve whatever embarrassment is heaped upon you when your hypocrisy is revealed… I am glad that I live in a world where that dbag was forced to own up to his hypocrisy.” “It is his and his fellow clergy’s fault that ‘unconventional’ sex is taboo. Fuck him.” “Priests are terrorists and con-men.” “When you know the history of these institutions, you have no sympathy for these people…. Fuck this wrinkled old sack of hypocritical horseshit.”

I found this profoundly upsetting.

Why Are You Atheists So Angry
I am, as anyone knows who’s at all familiar with my work, a passionate defender of atheist anger. I literally wrote the book on atheist anger (“Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless”). I think anger can be a powerful tool in a social change movement: in fact, I think it’s a necessary one, one that no social change movement I know of has ever been able to do without. I think anger motivates us to correct injustice, to alleviate harm, to make the world a better place. And I can absolutely understand the anger at the sexual hypocrisy of some leaders in the Catholic Church, who shame their followers for the exact sexual practices they themselves partake in. Hell, I share it.

But there’s a difference between anger and hatred.

Here’s the thing. Religion, and the harm that so often comes from it, creates a complex moral paradox: The people who are perpetrating the harmful things about religion are, for the most part, also its victims. And vice versa. Which means — among other things — that we need to have at least some degree of compassion for the people we’re angry at.

The people who traumatize their young children with vivid and horrific images of hell were, themselves, traumatized by those horrors. The religious leaders who fill their flocks with close-minded ignorance and hateful bigotry were, themselves, taught that ignorance and bigotry are divine virtues, dearly treasured by God. The people who are warping the sexuality of their kids and teenagers, filling them with guilt and shame over normal healthy feelings, were, themselves, warped in this same way. The perpetrators of religion are also its victims. And as humanists and atheist activists, we’re supposed to have compassion for the victims of religion.

And a priest who felt he had to be secretive about his unconventional sexuality because it was forbidden by the teachings of his church… that is a perfect example of this principle in action. Sure, if someone is an immensely powerful, truly horrible perpetrator of religion — Osama Bin Laden, Jerry Falwell, the Pope — I could see the anger/ compassion balance tilting pretty strongly in the direction of anger. But a kinky priest who was giving himself pleasure that his Church preaches against? Is that really an appropriate target for our unbridled, contemptuous, take-no-prisoners rage? Talk to the folks at the Clergy Project, the support organization for clergy members who have become atheists. Ask them what it’s like to be a member of the clergy who no longer believes in the teachings of their religion… whether those teachings are, “Kinky sex is bad,” or, “God exists.” Talk to them about how trapped they feel, how isolated, how ashamed, how afraid. And then tell me that they’re terrorists and con-men, that you have no sympathy for them, that their hijinks should be held up as an example, that they deserve whatever embarrassment is heaped upon them, that you are glad for their humiliation.

Our anger about religion is supposed to come from a place of compassion. It’s supposed to come because we see so much dreadful harm committed by religion, and we desperately want to see it end. When anger at religion turns into hatred — and when it becomes so hateful that it gets uncompromisingly aimed at the very people our compassion should be motivated by, simply because they’re part of the toxic system — it has gone seriously wrong.

I do not want an atheist movement where anger at religion is so blind that we lose all compassion for anyone who’s involved in it. I do not want a movement where we reflexively hate all priests so much — without knowing anything about them — that we think it’s okay that they should risk their safety and their life rather than call for help. I do not want a movement where the public humiliation of religious sexual hypocrites is so important to us that we don’t even care that other people, people who aren’t priests but who share this one’s sexual proclivities, are now being made even more afraid to call 911 when they need help.

Reading these Facebook responses… it was like a caricature of atheism, drawn by someone who hates atheists. But it was atheists drawing the caricature themselves. A self-portrait. And it’s not a portrait I want any part of.

Compassion for the Religious

"A distraction"

So, this happened.

On my Facebook page, there’s a conversation about how female inmates in California prisons have been getting sterilized, without the proper approval process, and with the women being subjected to pressure and coercion.

