Not Going There: The Blowfish Blog

Please note: This post contains references to my personal sexuality and sexual practices. The post that it links to, even more so. Family members and others who don’t want to read that, now would be a good time to disembark.

I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It’s called Not Going There, and it’s about why I don’t want to do certain kinds of edgy role-playing sex scenes — and how, in the process of figuring that out, I got a lot more sympathy for people who don’t want to be “good, giving and game” about milder kinds of kinky play. Here’s the teaser:

But there are some roles that I either don’t have in me — or that I don’t want to tap into if I do. I don’t want to find my inner Nazi, or my inner slave-owner. If I have one, I don’t want to get to know it. I don’t want to make friends with it. And I really don’t want to get off on it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who do, any more than I think there’s anything wrong with me for getting off on my inner martyred doormat or my inner sadistic bitch. I just don’t want to go there.

And it suddenly occurred to me:


I bet this is how men who don’t want to spank women feel.

To find out more, check out the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

Not Going There: The Blowfish Blog
The Bolingbrook Babbler:  The unbelievable truth is now at

2 thoughts on “Not Going There: The Blowfish Blog

  1. 1

    I had a dream last night and you were in it. I just remember being like in a window or something and talking to you down below… trying to talk you out of something. You looked like you did in that photo you call “scary”.
    And then I remember something about trying to get to your dog Baldur. But the funny thing is… it’s Ducky Doolittle who has a dog named Baldur. I think that’s why that was put in there… you’re both awesome radical sex writers. 🙂
    So… yeah. You were in one of my dreams. It was kinda weird in that “huh. cool. whatever.” way.

  2. 2

    Great piece, Greta! It is of a piece, actually, from spanking to Nazi scenes. If you think of “kink” as a continuum, with, say, spanking at the low end and Facist role playing at the high end, every kinky person has a place on that continuum that works for them and one “click” over stops working for them.
    As for me, I try to make friends with all the parts in me, even the sadistic evil bitch (harder for me to tap in to than other parts of me), or the slave owner. Why? Because I don’t want any part of myself to be hidden from me. I’m Jewish, and Nazi scenes, per se, don’t do much, but I do like military scenarios, complete with visored hats and Dhener boots. My sweetie knew two Jewish lesbians who would play in full Nazi regalia and, when questioned about it, said, “What would piss Hitler off more than what we do? We’re Jewish and we’re gay and we’re alive. Fuck him.” I liked that attitude, though I still won’t wear a swastika.
    The same goes for interracial mistress/slave scenarios. My family has been fighting racial injustice in this country since the Scotsboro Boys case. My grandfather, an Alabama Jew, almost lost his life from being beaten for being a “Jewish, pinko, n-lover,” so this is also a topic that hits close to home. Then I was in a scene with a black couple and it had been established that he was both dominant and a mosochist (LOTS of tats on him already). So there he was, fucking her brains out in the missionary position and I hesitated to flog his back. My mind was saying, “What the fuck are you doing? You’re about to beat a black man!” Then I got over myself. He had expressed a clear interest in it and, from the first strike, it turned into one of the five hottest play moments of my life. I beat him in time to the music that was playng and it was hot and sweet. He was thrilled and thanked me for one of the best orgasms he’d had in a while.
    But I really liked your empathy with the men who don’t want to spank their partners. Tops have the right of refusal, too, and they do get to say “no” to things that skeeve them out, something that bottoms don’t often seem to understand.

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