My Partner Cheated On Me With Their Right Hand

I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It’s about a particular form of jealousy, one that I find baffling and am trying to figure out: namely, the jealousy some people feel about their partner masturbating. It’s titled My Partner Cheated On Me With Their Right Hand, and here’s the teaser:

Let’s take a closer look at jealousy for a moment. We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion. But I don’t think that’s so. I think it’s more accurate to think of jealousy as a stew of different emotions. It’s part fear — fear that your partner will leave you for someone else. It’s part insecurity — insecurity about your own value and desirability in comparison to someone else. It’s part hurt feelings — hurt feelings of being unwanted, rejected, left out. And it’s part just flat-out controlling possessiveness — the feeling that your partner’s sexuality belongs to you now, and that they shouldn’t have any sexual feelings or experiences that don’t involve you.


Which of these feelings have anything at all to do with a partner masturbating?

To find out which of these feelings I think is the key to masturbation jealousy — and why I’m still so baffled by it — read the rest of the piece. Enjoy! And if you’re inspired to comment on this piece on this blog, please consider cross- posting your comment to the Blowfish Blog as well. They like comments there, too.

Oh, and BTW: Sorry I haven’t been blogging for a couple of days. I’ve been laid up with a stomach bug (no, it’s not the swine flu), so I’ve been horizontal on the sofa pretty much since Wednesday night. Am feeling much better now, though, and should have a proper new post up in a couple/ few days.

My Partner Cheated On Me With Their Right Hand

3 thoughts on “My Partner Cheated On Me With Their Right Hand

  1. 2

    Yeah that is weird. I don’t get it either. Everybody wanks. I would think it is only a problem when somebody prefers that over having sex with the partner… THEN you got a problem. And there might be legitimate reason to complain. But a little self pleasure every now and then, what’s the big deal ?

  2. Li

    I think it’s fear and a (lack of) control issue on the part of the complainant. Presumably, one holds a certain amount of control over one’s partner by being the person they want to have sex with. So if my partner is able to enjoy taking matters into her/his own hands, where’s my power/what’s my role in the relationship? Also, a question might arise as to whom one is fantasizing about while masturbating. If I’m present and available, my fear might be that the fantasy must be about someone else. Finally there’s the issue of adequacy. There’s the fear that I’m not doing it right. Because if I was doing it right, there would be no need for my partner to masturbate.

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