A commenter on my page (remaining nameless here, as people have a somewhat higher expectation of privacy on Facebook than elsewhere on the Internet), had this to say:

There are worse things to be worrying about, like where people are actually dying or losing their freedoms.

When I pointed out to him that this was, in fact, a story about freedoms being lost, and asked if he wanted his Facebook readers to troll him every time he posted about something when they thought something else was more important, he replied:

Thorny topics like sterilization and the requirement of consent for it seems like a distraction from the things that can actually improve our quality of life in the here and now or in the future.

A distraction.

From the things that can actually improve our quality of life.

The requirement of consent for sterilization is, according to this person, a distraction from things that can actually improve our quality of life. Things like the right to basic bodily autonomy, or the right to decide for ourselves whether we are or are not to reproduce… apparently, these aren’t things that can actually improve anyone’s life.

Or maybe the issue here is that the “our” in “our quality of life” doesn’t include female prisoners?

And while we’re at it: A “thorny” topic? Sterilization and the requirement of consent for it is a “thorny” topic? It seems pretty freaking straightforward to me. You don’t sterilize people without their absolutely clear, completely informed, entirely non-pressured consent. Period. What, precisely, is “thorny” about that?

Sigh.

"A distraction"

The Time Zone Calendar Problem: A Clumsy But Effective Hack

US Time zones.svg
So a little while ago, I was griping ardently on Facebook and Twitter about this stupid fracking thing my iPhone calendar had started doing. (I know, I know — first world problems.) If I entered an event into my calendar for (say) 5pm, and I then flew from the Pacific time zone to the Eastern time zone, my phone would ever-so-helpfully change the time of the event — of all the events in my calendar — to reflect the time change. The 5pm event in my calendar would get changed to 8pm.

So if I entered, oh, say, just to pick an example completely at random, A FLIGHT DEPARTURE TIME of 5pm, it would ever-so-helpfully change the time of that flight in my calendar to 8pm. If I’d made an appointment for a lunch meeting in San Francisco at noon, when I was on the East Coast it would tell me the appointment was at 3pm. Etc.

Useless. Completely useless.

I asked around on Facebook and Twitter, seeing if anyone knew of a fix for this. A few people suggested turning Time Zone Support on — or off, I forget which is which — a setting in which you could enter both the time of an event and the time zone it was happening in… but that didn’t work, either. If you entered a 5pm event and told the calendar it was in Chicago, and you then went to the East Coast, it would tell you the time of the event in East Coast time… not in Chicago time. And for events during which time zones changed — such as oh, say, just to pick an example completely at random, A FLIGHT DEPARTURE AND LANDING TIME starting in New York and ending in San Francisco — it was completely useless. There was no way to tell the calendar, “This event starts in one time zone and ends in another.”

All I wanted was a calendar in which I could enter the time of an event, and have it NOT FUCKING WELL CHANGE from the time that I had entered. I enter events in the way that makes sense to me, and I wanted them to stay exactly the way I entered them.

When I put out the desperate, anguished cry for help on Facebook and Twitter, a whole bunch of people begged me, “If you get a solution, will you please please please tell me?” Apparently my despair and anguish are echoed across the globe.

So I have a solution, one that was suggested by a couple of different people. (Sorry, I don’t remember who now — if it was you, tell me in the comments, and I’ll give you credit.) I’ve been using it for a couple of months now, and it totally works. It’s clumsy, it’s inelegant, it’s a total hack… but it works. It does what I want it to. It records the time of an event in my calendar, exactly the way I tell it to — and it keeps it that way, exactly as I entered it.

The hack:

Type the start and finish time of the event into the title of the event.

When I enter an event in my calendar, in the “title” field, I’ll type, “Dinner with Rebecca,” or, “Talk at Colorado State,” or, “SFO to ORD.” And then I’ll type in, “6pm – 8pm,” or “7:30 pm – 9pm,” or “11:15 am – 5:35 pm.”

And because it’s just text in the title field, it doesn’t change, no matter where I am.

It’s clumsy. It’s inelegant. It’s a total hack. But it works.

You’re welcome.

The Time Zone Calendar Problem: A Clumsy But Effective Hack

In Praise of Frivolity

(This piece was originally published in The Humanist.)

“How can life have meaning without God?”

Pretty much every atheist/ humanist I know has gotten this question. It’s often asked in a smug, passive-aggressive way, by religious believers who seem to think it’s a real zinger, a deal-breaker of a question that we’ve somehow never contemplated. But it’s sometimes asked in all sincerity, by religious believers who genuinely can’t comprehend what meaning could even mean without a divine creator handing it to us from on high. And of course, humanists ask it of ourselves. We ask it of each other — and answer it for each other — when we’re presenting a positive public face of happy, ethical, meaningful atheism. And we ask it of ourselves in private, in all sincerity, in our long dark nights of the soul-less. The thorny question of life’s meaning isn’t magically answered by a belief in God — but it doesn’t magically disappear when we let go of that belief, either.

When humanists consider this question of meaning without God, of what gives us meaning and how we create it, we often answer with The Big Things. Love. Art. Marriage and family. Friendship. Community. Charity work. Making love. Making the world a better place. The never-ending search for knowledge. All of which are awesome; all of which are central parts of how I create meaning in my own life.

But I’d like to add a few things to that list.

Dynamo-donuts
What brings meaning to my life? Donuts. Fashion magazines. Costume jewelry. Playing “Cards Against Humanity.” Pretentious overpriced cocktails with a lot of stupid crap in them. Dicking around on Facebook. Looking at cute cat videos on the Internet, over and over and over again. TiVoing the Olympics and watching the really obscure sports we’ve never heard of. Coming up with a sexy, gorgeous, wildly inappropriate outfit to wear to the Dyke March. Padron peppers, sautéed in hot olive oil until they blister, then sprinkled with coarse sea salt. Fucking. Sitting on the sofa watching “Project Runway” and letting cats crawl all over us. The never-ending search for a perfect cup of decaf coffee.

I want to speak in praise of frivolity.

When we don’t think there’s any god or any afterlife, when we think this short life is all we have, then the meaning of that life is pretty much framed… well, within that life, and by the experiences we have in it. To some extent we can frame life’s meaning in terms of a future extending beyond it: our children living after us, our work and ideas surviving us, the ripples of how we affect other people continuing to ripple out after the stone of our life has sunk to the bottom of the pond. But if the meaning of our lives is focused in other people… then what meaning do their lives have? If we exist to make other people happy, and they exist to make other people happy, and so on and so on… at what point does that end?

At some point, doesn’t experience get to just matter, simply because it matters?

Consciousness is amazing. The fact that, out of earth and water and sunlight, life developed… and then developed into a form that could be aware of itself and its surroundings? That is amazing. And the fact that life has developed into a form that’s not just aware of itself, but is aware of other conscious beings and their consciousnesses, and is able to connect with them and understand them even in a flawed and limited way? That is amazing squared. As Carl Sagan said, “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.” Stars and planets and galaxies and so on are incredible… but they have no way of knowing they’re incredible, without biological life that has the capacity for conscious experience. (Of course, as the comedian Emo Philips pointed out, “I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”)

walking down the aisle
And all of that experience is amazing. The experience of overflowing love I felt the day Ingrid and I got married was amazing… and the experience of deliciousness I felt this morning when I ate tangerines and drank coffee was amazing. The experience of deep accomplishment and connection with my community the day I published my book was amazing… and the experience of hysterical, uncontrollable giggles I felt when we were playing “Cards Against Humanity” at the hot chocolate and games party last weekend was amazing. The experience of connection I felt I with Rebecca and Gerard in our intense conversation about queer history was amazing… and the experience of connection I felt I with Ingrid in our ridiculous conversation about how cute our cats are (a conversation we’ve been having for over a year now, by the way) was amazing.

All of it matters.

