Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition

“How much can we cover?”

“In two hours? Not much.”

“What kind of cool effects can we have?”

“With live action instead of anime? Hmm. How do you feel about particles?”

“Oh. Why are we doing this again?”

We’re doing it because Jason has a birthday in April and wants to watch Fullmetal Alchemist. He just doesn’t want to watch it without mocking it. So we will.

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition”

Mock the Movie: What Did You Expect Edition
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Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition

What would it take for you to embrace Christianity? Would you do it for blandly pleasant looks, poor acting, and over-the-top judgment from the people around you? Of course you would, just like the heroine of Christian Mingle.

Wait. What?

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition”

Mock the Movie: How Desperate Edition

Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition

Finally! At last! This month we shall return to the great continuity that is the Dungeons & Dragons movies with The Book of Vile Darkness. [gratuitous sound effects] I know it’s been a long time, but hopefully we can all remember what happened in the first two thrilling installments so as not to dull our enjo—

What?

Nothing to do with each other?

Oh, all right then.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition”

Mock the Movie: Nice Hair Edition

Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition

You know how, if you were raised on fantasy but not Tolkien and you come to read it as an adult, it’s a collection of all the oldest, most tired, embarrassingly racist and sexist tropes you could imagine? Yeah, well, Tolkien was at least literally a product of his times. He built something strong enough that people have spent most of the last century making it better.

Bright doesn’t have that excuse. Urban fantasy has been its own genre for 30 years. It’s been dealing with racism as a theme all that time, reacting to Tolkien and others in dialogue with him the entire time, learning (sometimes) from its own mistakes. This movie came out in 2017, with the shiny, fresh take of “Wait. No, no, get this. What if there were racism—actual racism, because it oppresses a real race? Huh? Huh?!”

At least it leaves a full field of mistakes to made and mocked?

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition”

Mock the Movie: Lowest Common Denominator Edition

Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition

There’s nothing like Christmas with the family to bring you peace, clarity, and a firm resolution to stop ripping everyone off. Or at least that’s what the makers of Christmas Caper would like us to believe. The real problem in Shannen Doherty’s (fictional) life is that she hasn’t spent enough time being forced to take care of kids, because those little buggers will reform anyone.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition”

Mock the Movie: Holiday Hijinks Edition

Mock the Movie: Too Many Legs Edition

Yes, technically this Wednesday is November. Halloween will be over. But who are we to let the holiday go in a timely fashion when we could haul out a terrible, timely movie instead? So this month, mock William Shatner with us in Kingdom of the Spiders. Tarantulas won’t actually hurt you, but the overacting might be deadly.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Too Many Legs Edition”

Mock the Movie: Too Many Legs Edition

Mock the Movie: Hacksploitation Edition

No, not hackers. If only. Larceny isn’t even that. It’s a bad Dolph Lundgren film. No, not a bad film that has Dolph Lundgren in it. I mean a film on the bottom end of the Dolph Lundgren oeuvre. Yeah, that bad. We’re watching it anyway.

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Hacksploitation Edition”

Mock the Movie: Hacksploitation Edition

Mock the Movie: Cheeky Ferret Edition

I have to admit that I resent this movie a bit. I quite liked Andre Norton’s The Beast Master when I was younger (no idea what I’d think of it today). The Beastmaster was supposed to be an adaption of the book. It’s so far from an adaptation of the book that Norton made them take her name off it. But it has ferrets, so I’ll watch it. I’m easy that way.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Cheeky Ferret Edition”

Mock the Movie: Cheeky Ferret Edition

Mock the Movie: Pink Edition

Pink Ladies, that is. And T-Birds.

No, we’re not mocking Grease. We’re mocking Grease 2, with the kind of relief one can only experience after a spring and summer of truly tedious badness. I mean, we’re going to watch something this month that isn’t good, but it doesn’t all have to hurt. We can have fresh-faced kiddies and pop songs sometimes.

This one’s available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Pink Edition”

Mock the Movie: Pink Edition

Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition

There’s some irony in delaying this month’s movie due to the holiday. After all, what would be a better choice for U.S. Independence Day than Captain America?

What? No, not that Captain America. This Captain America. Yeah, we’re going to do it.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition”

Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition