Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition

There’s some irony in delaying this month’s movie due to the holiday. After all, what would be a better choice for U.S. Independence Day than Captain America?

What? No, not that Captain America. This Captain America. Yeah, we’re going to do it.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition”

Mock the Movie: Patriot Edition
{advertisement}

Mock the Movie: Bad Kung Fu Edition

No, we’re not doing Iron Fist again. In fact, we’re still not entirely recovered from spending April on Iron Fist. So we’re going to clear the palates with some absolute trash. I can’t say I know what Alien Warrior (aka King of the Streets) is trying to do, but I know it’s not trying very hard. I’m completely okay with that. It’s a much easier fail to deal with.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Bad Kung Fu Edition”

Mock the Movie: Bad Kung Fu Edition

Mock the Movie: White Savior Special Edition

It’s been a rough couple of months around these parts: oral surgery, unusual drug side effects, Trump administration. We’ve missed a couple of scheduled mockings. We’re more than due for pain of the artistic sort.

So we’re doing a special event for April. Starting tomorrow and going Wednesday and Sunday evenings until we’re either done or crying for mercy, we’re watching Iron Fist.

No, I don’t know how you put together a superhero trailer with zero dramatic tension despite an entire season of material either, but we’re going to find out. Feel free to join us. Definitely pity us. Here’s the viewing schedule:

  • Wednesday, April 5, 9 p.m. EDT: “Snow Gives Way” and “Shadow Hawk Takes Flight”
  • Sunday, April 9, 9 p.m. EDT: “Rolling Thunder Cannon Punch” and “Eight Diagram Dragon Palm”
  • Wednesday, April 12, 9 p.m. EDT: “Under Leaf Pluck Lotus” and “Immortal Emerges from Cave”
  • Sunday, April 16, 9 p.m. EDT: “Felling Tree with Roots” and “The Blessing of Many Fractures”
  • Wednesday, April 19, 9 p.m. EDT: “The Mistress of All Agonies” and “Black Tiger Steals Heart”
  • Sunday, April 23, 8 p.m. EDT (note different starting time): “Lead Horse Back to Stable”, “Bar the Big Boss”, and “Dragon Plays with Fire”

Mock one. Mock all. Mock the episodes that made you wish Marvel would do the Fantastic Four as a television series instead. We’ll be here for all of them.

Continue reading “Mock the Movie: White Savior Special Edition”

Mock the Movie: White Savior Special Edition

Mock the Movie: Zombie Nazis Edition

Don’t worry. That could never happen. The Nazis are dead and gone. Dead Snow is just a fantasy movie we chose because it uncomfortably straddles the line between homage and cliche. No other reason. None at all. Whyever would you think this is topical. Or cathartic?

This one is on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Zombie Nazis Edition”

Mock the Movie: Zombie Nazis Edition

Mock the Movie: Sasquatch Edition

Sometimes, as skeptics, you get a little tired of taking it all seriously, of walking people through why something doesn’t make sense, through thinking about things critically. Especially when a big chunk of your country tells you they’re not listening. That’s when you turn to fiction, to something no one was supposed to believe no matter what the title cards say. I mean, that is how The Legend of Boggy Creek was made, right?

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Sasquatch Edition”

Mock the Movie: Sasquatch Edition

Mock the Movie: But How?! Edition

No, really. How do you take a character like Catwoman and make a movie about her this bad? (Usually sexism.) I don’t know yet. (I’m guessing sexism.) I haven’t seen the movie. (Still probably sexism.) But I’m about to, along with our crew of mockers. Feel free to join us.

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: But How?! Edition”

Mock the Movie: But How?! Edition

Mock the Movie: So Very Eighties Edition

Honestly, Witchboard wasn’t a very good horror movie, but it wasn’t terrible either. It was, however, entirely a product of its time, from the moral panic over mass-produced “supernatural” toys to the hair. Oh, the hair. And the Eighties? Now, they were terrible. So I expect they’ll be most of what we’re mocking with this Halloween choice.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: So Very Eighties Edition”

Mock the Movie: So Very Eighties Edition

Mock the Movie: That Happened Edition

This month, we take on a divisive movie. Depending on who you ask, Valhalla Rising is either a grandly cinematic (we think that means it’s a movie) take on meaning or meaninglessness or…something, or it’s a bunch of pieces of footage in search of a plot. Given the movie’s themes of dirt, blood, and Christianity, we have a pretty good idea where we’re going to land. Still, we’ll give it a shot. We have Twitter to keep us company if–or when–things go horribly awry.

This one is available on Netflix. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: That Happened Edition”

Mock the Movie: That Happened Edition

Mock the Movie: Moral Panic Edition

Blame Pokémon Go.

There we were, bullshitting on Twitter about the inevitable backlash deriving from a simple video game being virally popular. I made a crack about Mock the Movie being ready for the moral panic movie whenever it came out, and someone asked whether we’d ever mocked Mazes and Monsters. Weirdly enough, the answer was “No.” So it’s time to fix that. This is the movie that would be known as Tom Hanks’ lead film debut if it weren’t instead known for being overwhelmingly paranoid about a game.

This was a television movie, so we don’t have a trailer to share with you. Instead, have this lovely little clip as a teaser.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Moral Panic Edition”

Mock the Movie: Moral Panic Edition

Mock the Movie: Round Table Edition

When you have a classic story, why would you need a lead who can act or sets that don’t look like sound stages or fight choreography? Sword of the Valiant is one of those movies where you’ll recognize nearly everyone on screen. Out of politeness, however, you’ll pretend you don’t.

This one is available on YouTube. Continue reading “Mock the Movie: Round Table Edition”

Mock the Movie: Round Table Edition