Now, as it happens, I also think that frivolous pleasures make the Big Things possible, and more meaningful. Think about times in your life that have been action-packed and saturated with meaning: a week filled with major events in your work life and your love life and your family life and your community life and your creative life. They’re exhausting. It’s exhilarating to live like that for a while, but it gets overwhelming. It can’t be sustained. We need space surrounding the Big Moments — if we didn’t have it, the Moments would drown us and numb us, and they’d soon stop feeling so big. And of course, our Big Moments and our frivolous pleasures aren’t unconnected. The Big Moment of marrying Ingrid was more meaningful because of all the small, silly moments we’d shared up to then and would share afterwards… and our small, silly moments are more meaningful because we can feel the foundation of that Big Moment supporting them, and resonating through them.

But the frivolous bits of life aren’t just valuable because of their connection to the big bits. They’re valuable because they’re valuable. They’re valuable because they are the universe knowing itself, and experiencing itself, and taking joy in itself. They’re valuable because they are the conscious bits of the universe connecting with each other: through one person handing a cup of coffee across a counter and another person smiling and saying, “Thank you,” through one person designing a hot pink dress and another person wearing it and smiling when they catch their reflection in a window, through one person painting a picture of a parrot on the sidewalk and another person snapping a picture of it and putting it on their blog, through one person writing a silly song about thrift stores and another person sharing it with their friend and that friend humming it throughout their day, through one person making a donut and another person biting into it and experiencing joy.

When we let go of the idea that life is only meaningful because of God, when we truly accept that meaning is ours to create, I think we can stop being size queens about meaning. When we let go of the idea that joy only matters when it brings glory to the omnipotent creator of the universe, I think we can let all joy matter.

In Praise of Frivolity

How a Pentecostal Preacher in Small-Town Louisiana Became an Atheist Activist

Try to imagine: You’re a Pentecostal preacher in small-town Louisiana. Your public reputation, your connection with the people you love, indeed your own sense of self-worth — not to mention your livelihood — are hugely dependent on your passionate faith in Christ.

You’ve struggled to make a reputation for yourself as a man of God, a conduit of the Holy Spirit, who can bring spiritual hope and healing to the people around you. You’ve struggled to balance the rigorous demands of your religious calling with the pressing practical needs of your family. You’ve struggled to make sense of the contradictory teachings of the Bible; of the widely divergent and often contentious sects competing for your loyalty; of the deep conflicts between your deeply-held Christian doctrine and what you know, as an ethical human being, to be right.

And you’re realizing that you don’t believe in God. At all. Not just in Pentecostalism; not just in Christianity. You have come to realize that religion — of any kind — simply doesn’t add up.

What do you do?

That’s the story of Jerry DeWitt. It’s a story you may have heard bits and pieces of: if you read his profile in the New York Times, or if you’ve heard about The Clergy Project, the support network for non-believing clergy members, with whom DeWitt has been intensely involved since its earliest days. It’s a story that paints a very different picture from the one many people have of atheists: set in the blue-collar and working-poor small-town Bible Belt, it’s a story of a life driven by emotional devotion to service as much as an intellectual devotion to learning. It’s a story of a deep desire to understand and serve God… battling with a deeper desire to understand and accept the truth.

Hope After Faith cover
It’s the story told in DeWitt’s new book: Hope after Faith: An Ex-Pastor’s Journey from Belief to Atheism (available in print
and Kindle
editions). Fascinating, suspenseful, compellingly written, often heartbreaking, sometimes hilarious, and always hopeful even at its darkest, the book had my head spinning — and Jerry very kindly took the time to discuss the book with me, and to talk about some of its more absorbing questions and ideas.

Greta Christina: I know that this is what your whole book is about — but can you sum up briefly what got you started questioning your faith? What were some of the thoughts and experiences that moved you forward out of religion and into atheism? And what was the final straw?

