Santorum Surges From Behind

Greta Christina

Yes, I do sometimes make weird sexual jokes. Not all the time… but sometimes. And tonight is one of those nights.

It’s been a good night on Twitter. Jokes about Santorum are coming thick and fast. (Sheesh, even when you try to say something straightforward about the guy, it comes out dirty. There — I did it again!)

Anyway, as the Iowa caucus results pour in, Jen McCreight (@jennifurret on Twitter) and I (@gretachristina on Twitter) have been doing our best to come up with/ retweet the most disgusting Santorum jokes and made-up headlines we can manage. Here is a sampling of the best. (Oh, and in case you don’t know what the joke is about: Google the word “Santorum.” Or just go here.)

@jennifurret: Santorum rushes from behind after dislodging Romney.

@jennifurret RT @byepluto: I was wrong to think he was gonna come in number three. Everybody knows Santorum comes out of number two.

@jennifurret RT @Crommunist: Santorum surge floods Iowa caucus.

@gretachristina: Romney soaked by Santorum. Slicks path for possible Ron Paul penetration.

@gretachristina: Santorum forces Perry to withdraw.

(As @VeritasKnight noted: Anyone who says dirty jokes stop when you’re a feminist doesn’t have @GretaChristina and @jennifurret on their feeds.)

Plenty of others have been getting into the game as well:

@JoeMyGod RT @MSignorile: Tomorrow’s headline: Santorum Surges from Behind in Messy Late Night Three-Way.

@Mowgli3: Santorum gushes forth in the polls after Romney finishes early. @jennifurret

@NotThatGuy: @GretaChristina @jennifurret Santorum beneath Romney now, and Paul’s behind.

And Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon has a poll, asking readers to propose better headline language for Santorum than the all-too-obvious “surge.”

But honestly, some of the best are actual real-life headlines. My fave:

RT @JoeMyGod: Fox News: “Ron Paul and Romney are neck and neck with Santorum.”

I know. This is serious business, and the guy is reprehensible. But I’m fine with ridicule as a political strategy. And as vile as the guy is, my inner Beavis wants Santorum to stay in it for as long as possible. (Heh, heh!)

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Santorum Surges From Behind

About the author

Greta Christina has been writing professionally since 1989, on topics including atheism, sexuality and sex-positivity, LGBT issues, politics, culture, and whatever crosses her mind. She is author of The Way of the Heathen: Practicing Atheism in Everyday Life, of Comforting Thoughts About Death That Have Nothing to Do with God, of Coming Out Atheist: How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why, of Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless, and of Bending: Dirty Kinky Stories About Pain, Power, Religion, Unicorns, & More, and is editor of Paying For It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Clients. She has been a public speaker for many years, and many of her talks can be seen on YouTube. Her writing has appeared in multiple magazines and newspapers, including Ms., Penthouse, Chicago Sun-Times, On Our Backs, and Skeptical Inquirer, and numerous anthologies, including Everything You Know About God Is Wrong and three volumes of Best American Erotica. (Any views she expresses in this blog are solely hers, and do not necessarily represent this organizations.) She lives in San Francisco with her wife, Ingrid. You can email her at gretachristina (at) gmail (dot) com, or follow her on Facebook.
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33 thoughts on “Santorum Surges From Behind”

  4. StevoR
    4

    BBC world news on the Iowa result :

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16404413

    which is saying Romney and Mitt have tied the knot. (Of Republican candidates and “notty” is certainly one collective word for them!)

    As an Aussie I don’t really know enough about Santorum to make /get the jokes really but I gather he’s a particularly wing-nutty nasty right-wing wingnut, yes?

  7. Sili
    7

    Well, what do you expect? Santorum is the obvious result from condemning prophylactics.

    –o–

    Santorum on the cob?

    Corny Santorum?

    Romney beats Santorum in near miss?

    Santorum claims to have gay friends. Gays dismiss being friendly with santorum.

  10. StevoR
    10

    Gak! Make that :

    Santorum squelches while tied to Romney as Bachmann and Perry pull out

    For that extra squickiness and images you don’t want in your head!

  16. LaPlace
    16

    I copied some of your headlines into Fox Nation threads and wondered how long it would be before they would be removed.

    Not one Fox Worlder even noticed.

    Thank you for the laughs.

  27. chrishallquist
    27

    OMG. Am I the first person to notice that Rick Santorum’s real first name is “Richard”… which can also be shortened as “Dick”… Dick Santorum. Wow, now I really feel childish.

  29. Becky
    29

    Last week if you searched Santorum the first hit you had was the definition. We need to get the definition of Santorum back to the top of the Goggle search results ts.
    Go to Google type in Santorum, click the spreadingsantorum.com/ search result. If enough people do this the definition will windup first in the search.

  30. StevoR
    30

    @Midnight Rambler : January 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    StevoR: enter “santorum” into Google and see what you get.

    Cheers! I actually found that now – hardly heard of the fool before – and WHOAHHH yegods!!!

    O-o

    :-O

    >;-D

    That is .. wow. Classic.

    Yep, *now* I get it.

    (Plus having found out a bit more about this Dick Santorum I also understand why he actually deserves the “honour” of that definition too.)

    *****

    “And the winner in Iowa was..
    ___________________________.. Barack Obama.

    – David Letterman the other night.
    (Yes we get that over here in Oz.)

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