Jerry DeWitt: The catalyst was an investigation into the idea of Hell and Eternal Punishment. I grow up with an awareness of the Hell concept and even prayed for forgiveness before falling asleep most nights of my childhood, but it wasn’t until it became my responsibility to teach this doctrine that I began to be troubled by it. Is it justifiable for a person to be painfully punished ETERNALLY for seventy years of sinful behavior? Something wasn’t adding up.

After more than 25 years of ministry and misery, I found that I had completely dismantled the theological house that I had been dwelling in. Although there were countless timbers of religious thoughts that one by one were tearfully discarded, I have condensed my transition into five stages:

1. God LOVES everyone
2. God SAVES everyone
3. God is IN everyone
4. god is everyone’s INTERNAL dialog
5. god is a DELUSION

*****

Thus begins my latest piece for AlterNet, How a Pentecostal Preacher in Small-Town Louisiana Became an Atheist Activist, an interview with Hope After Faith author Jerry DeWitt. To find out more about Jerry’s unique perspectives on both atheism and religion; on the competition between religious sects; on the comfort religion offers — and the price it exacts for that comfort; on the power of religion to control and manipulate; on the value of atheist visibility; on the intensity of personal religious experience; on how his years as a Pentecostal preacher have affected his work as an atheist speaker and activist; on both the difficulty and the delight of letting go of religion and embracing the natural world; and more… read the rest of the interview. (And again, Jerry’s book is available in both print

and Kindle
.) Enjoy!

How a Pentecostal Preacher in Small-Town Louisiana Became an Atheist Activist

Women in Secularism, Affirmative Action, and "Lowering the Bar"

So there’s this conference. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s the Women in Secularism conference hosted by the Center for Inquiry (CFI); the second one happened in May of this year in Washington, DC.

There’s been some controversy surrounding the conference, most notably with the opening talk given by CFI’s CEO Ron Lindsay. It’s an important elephant in the room, and I don’t want to ignore it — but it’s not what I want to get into here. (If for no other reason, events are still unfolding, and I don’t know where they’ll be by the time this piece comes out.)

Instead, I want to talk about the value of a secularist conference dedicated to women. Or to African-Americans. Or to blue-collar and working-class people. (I haven’t seen one of those last ones, and I’d sure like to!) Or to other marginalized groups. I want to talk about the value of going out of our way, when inviting speakers to a conference or group, to make sure that a good number of them are women, and people of color, and working-class/blue collar, and LGBT, and so on. And this isn’t just about speakers at conferences and local events. I’m talking about going out of our way to get marginalized people in positions of leadership in groups and organizations. I’m talking about going out of our way to include marginalized people when we talk about our history and the great leaders and thinkers from our past. I’m talking about going out of our way to get marginalized people to just show up at our local groups, and to stick around in our local groups … so some of them can rise up to become our next speakers, leaders, organizers, and thinkers.

And I want to talk about one of the most common complaints that we hear when special efforts are made to promote diversity—namely, that doing this is “lowering the bar,” that it will “dilute the talent pool.” That, if we go out of our way to diversify the speakers we listen to and the leaders we follow and the heroes from our past that we lionize, the quality will just naturally go down.

Yeah. See, here’s the thing.

*****

humanist cover july-august 2013
Thus begins my latest Fierce Humanism column for The Humanist magazine, Women in Secularism, Affirmative Action, and “Lowering the Bar.” To find out what exactly I think of the idea that making special efforts towards inclusivity and diversity will “lower the bar” or “dilute the talent pool,” read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

Women in Secularism, Affirmative Action, and "Lowering the Bar"

Greta Speaking in Walnut Creek, Minneapolis, Akron, and Tacoma! – ADDRESS CORRECTION

UPDATE: The address I originally had for the Walnut Creek event was incorrect. The correct address is Ygnacio Valley Library, 2661 Oak Grove Road, Walnut Creek, CA.

Hi, all! I have some speaking gigs coming up that I wanted to let you know about: in Walnut Creek, Minneapolis, Akron, and Tacoma. Here are the details. Hope to see you there!

CITY: Walnut Creek, CA
DATE: Sunday, July 7
TIME: 4:00 – 5:30 pm
LOCATION: 755 Oak Grove Road, Ygnacio Valley Library, 2661 Oak Grove Road, Walnut Creek, CA (the library itself will be closed — meeting is in the community room around back)
EVENT/HOSTS: Contra Costa Atheists and Freethinkers
TOPIC: Resistance Is Not Futile: Is Arguing About Religion Worth It?
SUMMARY: Many atheists think that trying to persuade people out of religion never works, and simply alienates people. But debating believers about their beliefs can be effective — in changing people’s minds about religion, as well as in achieving other goals of the atheist community. When does it makes sense to debate about religion? How should we go about it? And what should our expectations be for what these debates can accomplish?
COST: Free and open to the public

CITY: Minneapolis, MN (Minnesota Atheists/American Atheists Regional Conference)
DATE: Saturday, August 10
TIME: All-day conference
LOCATION: Ramada Plaza, 1330 Industrial Blvd NE, Minneapolis, MN
EVENT/HOSTS: Minnesota Atheists/American Atheists Regional Conference
TOPIC: Coming Out: How To Do It, How to Help Each Other Do It, And Why?
SUMMARY: Coming out is the most powerful political act atheists can take. But coming out can be difficult and risky. What are some specific, practical, nuts-and-bolts strategies we can use: to come out of the closet, to support each other in coming out, and to make the atheist community a safer place to come out into? What can atheists learn about coming out from the LGBT community and their decades of coming-out experience — and what can we learn from the important differences between coming out atheist and coming out queer?
OTHER SPEAKERS: PZ Myers, Hector Avalos, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Amanda Knief, Greg Laden, Stephanie Zvan, Rohit Ravindran, Kim Socha, Jill Carlson, James Zimmerman, Eric Jayne, Cliff Buhl, and Susan Campion.
COST: $10.00 – $60.00
EXTRA EVENT: The evening before the conference, the minor league baseball team The St. Paul Saints will change their name for the day to the Mr. Paul Aints, in honor of the atheist conference. Seriously. A special group rate is available for the game for conference attendees.
EVENT URL: http://mnatheists.org/

CITY: Akron, OH (The Sexy Secular Conference)
DATE: Saturday, Oct. 19
TIME: All-day conference
LOCATION: The University of Akron, Student Union Theater Rm. 210, Akron, OH
EVENT/HOSTS: The Secular Student Alliance at The University of Akron
TOPIC: Atheism and Sexuality
SUMMARY: The sexual morality of traditional religion tends to be based, not on solid ethical principles, but on a set of taboos about what kinds of sex God does and doesn’t want people to have. And while the sex-positive community offers a more thoughtful view of sexual morality, it still often frames sexuality as positive by seeing it as a spiritual experience. What are some atheist alternatives to these views? How can atheists view sexual ethics without a belief in God? And how can atheists view sexual transcendence without a belief in the supernatural?
OTHER SPEAKERS: Annie Laurie Gaylor, Aron Ra, Heina Dadabhoy, Nate Phelps, Jamila Bey, Dr. Darrel Ray, David Fitzgerald, Katherine Stewart, and Mandisa Thomas
COST: Free and open to the public
EVENT URL: http://sexysecularconference.com/

CITY: Tacoma, WA (CFI Summit)
DATES: October 24-27 (don’t know which day I’m speaking)
LOCATION: Hotel Murano, 1320 Broadway, Tacoma, WA
EVENT/HOSTS: A joint conference of the Center for Inquiry, the Council for Secular Humanism, and the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry
TOPIC: TBA
OTHER SPEAKERS: Susan Jacoby, Bill Nye, Eugenie Scott, Cara Santa Maria, Phil Zuckerman, Katherine Stewart, Leonard Mlodinow, Todd Stiefel, and more
COST: $50.00 – $199.00
EVENT URL: http://www.cfisummit.org/

Greta Speaking in Walnut Creek, Minneapolis, Akron, and Tacoma! – ADDRESS CORRECTION